Chapter 10 #2
Effie pulled back, examining my face before pulling me gently to standing and leading me towards her bed.
When she crawled forward, my eyes ran over every inch of her possessively as I followed after, helpless to do anything but what Effie wanted.
As she curled onto her side, I propped an arm up and looked down at her.
I wanted so badly to touch her, but I was finding it hard to be bold.
Something that had never been a problem for me before.
My childhood of abuse had manifested a reaction of aggression and anger towards others.
It was why people were fucking afraid of me at SFU, and I preferred it that way.
Effie stripped me down to bare bones, though, and left me feeling like she could read every single inch of my fucked-up and stained being.
I was also worried that she would reject my touch.
For so damn long I didn’t want any touch, so the one I did want I was terrified of being rejected or banned from.
“Do you want to talk about your dream?”
I closed my eyes. “No.”
Effie tensed slightly before whispering, “Okay.”
“I don’t want to, but… If you ask, I will tell you.”
Effie nibbled her lip as I looked down at her. “Can you tell me whatever you’re comfortable with?”
I nodded. “Remember the conversation we had about money? About your insecurities? And how I told you that you didn’t need to worry about that?”
“Yes.” She swallowed and spoke openly, “But it’s not fully about the money. I just want to have a place in your life, and I sometimes feel less. I am worried that is how you will view me eventually. When people look at us, I know they see the difference.”
“I would love to be more like you, Effie,” I admitted.
“I know you’ve been through hell, but you still live and breathe freely.
You draw colorful patterns on your sneakers and openly express affection to others.
I love it. Things can be bought, but you can’t…
which is hard for me to come to terms with.
My father taught me that everything can be bought, so if it comes across that I am trying to do that, I promise you I don’t think like that. I just don’t know anything else.
“My father was fucked up. Is fucked up. We are one of the most powerful lycan families in Eastern Europe, and because of that position and those connections, he was able to make himself even more money by dipping his finger into a far darker market. Apparently it had been going on for some time, but I hadn’t realized that was the case until I turned fourteen. ”
Effie’s eyes widened, concern filtering across her expression. “Darker market?”
“In the lycan community, sexual aggression and dominance are the most important things for both males and females. Because of that, it is very hard to find a partner that is willing to be submissive. Almost impossible. But fucking a human isn’t ideal, because if you shift mid-sex, you can rip them apart.
So my father found individuals that wouldn’t be able to assert dominance to the same level, usually younger… usually far too young.”
“Like how young?” Effie choked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know, but at least thirteen.”
Everything about this was fucked up. I didn’t want to tell her, but I couldn’t help but confess to her why I was so messed up in the head. Maybe I was hoping that it would allow her to find some redeemable light in me. Maybe I was hoping that she would continue to give me affection like this.
I was so fucking pathetic.
“His victims were kept in this clinic, and he would give them a drug that caused them to shift and go into a sexual overdrive so that all they wanted to do was fuck, didn’t matter who they were paired with.
We already suffer from blackouts while shifted, but this was completely primal.
There was nothing else to it. So it didn’t matter how sadistic or fucked up the client was, the victim would do whatever they wanted because all that mattered was the drive to fuck. ”
“And how did you find out?” Effie’s voice was weak.
“One of his regulars, Victoria, found interest in me… So I was drugged and hand-delivered to her one night.”
Effie’s eyes flashed with anger. “And your father allowed it?”
My laugh was hollow. “He encouraged it. He used to get paid hundreds of thousands for one time, so every six weeks or so—it would always be a surprise—I would fall asleep and wake up covered in blood and cuts, and I’d know what had happened.
I could have found out exactly, I suppose, but my body told the story, and I’d been in so much damn pain that usually I just did my best to forget about it. ”
“Caedmon,” she whispered, “That’s horrible. Didn’t anyone try to help?”
I shook my head. “No, why would they? Especially me. I was a fourteen-year-old rich kid getting fucked by an older woman—wasn’t that what every bastard wanted? No one gave a fuck what happened to me anyway, especially not my father.”
Suddenly, Effie buried herself against my neck, and I felt moisture start to leak down my throat. I never meant to make her cry. Fuck.
“Please don’t cry.”
“He was supposed to love you, Caedmon, and he hurt you.” Effie inhaled shakily and held my gaze. “When you love someone, you have to protect them. Always.”
I held her gaze as something fundamental shifted in me, realizing how deep in I was with Effie. I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She was right, of course, and I would do anything to protect her. Always.