Chapter 18 #2
“Oh, god. Sorry, Mae.” Sloane looked like she was about to cry. And that fucking killed Mae. Because aside from herself, Sloane was the least emotion-driven person Mae knew.
“Nah, I get it. I’m falling apart. My life has turned into a flaming dumpster fire and I’m not handling it well. I appreciate the brutal honesty.”
“Well, how about chips with a side of queso to go with that honesty?” Lacy held up a bag from Mae’s favorite tacoria in Lark Lake.
“Yes!” She forced herself to sit up.
Lily and Lacy spread a big blanket over the bedspread, giggling about their husbands having a fit if they spilled crumbs in their beds.
“And yet, both of your husbands aren’t shy about loving to eat in bed,” Mae teased.
Lacy’s face turned bright red. “Oh my gosh. I know Nash looks so innocent, but the mouth on that man! I can barely make the bed in the morning before he’s tossing me back on the covers and trying to sneak a little snack before we have to start the day.”
“Ah, newlywed bliss,” Lily teased.
“Not just newlyweds. You guys should have seen Stone the minute his family got in the car to head back to Delaware.” Mae smiled. “I had to remind him he just got out of the hospital after nearly dying from two gunshot wounds.”
“Clearly he didn’t lose his memories of just how attracted he is to you.
” Sloane handed the first plate to Mae. The queso was still piping hot, and as she bit into the ooey-gooey cheese dip, Mae could feel it heating her from the inside out.
How long had she felt so cold? So lifeless?
And how could she have been so blind to the fact that her friends would help her carry her sorrow?
Just a few minutes with Lily knowing had already made her feel lighter than she’d ever imagined.
She let her hands fall back down to the bed, the tidal wave of sadness disorienting like a sailboat lost at sea.
“I think I’m broken,” Mae cried, her voice catching as she dissolved into tears.
“Oh, honey.” Lily wrapped her arms around Mae. Sloane sat behind her, patting her back while Lacy’s warm hand came to rest on her ankle.
“We’re here for you, Mae. If you need to just cry. If you want to talk about it. Whatever you need. We’re here,” Lily cooed.
She couldn’t talk. The second the first tear fell and her friends swooped in to hold her, she was lost to the sadness.
At some point, they all laid down together in the bed, Mae squished between Lacy and Lily as Sloane ran her fingers through Mae’s hair.
In the distance, beyond her grief, Mae knew that this was sisterhood.
A true moment of divine connection, through something only she experienced, but that connected them all as women.
A pain that would live in her soul for the rest of her life, but that her sisters would carry forward with her, so that her burden was lighter.
So that one day, they could talk about this baby that had only existed for one short moment in time, and there would be more love, more hope, to chase away the shadows of pain and heartache.
Her eyelids became heavy as she listened to her friends cry with her.
Their tears mixed with hers, flowing towards the wound in her heart.
Mending something she feared would be cracked open and raw within her for the rest of her life.
But for the first time since it happened, Mae knew there would be a day when she was okay.
“Mae…”
God, she was so warm, and cozy, and why the hell was there a deliciously gravelly voice calling out to her, trying to take her from her blissful sleep?
Mae cracked her eye open, smiling as her vision focused on Stone laying next to her, right where she’d left Lily.
“You’re not the sassy, petite, fiery blond I was sleeping with earlier.”
Stone chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint you. How was your day with Lily?”
He looked worried. And rightfully so. Mae had asked him not to say anything to the girls. But she couldn’t hold it against him. Having Lily there, staying in bed and crying while her best friend was just there for her, was exactly what she needed. He’d know what she needed all along.
“You mean my ambush from Lily?”
“Mae…”
“No. Don’t start apologizing. Because you were right. I needed to talk to someone. And I got to talk with Lily, and then I talked with Lacy, and Sloane. And it was what I needed.”
“God, I’m so glad to hear you say that.”
“How was everything at work? Did you guys come up with anything?”
“It’s fine. Nothing for you to worry about.”
“Nope. Nu-uh.”
“What?”
“You don’t just get to brush it off like that.
I’m part of the team. I handle a ton of shit for the business and I take a ton of shit from you guys.
I deserve to be looped in. You don’t have to tell me the classified parts from your past, but I deserve to at least know what the plans are for dealing with Laurel and her lies. ”
“We’re going to be fine. That’s all we talked about at work today. Honestly.”
Mae sighed. “That’s why three agencies have pulled out of their contracted time at The Trident for next month? Why fifteen people have canceled their gym memberships and we got a termination notice from Clark at the Shop and Save for their monthly security monitoring?”
Yeah. Even her friends being there all day couldn’t stop her from checking in on her work messages and emails. And she’d seen the cancellations rolling in.
“You were meant to be resting today, Mae. Not checking emails and the schedule.”
“Sorry I like my job.” She shrugged. “And I won’t have one if these clients keep canceling on us.”
Stone pressed a kiss to her temple. “It’ll blow over.”
“I don’t think someone accusing you of murdering your teammates and then saying you used your connections to cover it up is something that’s going to just blow over.”
Stone sighed, his hand moving up to pinch the bridge of his nose.
Mae rolled, her body tucking in along his side as her hand landed on his chest. She could feel the raised, healing skin from where he was shot under the fabric of his shirt.
Stone didn’t comment as she ran her fingers over it with the lightest touch she could manage.
Her eyes went to the TV. “You turned on Dr. Quinn?”
“Yep. I think I’ve fallen asleep every time we’ve watched that last episode. Had to go back and see if the little kid ended up having his sight come back.”
“Why does this show feel like a warm hug?”
“Because you’re her birthday twin.”
Mae laughed. “I can’t believe you remember me saying that.”
“Please! As if I could forget that rant you went on. ‘February fifteenth is the best day of the year, not only because I was born that day, but because in eighteen thirty-three, doctor Michaela Quinn, my namesake, was born.’ As if you were named after a fictional woman whose television show came out when you were already, what, seven? Eight?”
Mae laughed. “Let a little girl dream, would ya?”
“I love that you love her, and that you love your birthday. No one of any consequence was born on my birthday.”
Her smile dropped. “I was thinking about it… the baby would have shared birthday months with you. Depending on the timing, you could have been birthday twins, too.”
Stone’s hand squeezed her hip. “I would have loved that.”
“It would have been special.”
Mae moved closer, her head resting on Stone’s shoulder. “Thank you. For pushing me to open up to the girls. I don’t know if I ever would have been strong enough to do it on my own.”
“You would have. You’re the strongest woman I know, Mae.”
“I’m not. I’d give anything to have our baby back. Just one more moment, cuddled in bed. The night I told you about the baby… us talking about the future… It was the perfect moment. And I just want to go back.”
“I read something the other day, about babies and their moms,” he admitted. “There was a study done that showed fetal cells remain in a mother’s body for decades after the pregnancy ends… potentially for the rest of her life.”
His hand slid down over her belly. The hard swell they’d both felt that night was no longer there.
Her body was healing from the physical trauma, but her ever observant boyfriend saw the edges cracking in Mae’s carefully crafted facade.
He knew she wasn’t fine. She was drowning.
And somehow, she always knew he’d find a way to get a life raft to her.
Mae’s hand slid over top of his, pressing down.
“The child we created together will always be a part of you. We may not have anything to remember them by out here, but their cells will forever be a part of your body.”
“That’s…” Her voice caught as she swallowed roughly. “That’s really beautiful to know. Thank you for telling me.”
“You can go back to sleep, Mae. I’ll be right here when you wake up. I’ll always be right here.”