Chapter 35Quinn O’Grady
Chapter 35
Future Decisions
Quinn O’Grady
Q uinn flopped onto the iron daybed she’d had since she was a kid. Wrapping herself in her purple comforter, she begged sleep to take her away from reality, if only for a few hours.
After the five-hour flight from New York to Lubbock and the hour drive into Crossroads, Quinn was exhausted. She’d told her mother it was just jet lag. But the truth was she was tired from running circles in her mind. She needed to escape her head for a little while.
Her fists clenched around her blanket, and she winced as pain shot through both hands. She looked at her bandaged fingers as tears welled in her eyes. Quinn swiped at them angrily. She wouldn’t cry anymore. This was all for the best. Lloyd deBellome had done her a favor. And now he could never get to her again.
A light knock sounded on her door, and she pretended to sleep. She couldn’t face anyone right now. She’d been kicked out of school, labeled a nutjob. Worst of all, she’d failed at fulfilling her parents’ dream for her. She’d never perform in public again.
Another lump formed in her chest, and she swallowed the sob.
She tensed as she heard her bedroom door creak, hoping whoever had opened it would leave her be. Quinn squeezed her eyes shut as her floorboards groaned under the weight of someone entering her room. Then her bed dipped as someone sat down and began rubbing her arm.
“Hey, Quinn. It’s me. You all right?”
Quinn blinked Amalah’s face into view. Her brown hair hung in loose curls over her shoulders, her dark eyes were crinkled in concern.
Before Quinn could understand her best friend’s appearance in her room, she sat up, hugging Amalah as if holding on for dear life. “What are you doing here?” She wiped tears away as more rained down her face.
Amalah pulled back to catch Quinn’s gaze. “Your parents called me and said you weren’t well. That you had to come home from New York. I was so worried about you. I had to come check on you myself.”
“But what about your sorority? All the stuff you have to do up at Tech?”
Amalah gathered Quinn’s hands in her lap and stared at the bandages. When she looked back up, tears rested on her lashes. “You are more important than anything happening back in Lubbock. I know I haven’t shown it enough this semester, but you’re my best friend, and I would do anything for you.”
Kicking off her shoes, Amalah crawled into Quinn’s bed and settled next to her. “Now what’s going on? Are you really okay?”
Quinn tried to say yes, but she found herself whispering, “No.” And as the dam broke, Amalah pulled her in and began rocking her slowly back and forth.
She’d thought she was all cried out. That she couldn’t possibly have any tears left after the weeks she’d spent crying herself to sleep. The endless insults and screaming. The pain and constant abuse. DeBellome had left Quinn a pile of damaged and broken goods.
But as Amalah held her, whispering that everything would be okay, Quinn felt safe for the first time in months. Safe enough to let it all out. To feel the anger and the fear, the shame and sorrow that had been choking her.
After what felt like hours, she wiped her eyes on her old pink T-shirt and settled back on her pillows. She stared at the ceiling, wondering where to begin, what all to tell Amalah. She didn’t want anyone worrying about her. And she didn’t want to relive what happened in New York. But she didn’t want to hold it all in either.
Amalah traced the bandage covering three fingers on Quinn’s right hand. “What happened?”
Quinn hid her hands under her blanket as shame washed over her. Everyone would look at her differently if they knew. They’d treat her like she was someone else. She would forever be the girl who was abused by her teacher.
“I broke them. A piano lid smashed on my hands. Three breaks, the rest is just swelling,” she whispered.
“A piano lid? How could that even happen?” Amalah squeezed Quinn’s hand lightly. “Are you okay?”
Quinn turned away as a single tear slid down her cheek. “I will be. Time heals everything, right? Besides, it was my fault.”
She wanted to believe her own words, but how could time heal scars in the soul?
Amalah gently bumped her shoulder. “Well, this is just a temporary setback. Your hands will heal, and you can go back to school and become a famous pianist, just like you always talked about.”
Anger simmered in the pit of her belly. “I’m never going back. I don’t want to go to a fancy school in New York. I don’t want to play around the world. I don’t want to play piano ever again. I’m done. That was never my dream. It was my folks’.” She closed her eyes, trying to calm down. “It was a mistake for me to leave home. I won’t make it again.”
“So what? You’re just dropping out?”
Quinn stared at her best friend, determined to keep her voice steady. “Yes. I am.” She attempted a small smile. “I want to help my parents sell the lavender and take care of the farm. I want to stay in Crossroads and build my own life the way I want it to be. The way that makes me happy.”
There was a moment of silence before Amalah’s face broke into a smile. “Good for you. It’s time you do what’s best for you and stop worrying about pleasing everyone else.” She leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes. She spoke so quietly, Quinn had to lean in to hear her. “I’m dropping out too.”
“What? But you always wanted to go to Texas Tech and see the world outside of Crossroads.”
Had something bad happened to Amalah too?
“I know.” Amalah’s sigh was so heavy, Quinn was surprised she didn’t deflate. “But it’s just not the same without Staten. Nothing is. It took me a whole semester to realize that life without Staten just isn’t good enough.”
Happiness swept through Quinn for the first time in months. “So are you staying home? Staten will be so happy.”
“I want to come home,” Amalah said. “But I’m not so sure Staten will take me back. These past few months we’ve drifted apart.”
“Take you back? What do you mean?” Amalah glanced up at her, and Quinn saw the misery in her best friend’s eyes. “What happened?”
Tears streamed down her face. Amalah shrugged. “Staten said he wants to take a break. He said we have two different lives now and we should focus on living them. Apart.”
This time it was Quinn who gathered Amalah into her arms.
“I know I haven’t been around enough. Things have changed. We barely talk on the phone. We rarely see each other. He’s changed so much, it’s like I don’t even know him.” A sob racked through her body. “Staten’s grown. He’s settled into himself. I can see it. He’s like a whole new man now. He’s been getting by just fine without me while I’ve been miserable every day I’ve had to be without him.”
Quinn brushed the hair out of Amalah’s face. “Staten loves you. He always has.”
“I know,” she cried. “He loved me and was counting on me, and I was barely even there for him. You took better care of him than I did.” She sat up, crossing her legs and facing Quinn. “I thought I wanted to go to a big college and get a fancy degree, but I don’t think I do anymore. I just want to be Mrs. Staten Kirkland. Is that terrible?”
Quinn laughed softly. “No. You deserve to be happy, and that means doing what you really want. All you’ve ever wanted is to be with Staten.”
“But what if I can’t have it anymore? What if I ruined everything and Staten doesn’t want me anymore? What if he’s moved on without me?”
“That could never happen. You guys are made for each other.” She pulled back to look at Amalah. “If you really want to make things right, you need to go to him and be honest. Tell him how you feel and what you want. And let him do the same.”
“But . . .”
“No, listen to me. Staten is a good man. He’s the kind worth fighting for. I’ll spend the rest of my life looking for a man as good as the one you’ve got. So, if you want him, you need to go out and get him.”