21. It’s My Fault
21
It’s My Fault
T HIS wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening.
Warm blood painted Roselin’s skin red as tears streamed down her face. She stroked Nadia’s cheek, hoping she’d blink her beautiful brown eyes at her and tell Roselin she was still alive. Show her that her best friend wasn’t lying dead in her arms.
“Please, Nadia.” Please move your eyes, your arm, anything. But blood dripped from Nadia’s throat, creating a puddle and staining her soft blonde hair. “This is my fault,” she mumbled in one breath.
Roselin did this. She let Gale live. She didn’t help Nadia. She stayed with Ryu. She went below the surface. She didn’t fight Nadia harder on staying away from Gale— Roselin did this.
Gale blinked at them, his eyes wide in horror. Blood spatters stained his expensive clothes. “You’re right. It is your fault,” he said mechanically.
A laugh escaped her—shit, she sounded insane. This wasn’t happening. It had to be a joke. But Nadia still didn’t move, her glazed-over gaze staring at the ceiling. Roselin’s laugh disappeared into the shadows of the room. Her face fell as her mind numbed itself to protect against the overflowing emotions filling her brain.
Roselin looked up at Gale, meeting his shocked, cold stare. “I’m going to kill you,” her voice came out calm and steady, surprising herself.
Gale blinked a few times before he let out a chilling laugh. “No, you’re not. I’m the one holding the knife.” He raised his hand with the blade, shaking it to prove a point. “You killed Nadia, and now I’ll kill you,” Gale said matter of factly. He stepped forward when a sound emerged from behind him, out of Nadia’s room. A radio?
“The shadow devil is here,” a voice came through the radio, and Gale shifted to the sounds.
A wicked grin crept up her face. It was her time to laugh again, loud, hard, and in Gale’s face. Even if she died, what would happen to Gale was worse. They were bound to end up in the same place for their sins—she knew they would—and when that happened; she intended to haunt him in the afterlife, never letting him forget what he did.
“Oh, poor Gale. You’re about to suffer for what you’ve done. For what you’re planning to do.” Ryu was going to rip him apart when he found Roselin dead.
Yet, she should fight, right? Fight for herself and Nadia.
Before Gale had a chance to face her, Roselin made a fist and hit the back of his knees with all her strength. Gale buckled over, giving her time to stumble to her feet. Her heart broke for leaving Nadia alone on the cold floor.
Don’t worry, Nadia , she thought. She’d return for her.
Swinging the door open, she dashed into a broad chest. “Hi, you must be Roselin,” a guy twice her size and around Gale’s age said. Something shimmered in his dark eyes, shaking her to the core. Fire danced at the tips of his fingers.
Did begging help? It didn’t last time—her mum still died—so she wasn’t going to grant them the satisfaction.
A strong breeze of wind blew through the hallway, sniffing out the guy’s fire. He snapped his head to the person behind him. The Driver stood at the end by the staircase door. A sigh of relief left her, but it was short-lived as Gale burst through the entrance, the knife traded in for a gun. How did he get a firearm?
Roselin hit the guy in front of her in the stomach, making him double over. Avoiding his reaching arms, she ducked past him. With a click, the gun went off, but the bullet didn’t come her way. At the other stairwell on the opposite side of the hallway stood the Richter brothers, both holding guns themself.
Roselin sprinted to the Driver, who met her halfway. He stepped before her as a shield, unaware Roselin didn’t deserve his protection. Shots echoed through the hallway, the sound ear-shattering. She quickly covered her ears. Her breath came out in rapid bursts. Her heart had never pounded as hard as it did now. Oh , God , she was about to die, and she’d brought Ryu’s friends down with her.
Another gust of wind filled the space. Roselin dashed to the stairwell doors, but the Driver yanked her away, against the wall, and behind the door that flung open. An armed man and a woman holding knives burst in. The knives flew toward the Richter brothers and back to their owner. More Mageía? She thought Gale hated them.
She wanted to cover her eyes and hide, but on the other hand, she seemed unable to look away from the horrific events before her. None of this was real —her gaze darted around—how were they going to get out of here alive? Panic flashed cold through her veins. A door in the hallway opened, only to be shut again swiftly. All these innocent residents were in danger. Did no one care?
Too busy with the other people in the hallway, the man and woman didn’t even notice her and the Driver. A forceful gust of wind threw them to the ground. The Driver pushed Roselin through the door and down the stairs.
“What about Nadia?” she said. She couldn’t leave her here alone. Nadia deserved better. The thought of Ryu’s clan making Nadia disappear when they were done fighting sent a chill down her back.
The Driver ignored her and rushed Roselin through the building while she almost tripped over her own feet. She rested her hand against the white wall, leaving a bloody handprint—Nadia’s blood—she swallowed away the bile coming up. The heartache hit her like ice-cold waves, choking her. No. She had to focus on something else. Her ankle buckled, and channelling her pain into anger, she raged at her high heels.
Stupid shoes holding her back. Roselin struggled with the straps. The Driver snapped the thin bands, and she kicked the high heels off. Some doors opened and closed above them. He pulled on her arm again with a firm grip and hastened her outside.
The fresh air greeted them, and for a second, she could finally breathe. Roselin scanned the night’s darkness. “Ryu?” she asked. He had to be here, but she still didn’t get an answer from the Driver. “Where’s Ryu?”
Without warning, the Driver tackled her, crashing her to the hard, frigid ground. A pain shot through her wrist, and the cobblestones scraped her knees and palms. A ball of flames surged their way, the fire’s scorching heat radiating on her skin as it blasted over them. The Driver stood up. The surrounding air became restless. Embers mixed with the whirlwind the Driver created around them. A scream pushed past her lips, but she didn’t recognise it as her own.
She covered her head with her arm. Why weren’t the police coming? Surely, someone called, unless… unless Gale’s father was part of this too.
The Driver jumped up, moving his hands. The rush of air made her hair dance. Flames blazed towards her again. Tears streamed hot over her cheeks, but not as intense as the fire. “Please.” She didn’t even realise she spoke until she heard her own voice.
The wind died down, but the hairs on her neck stood up straight. Her head snapped up, the ground feeling colder at the touch. The street lanterns flickered as shadows crawled over the campus square and up the buildings, growing taller and broader.
“Ryu,” she said in hushed tones. Fear surged through her veins, but a string of hope blossomed in her heart. If Ryu was here, everything was going to be alright. He could fix this.
Two wolves rose out of the darkness. Black smoke dripped off them, and their eyes were hollow. Nightmares made real. But not to her. The wolves weren’t here to haunt her dreams. Their growls echoed unnaturally, sending a shiver through her body, and they charged away. Roselin’s pounding heartbeat drowned out the shouts and screams. The shadows crept closer until they engulfed her like a whirlwind of smoke. The outside world disappeared, leaving her alone for just a moment.
“Rose,” Ryu called out, her name coming through the thick shadows. His hands reached for her, helping her up while his eyes scanned her. His soft fingers brushed the blood-covered skin.
“It isn’t mine.” Tears broke through her voice while Ryu let out a visible sigh of relief. “It should’ve been mine, but it isn’t.”
“Don’t say that.” Ryu took her into his arms, his hand holding her head against his chest, but his gaze still focused on something outside the darkness.
“My responsibility,” she said, echoing the words Ryu spoke to her all those nights ago.
“No, it’s not. This one was mine,” Ryu said. Roselin opened her mouth to protest, but Ryu pushed her behind him. “We can argue about it later, Miss Ethics.”
“Ryu!” Gale’s voice echoed into the darkness of the shadows.
Smoke pulled back, sliding over the ground and up into Ryu’s hand, creating a new wolf. His eyes were almost as dark as the shadows.
“He killed Nadia,” Roselin said, the words spoken in a mere whisper.
Ryu guided her, facing away from her, as they walked backwards. The darkness blocked most of her vision. She couldn’t see anything past the edge of his shadows.
“Gale!” Ryu shifted to the left like he turned towards Gale. “Does your father know you’re out here so late?” A gunshot echoed through the shadows, and Ryu shoved her aside. “Your father was never proud of you, and I can see why. Did you really think joining the Brotherhood was going to please him?” Ryu narrowed his eyes, glazing through the darkness and whispering to her, “On my mark, run that way.”
“I don’t want to leave Nadia.”
He stretched his fingers, and the wolf ran out of the shield. A scream pierced through the air as someone yelled. “We need to leave, Gale. They’re with too many.”
“No, Ryu.” She pulled his sleeve. “You can’t let him escape.” How many more will die?
Ryu kissed her, his lips cold on hers. “You must get to safety first.”
“Ryu! You coward,” Gale yelled, and more gunshots followed.
“We need to go. The police are coming.” A woman’s voice came muffled through the thick shadows.
“Run that way, my darling Rose,” Ryu said, kissing her forehead and pointing behind her. His face pulled together in concentration. A beat of sweat dripped down his brow. “The police will help you.”
She shook her head. “They’re with Gale.”
“No, trust me on this,” Ryu said as he pushed her in the right direction. “Run. Because my shadows will soon be gone.”
Against her own instinct, she sprinted away from Ryu’s protection, the opposite direction of the safe concealing darkness, and into the unknown. The shadows before Ryu dissipated. Screams, gunshots, fire, wind, and shadows—Roselin tried to ignore the sounds as she ran until the darkness thinned. A foreboding sensation rose inside of her. The shadows changed, and her heart twisted. Something was wrong. Roselin jerked around. Hugo knelt, his hand clutching his arm. She looked past him expecting to see his twin. But Hugo shook his head, his eyes filled with pain. Blood painted his clothes. The Driver, seeming unharmed except for a burned tie, followed two people. Ryu pinned a person on the ground. A car drove into the square, headed for Gale. A heavy load weighed down on her. Why was no one going after Gale?
As if her feet had a mind of their own, Roselin dashed back towards Gale. Her mind cried out at her body for its stupidity, but Gale couldn’t get away with everything he did. Nadia lay all alone, cold, in pain… dead back in the apartment because of Gale.
“Gale,” she screamed. “You fucking coward!”
Gale twisted around. He pointed the gun at her, but he had shot all his bullets.
Ryu’s gaze found her. The guy on the ground kicked the legs from under Ryu.
Roselin picked up a stone and threw it at Gale, her limbs moving before her mind had a chance to understand what she was doing. Deep down, she knew it was a desperate attempt. Her veins filled with burning rage. She had no control over her own body anymore as she grabbed another stone.
Yet, she stopped.
What the —a thick cloud of shadows surrounded her. “No. Ryu,” Roselin said, the defeat seeping through her voice.
Ryu rushed to her side. “What are you doing? We can’t kill him now. The police are near.” He shook her shoulders.
“He murdered Nadia!” she screamed as she pushed against his chest.
“So you’re trying to get yourself killed, too?”
“Yes. Because it doesn’t matter. I was already supposed to be dead.” If she had died instead of her mum, those people on the tram wouldn't have been murdered. Nadia wouldn’t have been killed. She tried to shove him aside, but she wasn’t strong enough. “Fucking let me go, Ryu.”
“Never.”
A shot echoed through the air. Ryu turned around, pushing her behind his back. A wolf rose from the shadows on the ground, and the darkness moved, keeping the bullet away, but more followed at a fast pace.
The world slowed down around her. She tried to stop it. To step in front of Ryu, shielding him as she should’ve shielded the others, but he kept Roselin pinned behind him. The rain of bullets stopped. The sound of a car driving off sounded dull in her ears after the loud shots.
It was too late.
“Ryu,” Roselin yelled. He turned to her, his hand holding his stomach. “Ryu?” Blood dripped between his fingers. The world came to a halt. Her heart dropped as her ears rang. She rested her palm over his, her other cupping his cheek. “No, no, no, no.” This wasn’t happening. Not again.
“It’s okay, Rose.” He smiled at her as he fell to his knees with a grunt. Bits of shadows dispersed.
“No. You do not get to tell me it’s okay. People say that when everything is not okay.” She helped him lie down as her small hand covered the wound. His blood joined Nadia’s stains on her skin. For some reason, she expected Ryu’s blood to be different, but it was the same crimson colour. She hated red. She never wanted to see that kind of shade ever again.
The sound of sirens hardly reached her. They were too late anyway—always too late.
“You can’t die,” she breathed, holding Ryu’s gaze.
The corner of his mouth twitched up. “You’re bossy sometimes.”
“Because you never listen.”
“I always listen to you, my darling Rose.” Ryu’s icy fingers brushed her cheek. She kissed his soft lips. His taste, the scent of his cologne, and his touch on her skin lingered on her as a paramedic pulled her away.
Everything happened in a haze. One moment, Roselin sat beside Ryu, holding him. Next, she stood helplessly as police and paramedics filled the square. People started to fill the streets, watching the spectacle before them. Their quiet city—safe and peaceful—their Utopia and new city of Arcadia—woke up in the darkness.
Light flashed. Paramedics pushed her towards where they wanted her to be. But she had to stay with Ryu. She had to go upstairs for Nadia.
Like a lifeless doll, they put Roselin into the ambulance. Roselin held Ryu’s limp hand, and before she registered what was happening, she stood in the hospital hallway. People pulled her into a room while doctors took Ryu somewhere else. She wanted to fight them. To tell them he wasn’t allowed to die. However, her body didn’t seem to work anymore. It moved, but not in the direction she needed to go.
Roselin sat on the treatment table, staring at the bright white wall. A child holding a cat smiled at her from the poster. Slowly, the feeling in her limbs returned. The ache surged through her wrist and rib cage. Two bloody holes in her tights showed her open skin.
The door opened. The Driver, followed by a nurse, walked in. “Ryu?” Roselin rushed out.
“The doctors are operating on him,” the nurse said as she took Roselin’s wrist.
Roselin’s face scrunched together in pain. “But he’s going to be okay, right?”
“We’ll give you an update when we know more.”
Right. So, in other words, the nurse knew nothing.
Roselin closed her eyes. “It was a trap.” A sharp breath left her lips as she fought back the tears. “And I knew… I knew it was a trap, but I thought I could fix it somehow.” She bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood. “I thought I could save Nadia.” And now she is dead.
Nadia was dead.
And people she didn’t even know the name of… they died because of her. Her breath caught in her throat, her lungs burning. Why was it so hard to breathe? The Driver wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, and the nurse held up an oxygen mask, but Roselin pushed it away.
“It’s all my fault,” she whispered under her breath.