Chapter 5
Five
Hawk swept the last of the crumbs off the final table as he tried not to collapse into the chair next to him.
Fuck. He was going to be a dad. The warmth he’d felt in his chest the minute the words left Jessie’s mouth returned, glowing bright right over his heart.
It was great being an uncle to his friends’ kids.
Hell, he’d thought for so long that was the only role he’d ever have.
But becoming a dad? Having a baby with Jessie?
The universe was conspiring in his favor, and he’d never take that for granted.
There was no doubt in his mind that she wasn’t just freaking out about what her pregnancy would mean for her family.
God, he hadn’t ever realized how much responsibility she carried.
But it was good that in her panic she’d told him.
Because he could lighten the load. Things at the Trident were insane, but Nash would be coming back in a few weeks.
And Hawk was rotating off simulator duties to help Sebastian with his investment opportunities.
That would give him more time at the office.
More time to work from his apartment if he needed to take care of Jessie.
His eyes found hers watching him from across the room, and he let his mind wander.
Every inch of her face looked so damn tired.
She was so pale, and the blush that had covered nearly every inch of her pink skin was gone–replaced instead with an unnatural gray tint.
But that would go away, wouldn’t it? As she moved from the first trimester into the second?
Wasn’t that when women started to feel better?
Fuck. She’d probably have a cute little bump by then. One that would fit perfectly into the palm of his hand. He wanted to walk over to her, drop to his knees, and press a kiss right against her skin. Right where their baby was growing–
“What are you smiling about?” Jessie’s voice broke through his thoughts.
“I was thinking about how good you’re going to look when you start showing,” he admitted.
Her hands moved from the table to her lap, but even though he couldn’t actually see it from the angle they were at, he was positive she’d covered her belly.
“We’ve still got a while to go until that happens. And I’ll take all the time I can get. I don’t think…”
Hawk set the cleaner and towel behind the counter and walked towards her.
He pulled out the chair right next to her, turning it backwards before he sank down.
His eyes lowered for one second, a smile on his lips as he realized he was right about her hands cradling their baby. And there was that warmth again.
“What don’t you think?”
“I’m not ready for anyone to know. There’s just… There's a lot that could go wrong. And a lot to figure out.”
Hawk nodded. Mae was proof of what could go wrong. His heart ached for his sister, and the thought of Jessie going through that left his mouth dry and his stomach churning.
“I need to tell Mae and Stone. She’ll never forgive me if I don’t. But I won’t tell anyone else. And they won’t either.”
Jessie nodded, understanding flashing in her eyes.
“Okay. I know you probably want to share with everyone… I just, I need time.”
The panic was back in her eyes. Hawk stood, holding out his hand, which Jessie took. In the next second, he had her hauled up into his embrace, her face pressing in against his chest.
“Just take a deep breath. Remember, you don’t have to have everything figured out tonight. And I’m going to be there to help, every step of the way.”
She nodded. “If you don’t want this baby, if there is even the smallest part of you doubting this, Hawk, you need to walk away now. I’ll be fine. I’ll make sure our kid is too.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m all in, Pretty Girl.”
“This is really what you want?”
He added his hand on top of hers, over her still flat belly, nodding. “I want you and the baby to be happy. To be healthy. To be safe. Whatever I can do to make sure that happens, that’s what I want. Come on, let’s get you both home.”
The drive out to the Silver Ridge Ranch was quiet.
While he wanted to hold her hand, or touch her leg, or maybe even ride with his hand still pressed against her belly, Hawk could see how weary Jessie was.
She sat almost angled away from him, curled up with her head resting against the window.
At some point, she must have even dozed off, her eyes now closed as he looked at her while parked outside the main house on the ranch.
It would be wrong to sit there much longer.
He knew he should have convinced her to go home with him.
Something under his skin bristled at the thought of leaving her.
It was normally bad—the pull to be close to her—but now that he knew she was pregnant, with his baby…
No. Nope. He was going to turn the truck back on and bring her home with him.
“Hawk?” Jessie groaned as she stretched in the seat. “Oh, when did we get here?”
“About five minutes ago. You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t want to wake you.” He felt the heat climb in his face. “I was just about to turn around and bring you back to the apartment with me.”
Her eyes went wide in the moonlight. “No. Absolutely not. It’s bad enough my family could have seen us sitting out here together for so long. I don’t want anyone asking any questions right now!”
“I know. I think I already know your answer, but may I please walk you to the door?”
She sighed, her fingers coming up to rub at her temple. Shit. She still wasn’t feeling better. “Not tonight. I appreciate the ride home.”
“You’ll call me if you’re not feeling better?”
“Hawk.”
“I just… if I’m the only other person who knows, I’m the only other person who can help.”
“I’m fine. We’ll be fine.” She released her seat belt and moved to open the door, but Hawk reached out and touched her arm. Jessie froze.
“Please, Jess. Promise me. You’ll call, or shoot me a text. Something. Anything. If you’re still feeling rough. Let me help.”
Her eyes never left the door, but she nodded. “I will,” she whispered before shocking the hell out of him. Because one second, she was nearly scratching her way out of his car, and the next, she was turned towards him, her lips pressed against his cheek.
“Good night, Pretty Girl.”
“Good night, Chief.”
Jessie slid out of the truck, his eyes tracking her until she was up on the porch, and then finally inside the house, safe behind a closed door. Hawk groaned, his breath leaving his chest in a painful burst.
His whole world had shifted. Narrowed down to the girl of his dreams, and the baby she was carrying. And fuck, if that wasn’t messing with his head.
The truck roared back to life, and before Hawk could psych himself out, he turned around and started driving. But when it came time to head back into town, he went the opposite way.
And ten minutes later, he turned into Stone and Mae’s driveway. It was late. He hadn’t messaged, or called. But before he was even out of the truck, Stone was there, standing on his porch. And Mae was right by his side.
“What’s going on? You good?” Stone asked as he climbed the steps.
“Yeah, sorry.” Hawk rubbed his hand over his face. “Hey, Mae.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked. “Why are you here so late?”
“Do you think…” God. He didn’t want to hurt his sister. She’d suffered so much, and he couldn’t bear to remind her of all that pain. “Could I talk with Stone for a minute?”
Stone’s eyes went wide, before he looked at Mae.
“You promise you’re okay? That everyone else is okay too?” His sister narrowed her eyes as she questioned him.
“Everyone’s fine. I just… I need to talk to Stone.”
“Okay. Stay out here. I’ll go busy myself with finding some drinks for you guys.”
“Thanks, Sissy.” Shit. Mae’s body went rigid as the nickname slipped out. He only ever used it when she needed comforting growing up.
Mae nodded, slipping back into the house, closing the front door behind her. Hawk turned and walked to the top step, letting his ass hit the wood before his head went into his hands.
“Tell me about whatever has you in knots. Now.”
He nodded. “Jessie’s pregnant.”
From the sharp inhalation next to him, Hawk knew that was quite possibly the last thing Stone was expecting him to say.
“And you’re upset because she finally moved on from you?”
He shook his head. “The baby’s mine.”
“What? When did you two—”
“The night of Gunner and Lily’s vow renewal. The night you got back together with Mae. She told me she just wanted one more night together. That she’d been waiting, wanting… just like I had.”
“But she’s been freezing you out. I mean, I knew something must have happened because of how goddamn awkward you two are around each other now. But this… fuck.” Stone clamped his hand down on Hawk’s shoulder. “What is she going to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, there are options. Is she going to go through with the pregnancy? You might be freaking out over nothing—”
“I’m not freaking out,” Hawk barked. “I want Jessie. I want our baby. And she wants our baby too. Just about bit my head off about how she could do it all on her own. That pissed me off. Like I wouldn’t do everything in my power to make it work.”
Stone’s brows pulled together. “I didn’t think… Wasn’t this all just supposed to be a good time between the two of you?”
“It’s always been more for me, Doc. Always.”
His friend smiled. “Shit,” he laughed. “Never thought I’d see the day you’d be excited about settling down. Should have seen it coming though, with the way you look at her. It’s probably the same dopey way I look at your sister.”
Hawk nodded.
“So, she’s pregnant. And you’re gonna be a dad.”
A gasp filled the air as Mae stepped out onto the porch, both hands holding onto ceramic mugs.
“Who’s pregnant?” Her question hung heavy between them. “You’re going to be a dad?
“Yeah. Jessie and I, we’re having a baby together. I just found out, and I—”
He hated seeing the tears fill his sisters eyes.
“And the first thing you thought was to come here?”
Hawk froze. Shit. It was the wrong move. He’d wanted to be open and honest about it to protect Mae. She never opened up to him about her miscarriage, and he never wanted to push.
“I didn’t want to hide it from you. I know it’s a sensitive subject and I know you’re still hurting from everything you went through last year. I was here to tell Stone, so that he could tell you however you needed to hear it. I’m so sorry, Mae. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Hurt me? I can’t believe that out of everyone, you would think to come tell us first.” Her face changed into a genuine smile.
“All this time, I never knew how to talk to you about what I went through last year, and you still were thoughtful enough to make sure I was okay with the news about you becoming a dad. Hawk, I’m thrilled!
” Her arms wrapped around him. “You are going to be the best dad. And I’m going to be an aunt again!
I mean, a biological aunt this time, but I love my aunt status.
Holy crap… Everyone is going to freak out! How are you not freaking out?”
He shrugged, but he’d always known the truth.
It was fun to flirt. To be the carefree friend.
The one who never talked about settling down.
To let everyone think that he wanted the bachelor life for the rest of his life.
But it wasn’t the truth. He wanted the happiness and the love his friends had all found.
He wanted to be a husband, and a father.
And he wanted that with Jess.