Chapter 14
Fourteen
“Do you need anything?” Stone asked, his voice shredded and raw from how fragile Mae looked.
“I need our baby,” she cried. Christ, his chest ached from the need to rip his own heart out and show Mae how it had completely shattered like hers.
“I know, sweetheart. I know. We’ll try again. When the time is right. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us. We’ll try again.” Stone pressed a kiss to her temple.
He thought the promise would bring her some peace, but she shook her head against his chest.
“That baby was our only hope,” she whispered. “The only light… we won’t ever get that back. You’ll remember… They were my last hope.”
His breath stuck in his lungs. Surely, if she’d gotten pregnant when they weren’t even trying, then they’d be able to again when they want to try?
Stone knew she was exhausted, and in pain, so he didn’t respond, choosing to instead tighten his hold on her as she cried, the pain in every sob almost too much to bear.
“Get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere. Just rest, Mae. I love you.”
“I love you. I loved our baby, too.”
“I know, sweetheart. So did I.” He tucked her head under his chin so she wouldn’t see the tears still streaming down his own face.
He waited as the clock moved slowly through the hour. Bit by bit, her body relaxed in his arms, until finally, he was certain she was deep in sleep.
Stone didn’t want to leave her, but the thoughts racing through his mind were too much. He needed a sounding board. And that’s how he found himself, sneaking out of the bedroom at three in the morning, to call Gunner.
His friend picked up on the second ring.
“Doc, you good?”
Stone swallowed thickly, praying his voice wouldn’t betray him. But the second he started talking, the tears were there. “No, Reap. I’m not.”
“I’ll be there in one minute. Don’t hang up this fucking call until I’m in the room with you. Got it?”
The team all knew a call like that, in the middle of the night, was a call for help.
But it wasn’t what Gunner thought. Stone wasn’t a danger to himself.
He just needed someone else to know. For someone to tell him how to help Mae.
To make sure he didn’t completely screw everything up.
And out of all his friends, he knew Gunner wouldn’t sugarcoat anything, which was exactly what he needed. “Yeah. I got it.”
Stone opened the bedroom door again, stealing one last peek at Mae as he heard Gunner moving around on the other side of the call.
She was still so pale, but she wasn’t clammy anymore.
She wasn’t shaking. Her tears had subsided and god, he was thankful she’d found sleep even if all the pain wasn’t gone.
A soft rap on the door had him closing Mae away before walking to let Gunner in. As soon as the door was opened, Stone turned, making his way to the sofa. He heard Gunner shut the door behind him, flipping the lock before joining Stone in the living room.
“Christ, you look like shit. What’s going on? Are you in pain?” Gunner looked him up and down, his hands crossing his chest as he waited for an answer.
“No, I’m fine.” Stone cleared his throat. “Physically, I guess.”
“Okay. So it’s in your head? What? Nightmares?”
Stone ran his hand through his hair before sinking down onto the couch. “Yeah, a nightmare. Except it’s happening in real time. In my life. Mae told me…” Stone groaned, the throbbing in his temples that he’d been ignoring in place of helping Mae stabbing him over, and over, and over.
“She told you what? Doc?”
He blew out his breath and shrugged. “That she was pregnant.”
“Oh…” Gunner smiled as he sat down next to Stone. “So this freak-out is because she’s pregnant? You’re going to be a dad. That’s incredible! Why didn’t you tell any of us before now?”
“I didn’t know. I didn’t know before tonight. She told me after you all left…” His fucking voice caught, the acute pain of the emotions he’d been trying to shove away rising to the surface. “And now it’s gone.”
Gunner’s eyes went wide. “What do you mean?”
Stone ran his hands over his thighs, trying to wrap his head around everything.
“I didn’t have any idea she was in pain until I heard the shower running and her sobbing.
Her fucking screaming. It was the most gut wrenching sound I’ve ever heard.
I found her in a pool of blood, Reap. She pulled my hand to her belly and told me she was losing our baby.
” His head dropped into his hands and the tears just poured down his face.
Fuck. How long had it been since he’d lost control of his emotions?
Gunner’s hand slapped down on his shoulder, squeezing tightly as he sank onto the sofa. He offered more support than Stone could have asked for in those next moments, even as nothing was said between them, just letting Stone cry.
Eventually, Stone forced himself to take a deep breath, even though it was shaky as hell and hurt to have the air stretch his chest. “The first time I ever heard I was going to be a dad, and the baby was already gone.”
“I’m so sorry, Doc.” Gunner wiped at his own face. “Is she… Is she okay?”
“No. Not even close. I don’t have the training for this. I can’t… she won’t go to the hospital. How do I help her?”
“We could call Jake and ask him if he knows a doctor who can come over to check on her. Or I could get Lily? She might be able to talk to Mae. It might be easier for her to open up to another woman.”
Stone shook his head. “No. I don’t think she wants to talk about it right now. I want to give her the space she needs, but I’m afraid if I give her too much…”
“Her mind will lead her down a bad path?” Gunner guessed.
“Yeah. Exactly.”
“Maybe your silent support is what she needs right now. But what I do know is you don’t hide your grief from her.”
No. He had to be strong for Mae. She deserved that after everything she’d gone through. How strong she’d been for him…
“Hey. Get out of your head. Mae doesn’t need you shoving it down.”
Stone shook his head. “She deserves someone strong. Someone for her to lean on.”
“She needs you, walking through it with her. Show her she doesn’t have to hide what she’s feeling because you’re still healing. That’s what she deserves.” Gunner dipped his head, shaking it side to side. “What we all should have given her from the start of this whole nightmare.”
Stone didn’t have the first fucking clue what that meant, but he’d question Gunner some other time. Because in his gut, Stone knew he needed to get back to Mae. His eyes drifted to the hallway.
“Go,” Gunner said as he stood. “Be there for her. And don’t you dare let either of you drown trying to get to the shore on your own. I’m not letting you walk through this alone. And we’ll get Mae there too.”
Stone stood, embracing Gunner. “Thanks for coming over tonight. I don’t think—”
Gunner cut him off. “You call, I’m here. Always.”
Stone nodded, emotion too thick in his voice to say anything. The moment Gunner was out the door, Stone turned to get back to Mae.
He walked as quietly as he could to the bed, trying his best not to wake her up, but as soon as he sat down, the bed moved behind him as Mae rolled over.
“I thought you were asleep.” Stone laid down, sliding his hand over her hip, gently moving their bodies closer to each other. He felt the warmth from her heating pad radiating into the sheets, but she still snuggled into his touch.
“I tried. Were you talking to someone?”
“I had the TV on. I thought I had it down low enough that you wouldn’t hear it.”
“It’s okay. I just…” Her cheeks were wet with new tears, and he watched as more fell while she gathered her words. “I’m so sorry, Stone.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry—“
“No.”
“Michaela. Truly. I’m sorry that you thought you couldn’t tell me. I wish I would have known so I could have been a better partner for you.”
“I told you before.”
“When?” His fingers continued to play with her bangs, brushing them back softly off her forehead.
“When you were in the hospital. Before you woke up, so I guess it doesn’t really count.
But I did… I told you the day I found out.
It was the first time you squeezed my hand back.
I knew you’d come back to us.” She bit her bottom lip for a second, her watery eyes lifting off his chest to look at him.
“It doesn’t matter, now. I kept it from you, and I lost the baby anyway… ”
Fuck. “We’ll try again, Mae. When you’re ready. We’ll have our family one day.”
Her head shook against his chest. “It was an accident. A mistake that shouldn’t have existed anyway.”
“Our baby was not a mistake. They were a beautiful reminder of what the future holds for us.”
She closed her eyes, every painful emotion written on her beautiful skin.
“Did anyone else know? Besides Lily?”
She shook her head. “It was just Lily with me when I took the tests. I should have told you, really told you, as soon as you woke up. But I just couldn’t after everyone said…”
Stone froze. Gunner had said something similar just a few minutes before. The burden they placed on Mae. “After everyone said what?”
“It doesn’t matter. It was my decision. I’m sorry. I know it was only a few days, but I took that from you. I thought we had more time, and I just kept it to myself.”
“Please don’t apologize. Do I wish I had known?
Yes. But only because I could have maybe helped you earlier.
Maybe you wouldn’t have been in so much pain for so long all on your own.
Seeing you in the shower like that… It killed me.
I love you. I don’t know why it feels like you’ve been pushing me away since I was shot, but I want you to talk to me. Tell me why?”
Her chin quivered and she closed her eyes. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing really matters anymore, except that you’re healing. And I will too.”
Stone shifted, his body wrapping more of her up in his hold. “Were you happy when you found out?” he whispered.
“I was so scared I was going to have to do it all on my own. That you wouldn’t come back to me. But then you woke up…”
“I woke up.” He nodded.
“And there was this hope,” she sniffled, “that maybe the baby was a sign that things were going to be okay. That you’d get better, and they’d be born, and this chapter of our lives would close on a happy note.”
“You don’t think it will anymore?” Stone asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Mae…”
“I’m tired.” She rolled away from him. “I’m just going to go to sleep now.”
Fuck. He really hoped Lily would stop over in the morning because he was so in over his head.
“I’m glad you had her. Lily. I wish it could have been me. But I’m glad you had her.”