14. Alar
ALAR
"Checking your straps twice might save your life. Doing so mid-flight might end it. Fear is useful as your servant but fatal as your master."
—Captain Odinah, Dragon Force Academy
The roof of the Citadel was freezing, the strong wind cutting through my flight jacket despite the thick leather and shearling lining. Winter in Elucia was not for the faint of heart, and as someone who had grown up in a much milder climate, I was feeling it more than my fellow Elucian riders.
Around me, the newly bonded riders stood in loose clusters, shifting from foot to foot and tucking their gloved hands into the pockets of their flight pants while scanning the sky for their dragons.
A week ago, this would have been the highlight of my day. Now, I dreaded it.
I clasped Kailin's hand, her gloved fingers threaded through mine in a tight grip. The tension arced between us like a current, and it had been like this before every flight exercise since her last dream that had identified Veynathei as the cause of my untimely death.
"Be careful," she murmured so only I could hear her.
Kailin had been saying the same thing before every training flight with the same quiet urgency in her voice, and the same thinly concealed fear in her eyes.
"I will," I said. The same answer I gave her every time. "You too."
"I'm always careful."
"You are bonded to Morgateth. Nothing about that is careful."
A ghost of a smile crossed her face, but it didn't reach her eyes. It hadn't reached her eyes in a week. "Morgateth is the safest dragon for me, and you know it."
I knew that now, and I also knew what she hadn't said but wanted to. That Veynathei wasn't safe. That she was a young and impulsive dragonia, and that it had been me who should have declined the bond.
It was easy to be smart in hindsight.
How could I have known Veynathei was the dragon in Kailin's dream? I hadn't even known that she was young before I'd bonded with her.
We stood together in silence, watching the sky.
Other cadets chatted and laughed around us, still riding high on their post-bonding euphoria.
Morek was demonstrating some aerial maneuver to Baila using his hands as miniature dragons, complete with sound effects.
Codric and Shovia stood nearby, not touching, but so close that I doubted a sheet of paper could fit between them.
It took skill to stand that close and never quite touch.
I envied their ease. Whatever complications their relationship faced, fear of imminent death wasn't one of them.
I hadn't told Codric that the dreams were about my death, and I'd asked Kailin to keep that part from the others. There was no reason to burden them with it.
"The wind is stronger today," Kailin said, and I heard the calculation in her voice. She was assessing the conditions and looking for signs that this might be the day her nightmare came true.
"It's not windier than yesterday, just colder." I forced what I hoped was a reassuring smile. "If the conditions weren't safe, our instructors would have canceled this afternoon's session."
"Our instructors don't know about my dreams because you won't let me tell them."
Given that Kailin was who she was, the instructors would have probably listened to her warning and grounded me, de facto ending my career as a rider.
I hadn't come this far and sacrificed so much to throw it all away because of a nightmare. Even if it had been dreamt by the Hero of Elucia and its future shaman.
I squeezed her hand. "You know why we can't tell them. We've been over this."
"I know." She let out a breath, which condensed into mist in the cold air. "I understand that you want to keep flying, but I'm scared for you."
We'd been having the same conversation every afternoon for the past six days, and it was exhausting for both of us.
The evenings were even worse because when we were alone, Kailin was pressuring me to return to Catonia.
She'd even gone as far as telling me to call my mother and tell her to issue an official request for my release.
She presented her case in a calm, rational, and methodical way, citing the consistency of the visions across four separate dreams, and the increasing clarity that correlated with her growing power.
I had been listening respectfully and just as respectfully refusing.
It was tearing us apart.
"Finally." One of the cadets pointed to the aviary.
The first two dragons floated down from their abode higher up in the mountain, aiming for the roof and their riders.
Morgateth arrived first, which he always did, impatient to reunite with his bonded rider and take her up to the sky. According to Kailin, he'd missed having a rider, and he was eager to make up for lost time.
I found it hard to believe.
Morgateth didn't look like he enjoyed anything. He was like an old warrior with a nasty attitude.
He came in fast and hard, his deep blue scales with their crimson veins catching the waning afternoon light as he landed with a controlled violence that made the roof shudder.
The smaller dragon who had arrived with him gave him a wide berth, and most of the newly bonded riders took a step back.
Kailin didn't. She never had, not from the first moment Morgateth had snapped his jaws at her face.
"Be safe," she said as she released my hand, and the look she gave me was a combination of fear, love, and frustration.
I smiled at her, putting everything I had into making it convincing. "I'll see you at dinner."
She nodded and walked toward her dragon.
Morgateth nearly plastered his belly on the roof to make her climb easier, and I had to admit that he was doing his best to accommodate her.
She pulled on her goggles and flight hat, and Morgateth took three bounding steps and launched off the roof. The downdraft from his wings nearly knocked Morek's descending bronze off balance, earning an indignant huff, though the dragon was careful to keep its distance from the menace.
As Kailin and Morgateth spiraled upward, I watched them until they were specks against the auroras, then let out the breath I'd been holding.
She was safe with him. Morgateth was experienced, had faced many battles with the Shedun, and had managed to evade projectiles that would have gotten less powerful flyers.
That was what Captain Odinah had told Kailin during the post-bonding party.
She'd told her that she was lucky he'd decided to give bonding another chance.
"Stop worrying about her," Codric said. "She'll be fine."
"I know. I'm coming to realize that the monster might actually be good for her."
Codric didn't know what the dreams were really about. Kailin had finally told the group about the nightmares, but only the part about the Citadel being attacked and the carnage she'd witnessed. At my request, she'd kept to herself the part where I died in every version.
Veynathei arrived next, and the sight of her drove everything else from my mind.
She was beautiful. Every time I saw her, the word felt inadequate and yet nothing else came close. Her scales shifted through their spectrum of silvers, golds, and faint turquoise as she descended, like light through cut gemstones, each color bleeding into the next.
She landed with her usual unnecessary elegance, folding her wings with a flourish.
"Good afternoon, Alar," she said, and her voice in my mind was warm, amused, and slightly concerned, which meant she was reading my emotional state through the bond despite my attempts to shield it.
"Good afternoon, Vey."
"You're tense again. You need to loosen up."
"I'm doing my best."
I hadn't told her about the dreams either.
She lowered her body for me to mount. "You need to trust me."
I winced. How could I trust her when Kailin had seen her making a fatal mistake?
I climbed onto her back, settling into the saddle and strapping in. The bond flared between us as the physical contact amplified it, and I felt Veynathei's presence fill the corners of my mind, warm and vast and slightly intrusive.
I raised my shields, then double-checked my harness and the saddle straps. Everything seemed secure.
"Let's fly," I said.
She launched, and the roof fell away beneath us.
The training exercises for the first two weeks post-bonding were straightforward.
We were supposed to get to know each other and get used to flying together.
That meant solo flight through the intermediate course, with a series of waypoints marked by colored flags planted on mountain peaks.
It was easy to navigate the uncomplicated course, maintain altitude through the variable winds, and return to the Citadel.
I checked my straps even though I wasn't supposed to do that mid-flight. I'd checked them twice on the ground before mounting, and I'd even tightened the secondary harness that most riders considered overkill for a training exercise.
Everything was secure.
We approached the first waypoint, a red flag on a narrow spire. Veynathei banked to circle it, and I shifted my weight to match her turn, the movement automatic after days of practice.
"That was good," she said. "Just try to loosen up a little. Your thighs are gripping my sides like you are trying to squeeze the life out of me."
I didn't even know she could feel it through her hard scales. I forced my leg muscles to relax and loosened my hold.
The second waypoint required threading between two peaks, and my entire body tensed as we entered the gap. It was wide enough for three dragons flying wingtip to wingtip, but the rock walls rising on either side triggered a rush of dread that tasted like burned metal at the back of my throat.
Kailin's words echoed in my mind. A narrow gap between two peaks. Wind catching her at the wrong angle.
"Alar." Veynathei's mental voice cut through the rising panic. "Relax. This is not a big deal. We've done this every afternoon for the past six days."
"Something about this pass is stressing me."
"The gap is wide. The wind here is calm. There is no danger."
"It's not rational."