Chapter Twelve
DAISY
The afternoon air is heavy with a sticky heat. It’s unusually humid, and I wish the distant clouds would bring rain. The forecast predicted rain. However, Texas weather is notoriously unpredictable.
I’ve been standing in the same spot along the fence for a while, getting lost in my thoughts after helping with some of the morning chores.
“Penny for your thoughts.” Grandma walks up next to me.
Every afternoon, like clockwork, she brings Grandpa a sweet iced tea. Most of the time, she’ll bring him a sandwich or a snack too. She always said cooking for others was her love language. I know it’s where I get my love of baking, from her.
My thoughts have consumed me most of the day.
I do my best deep thinking out here near the cows.
I don’t know what it is about that fact.
My eyes follow Grandpa as he walks around with some cows in the front pasture.
Some of my favorite memories were being little and helping him with them so I could call myself a cowgirl.
It’s why I can think more clearly out here.
Turning to face my grandmother, I see her admiring her husband. The look in her eyes reveals a lifetime of cherished memories the two of them share. It’s a love that has weathered storms and grown stronger with each passing moment. This is a true love that I wish I deserved.
While I realize twenty-five isn’t old, it also feels like time is moving on around me. I’m older now than my mom was when she had me, which makes me feel destined to be alone forever. I thought I would be okay with that, but maybe I’m not.
“How did you know he was the one?” I blurt out.
She chuckles next to me. “He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“Grandma, that’s not cool.” I glance back and forth between them.
“Oh, honey. No, not like that. We were friends first. Our families were friends. I always thought we’d just be friends, but he had other plans in mind.
It was the little things I noticed at first. He was the first at my side at any opportunity.
He was always trying to prove himself capable of being a provider.
Anytime I got a wild idea, he was the first to volunteer.
” Grandma laughs. “When I say he wouldn’t take no for an answer, it’s because it was like it was never part of his vocabulary.
That man wouldn’t let me believe I was living in anything but a yes world, as if everything were right at my fingertips. ”
Wow!
“That’s beautiful, Grandma.”
I couldn’t imagine someone going through all of that effort. It was like something out of a romance book. The effort someone would put in to prove just how meant to be two people are. It’s also one of the many reasons I love a romance story. I love the idea of love.
Maybe it’s the old soul in me battling with being a modern woman. I want to prove how capable I am at doing things myself. Show myself I can do it all alone. It doesn’t mean I want to do it alone. I guess I’m a hopeless romantic, extra heavy on the hopeless part.
If the rest of my life remains the same, I can find happiness. Just as I find happiness in the moments now. At least, I hoped I could. Then, sometimes, I think how great it would be to have that kind of love—like my grandparents have. Just like my parents had.
If things had worked out differently, maybe I would have it. I couldn’t take that chance, not back then. Even if I could go back and do things differently—I wouldn’t. I couldn’t be selfish.
“Plus, he’s always been nice to look at.” She grins.
“Oh, geez.” I shake my head.
“Where do you think all the good looks in the family come from?” She gestures to herself and nods towards him. “It’s all in the genes, baby girl.”
I laugh with her at that.
“What are you two laughing at?” Grandpa walks over.
“Girl stuff,” she teases him before he kisses her. She hands him his drink and something wrapped up in a napkin.
“Looks like you have a visitor.” Grandpa gestures to the road.
I look over to see a white truck turn down the path to my house. Ethan?
“He’s a keeper.” Grandma whispers to me. “Go on now.”
I hesitate. Fear keeping me rooted in place.
What is he even doing here? After last night, I didn’t think he’d be back.
The entire evening has been replaying in my head.
I thought something was starting, but then we ate and he left.
He acted like a true gentleman. The problem was that I didn’t know if that was what I wanted.
“He’s early.” Grandpa interrupts my thoughts.
Grandma chuckles next to me. “We’ll see you both for supper.”
My tongue sticks to the top of my mouth as I nod in disbelief. They invited him to family supper? It shouldn’t have surprised me. Andrew’s teammates have all been invited many times. It was practically an open invitation.
This was different.
Ethan wasn’t just a member of the Lonestar Bobcats. He’s been to family supper more than most, but that was before. Nearly a decade has passed.
For a moment, fear anchors me in place. I am not ready.
“Go on, Daisy.” Grandma insists.
I blow out a breath and nod. “See y’all soon.” I walk down the path to my golf cart, hop on, and take off towards my house.
The closer I get, the more the nerves kick up. My anxiety and doubt persist until I see his truck parked next to my little bug, as if it’s perfectly normal. It feels weird, an unexplainable calm weird that has my heart rate steadying until I see him standing on my porch.
If, after all of this time, he still has this effect on me, this is dangerous.
I’m not ready to be vulnerable. My heart can’t take it.
If he finds out the truth and hates me even more.
I shake my head at the thought. I can’t do it.
If I couldn’t do it in person back then, there is no way I can handle it now.
Being vulnerable isn’t something I feel capable of.
The walls I’d carefully built over the years needed to remain.
Even if we’d shared a couple of kisses, we can’t do it again.
I need to keep him at arm’s length. This isn’t something I can give in to, no matter how much my heart argues.
I need to listen to my head. My heart will thank me later.
I park under the small carport and slide off the bench.
Fear slows my approach as I attempt to steady my erratic heartbeat.
Afraid to fall and get hurt. Afraid I can’t say no.
But mostly, afraid these feelings I have are one-sided.
I can’t decide what’s more troubling: that it’s in my imagination or that it’s not.
When Ethan kissed me last night, I thought it meant something. It felt big. Then it ended, we ate, and he went home. That was it. He didn’t press for another kiss or anything. Did he regret it? Did he realize it was a mistake?
“Hey,” I practically whisper as I walk up the steps.
“I—” he hesitates, then holds out the flowers. “Your grandparents invited me to supper, and I didn’t want to show up later and you be surprised to see me. Again. So, I thought if I showed up here early…” his voice trails off.
“Thank you.” I take the flowers. “Do you want to come in?”
He nods and follows me inside. “I hope this is okay, me just showing up.”
I sit the flowers down on the table and spin around to find him standing directly behind me. Heat floods my body and I know if I looked in a mirror, I’d appear as flushed as I feel. The red is probably creeping across my chest and up my neck now. I look up at him.
I don’t know what to say. Is it okay he’s here? Yes. No. Hell if I know. I spin back around, not wanting to face him. “You seemed in a hurry to leave last night.
“No, it was just getting late, and I didn’t want to overstay my welcome.”
I laugh and move away from him. “I invited you in.” Did he not understand? Did I have to spell it out for him?
No. I argue with my thoughts. This whole situation is only confusing me more and more. The problem is that I don’t know what he’s thinking while also not knowing myself. I don’t know what I want.
Something is happening here. It feels different and new. This doesn’t feel like we’re picking up where we left off, but it also feels like no time has passed. It makes zero sense and only confuses me more. How can something feel like this?
Feelings like these, they never went away.
I buried them deep, covered them up even faster.
But the door never fully closed—I just held it shut with fucking bandaids.
And if I’m being honest with myself, that’s probably why none of the casual dates ever worked out.
It would’ve taken something massive to seal that door for good.
It was easy at first. I had the distraction of focusing on my dad and then my mom. We were so focused on family, when it fell apart—it all fell. I found some solace in baking, but it could only do so much. It couldn’t occupy every spare moment.
“I don’t want to rush this,” He blurts out behind me.
It’s not what I want to hear, but it is what it is. If I turn around and he looks at me like he did before… I won’t be able to say no. This is crazy. Especially when I think about how he acted around me that first day back at Andrew’s house. All I can do is laugh.
Ethan asked if I felt it too, like some mystical energy between us. I did, but I wasn’t ready to admit it to him or even to myself. Was this our second chance? And if so, what happens if it goes wrong?
If I’m honest with myself, I’m terrified.
I want to see where this can go. Part of me always wondered, but I can’t change the past. What happens if he finds out?
I should tell him, be honest, but I also don’t want him to know.
I don’t regret my decision, but it doesn’t make thinking about it any less difficult.
It’s an internal battle that feels like it will never end.
What if something starts, and it goes well—and then he ends it?
It would serve me right. I would deserve it.
I’m scared of making a mistake and getting hurt again.
Even if the first time is my doing. More than that, I think I’m nervous about hurting him again.
I should keep him at a distance.
I swallow, then slowly turn around. Nothing can happen here. I need to face this head on. Be strong.
Too late.
The way he’s looking at me, the unspoken connection lingering around the edges until it forms a bridge. His eyes feel like they’re looking into my soul, tempting fate.