Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
L ily
A deep voice pulls me from the darkness. When my eyes crack open, the room is full of bright morning light. Why are the walls gray? The white crown molding on the edge of the ceiling doesn’t look familiar.
Where the hell am I? The last thing I remember is watching Jurassic Park with…
Ethan.
I jerk up, my eyes darting around the room until I find the source of the voice. Ethan is sitting on the couch with his phone to his ear.
“Did I wake you?” He winces. “Sorry, I tried to keep my voice down. Brandon, can I call you back? Sleeping beauty just woke up.”
Warmth unfurls in my belly at his words. Sleeping beauty. What an adorable nickname.
But it’s all so bizarre. Why is Ethan acting like this is no big deal? I passed out on his couch and woke up in his bed, and now he’s telling his pastor brother about it like it’s the most normal occurrence in the world. Golden boy Ethan just had a woman sleep over, and he’s completely nonchalant about it.
Ethan says goodbye to Brandon and sets his phone on the coffee table. He marches over to the bed with a satisfied smirk on his face. “You slept twelve hours.”
My head jerks back. “ Twelve hours? What time is it?”
“Nine thirty. I’ve already worked out, showered, and finished a paper. It wasn’t easy. I had to use earplugs to drown out your snoring.”
I lift my hand to my mouth. “I snore?”
He grins. “A little bit. I didn’t really have to use earplugs, but I couldn’t miss out on an opportunity to embarrass you.”
“If it were possible to embarrass me, I think passing out on your couch and stealing your bed would be enough. How did I even get here?”
A brush of pink appears on his cheekbones. “I carried you to my bed, and I slept on the couch. I figured…” His gaze falls to the floor. “I wanted to make sure you stayed asleep since—you know—it was a big deal.”
He carried me while I was asleep, and I let him do it. My body didn’t jerk awake at the unfamiliar touch. Whoever thought I’d be comfortable with a man holding me in my sleep, even innocently?
A quietness settles in my heart. This is Ethan. He might be a pain in my ass, but I trust him more than anyone I know.
It’s also hilarious that he put me to bed like a daddy.
“You carried me?” I suck in my lips. “That’s so cute.”
His smile grows rueful. “It was pretty cute of me, actually. I even tucked you in.”
God, he’s sweet. How did I never see this side of him until this last week?
“Well, this was a miracle, Ethan. Seriously. I feel like a new person.”
I feel like the old me , I would say if I could.
His expression grows serious. “I think we figured out something key last night. You need a change of environment to help you get into the habit of sleeping again.”
“How do you expect me to do that? I can’t switch rooms with one of the girls in the house just like that.” I snap my fingers. “Our rent is based on the size of our rooms.”
He stares at me for a long moment. “You should sleep here. In my room.”
Shock vibrates through my body. “Are you out of your mind?”
He shakes his head decisively. “I was just talking to my brother about this, and he agrees with me. If you were able to sleep in this room for a full night once, you should be able to do it again. Sleep works that way. Your body learns to associate an environment with sleep or lack of sleep. Which is why you’re having a hard time sleeping in your room. Your body has learned that you can’t sleep there.”
I frown. “Well then, how will I ever be able to sleep in my room again?”
“Hopefully, by sleeping here for a bit, you’ll break the association, which means you’ll need to stay here for a while. Let’s say a week.”
My head grows fuzzy. An image comes to mind of lying in this bed with Ethan’s big arms around me.
I swallow. “Where will you sleep?”
“I’ll take the downstairs couch.”
I snort. “In a frat house. You’ll never sleep a wink. No, we’re not doing this.”
He walks over to the bed and sits beside me. “I really think we should, Lily. Don’t worry about me. I work my body to death during workouts and practice. I sleep like the dead.”
My head grows fuzzy. This is crazy talk. What would it say about my mental health if I agreed to this? I’m such a mess that I have to steal someone’s entire room? No. I refuse to let Mason have that kind of power over me.
“I’ll just try Ambien again,” I say. “I haven’t tried it in months and?—”
Ethan groans. “Why do you think it would work now if it didn’t before? The one thing that’s worked so far is sleeping in my room. If you don’t try it, it’s because you’re a quitter.”
I snort out a laugh. “Very insightful, Coach.”
“It’s true.” His tone is surly.
I let out a heavy sigh. “Alright, fine. I’ll try it for a week, but I’m not making you sleep on the couch downstairs. If we do this, you sleep in your bed, and I’ll take the couch downstairs.”
He looks at me incredulously. “You think I’m letting you sleep in the main room of a house full of dudes? Dudes who get drunk almost every night? Absolutely not.”
Heat blooms in my tummy at the vehemence in his tone. He’s always been overprotective of me, but it never turned me on until that kiss.
“Then I can sleep on the couch in here,” I say. “I’m not taking your bed.”
His gaze drifts to the couch in the corner of the room, his cheeks darkening. Is he imagining what it would be like to share a room with me?
“If you’re comfortable being in the same room,” Ethan says, his voice strained, “then you take my bed, and I’ll sleep on the couch.”
I bite my bottom lip. “What will we tell your brothers?”
He snorts. “They all have girls sleep over all the time. Some of them have girlfriends practically living with them.” His expression grows stern. “But I’d rather you stay in my room as much as you can, especially at night. There’s always a party here, and I don’t want any of them getting handsy with you.”
It takes everything within me to keep from laughing. He knows for a fact that I’ve been to plenty of frat parties, including here. In fact, over a year ago, I fell in the toilet and took all my wet clothes off. Several of his frat brothers have seen me naked.
Ethan didn’t like that. He didn’t like it at all. Aside from yesterday when Mason grabbed me, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry.
I clear my throat. “Deal.”
His whole face lights up like fireworks in a dark sky. Wow. He’s really happy that I said yes. The guy who can’t stand me is excited to share his personal space with me for an entire week. My stomach does a little turn. What does it mean?
He reaches out his hand to shake mine. “I expect a commitment of a full week from you.” His voice is stern. “That’s the deal.”
I smile lazily as I wrap my hand around his and shake. “Your wish is my command, oh lord and master.”
He grips my hand tightly as an unreadable emotion flickers in his eyes. “You haven’t called me that in a while.” His voice is husky. “I’ve actually kind of missed it. It’s such a Lily thing to say.”
My breath quickens. He’s missed it? He’s only become this softer version of himself over the last week.
Is it possible I misread him? What if he enjoyed my teasing from the very beginning—like Kinsley has always thought—and I just couldn’t see it?
Ethan lets go of my hand and stands up. “Okay, this is what we’re going to do.” He paces the floor in front of me. “I’ll plan a whole sleep routine for you, but this will be much more elaborate than what I’ve had you do this last week. We’ll go all out. Chamomile tea and melatonin. Strict bedtimes and times to wake up, and I’ll have you do activities during the day that’ll help you sleep at night, like going for a run?—”
“Oh, fuck no.” I shake my head sharply. “No running. If you’re planning on working me that hard, the deal is off.”
He scowls. “We just shook on it.”
“We sure did. You might take your promises seriously, but I don’t. Not when they ruin my life.”
A soft smile tugs at his lips. “Running would ruin your life?”
“I can only assume it would. I’ve never tried it for exercise, because it looks awful and un-fun. I get my workouts by walking on campus, thank you very much. And if that’s not enough, I’ll die early. At least I’ll go out happy.”
He chuckles. “You’re a truly ridiculous person.”
I inhale a sharp breath. Why was his voice so caressing? He called me ridiculous as if it’s an endearment. As if he loves that I’m ridiculous. A shiver of delight runs down my spine, and my cheeks flush. How nice would it be to find a man who cherishes my frivolousness?
It can’t be Ethan. He might be a little bit attracted to me, but he’d never want me long term. Even if Noah were okay with a relationship between us, Ethan wouldn’t date a woman who isn’t a Christian. From what Noah has told me, Ethan only ever plans to date his future wife when he meets her.
Bizarre.
How could I ever be with a man like that anyway? It would be like dating an alien.
“Your wrists are bruised.” Ethan’s serious voice startles me. “Can you let me take a look at them?”
My skin prickles at the reminder of yesterday. Fuck, why didn’t I fight harder? It’s humiliating that Ethan had to come to my rescue.
“Sure.” My voice is small.
Ethan nods before sitting down beside me. He picks up my wrists one by one and examines them closely, rubbing them gently with his thumbs. His fingers are big and rough, sending electric currents up my arms.
When he’s done, he sets my hands gently on my lap. “They aren’t as bad as I expected, but I want you to ice them again before you leave. You’re going to need to head to your sorority house to pack a bag for the week. I don’t want you stepping foot in that house while we’re trying this experiment.”
I nod. “Got it, Coach.”
“We also need to talk about what happened with Mason. I promised you a reprieve, but I’m not going to let it go after what I saw him do. If you don’t want me to go straight to the cops when you go get your stuff, you need to give me a damn good reason. Right now.”
My stomach plummets to the floor. “I already told you why.” My voice is strained. “I don’t want to rock the boat. I just want Mason to leave me alone.”
“Yep, and you could easily solve that with a restraining order. You’re going to need to do better than that.”
His cold, commanding tone raises my hackles. He sounds like the Ethan I used to know. The one I couldn’t stand.
I raise my chin and look him in the eyes. “It should be enough that I’ve asked you not to do it. This is what I need. This is how I want to deal with what happened. If you can’t respect that, then maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore. I can tell Noah to go to hell with this whole accountability partner thing.”
“Lily.” His tone is pleading. “What Mason did was wrong. Reprehensible. He needs to face consequences.”
“But I don’t. I’ve dealt with enough of Mason’s bullshit. I don’t need him going on social media and posting about the crazy bitch who falsely accused him of assaulting her.”
He raises both hands in the air. “But I saw it. I can back you up.”
“He’d still insist I’m crazy. That man is a moron.” I shake my head. “I don’t want any more drama. I just want to forget about him.”
Ethan sighs heavily.
“And you can’t tell Noah either.”
His eyes grow huge. “I can’t believe you. Noah is my best friend. He would kill me if he knew his sister was assaulted and I didn’t tell him about it.”
“Yes, because he’s a patriarchal tyrant who thinks he owns his sister.”
Ethan’s eyes grow hard. “That’s not something I can agree to in good conscience. All I can give you is a promise that I won’t tell him for the rest of the week while you’re sleeping here. After that, you and I are going to have to have another talk. I’ll give you another reprieve while we get your sleep in order, but that’s it. I can’t keep lying to him forever.”
“Fine.”
He nods once. “Can I ask you one more question?”
I swallow, and an ominous chill runs down my spine. “Sure.”
He opens his mouth and then closes it, as if searching for the right words. “You told me yesterday that you’ve seen Mason’s temper. What does that mean exactly?”
My heart jumps into my throat, and repressed words scream to get out.
Tell him, Lily. You don’t have to go into detail, but you can give him a small glimpse of what Mason did. Ethan already knows he’s violent.
I can’t do it. The thought of telling even a sanitized version of what Mason did makes me want to dry heave.
“Just that I’ve seen him…lose his temper,” I finally say.
Ethan’s eyes narrow. “But he never hurt you before?”
I hesitate for a moment. “No.”
Ethan nods once, and I release the breath I’ve been holding.
No . Such a simple word. One of the first we learn as babies, and uttered probably a million times before we die.
Yet I think I’ll always remember saying it this time. It’s as if when it left my mouth, a bit of my soul slipped away with it.