2. Jack
2
JACK
I t had been an exhausting week. The first week of new intern rotation was always stressful. It was a lot of beginner stuff—coaching them on how busy they'd be and how to care for themselves, showing them the ropes, giving directions to various places on the hospital campus. This time, though, I had a real doozy. If Dr. Chen hadn't been late to rounds on our first day, I still would have felt this way.
Friday evening and I was on call. I stretched my body out on the on-call bed and put my hands beneath my head on the pillow. The room was quiet for now, but I'd be sharing it with two other doctors who were also on call this weekend. The cramped quarters offered a set of bunk beds stacked three high, a kitchenette with a mini fridge, a small dining table, and a desk to work at. The locker room was right next door, though, which didn't help with sleeping, so I always brought ear plugs.
Pushing them into my ears to try to catch some shuteye before someone called me with an emergency surgery, I thought of my new intern and how frustrated I was with her all week. When they assigned me to her and I saw the status of Summa Cum Laude, I figured she'd be an average overachiever with a big mouth and lots of ambition. I saw the ambition part, but her confidence needed work. Why she'd chosen surgical as her residency when she was clearly not ready for this level of pressure was beyond me.
Every time I asked her a question, she hem-hawed around until I was forced to ask Dr. Briggs. He and I had been working together for a year already, and most of this stuff was old hat to him. He didn't need the reminders and she wasn't learning much, but I had no choice. Holding her hand through this week had been so frustrating, I was ready to go question the powers that be and find out why they stuck me with her.
But she was cute. At twenty-eight, she was a late bloomer. Maybe she waited a year or two before doing her med school or maybe she hadn't selected her major soon enough to be considered. It didn't show on her employee file, but it reminded me of myself. I'd gotten a late start too, and after what I went through with my ex, I imagined there were likely some personal situations involved with Dr. Chen's self-doubt.
Whatever it was, she had to work on it or she was going to be left behind. Dr. Briggs had already proven himself to me time and again, and I couldn't very well give a doubtful greenhorn a position in surgery. She had to be more decisive and quicker on her toes. I wasn't sure she was going to make the cut.
I was just starting to doze off peacefully when my phone vibrated. The urge to throw it across the room passed through my mind, but I was better than that. I had to pull it out and make sure it wasn't an emergency, though most of the time, someone would just knock on the door and wake me. This time, however, it wasn’t a coworker calling me in for surgery. The call was from my ex-wife and I knew why.
"Yeah," I said after swiping to answer and holding the phone to my ear. Things were bitter between us, but for the sake of our little girl, Leah, I tried to maintain some modicum of self-control around her. They way she decided to do an about-face on our vows and leave me high and dry, all because she felt she deserved more time than my career allowed us to have, still hurt.
"Jack, it's Dana. I'm just calling to remind you that you have Leah this weekend and I'll be out of town. You know I can't just rush back home. I don't have a sitter, and I expect you to?—"
"Yeah, yeah. I know, Dana. It's not necessary to lecture me every time I have the weekend." I kept my eyes shut, hoping this would be a quick call and I could go back to sleep easily. Dana had this annoying way of nagging me about how to parent Leah correctly. She was seven years old already, though, and I knew what I was doing.
"Yes, well I know how very little importance you put on family and the fact that your job is always more important. You should probably put a reminder in your phone so you don't forget. I can't miss this trip."
I wondered what sort of trip she was taking that was so important she could miss the weekend with her daughter, but when I had to work late or needed to get a sitter for a work event, Dana flipped out. It was an infuriating double standard that often affected my ability to work when I was needed. I always made time for Leah, and I didn't feel like my job took any more time away from her than any average doctor.
"Is that all?" I asked Dana, who huffed and sounded like she might blow a gasket.
"You don’t have to be rude, Jack. I know you're busy. I'm just saying, Leah comes first. You have to spend time with her. You can't just park her with nurses while you work. Do you understand? I'm sick of you shirking your time with her and being late. If you don't grow up and act your age, I'm going to sue for sole custody, and I have a decent shot at winning."
Her nasally voice grated on me. It wasn’t the first time she threatened to do this either, and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. Dana was always one breath away from filing the suit, and she never did. She had no grounds. I was a great father with a great career and I was an upstanding citizen. She, however, was a drama queen who cried wolf all the time. One of these times, she would regret it.
I opened my eyes and pressed my hand to my forehead. "I always spend time with her when she's with me. You should be thankful that you get to have her all week, every week. We could go back to the judge and revisit that part. I'm supposed to have her three days on, three off, then four days on and four off, remember?" The shared parenting we had worked out three years ago when we got divorced still worked and was still the standing agreement.
I let Dana have Leah during every week, though, because Leah lived right across the street from the school, and by the time I got home from work on weekday evenings, Leah would only have an hour with me before her bedtime at eight p.m. This made sense and in my opinion was what was best for her as a child. It had nothing to do with whether she was safer or happier with Dana.
"Oh, just don't start on me." Dana huffed again, and I pictured her scowl. It wasn't hard to remember, either. Every time Leah got upset with me, she gave me the exact same expression, as if she could mirror her mother's every emotion. She spent too much time with the angry woman, and I wished I could have her full time just to help her grow up in a less hostile home.
"Just be here, got it?" Dana spat, and I closed my eyes again.
"I'll be there. Just have her ready. The less time I have to spend with you, the better." I hung up so I didn't have to hear her nasty, sardonic replies and my life could be a bit calmer. I hated how what once used to be such a peaceful and passionate relationship had become nothing but an angry feud between us almost all the time. I didn't know how life had gone so wrong, and I didn't care to find out, at least not now.
Dana had her chance and she refused to get counseling or be patient with me during my residency. For the final year of our marriage, we hardly spoke. She found a way to engage in classes and activities every evening when I was home, and she and Leah would go out of town to visit her sister on weekends. By the time she filed for divorce, I knew it had been over for eighteen months.
I sighed and shoved my phone back in my pocket, letting my eyes rest now that the call was over, and when I was about to doze off, I heard a knock on the door.
"Dr. Thornton?" I heard, and I knew duty called.
Apparently, sleep was for the weak, but I was no weak man. I got out of bed and put my shoes back on. Someone's world needed saving, and I had to do it.