Chapter 10
Caedmon Moroz
Icould feel anxiety building up in my chest as I paced back and forth in my room.
It had been two hours. What if something had happened to her?
I know Julian and Dakota believed she needed a bit to process what Ryder had said, but two hours?
That felt like a lot of time to have Effie out of my sight.
I could feel sweat prickling the back of my neck, and I ran my fingers through my hair, looking around my now furnished room in frustration.
Couldn’t she have locked herself in here?
The only reason I’d made it nice to start with was so she would sleep in here. What was the point in having any of these nice things if she couldn’t appreciate them?
I needed to check on her. It was like a compulsion.
I was suddenly regretting not deciding to put a camera in her room.
I knew it was a gross invasion of privacy, which is why I hadn’t done it…
But I wasn’t positive I cared anymore. I only cared about making sure she was okay, especially after all the shit Ryder had said tonight.
My fist tightened as I rubbed the back of my neck in an anxious habit. I frowned, tugging the collar of my shirt up to hide the ugly scars on my back, not wanting Effie to ever have to see any of that. She was far too pure and good to be sullied by such darkness, such sadness.
Wasn’t that my entire life though? A dark prelude to a possibly darker future.
But maybe it didn’t have to be so dark.
The hope that had bloomed in my chest at that thought was dangerous beyond belief. I knew Effie found me attractive sexually, but the idea of anyone, let alone an angelic being like herself, wanting me long term was inconceivable. What did I bring to the table besides sadness?
Nothing. The answer was nothing.
Sitting in my desk chair, I ran a hand through my hair and stared down at the floor in despair.
It was eleven at night, and after such an insane day—physically fighting lycans, then healing, only to find out Effie is in more danger than before?
All I wanted to do was hold her, and I never wanted to hold anyone.
I normally hated touch.
When there was a shift in the air, I looked up at Dakota, who was now leaning against my bed, watching me with a concerned look.
I offered him a head nod but continued to look down at the flooring.
I knew both Dakota and Ryder were aware of my anxiety, but I wasn’t positive if either understood how bad it could get, and I didn’t care to explain it right now because it would only make it worse.
“Why don’t you go knock on her door?”
Because it was different when she came to me.
It was less goddamn terrifying. The few times I’d been forced to go to a woman’s room were burned in my head.
At least I had been able to keep my bedroom at home free from that type of abuse.
I had been beaten, turning the carpet red with blood, but when I was forced to go to other rooms or the clinic…
I swallowed down that thought. It had been a different scenario.
“She doesn’t want me in there,” I murmured quietly.
“I would disagree.” Dakota offered a sigh, as if he would rather be anywhere else, and I didn’t blame him. “Caedmon, you have to be a dense motherfucker to not see how Effie feels about you.”
I snapped my head up at him. “What?”
Dakota shook his head and ran a hand over his face. “You really don’t see it, do you? I forgot how fucked up you are in the head.”
I scoffed, but I knew he didn’t mean it hurtfully.
That was just how Dakota talked. It was refreshing when someone didn’t always try to fuck with your head and play games.
When they authentically just wanted to be friends…
Which is why, of course, I sabotaged the only friend I’d ever had and was now pushing away the only woman I’d felt this strongly about. I fucking sucked at this shit.
“How does she feel about me?” I asked seriously.
Dakota exhaled. “Effie always wants you around. She is constantly looking for you in the room and always asks about you. Go to her room, just trust me on this.”
I frowned. “She wants to be alone. I don’t want to invade her space.”
“I get that, so just knock on her damn door like a normal person.”
Like a normal person. I rubbed the back of my neck and stood. “Fine.”
Dakota straightened himself and grabbed a hoodie from the stack near my bed. “Change into something normal, you fucking weirdo. You aren’t going to be able to sleep well if you are dressed in one of your stupid suits.”
That was if Effie let me into her bed to begin with…
“Thanks, Dakota,” I offered genuinely.
Dakota grunted and walked out.
I knew there was a ton of ground that he and I needed to make up from before.
I hadn’t just moved out because of our friendship and my fucked-up head, but also because my dad had demanded it, and I knew not listening to him could bear far worse consequences.
Which was one of the many reasons I didn’t go home anymore.
One of many.
Changing into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, I left my room and walked towards her door.
I went to go knock, but I noticed that Tore was sleeping on the couch, and I didn’t want to wake him.
Fuck. I tested the handle, and when it opened, I was able to slip into the space easily.
As I stepped into the room, I was assaulted by her warm smell, and the creature deep inside of me let out a vicious sound that paired with the need for ownership.
I had seen the way Effie had been surprised by how lycans appeared in the book she was studying, and her reaction…
concerned me. It was one thing to accept it when you weren’t standing in front of a nearly ten-foot creature that looked like something from a goddamn horror movie.
I rubbed a hand over the back of my neck as I moved closer to the bed, suddenly feeling like a creep.
Instead of moving into her bed, or waking her up from her peaceful sleep, I slid down against the desk that faced her bed and looked up at her gorgeous face. Her even breathing was enough to relax me, and I found my eyes closing as I stretched out on her rug, trying to find some semblance of peace.
There was ringing in my head and a metallic taste on my tongue that had me knowing it had happened again. They had forced my shift.
My muscles ached, and I knew without a doubt that it had been Victoria. She always visited at the most unexpected times. I should have known something was wrong when my father was happy at dinner.
It was payday.
Bile rose in my throat as I opened my eyes and found that I was pressed into a far corner of a clinical white room. My body was covered in blood, and a nurse looked up from her table, offering me a disinterested look.
“Mr. Moroz, I’m glad you’re up. Come take your medicine please.
” She pushed a cup towards me as I stood on shaky legs.
I could feel new cuts all over my body, and I found myself almost feeling like I was about to pass out.
More than anything, I found myself looking around for something to cover up with, feeling embarrassed by how bruised and battered I no doubt looked.
“Oh, don’t give me that look,” the nurse dismissed. “You’re a fifteen-year-old boy, you should be thrilled that Ms. Victoria has an interest in you. Shifted, at that.”
Her name made me feel murderous as I downed the pills she gave me and walked towards the bathroom on the far side. I found a robe there and moved it across my skin before pressing my head to the door, feeling like my entire body was about to give out.
This was so fucked up.
This was past abusive… I didn’t know what this was.
I wish I couldn’t shift. I wish they didn’t have a way to force it. Maybe once I got older she would leave me alone.
I made my way towards my bedroom upstairs, ignoring the cries I could hear ringing through the rest of the clinic floor. That was nothing new. A sense of numbness rolled over me as tears streamed down my face.
My father was paid for the flesh he provided for both violence and pleasure.
“Caedmon!” Effie’s voice broke through my nightmare as my eyes snapped open. I was breathing roughly and looked down to realize that I had Effie pinned to the ground of the bedroom floor. I immediately sat up and tried to move away, feeling both embarrassed and panicked that I’d possibly hurt her.
This was why I shouldn’t be near her.
I was unpredictable. I would scare her in so many different ways.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed out.
“It’s fine, really.” Effie sat up, and I tried not to flinch as her hand came up towards me.
I yanked her forward, until she was pressed against my chest, my chin resting on top of her colorful head of hair.
I shuddered at the sensation of her curvy frame against my body, feeling a surge of desire and a stronger one of need for this level of contentment she provided.
Effie melted into my arms, and I found myself nearly wanting to squeeze out every ounce of lightness and warmth she brought to my life.
I was so damn toxic.
“You looked upset in your dream,” she breathed out. “Your breathing changed, and you were nearly shaking. I was worried about you. I’m so sorry for touching you, I shouldn’t have done that without asking.”
“You can always touch me,” I immediately stated before adding roughly, “You can do whatever you want to me, mon ange.”
I wasn’t lying to her either. She could do anything she wanted, and I, more than anyone, knew the power of that type of statement and what I was giving her. Effie wouldn’t abuse it though, which just proved my point that I was bad news for her.