Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
MERRI
T he room was swaying gently. Why was it swaying? Was I on a boat? How the fuck did that happen?
“It can’t be me. I’m not safe.” The smoky velvet-coated voice reverberated from within the firm male chest my head rested against. He didn’t sound pleased. In fact, Malice sounded like he was... mocking Grim.
What had happened from stepping into the elevator to now?
And why did it seem like it had been a game of musical Brits? I started off with one and woke up with the other.
“Bloody hell,” he continued, still either unaware or uncaring that I’d come to. “Haven’t had a wank in centuries, and now I have to do it with a fucking audience. What a show it’ll be, all ten fucking seconds of it.”
That got my attention.
Wide awake now, my eyes snapped open. “Wait, what ?”
“Oh, nice to see you awake, sleeping beauty.” If one could major in sarcasm, Malice would surely have his PhD.
He kicked open my bedroom door and carried me into the room before unceremoniously depositing me on my bed.
“Let’s get this over with. I have things to do this evening.”
I pushed myself up to my elbows, which was harder done than said. My head was swimming and my body felt like it had been filled with lead. “Get what over with, Malice? What exactly do you think is going on here?”
He stood before me, bare-chested, beautiful, and glaring. God almighty, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. It was really unfair for the horsemen of the apocalypse to be so pretty. I squinted, trying to parse out which one he was supposed to be. Now that I knew Sin was Famine, and I could only assume, given his aversion to touching me, that Grim had to be Death, and Chaos was a walking war machine so that one was basically a gimme—I shuddered, recalling the way he’d ripped that demon’s head off—so that only left...
“Pestilence.”
He blinked, then smirked and held his arms out on either side of his body before taking a bow. “In the flesh.”
“Definitely too pretty.”
“Not always. You should see what I can do with a plague.”
“No thanks. I think I’ll pass.”
Huffing, he pulled my desk chair around and sat, legs spread, six-pack rippling, one hand on his waistband. “It’s been ages. This won’t take long. Do you need a bib or something?”
My eyes went wide. Was he talking about feeding me?
For someone offering to rub one out, he sure didn’t seem, well, excited. My eyes dropped to his lap, and my brow hitched up at the complete lack of notable interest. Gray sweatpants showed everything, and that was not an eager bulge. That was a sleepy bulge.
“It doesn’t work that way. You actually have to, you know, want it.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m a male, hellcat. I pretty much always want it.”
“And yet you haven’t done it in centuries? Sounds like you don’t want it that badly.”
A flicker of discomfort flashed across his face. “I have my reasons.”
“I’m sure you do. But I’m not going to feed off someone who isn’t willing. It would be like eating potato chips when what I really need is a nice juicy steak.”
The discomfort in his eyes was replaced by confusion, and I felt compelled to elaborate.
“Potato chips are great, but they don’t actually nourish you. It’s empty calories, you know? It won’t fill me up. So if your goal is to feed me, well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s not going to get the job done.”
A muscle in his jaw flexed before he locked eyes with me. “What do I need to do, then?”
God, he hated me. He hated everything about being here right now. I’d felt more sexual excitement at the gynecologist's office. The only emotion I could glean from him was mild disgust. This was never going to work.
“Get me someone else. Sin or Chaos.”
He shook his head and leaned back in the chair. “No can do. Sorry to disappoint, but I’m the only option. They’re both out.”
Out? Those fuckers got to go out while I was locked up in here? Fucking double standards.
“Where’s Grim?”
“If you think I’m unwilling...” He chuckled darkly. “Grim isn’t going to be any help.”
“Well, this isn’t going to work for me. You can barely tolerate me.” I gestured to his lap. “Your dick isn’t even hard.”
He shifted in his seat, and I swear it was like I’d summoned a monster because just the mention of his dick had it... inflating.
“Jesus Christ, do you have an air compressor attached to that thing?”
“See? I’ll make it work.”
He didn’t get it. Hard or flaccid, if he wasn’t fully invested, he wouldn’t enjoy it. And if he didn’t enjoy it, I’d get nothing out of it.
This wasn’t just about the mechanical act of getting off. This was about pleasure. True pleasure. Mind-melting, toe-curling pleasure. The kind you could only find when you lost yourself to the moment completely. Right now, Malice looked like he was bracing himself for a boring business meeting, not like he was in desperate need of release. All this would give him was an unsatisfying orgasm. I needed something like what I’d had with OriginalSin during our private cam session. That had been the last time I’d fed and been sated for longer than a few hours.
“Look, just forget it,” I muttered, flopping back on the bed. I’d rather starve to death than have to explain this to him. I closed my eyes, exhaustion seeping into every cell of my being. Maybe I’d just waste away and become one with this duvet.
Malice loosed a heavy sigh that I could relate to in the depths of my soul. Then he stood, or I gathered as much from the creak of the chair and the soft pad of his footsteps. I opened my eyes when the bed dipped as he sat gingerly beside me, his hand hovering over my knee for a beat before he finally allowed it to rest on my skin.
“I know I’m a cranky, insufferable arsehole. I can’t help it. It’s who I’ve been for centuries. But I do really want to help you right now. I just...” He dragged a hand through his hair and heaved another long-suffering sigh. “I don’t know how to make this better for you.”
Propping myself on my elbows once more, I stared at him, the contact of his palm on my bare knee only serving to amp up my appetite. It was like holding a plate of freshly baked cookies under a starving person’s nose but not allowing them a taste.
“You tell me you’re willing, but all I’m picking up from you is how uncomfortable you are. Maybe if there was something else, hell, even your hate might help because hate fucks serve a very important purpose, but this”—I gestured to him—“indifference isn’t going to cut it.”
“You’re only feeling what I allow you to feel, hellcat. I’ve got such high walls up I’m basically trapped in a tower of my own making.”
“Well, Rapunzel, then I think you know what you need to do.”
He closed his eyes and tightened his hold on my knee. “Hang on. It’s been a long time since I’ve even attempted this. It might?—”
All at once, I was flooded with a tidal wave of emotion from him. I couldn’t contain the gasp as fear, betrayal, loss, hurt, and, most of all, deep aching sadness hit me.
Oh.
Oh.
He was a broken, broken boy. And there was no word for how much that called to me.
“Mal,” I whispered, reaching out for him without even realizing it.
His eyes found mine, reflecting all that I was feeling. “Do you understand now?”
I nodded.
“It’s not that I don’t want you, Merri. But the last time I allowed anyone behind these walls, they...” He shook his head, not ready to bare anymore of himself to me.
He didn’t need to. I felt it to my core.
“Please don’t pity me. That will make this even more difficult,” he rasped. “Give me something to focus on, something to help me forget her betrayal.”
It might have been the wrong move, but I needed him to see that affection didn’t have to come with a price. He deserved to receive tenderness just like everyone else. Coming to my knees, I closed the distance between us and reached for him, my fingers trailing along the side of his cheek.
“You don’t have t—” he began, but I stopped him with a gentle press of my lips to his.
Malice
She was fucking kissing me. Bloody hell, I didn’t even remember what to do. My hands just sort of fluttered around her face like drunken butterflies.
“There it is,” she whispered against my lips, her eyes fucking luminous as they blinked open.
Her gaze trailed down my chest to the more than obvious and insistent erection tenting my joggers. Now there was no denying how much I desired her. Not with my walls down and the taste of her lips lingering on mine.
“I can work with this,” she said, her voice still dropped in a sultry whisper.
Oh fuck yes. Please work it.
But I quickly realized she had no intention of touching me. More's the pity.
“What do you want me to do, Mal?” she asked, backing away and sitting on her heels.
“What do I want you to do? This is all for you. What should I be doing?”
Her lashes fluttered as she cast her gaze down at her hands, a hint of pink creeping up her cheeks. “I didn’t expect you to want to hand over control. You don’t seem like the type.”
“I’m not. But this is a very different situation. Believe me, Merri, if we were doing this for any reason other than seeing to your hunger, I would already have you exactly where I want you.”
She raised a brow at that, an emotion I didn’t have a chance to name flashing across her face. It was then I realized that Merri was as complex a creature as I was. Just because she was built for sex in every sense of the word didn’t mean she was solely her inner demon. In the short time we’d all known her, Merri had proven she contained multitudes. I think she wanted to feel desired and cherished for who she was beyond her succubus nature, much as anyone else would.
“You can feel my desire for you. I let down my walls. But that’s as far as this goes between us. I can give you this and only this. Do you understand? It’s all I have.” My voice was low and careful. It had to be. Boundaries existed for a reason, and I was lowering mine in order to help her, but I couldn’t afford to demolish them completely. The kiss already had me reeling. I needed to reclaim some sense of control.
Her expression shuttered, and she nodded. “Just a transaction. Nothing more than a live-action cam session. Got it.”
The tiniest flicker of guilt flashed in me, but I snuffed it out before it could catch fire. She understood, and that’s all I asked of her.
“You should sit over there if this is a cam session. Put some distance between us.”
Swallowing through a tight throat, I forced myself to my feet and followed her suggestion. It was wise to get away from her soft skin and lush curves. Less temptation.
“Like this?” I asked and sat back in the same chair, though now it was positioned facing the end of the bed, my legs spread wide.
“That’ll do,” she said, her voice clipped and professional.
Already, I was mourning the loss of the tenderness it had held when she held my face between her hands. If I hadn’t been staring at her so unashamedly, I would have missed the tiny furrow between her brows as she closed her eyes. But then, as though a weight had been lifted, some of the sadness I carried seemed to vanish.
She let out a shuddering sigh, a lone tear slipping down her cheek before her lids lifted and those beautiful eyes found mine.
“Did you just...” I couldn’t complete the question, too in awe of what had just happened.
Merri nodded. “It was getting in the way.”
No fucking kidding. I’d carried the weight of that with me for centuries, and just as easily as tossing a napkin in the bin, she’d taken it from me. I think I could love her for that alone.
If I was capable of love.
Which I wasn’t.
“No wonder people are so addicted to your kind. Who needs drugs when you have a succubus?”
She laughed, but it was hollow. “And I’m just as deadly.”
“Who among us?”
She smiled slightly when she took my meaning and dipped her chin as if ceding the point. Then she cleared her throat and shifted on her knees, back to business once more. “I need you to tell me how you want this to go, Mal. I want to do what you like to make sure this is good for you.”
God’s teeth, why did those words wrap around my blackened heart and feel so fucking good?
My throat was so tight I had to clear it before I could get a word out. “Anything... anything you do will turn me on. Stop toying with me. You can sense it from here.”
Her cheeks flushed, and I could see her nostrils flare as she inhaled, drawing my lust into herself. I thought that was going to be it, but as she exhaled, she sent that lust back tenfold.
“Fuck,” I grunted, my cock so hard it physically ached.
“If you won’t give me specifics, I’ll just have to improvise,” she murmured, lying back against her pillows and shimmying out of her little sleep shorts.
My hands were balled up so tight my knuckles hurt from the pressure, but if I touched myself, this would be over. A small part of my brain whispered that reaching my peak was exactly what I was supposed to be doing, but the rest of me—the innately selfish part—wanted to savor this moment. Who knew when or if I’d ever get another one.
“You don’t have to worry about lasting with me,” she promised, her fingers trailing seductively over her breasts on their journey down to her belly. “Your pleasure is my five-course meal. So however you need it, Malice, take it.”
She was more dangerous than I’d given her credit for. If I were a weaker man, I’d have already been balls deep inside her, pledging my loyalty for all time. Her power filled the room, thickening the air and drawing me farther into the haze of lust she created.
“Touch yourself, hellcat. I want to hear what you sound like.”
It was so easy to forget that Merri was no blushing virgin. She may look as innocent as the cliché girl next door, but she was pure siren when she obeyed my command without delay. “Like this?” she asked, sliding her fingers through her slick folds. “Or like this?”
This time she sank two fingers inside herself, her back arching slightly and her words cutting off on a soft gasp.
“Don’t fucking fake it,” I snapped, knowing she was putting on a show. “Play with your clit until you’re dripping on the bed. If I’m going to come, so the fuck are you.”
This time, the gasp was real. She looked at me, and her eyes flared with a desire that matched my own.
“You can’t come if you don’t even take yourself out of those sweats,” she challenged.
Oh, I probably could at this point, but I didn’t want that. If I was finally about to break my self-inflicted celibacy, then I was going to fucking do it right.
I reached down, taking myself in hand over the top of the cloth, squeezing the base of my cock and noting the way she stared at me while I did. I couldn’t help my smug grin. Merri was the one who was used to putting on a show, but she didn’t know what to do with herself when she was on the receiving end of one.
Another punch of lust swept through the room, this one significantly stronger than the last. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was because it was real. Her lust, not just her using her succubus power to manipulate my own.
Precum leaked from my dick, leaving a damp spot on the gray fabric. Fuck it. I shoved the waistband down and freed my throbbing length, letting her see exactly what she was doing to me.
“Show me how you like to be touched,” she rasped.
“You first.”
Her eyes lifted to meet mine, a slight challenge in them, but it seemed that, for once, she was too desperate to play any games. She wanted what I was offering. Badly.
Parting her thighs wider, she trailed her fingertip over her clit, dragging a moan from her at the contact.
“Keep going,” I urged, my voice rough with my own pent-up need.
She worked her clit faster, her back arching and hips rolling in time with the movements. The perfume of her arousal filled the space, making my cock pulse in my grip. I squeezed hard around the base, working to stave off the threatening climax.
Not yet.
Not until I see her come.
“Oh fuck.”
“Come for me,” I rasped. “I won’t give you what you need until you do.”
I could see the conflict on her face, and I knew from previous discussions with Sin that succubi and incubi could have trouble reaching orgasm before their partners. Many of them needed their partner’s release to authentically achieve their own. It wasn’t impossible, but it was difficult.
“Please,” she whimpered, her hand moving in tight circles as she chased the pleasure she so clearly wanted.
“Yes.” It was barely a whisper as I stood and crossed the room, not stopping until I stood at the end of the bed.
“Malice?”
My little succubus nearly stopped what she was doing when she realized I’d changed positions, but her gaze went to my straining cock, and the focus on our shared goal returned.
“Are you ready?” I asked, giving myself a careful stroke. My eyes rolled back in my head, a soft grunt escaping at the sensation pulsing through me.
“Beyond.”
Me too, hellcat. Me fucking too.
“Don’t hold back,” I ordered, giving myself another cursory stroke. Her eyes were locked on the movements, memorizing them as if there was going to be some kind of test once this was over. I shifted, planting my feet wider apart and reaching down with my other hand to give my balls a squeeze.
Merri moaned, her cheeks stained red with her arousal. “More,” she begged.
Breaking my no-contact rule, I reached for her, snagging her by the ankles and yanking until she was nearly flush with my thighs, that pretty pussy so close all I had to do was notch myself at her entrance.
“Finish yourself off, Merri. Right fucking now. I can’t wait any longer.”
Her breath hitched, and her fingers moved fast and hard, eyes never leaving my cock as I stroked in earnest. The climax hit me hard enough that I had to brace myself with my free hand on her thigh, the euphoria buckling my knees and erupting from me in powerful waves I had no desire to stop. I’d have been embarrassed at how fast it happened, but Merri’s cries of my fucking name shut that down before it could take hold.
“Give it to me, hellcat. You got my orgasm. Now give me yours.”
Her eyes lifted and held mine as she did just that. The sight of her finding her pleasure was a beauty so perfect it cut straight through me. I’d never known intimacy like it, and despite all my claims of keeping up boundaries, I knew she’d just knocked each and every one of them down.
I came again, the pleasure so sharp it bordered on painful as stripes of my cum joined the evidence of my first orgasm on her thighs. All it would take was my fingers pushing my seed inside her to beat Sin and Chaos to the task we’d been assigned. That thought terrified me as much as it thrilled me.
Backing up, I put my dick away and raised my mental barriers so fast there was no way she didn’t feel it. There was no question as to if she’d fed. I could feel my essence leaving my body as she’d done it. Her skin was dewy and glowing, the dark circles under her eyes gone, her hair vibrant and shining.
Me, on the other hand? I hadn’t been this weak since Hel’s ritual. Truth be told, that ritual was probably the reason this was hitting me so hard. I hadn’t had a chance to test my powers the way the others had, but I knew I was far from my physical peak. My limbs were heavy and sluggish, eyelids drooping. Instead of retreating to my room, I fell onto the bed and succumbed to sleep.
The last thing I registered before fully losing consciousness was the brush of Merri’s lips across my forehead and her softly whispered, “Thank you.”