5. Sophia
5
SOPHIA
" L aryngoscope," Maylin blurted out, and I closed my eyes.
"It's too simple," I told her, rolling my eyes, but I knew it was one of the words I had to study. Part of my internship was a series of pop quizzes Dr. Thornton brought up at any given time, any day of the week. His job was to make sure I knew my facts inside and out, and while I spent four years in med school studying these very facts, they sometimes slipped my mind when I was under pressure.
After being called into his office for what seemingly was praise, I knew my flubbing up had to end. I couldn’t be flustered by how intimidating this whole thing was. Dr. Briggs and his snappy responses that drowned me out weren't the problem. Dr. Thornton was very intimidating, to say the least, but it was my own lack of self-confidence that kept eating me alive. He hit the nail on the head. I needed to start believing in myself.
"Hey, it's one of your cards." Maylin shrugged and pulled the next one up, spouting off the next term, then the next. I nailed every single one of them, and that stack of index cards with medical terms and their definitions was very large. I had amassed it over four years of medical studies and never threw a single one away, except the few that were damaged when I spilled an energy drink on them the night before finals.
"Can we take a break?" I finally asked her after an hour of her grilling me. We sat at a picnic table on hospital campus during my lunch break, which turned out to be two hours today since we didn’t have any surgeries scheduled. I'd been doing private mentoring with Dr. Thornton for a few days after evening rounds now, and I still felt like a fool. He was so smart and I felt like a dry sponge.
He wanted to pour his knowledge into me, but I was always doubting myself, thinking how I could have phrased my responses or interactions differently as he was already moving on to a new subject. What I needed wasn't help learning more terms. What I needed was someone to bolster my self-confidence by teaching me how to be human and have a real conversation without getting flustered. He was just so damn intimidating. How was I supposed to interact with that?
"Sure," Maylin sighed. She'd been home for a while now to visit while doing her studies remotely on her computer. She could do her work whenever, but I knew the flash cards we were doing were helping her too. "What do you want to talk about? Maybe that hot doctor-boss of yours." Maylin snickered, and I scowled at her.
It wasn’t that I hadn't noticed how good looking Dr. Thornton was. All the female nurses made comments. Some of them called him Dr. Swoon, but I kept my mind focused on work. I wasn't at Twin Peaks to meet a guy. I was there to learn. Dr. Thornton was incredible, though—for his skill and intelligence. The man literally blew me away with how much he knew and what he'd already done in his career.
"I'm not really looking at his looks, May-May. I have a job to do. I have to stay focused on the medicine. This is my career.” She'd learn as soon as she got into her residency that there was literally no time for noticing other good-looking doctors or dating. Every second of every day was scheduled, even this lunch. I was skipping my meal to cram and make sure the next pop quiz Thornton threw at me, I did well.
"Oh, come on, Soph. You mean to tell me you haven't even flirted a little? The guy could be on the next cover of GQ and you didn't see how hot he is?" She fanned herself and rolled her eyes back as if panting for breath. It was a warm day, but her humor didn't escape me.
"I mean, yeah, he's cute, but I'm supposed to be learning from him. What good will it do if I get all flustered because he's hot and forget my career?" She had a point, though. Dr. Thornton was about the best-looking doctor on staff. Every woman with a pulse knew it. He turned heads and he wasn't shy about it. Though, I knew he stopped short of being that jerk of a man who used his good looks to get things. I'd worked with him enough to know how professional he was.
"You think he's hot too?" She squealed and then she clapped her hands. "Oh, gosh, if he dated me, I'd just eat him up."
I chuckled. Dr. Thornton was at least ten years older than me, and Maylin was years younger than me too. Mom and Dad would flip if I even mentioned liking a guy that old, let alone my boss. If she brought it up, she'd be put in a chastity belt. No questions asked.
"Well, I have to focus on my job. I can't get distracted by every good-looking man. It's important to me to do well." I nodded at the cards.
Maylin scooped them up and started to pull one out, but she got a thoughtful expression. The wind whipped up and blew a strand of her hair in her face and she tossed it with a jerk of her head, then said, "Does he flirt with you? I mean, has he made eyes at you or something?"
I was hardly his type and not even close to his league. "He's a decade older than me. He could probably have any woman he wants. Why would he choose me? And that's besides the fact that he's my boss." I pursed my lips as I stared at the card in her hand, waiting for her to reveal what it said so I could keep studying, but there was a niggling at my conscience. When I was in his office, he acted a little awkward toward me at the end, like he was checking me out.
It was probably nothing, and definitely something I shouldn't have been thinking about, anyway. "Just give me the next card.” I told her and scowled.
"Ooh, Sophia likes her boss," she said playfully, and my scowl deepened.
"I don't have time for this." I snatched the cards out of her hand and stuffed them in my messenger bag next to my laptop and the book I was currently reading. "I need to get back." I stood up and slung the bag over my shoulder and pecked her on the head.
"I'm just saying, it would be a good distraction from the self-confidence thing. If you're checking him out, you'll be focusing on how hot he is. Then you'll be able to just answer easily when he quizzes you."
Maylin smirked at me as I rolled my eyes. "See you Sunday," I told her grumpily as I walked away.
I headed back toward the doctors’ lounge feeling a little annoyed but letting her thoughts play out in my head. She just got under my skin the way my family always did, but part of what she said made a good point. I was too focused on needing to prove myself at all times, I let that pressure I put on myself get in the way of what I actually knew. If I could distract myself with something else and not pressure myself, I'd do much better. I could just focus on anything and give my brain a break from the obsession of being the best.
I dived back into work, happy to have been chosen by Dr. Thornton to assist him when Dr. Briggs was readily available. I was moving up and that gave me a boost of confidence. I helped him, and everything he asked, I was able to come back with the right response every time, helping him and finishing the surgery with ease.
When we were scrubbing out, Dr. Thornton was talkative, walking through the things we did in surgery and laying them out perfectly. He seemed happy enough with my performance and I was proud of myself too. Nothing could've felt better.
"You really did a great job in there. I'm impressed yet again, Dr. Chen. Well done," he said, reaching for a towel to dry his hands. He handed me one as I turned to him, feeling my heart well and my confidence soar.
Then the worst thing imaginable in my mind happened. He smiled at me broadly and I swore I saw him wink. My belly flipped and flopped, and all I could see was an incredibly stunning creature God created—not my boss, not a skilled surgeon. He was a work of art, chiseled jawline, stunning blue eyes, and worst of all, it made my body feel like an inferno. I got flustered all over again, and this time, it wasn't a lack of self-confidence.
Maylin had gotten in my head. I was aroused. I was attracted to my boss, and I wanted so badly to keep this heat burning.
"Thanks," I mumbled, swallowing hard.
I finally breathed when he walked out of the room saying, "See you in my office," over his shoulder.
What the heck was I even doing?