Chapter 47
FORTY-SEVEN
EMMA
I was a coward.
James was here, and my mind was a tangled mess of anxiety and fear. I had barely emerged from the numbing fog of that cold-induced nightmare, and the thought of facing the man who’d broken my heart into a thousand pieces, was just too much.
So I did what cowards do. I ran. I left Caden’s room, risking his wrath if he ever found out, ran toward my own room, hoping Caden hadn’t divulged its location to James and hid there until my breathing had returned to regular.
Closing the door behind me, I started pacing up and down my room.
I wanted to see James. I needed to see James. My entire body ached to see him. But I wasn’t ready! I wanted to be prepared. I wanted to know precisely what to say to him if I saw him.
Maybe if I could just sort through the chaos in my head.
I stared at my desk, the solution suddenly clear. I sat down, grabbed a notepad and pen, and began writing down everything I wanted to say. I lost track of time as I poured it all onto the paper—every tangled feeling, every unspoken word—and when I finally looked up, the sun had long set.
The soft knock on my door startled me, pulling me abruptly from my thoughts.
“Emma?” Jackson’s voice came through, breaking the silence.
“Come in,” I called, rising from my chair, then crossed the room to hug him when he entered.
“When I couldn’t find you in Caden’s room, I figured you’d moved back into your own quarters.”
I frowned, momentarily puzzled. “How did you know where they were?”
Jackson offered a sheepish smile. “Sean showed me around yesterday.”
I smiled warmly at my friend. “I think Sean might really like you.”
Jackson’s face lit up with a genuine grin. “Don’t tell him, but I think I might really like him too.”
A soft giggle escaped my lips. “Well, that’s great to hear.”
Jackson’s brow shot up in surprise. “Did you just giggle?”
I blinked blankly at him, a bit taken aback by his reaction. “Uhm, yeah. Why?”
He shrugged, a hint of amusement in his eyes. “Just never heard you make a sound like that before.”
“Didn’t have much to giggle about back at Cyclos.”
The elephant in the room was unavoidable.
Jackson’s expression turned instantly serious. “Which is what I came to talk to you about,” he began, but I interrupted him.
“I know James is here.”
Jackson shook his head, a look of concern on his face. “James left already.”
My heart sank so fast it knocked the breath right out of me. “He…he left?”
“He didn’t want to, but I made him go back to Cyclos.”
I frowned, confusion and disappointment clouding my thoughts. “Why?”
Jackson sighed deeply, then took my hand in his, his touch warm and reassuring. “Because it should be your choice. Not his.”
He paused. “I know I’ve kept my distance these past few months, but it was only because I didn’t want you to be confronted with everything about James if you needed time to yourself.
Sean kept me updated, and I was always close by, but you didn’t reach out, and I didn’t want to push.
I took it as you needing space from us. From James. ”
I swallowed hard, feeling a pang of guilt. Jackson’s insight was spot-on.
“Look, Emma, James has been a wreck since you left. I can’t even begin to explain what he went through when you decided to come here with Caden.
He accepted it as the price he had to pay for keeping his secrets.
You’re the one he hurt. So, if you want to forgive him, hate him, talk to him, love him, or whatever you decide, it’s up to you. Not him. Not anymore.”
“But I don’t even know how he feels about me anymore,” I whispered, the vulnerability in my voice laying bare the depth of my fear.
Jackson’s grip tightened on my hand, his features edged with empathy. “Yes, you do. You know he loves you with his whole heart.”
“But he doesn’t trust me,” I replied dryly, a trace of defeat in my tone.
Jackson breathed in deeply, his eyes studying my face. “He doesn’t trust anyone. But if you’re willing to give him another chance, there might be a way for you two to work things out.”
“How?”
Jackson managed a small, hopeful smile. “Hell if I know. Couples therapy?”
I snorted, a mix of amusement and exasperation.
Jackson leaned in and kissed my cheek gently. “I’m heading back tonight as well. You know where we are, if you want to see or talk to us. And know, you’ll always have a place with us, whatever you decide.”
I nodded, struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to spill.
Jackson turned around and left my room without another word, leaving me with a hell lot to think about.
Was I worried Caden was going to chew me out for leaving his bed? Absolutely.
Was I convinced I was about to have my second near-death experience in less than forty-eight hours? Without a doubt.
But did I ignore all that and go outside looking for him anyway? You bet I did.
I found him sitting next to Sean on their favorite hillside. Sean had once told me they’d spent their childhood running up and down that hill, and it warmed my heart to see the two of them still enjoying their special place together, even after everything they’d been through.
Clearing my throat to announce my presence, I murmured, “Ahem.”
Caden was the first to turn around, his eyes instantly darkening with fury. In a second, he was on his feet, striding toward me with a volatile energy that practically radiated off him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he thundered as he closed the distance between us.
“I—I need to talk to you,” I stammered, feeling a bit small under his intense gaze and towering presence.
“Ever heard of a fucking Nexus?” he hissed, grabbing my arm, clearly ready to portal me back to his room whether I liked it or not.
“Please, Caden, I need…” I sucked in a slow breath, trying to steady my racing heart. “I need the fresh air. And I need to talk to you. Can we please just sit down?” I pleaded, hoping my words would reach past his storming temper.
Sean, sensing my mood, quickly rose to his feet and dusted his hands off on his pants. With a soft smile, he walked over to me, kissed me on the cheek, and whispered, “He’s all yours.” Then, with a knowing look, he portaled back inside, leaving me alone with Caden.
Though his rage hadn’t lessened, I gently took Caden’s hand and led him back to their favorite spot, hoping the familiarity would help calm him down. Once we were seated, I translated us both a glass of Scotch, offering it to him as a peace gesture.
Caden grunted, not exactly thanking me, but acknowledging the gesture, nonetheless. He took a sip, his gaze still burning with frustration. “You better have a damn good reason to be out of bed,” he growled, though his tone had softened ever so slightly.
Then, without another word, he translated a blanket and draped it over my shoulders, his actions betraying the concern behind all that fire.
He pulled me closer, wrapping his strong arms around me and warming my entire body with his heat.
Despite his anger, there was comfort in his embrace—a reassurance that, no matter how angry he was, I would always be safe.
“Thank you,” I murmured, nestling a little deeper into him.
“Bet you never thought you’d be holding me like this back when you were maiming my arm,” I teased, but the playful edge didn’t seem to reach Caden.
Instead, he grew even more still. “Emma… I know I’m late with this, but can we have a serious conversation about Coastal?”
I pulled back to look him in the eyes, searching for the truth behind this sudden shift in demeanor. “We can and we have,” I said quietly. “You’ve told me where you came from, and I told you where you went wrong. I think it’s more than time we move on.”
Caden shook his head. “But there’s something you don’t know.”
My stomach tightened. James’s arrival reminded me of how weary I’d become of secrets.
“What is it?” I asked, trying to keep my calm.
Caden took a deep breath, his hand still resting on my arm as if anchoring himself to the moment.
“You don’t know how sorry I am. About all of it.
You were right. We never even considered an alternative approach, never thought to simply ask for your help.
I was dead wrong. I am very sorry for what I did to you, and I hope, somewhere down the line, you’ll find it in that beautiful heart of yours to forgive me. But if you don’t, I will understand.”
His words hit me like a tidal wave, and I felt my breath catch in my throat.
It was the first genuine apology I’d gotten since those revelations came to light in Switzerland, and the sincerity of it was undeniable.
As I stared back into his eyes, seeing the raw emotion there—the regret, the pain, the longing for redemption—the walls I had built up around my heart began to crumble.
I swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over. “Thank you, Caden. That means more than you know.”
Sitting up, I kissed him on the cheek, then slouched again, leaning into his chest, partly due to his warmth, partly because of his words. Caden wrapped his arms around me more tightly, and I felt his thumb gently tracing circles on my arm—the one he had scarred.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeated, his voice thick with emotion.
“I know,” I murmured, then I squeezed him a little, making him chuckle softly.
“You’re nothing like I expected when I first came here,” I sighed, the confession slipping out with surprising ease. It felt good to say it, to acknowledge the journey we’d been on together.
His hand moved to my hair, his fingers threading through the strands with a gentleness that made my chest tighten. “What did you expect?” he asked, his voice laced with curiosity.
I smirked, feeling the warmth blooming inside me. “A cold, self-absorbed jerk, more interested in power and manipulation than anything else. Someone who never finishes his vegetables.”
Caden laughed, the sound warm and genuine. “That last part was oddly specific.”