Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
L ily
“To be honest, I always thought Mason was creepy,” Lorelai says before taking a sip of her wine. “He sort of has a rapey vibe—” Her eyes grow wide, and then she winces. “Shit, Lily. What an awful thing to say. It literally just came out of my mouth. I wasn’t thinking about?—”
I lift a hand as I fight to contain my laughter. “It’s okay, love. I don’t want to treat the word ‘rape’ like it means something shameful about me. Mason does have a rapey vibe because he’s a rapist. He raped me.” I let out a breath. “Look at me. I can say it without flinching.”
Kinsley sets her hand on my back and rubs small circles. She was her usual motherly self when I told her and the girls the whole story. The first thing she did was grab me a box of tissues from the kitchen. I didn’t need it, but the gesture warmed me. Even a few days ago, I would have considered it condescending, a sign that she thinks I’m weak.
What horseshit. Crying over something traumatic isn’t a weakness. Quite the opposite. It’s a sign that I’m willing to confront my pain, to face it head-on, rather than run from it like I have for the last six months.
Ava leans forward. “Lily, I was wondering… Did Ethan punch Mason because he knew what he did? It just seems so…coincidental, especially since you were staying with him.”
I huff out a breathless laugh. “Yes. I begged him to keep my secret, to pretend like he had no idea, but it turns out the pressure got to be too much for him. I guess Mason said something gross about me after the game, and Ethan lost it.”
All three girls react simultaneously. Kinsley’s hand freezes mid circle on my back, and Ava’s jaw drops. “Oh my God, Lily,” Lorelai mutters. “That’s so hot.”
I grin, and warmth spreads through my veins. My beautiful, principled Ethan defended my honor. I wasn’t ready to see it at first, and it might be a little antiquated, but it’s kind of adorable.
He didn’t do it because I’m incapable of defending myself, but because I refused to do it. I was hiding from my pain, and Ethan inadvertently forced me to confront it.
It was the right thing to do. My body and my spirit are as light and easy as they’ve been in months. I’ll never be the old Lily again. I’ve learned that. But it’s not a tragedy. This new Lily is stronger, braver, and ready to face the world with a renewed sense of purpose.
Standing up against Mason isn’t just for me. It’s also for any other woman he could have hurt. I won’t let him get away with what he did. The next thing I plan to do is go to the university news center and tell my story. It’s time for the truth to come out, and I’m ready to tell my story.
“Yeah,” I say. “It is kind of hot.”
There’s a knock at the door—three quick raps. All three girls jump, their eyes wide. The door creaks open, and Ethan steps inside the house. My heart leaps into my throat.
“Oh my God,” I mutter. “I conjured him.”
“No, you didn’t conjure me,” Ethan says, his expression grim as he strides into the living room. “I called you like fifty times. Your phone went straight to voicemail.”
My head swims. “I think it died.”
He groans. “Typical Lily. I can barely breathe because I need to see you so badly, and you’re not even sure if your phone died. You only think it did.”
My head grows fuzzy. Why does he seem so upset?
When I examine his face, his eyes are dark and troubled. My heart clenches for him.
They must have lost the game. Noah told me it was one of the most important of Ethan’s career, that it could seal his NFL potential if he performed well.
I couldn’t watch it. I couldn’t even look at the score, so I let my phone die on purpose. The thought that I might see Ethan’s dreams shatter in a handful of numbers was unbearable.
Turns out seeing it on his face is so much worse.
“Was it a bad loss?” I ask. “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. Even if you…got tackled or…something.”
He whips around to face me, his face incredulous. “We won the game, Lily. You would know that if your goddamn phone wasn’t dead.”
I blink in surprise. If they won, why is he being so grumpy? He should be ecstatic.
I cross my arms over my chest. “Ethan, you’ve outdone yourself. You’re vacuuming up your own joy now. It’s more impressive than winning a big game. You should get a… What is that stupid football award? A Heisenberg, or whatever.”
Ethan’s face contorts, and a strangled sound escapes his throat, then he bursts into laughter. His whole body shakes with it, and it echoes through the room. It’s as if a dam has broken, and he can’t stop.
The girls look at me with huge eyes. I can only shake my head in response. I’m just as bewildered as they are. He’s almost hysterical.
Is this all for me?
“It’s called the Heisman trophy,” Ethan says, his voice strangled with laughter. “And they won’t give it to me for vacuuming up joy, no matter how good I am at doing it.”
As his laughter fades, Ethan’s eyes soften. His gaze is warm and tender, and the corners of his mouth are still twitching. “I think you might be the most ridiculous person I’ve ever met.”
The words are sweet, caressing. My heart flutters as a realization dawns within me.
Ethan accepts me exactly as I am. He finds my ridiculousness endearing, just as I find his steadfastness reassuring. We balance each other in ways I never thought possible. His strength calms my chaos, while my spontaneity brings light to his rigidity.
It’s a harmony I never knew I needed.
And maybe he needs it too.
Ethan takes slow steps in my direction. “My performance is the reason we won tonight. I made a nearly impossible catch in the fourth. That’s not a brag. The replay is all over the news right now. I’ve been sent a million videos since the game ended.” He smiles faintly. “I’m probably going to get drafted.”
My heart soars. “Ethan, that’s wonderful. Amazing.”
He shrugs. “I guess it should be, but I just can’t bring myself to give a shit.” His dark-blue eyes lock onto mine. “What does any of it matter if I don’t have you?”
My heart swells like a flower blooming under the sun as he reaches out and grabs my chin. “I know I fucked up. I never should have punched Mason. I see that now. And I sure as hell shouldn’t have stuck to my guns after I did it, but…” He licks his lips. “I’m willing to change, Lily. My strict principles are worthless if I’m miserable. And I’m miserable without you. Nothing matters. Not football. Not even God. You’ve become…” His voice cracks. “You’ve become everything to me.
My vision blurs, and I blink. My heart is about to burst.
I swallow. “You really mean it?”
“Yes,” he says immediately, and the world around me sparkles with electricity.
“But…is that okay? I don’t want you to feel like you’re giving up who you are for me.”
His lips quiver as he smiles. “I’m not giving up anything. I’m finding a new way, and God wouldn’t make me give up the only joy I’ve ever known.”
I blink away the tears filling my eyes. “And what is that?” My voice is breathless.”
His throat moves unsteadily. “You. You’re my love, Lily.” His voice wobbles. “My true love.”
I nod jerkily. “And you’re mine.”
His eyes grow huge. “Really?” he nearly shouts. He yanks me into his arms. His hands cradle my face, his thumbs brushing away my tears. He leans in slowly, his breath warm against my lips. The world fades away as he captures my mouth in a deep, passionate kiss. His lips are soft but demanding, moving against mine with a desperate urgency. I melt into him, my hands clutching his shirt as if letting go would mean losing him forever.
Applause erupts around us, pulling me into the present world. We pull apart, breathless and laughing. Ethan’s forehead rests against mine, a smile spreading across his face. “You could have offered to take me into your bedroom so we didn’t have an audience.”
I shoot him a saucy smile. “I could have, but then my girls would have missed the show.” I pinch his cheek. “Plus, you know how much I enjoy torturing you.”
He narrows his eyes. “Sassy girl.”
“Get used to it, big guy. This is only the beginning.”