Chapter 36Staten Kirkland
Chapter 36
Almost
Staten Kirkland
S taten sat atop his horse, riding among the cattle. He’d been coming out alone to this west pasture since he’d last spoken to Amalah and told her they should take a break. Since then, riding no longer seemed to ease his heavy heart, but something about the animals’ low sounds and the click of their hooves over the scattered rocks calmed him.
He stared out over the land that had become a part of him. Wildflower patches broke through the tough red and orange dirt coloring the ground. Long prairie grass swayed in the wind while wrinkled mesquite bushes stood still as statues. The cliffs of Ransom Canyon spread out in front of him, offering peace. Solitude.
As a kid, Staten had spent many days hiking the canyon trails, staying out long after sunset to get out of posing for his father’s photo shoots or pretending to get along with his stepmothers. Today, he stared at the uneven ground, the rises and valleys, the dried-up creek beds, wishing he could run away there for a few hours. To hike until his legs were sore. To climb the cliffs until his arms shook. To work his body until his brain couldn’t think anymore.
He knew he’d done the right thing, letting Amalah live her life without him, but it didn’t ease the pain in his chest.
The truth was he didn’t know how he was going to live without Amalah. Loving Amalah was as natural as breathing. He’d known they were going to end up together since the second grade. Loved her since before he knew what love was.
But what Staten felt didn’t matter. He’d do right by her just like he’d done right by the Double K by stepping in when his gramps needed him.
The sun dipped behind the clouds and a slight chill set in. He wished it would numb him to the ache that just wouldn’t go away.
Sunset wasn’t far off. As he turned toward the barn, he listed all the things he had to get done tomorrow. The work never ended, but for the first time he thought it was more of a blessing than a curse. Being busy would help him get through losing Amalah.
The sight of a dust cloud grabbed his attention. He’d always loved watching dirt devils as a kid, and he waited to see if it would turn into one. But as he looked closer, he realized the cloud was coming from a side-by-side flying over the land. Away from headquarters. He didn’t know who would be out here at this time. Making a mental note to ask Jake about it, he headed back for the stables.
He swung down from his horse and entered the stables, then stopped short as he heard a sorrowful melody filling the air.
Slowly leading his horse in, he tried to make as little noise as possible. When he reached the last stable, there was Quinn brushing her favorite mare, humming her sad tune.
Staten dragged his feet the last few steps, trying not to startle her. “Hey there, Quinn. What are you doing here?”
Quinn gasped, raising her hand to her mouth and immediately wincing.
He stepped closer, the leather of his mount’s reins pulling against his hand. She’d found her home and didn’t want to take one more step. Staten dropped the reins and gathered Quinn’s bandaged fingers in his. “What’s this? What happened to you?”
She withdrew her hands from his and slipped them into her jacket pockets. “It was an accident, that’s all. I’m fine.”
She looked so miserable that he decided not to question her further for now. Quinn never shared her problems with anyone. She always stuck to herself, but he wished there was a way to let her know that he was here for her.
He softened his voice. “What are you doing home? Why aren’t you in New York at school?”
Quinn turned back to the mare and started brushing her again. “I was released. Didn’t make the final concert rounds, so I got to come home early.” Her voice was flat and monotone.
Staten stepped up behind her and softly grasped her arms. He slowly shifted her to face him, giving her every opportunity to move away if she wanted to. “Is that teacher still bullying you?”
Her smile looked brittle, but she held it in place. “I actually came here to check on you. I talked to Amalah yesterday.”
He dropped his hands. His throat didn’t want to work. “And how is she?”
She dropped the brush in the cubby next to the mare’s door and stepped past Staten into the walkway. “She’s not good. She misses you. All she ever really wanted to be was your wife. She’d joke about needing to learn to cook like Granny, and dreamed of turning the big house into a warm home filled with kids.” Quinn smiled. “You guys were always together. Could finish each other’s sentences. Always knew what the other needed. It was like you could read each other’s minds. We all thought you were meant to be together.”
Staten’s fists clenched. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted too. But we’ve both changed. She has her life up in Lubbock, and I’m stuck here running the ranch. She deserves to enjoy college without me dragging her down.”
Quinn moved closer, staring at him as if letting her eyes say what she couldn’t. She cupped his cheek. “You are such a good man, Staten. You’re kind and considerate. Strong and brave. Caring and honest. I swear I’ll never marry unless I find someone like you.”
Warmth filled his chest. His hand covered hers. “You’ll find someone, Quinn. You’re special, and you deserve to be happy and cared for.”
She shook her head with a small smile. “Not everyone finds what your granny and gramps have. Amalah is lucky to have you, and you’re lucky to have her. She loves you, Staten. She’s not letting you go.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll have to wait for her to explain.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Don’t give up on you and Amalah. Not yet.”