Chapter 46
FORTY-SIX
CADEN
I absolutely thought sitting in that ice-cave, with Emma calling out for James, and then her nearly dying in my arms, was the epitome of my worst fucking nightmare.
Which it was, until I realized Emma and James would have their reunion in my fucking bed.
My mind drifted back to the past forty hours, replaying how the asshole had ended up here.
After a tense phone call, James had appeared in Nepal where I had joined up with Stephen, following James’s instructions.
Together, the three of us managed to figure out how to dismantle the Amplifier, and I made sure it was tested on my own translation to confirm its destruction—something I made sure Emma would never find out.
When James arrived and saw me, it took him less than two seconds to ask, eyes wild and full of worry, “Where is she?”
As soon as I told him about the hypothermia, the famous Walker-switch flipped. He went absolutely feral. I had never seen a man lose control like that—well, not since I’d held Emma nearly dying in my arms.
The day we destroyed the Amplifier, James stormed into my room at Stephen’s place, all sharp edges and purpose.
“You love her, don’t you?” he asked—no preamble, just a blade slicing straight through the bullshit.
I froze, caught off guard. For a moment, I said nothing. Then, dryly, I replied, “She loves you.”
“That’s not what I asked,” he shot back.
“That’s all the reply you’re gonna get,” I said, my tone flat but firm.
James’s gaze darkened, his voice dropping to a possessive growl. “She’s mine.”
“For the time being, that seems to be true,” I responded, taking a deliberate step closer to him. “But if you hurt her again, Walker, you’ll regret it in more ways than one.”
And that’s when I saw it—the agony etched into his expression. It was raw and undeniable, and in that moment, I understood the rage and desperation driving him.
Which is why, when he asked for access to Crown, I couldn’t bring myself to deny him.
I knew how much Emma longed to see him, and I couldn’t deny her that either. It was tearing me up inside, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
After breaking the news to Emma about James being at Crown, I told her she could send for him whenever she was ready. Her expression had been unreadable, but as I stepped out of the room and the door clicked shut behind me, the sound of her muffled sobs stopped me dead in my tracks.
It took every ounce of restraint not to turn back, not to push the door open and pull her back into my arms, where she fucking belonged. But I knew I had to let her face this on her own. If she needed me—if she wanted me—she’d let me know.
So I walked away, and checked on Sean’s location instead.
I found him alone on our favorite hillside just beyond the Manor—where the grass always seemed a little taller, the wind a little quieter.
The sun was low, casting long golden streaks across the valley, painting the treetops in amber light.
He sat with his arms loosely draped over his knees, staring out at the horizon like it might offer answers.
I walked over and lowered myself beside him, close but not crowding.
“Still thinking about that girl you once brought here,” I said, keeping my voice light, “only to realize it was her brother you were really after?”
The words came with a teasing lilt, but dread curled in my gut all the same.
Sean snorted, his usual sarcasm creeping through. “I only remember her brother.”
“I bet you do,” I replied with a faint smile, trying to hold on to the banter, but it felt fake. The humor didn’t land the way it usually did, since we both knew what was coming.
A weighted silence settled between us, bracing us for the hard conversation we knew was inevitable.
I took a deep breath. “Casualties?”
Sean stilled, his entire body stiffening, still staring at the horizon, as if looking anywhere but at me would make the truth easier to tell. But it wouldn’t.
“Who?” I asked, my heart pounding in my chest, the knot of dread tightening in my stomach.
“Kate,” Sean finally said roughly, and hardly audible.
Fuck! The name hit me like a punch to the gut. “How?”
I really didn’t want the details, but I needed to hear them anyway.
“We dropped into Hunza about an hour after ye and Emma left,” Sean began, sounding hollow, like he was reciting something that had been playing on a loop in his mind.
“We didn’t realize the Amplifier had already been activated.
Radicals were flooding the area before we even had a chance to react.
We couldn’t hide properly, and once we were compromised…
all hell broke loose. We had no choice. We had to fight our way out. ”
He didn’t look at me once, his face a mask of grim composure. He might have been holding back the flood of emotion, but he was barely keeping it in check.
“Kate was the first to translate,” Sean continued, his voice hoarse. “She imploded the moment her haze shot out.”
I shut my eyes, and tried to breathe through the sting, but it clawed its way up anyway. Kate—gone. Just like that.
I wasn’t a stranger to death or grief, but the beginning of every loss still felt impossible—like standing at the base of a mountain I didn’t have the strength to climb.
And Kate, who I’d loved like a true sister, wasn’t just another casualty. Her absence wasn’t something time could fix or I could simply move past—it was a quiet, gaping hole I’d have to learn to live with.
“She took half the Radicals with her,” he added, though sounding bitter, as if victory meant nothing in the face of what we had lost. “Which is how we managed to fight our way through.”
“Fuck.” It was the only word I could manage, the only response that seemed to fit.
“Yeah,” Sean muttered. “Not looking forward to telling Saoirse. I only brought Kate because Saoirse was too drunk to come.”
I nodded, knowing too well what this would mean. Sean hadn’t needed to bring her, and yet she’d paid the price. The guilt in his voice was unmistakable, and there was nothing I could say to ease it.
“Anyone else?” I asked, though I dreaded the answer. The hesitation that followed was a bad sign. A very bad sign.
“Sean?”
He didn’t meet my eyes, his gaze still locked on some distant point. “We lost Enya and Christopher during the fight. I couldn’t even nex for backup with the Amplifier active.”
Bile rose up my throat at the mention of their names. Enya had been with us since we were kids, and although we’d been less close, she was still family. And Christopher—newer to the team—had fit in like he’d always been one of us. And he was Sean’s ex.
“So what did you do?” I asked, while squeezing his arm, needing to hear how he got them out, how he survived when everything had gone so horribly wrong.
Sean finally turned to me, weariness etched into every line of his face but he still carried that familiar spark of determination.
“I channeled my inner Jason Statham,” he muttered, a grim smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Figured out a human way to get us out. We infiltrated a human military base, I stole a chopper, and flew up to meet ye.”
He paused and breathed in through his nose, exhaling in a quiet rush.
“When ye and Emma didn’t respond to our nexes, we figured ye two were trapped somewhere,” he continued, his voice hoarse, like reliving it was wearing him down. “The rest of the team hotwired a jeep and drove across the borders until they were far enough to portal out.”
“How did you manage to fly through the Layer surrounding the peak without clearance?”
Sean’s jaw tightened—so hard I thought the muscle might rip itself free. “I’ll tell you some other time,” he muttered, gaze sliding away. His tone made it clear the subject was locked, and I didn’t have the key.
I leaned back, studying him for a beat. I had a feeling Kate’s fingerprints were all over this, so I let it go.
“Fine,” I said, then shrugged like it didn’t matter. “Whenever you’re ready.”
He nodded once.
Damn. Sean had always been the one I trusted with my life, ever since we were kids, and once again, he had proven himself.
But the weight on him—the burden of losing Kate, Enya, of losing Christopher—was crushing.
I could see it in the way his shoulders slumped, in the tired lines around his eyes.
He had survived, but the cost had been immense.
“Where the hell did you find an ice-plowing machine?”
Sean shook his head, a wry smile on his lips. “It was stashed away, a few meters west of the entrance where you and Emma walked through.”
Another painful silence stretched between us.
“Sean,” I said quietly, “you did everything you could. You got them out.”
He looked away, his jaw tightening. “Not all of ‘em,” he mumbled, the grief in his voice raw and unguarded.
I knew there was nothing I could say to make it better, but I squeezed his arm again, offering the only comfort I could. “You did more than anyone else could’ve done.”
Sean didn’t reply, but the strain in his shoulders eased slightly.
Inhaling deeply, I let the crisp summer night air fill my lungs. The coolness was a welcome relief, a brief reprieve from the chaos that had been consuming us. “I’ll deal with the families,” I said softly. “You take a few days off. Let me know when you’re feeling up to it again.”
Sean nodded, his expression still tight with the burden of everything he had been through, but there was a flicker of relief as well.
“How are you dealing with everything?” he asked gently but probing.
I exhaled, the breath heavy as it escaped me. How was I supposed to answer that?
“She nearly died in my arms, Sean,” I said, my voice rough, fighting to stay even. The memory of it was still fresh, vivid in my mind—the fear, the desperation. “I had to fucking breathe for her, just to bring her back.”
Sean’s eyes softened, sympathy flickering in their depths as he nodded slowly.
And then, almost without warning, the words that had been sitting on the tip of my tongue, buried beneath layers of denial and fear, slipped out.
“I’m in love with her.”
The confession fell from my lips before I even realized I’d said it. There was no hesitation, no second-guessing—only the simple truth, raw and undeniable. My chest tightened as the reality of it settled over me, and suddenly everything felt clearer, even though nothing had changed.
Sean’s gaze softened further, and his smile, though small, was tinged with sadness. “I know,” he said quietly, the words carrying unexpected understanding.
He didn’t need to say anything else. There was no surprise, no judgment—just acceptance.
I dropped my head into my hands. “I’m fucked.”
Sean’s voice dropped to a whisper. “She still loves James, ye know.”
“I know that,” I snapped, more cutting than I intended.
“Just sayin’. Don’t get yer hopes up.”
“Trust me, they’re not,” I muttered, the harsh reality settling in like a weight on my chest. “Even if James weren’t in the picture, I’ll always be the guy who maimed her arm. That’s not exactly something you come back from.”
“Did ye tell her the truth about Coastal?” Sean asked quietly.
I shot him a sharp look. “You really think I’d do that without consulting you first?”
He gave me a sad smile, his attention drifting to some distant place only he could see. “She’ll never forgive ye.”
I shrugged, though the truth of it stung. “Seems that way, yeah.”
Sean nodded, his voice soft. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” I said, because what else could I say?
And then, after a moment, I dropped the news that had been gnawing at me for hours. “James is here.”
Sean’s jaw dropped in shock. “What? Where?”
“By now, probably in my room with Emma,” I mumbled, the words tasting bitter.
“Why the hell would ye bring him here?”
“Because she loves him. And whatever his issues are, he loves her too.”
“So what, yer playing Cupid now? Should I start crocheting angel wings for ye?” Sean shot back with more sarcasm than necessary.
I punched him lightly on the arm.
“Yer a fucking idiot,” he muttered, shaking his head.
“Yeah. Not gonna argue with that.”
Sean let out a deep breath, grabbed my arm and squeezed, then shook his head once more, as if he couldn’t believe what kind of dumbass I turned out to be.
And he wasn’t wrong.
The next few hours, we sat there, side by side, the quiet around us echoing our loss, aching but shared—neither of us saying a word, because there was nothing left to say.