Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
E than
We’re on a bus on our way to play against Redwood State. It was at a game against them last year that I first got the attention of scouts. They were there to see Redwood’s cornerback. He’s really good, and this is the biggest game of the season.
I don’t give a shit though. Football doesn’t make me happy anymore.
Not without her.
She’s been fobbing me off for three fucking days. I texted her the moment I left Brandon’s, ready to pour my heart out, and she said she had “unfinished business” to take care of before she could talk to me.
Unfinished business? What the fuck does that even mean? I’ve been aching with the need to resolve our differences since we had our big fight, even before I realized the changes I need to make within myself.
Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe the time we spent together—soul searing and life-changing for me—was only a fling for her.
The idea alone is a physical ache in my chest. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don’t even care that she doesn’t want to get married. I’m done with my false god of chastity and meaningless rituals. I’m ready to worship her, throw myself on the altar of Lily Greenwood.
“Hey.” Noah’s voice cuts through my reverie. He sits down on the leather bench and scoots beside me. My pulse kicks up. He’s been ignoring me ever since our fight, which was to be expected.
I sensed the surprise among our teammates when he didn’t take his usual seat next to me after boarding the bus. No one was brave enough to take his place. Not after I punched one of our teammates.
I welcomed the privacy. I’m too in my head for polite conversation anyway.
“Did you see Mason’s face?” Noah asks.
A smile rises to my lips. I saw Mason right before we boarded the bus, and I’m surprised Coach didn’t bench him tonight. His nose is purple and blue, the skin around it puffy and discolored. He’s also been avoiding eye contact with me, his usual cockiness completely gone. He’s a shadow of his former arrogant self.
He deserves so much worse.
Noah chuckles. “You should see your own face right now. You look bloodthirsty. Not that I blame you.”
His light mood is odd given our last conversation, but it eases the tension in my shoulders. I ought to be ecstatic that I might have my best friend back.
If only I had Lily too. Then I’d have nothing left to wish for.
I scratch the back of my head. “So I take it you had a talk with Lily…about what happened.”
“Yes,” he says through clenched teeth. “She told me everything.”
I nod slowly. “I would have punched him weeks ago, but she made me promise…” I flinch. “I guess I’m not as good at keeping promises as I used to think I was. As you’ve learned.”
“Ethan… Are you talking about your chastity vow? It’s really none of my business.”
I shake my head. “I meant your rule that no teammates are allowed to date your sister.”
He groans. “It was a stupid rule. Actually, Lily told me it was patriarchal. Her exact words were, ‘Noah, you’re acting like a patriarchal little bitch who would sell me for a pair of oxen a thousand years ago.’”
Laughter rumbles from my chest, and yet I somehow want to weep at the same time. Fuck, I miss her sense of humor. It would border on viciousness coming from anyone else, but she’s too playful to give serious offense. It always feels like she’s laughing with you, pulling you out of your own head and into her world of light and warmth.
Noah laughs along with me. “She’s ridiculous. I wrote her direct quote down in my phone because it was so unhinged.”
“Fuck, I love her.”
Noah’s laughter fades, and he falls silent. The quiet stretches on, filled only with the hum of the bus engine.
“You’re heartbroken,” he eventually says. “I can see it all over your face.”
I sigh. “Yeah.”
“I don’t think you need to be. I think… I shouldn’t be telling you this. Lily probably wants to be the one to tell you, but fuck it. You look too pathetic for me to keep a secret.”
He laughs again, and the hairs on my arm stand up. What the hell is he going to tell me?
“Lily and I… We went to Coach Rodriguez this morning. She told him everything, and when I tell you it was like a bomb went off in his office, that’s not even an exaggeration. You know Coach. He’s always talking about our character and shit, and how it matters on the field. I think he’s glad you punched Mason. He even said he’s going to stand by you in post-game interviews, to help with your draft prospects.”
My pulse quickens, and a surge of hope courses through me, making my heart swell until it feels like it’s almost too big for my chest. Lily finally came forward. That was the “unfinished business” she was talking about.
My brave, sweet girl. It couldn’t have been easy to share that story with Coach Rodriguez, who’s practically a stranger to her. Fuck, I wish I could hold her right now.
No, I can’t get ahead of myself. Just because she came forward doesn’t mean she’s forgiven me.
Noah pats my back. “Don’t get your hopes up too high. Coach couldn’t make us any promises about getting Mason kicked off the team. Ultimately, it’s up to the university admin, and they’ve already decided not to discipline a player who punched another teammate.” Noah chuckles. “But I think there’s a good chance they’ll make a different decision this time. Mason’s no Ethan Harrington. He doesn’t carry our team, and Coach is going to point out that Derek Thompson is solid and ready to step up.”
I snort. “Solid is an understatement. Derek might be young, but he’s got a cannon arm.” I turn to Noah, softening my voice. “But what about Lily? How did she handle the whole thing?”
Noah grins. “She was amazing. She didn’t go into detail about what Mason did to her, which was a blessing for me. I’m about to murder that motherfucker already, and I don’t need any more fuel. But after her story was over, she was back to her usual fearless self. In fact, she told Coach if the university admin doesn’t kick Mason off the team, she’ll go on social media and call them a bunch of misogynistic twats. His eyes almost popped out of his head.”
Warmth spreads through my chest, a sensation so powerful it almost makes me dizzy. “I wish I could have seen that,” I say, smiling wide. “My sassy girl.”
Noah grimaces. “Oh my God, Ethan. Don’t make me throw up. Is this going to be my life now? I’ll have to sit through watching the two of you ready to jump each other?”
I whip my head in his direction. “Did she say something to you… I mean, about wanting to be with me?”
He looks like he’s fighting an eye-roll. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re acting like a kid in junior high. You’ve never had a girlfriend before. No, she didn’t say anything. You need to talk to her.” He smiles lazily. “But don’t think I didn’t notice that you don’t seem at all excited that I’ve forgiven you. I guess I haven’t outright said it yet, but I think it’s pretty obvious. All you seem to care about is her. I see the state of things now.”
His words are light, but I still get the sense that he’s a little hurt. I set my hand on his shoulder and give it a squeeze. “You know I love you like a brother, and I’ll be ecstatic that you’ve forgiven me once my head is clear. But right now, all I can think about is your sister. Turns out love makes me obsessed. Everything I gave to football, school, and my faith all belongs to her now.”
He grunts. “Well, you’d better start thinking about football soon. Redwood State is tough. You can’t afford to be distracted by Lily. You’ll need every ounce of focus to break through their defense.”
I groan. “I just wish I could have talked to her already. I’m going crazy wondering what she's going to say.”
Noah gives me a hard pat on the back. “Think of Lily when you play tonight. Think of your future. Treat Redwood State’s cornerback like he’s the one thing standing between you and her.”
I nod, though I’m not sure how I’ll be able to detach from my thoughts of Lily, no matter how important this game is. Knowing she went to Coach Rodriguez set off a flicker of hope that’s growing like a wildfire within me, making me burn to see her.
It all has to mean something. I’ve been pushing her from the beginning to make sure Mason faces some consequences. She must now agree that’s the right thing to do, despite what she told me days ago.
I’ve already decided to compromise my rigid ideals for her, and to ease back on my overprotectiveness. Could she be making a similar compromise for me?
Oh God, I don’t know, and I’m too scared to get my hopes up. I won’t be home until late tonight, and the next several hours are going to stretch like an eternity.