23. Please Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned
23
Please Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned
T HE days blurred together. Wrapped in blankets, Roselin sat nestled on the couch, her sketchbook on her lap, but the page was still empty. The newsreader’s voice sounded soft in the background, talking about some new sustainability law. It was better than hearing the same story about the awful night she tried to forget on repeat.
Diniz showed up again, asking her to recall everything. And even though this time Diniz wrote down her complete statement, the news still said nothing about Gale and his part in all of this.
Luckily, no one came for her either. Did this mean Gale hadn’t told them it was her, or were they waiting for the right moment to arrest her? It seemed like a great way to get back at Ryu. Connect Ryu’s girlfriend to the Brotherhood, and it wouldn’t be too hard to pin this on Ryu, too, or his abilities to protect people. At least, according to Nick, one of Ryu’s guys who babysat her while Hugo was on leave. A pang shot through her heart. She didn’t know them well, but burying his twin brother—she couldn’t imagine.
The citizens on the tram.
Gunter.
Nadia.
She ground her teeth, her jaw tight. Gale couldn’t get away with this.
A door slammed shut. Roselin grabbed the knife hidden under the blanket. Nick strolled in, and a breath pushed past her lips as her fingers loosened around the handle.
“Still watching the news?” Nick asked with a heavy Greek accent, the burn scars on the left side of his face more visible in the daylight.
“The caster said they arrested everyone.” She didn’t want to talk about it with Nick, but maybe he heard more from Ryu.
“The news lies often.”
She twisted in her seat, turning to him. “Did they arrest Gale?”
Nick laughed. “No, of course not. He’s the son of Clifford’s protégé.”
“Clifford?” She raised her brows at the new name, although it sounded familiar.
For a split second, shock flashed through his eyes as if he didn’t mean to mention Clifford. Nick shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “Never mind.”
How was this guy working for Ryu?
“Wait…” It dawned on her. The posters—of course, it has to be the Clifford. “The founder? Gale’s father works for one of the founders?”
“No, just forget it.” Nick plopped down in one of the brown leather chairs, looking sullen. The juvenility of the boy shimmered in his face.
How old could Nick be? Nineteen?
“Ryu works for the founders. So why would Gale’s father make his life so miserable? Is he jealous? Would they kill for childish rivalry?” With every question, the words grew angrier as she perked up in her seat.
For some reason, Roselin’s questions amused Nick. “You don’t know a lot, do you?”
Her nails dug into the soft skin of her hands, stopping her from throwing something at him. It wasn’t as if she didn’t want to learn more. No one would tell her anything. “Well, enlighten me.”
Doubt crossed his face before he sat forward, his arms resting on his legs. “The original founders were filthy rich people with too much money who wanted to create their own so-called better country, resulting in the city.”
Roselin rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’ve seen the pamphlets.”
“If you’re going to interrupt me, I’m not telling you.” He reclined into the armchair and crossed his arm.
Sighing, Roselin made a zip-her-lips gesture and leaned back too.
“The founders were somewhat friends, but with every generation, they grew further apart. Mister Visser shares the vision the originals had, but more realistic. He knows Utopias don’t exist. People aren’t compatible with a truly perfect world. They’re too selfish, and outsiders will try to ruin it.”
Nick ground his teeth before he continued. “Clifford thinks everyone has or should have the same viewpoint. A Utopia without crime because of fair law… or the fear of punishment. Mister Fake wants to rule the city on his own like a king or some shit. Mister Visser believes they’ll have to work together—all of them—the founders and citizens.”
Roselin took in everything Nick said. There was so much she didn’t know. She was living her happy life, getting a degree, hanging out with friends, and having a one-night stand with a hot stranger standing outside the bar she got kicked out of.
Nick scoffed. “Apparently, in Clifford’s world, if someone has a different opinion, you have to get rid of them. Because the perfect world is a bunch of ya-sayers. That’s why Ryu works with— for Mister Visser and not Clifford.” Nick clenched his hands into fists. “Clifford and his buddies are fucking idiots. Of course, Russo is the most perfect ya-sayer across the country, and some of the police departments want their tickets to luxury through Russo.”
“Some, but not all?”
Nick gave her a glance, his lips forming a thin line. “I’ve already said enough.”
“What about the Brotherhood? They seem to hate Mageía, while some of them are.”
For a moment, she thought Nick wouldn’t answer, but after a deep sigh and a roll of his eyes, he spoke. “Some Mageía think we’re a natural error of nature, and they will gladly help fix the mistake.”
There were so many questions, and the answers only raised more. Roselin opened her mouth again.
“Go piece the rest together yourself,” he said before she had the chance to ask more. He narrowed his eyes at her as if to peer inside her mind. “… or you could ask Ryu.”
Her stomach knotted. She seemed incapable of bringing herself to see Ryu. It was another reminder of her mistake, and Roselin couldn’t deal with it. Not until she fixed it. But nothing was resolved, and in the meantime, her stomach kept turning, and sleep wouldn’t come. Torn between her guilt about what happened, the regret of not helping, and the shame of abandoning Ryu when he lay in the hospital, had given her a headache Roselin was unable to get rid of.
“How is Ryu?” she asked.
“You can find out yourself if you visit him,” Nick said. “He enquired where you were. Told him you were still here.”
Roselin chewed on the inside of her cheek again. The taste of iron filled her mouth as she bit too hard. Her tongue swept over the rough inner lining of her used-to-be smooth flesh. “Tell him I’m sick.”
“I’m not telling him that. If you want to lie, do it to his face.”
Roselin swallowed the bile coming up. “It’s not a lie.”
She felt sick. All. The. Damn. Time.
“It’s not the truth either.”
Her heart pounded as anger filled every fibre of her body. How dare Nick accuse her like that? He didn’t know her. And she wasn’t feeling well. Before she had the chance to go off at him, the Driver stood between them. He signalled Nick to stand up and leave.
Nick rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine,” Nick responded and left the room.
The moment he was out of sight, tears streamed down her face. The Driver sat next to her. He pulled back the blanket and took the knife from her trembling fingers. In return, he offered her a blue handkerchief.
“Thank you,” she sniffed. Her bottom lip quivered. “He hates me.”
The Driver held her hand and traced the words, ‘Ryu loves you’, in her palm.
“But Hugo, Nick, you… it’s all my fault.” She drew in a gulp of air, interrupted by sobs.
The newsreader came into sight again, scenes of the night playing behind him. “The first will be prosecuted, and the police are ready to close the case.”
What? Her blood ran cold. No! Roselin jumped up, taking the remote and throwing it at the TV. The screen cracked, and bright colours covered the newsreader. A pain shot through her fractured wrist. Shit. She buried her face in her hands. “The system is broken,” she mumbled under her breath.
Her stomach twisted and turned, and she ran to the bathroom. There went her breakfast. The Driver handed her a glass of water and helped her into bed.
Why was she so helpless? She hadn’t always been like this.
She took Ryu’s pillow and inhaled his scent. God, she missed him. Her tears dropped on the fabric, leaving wet marks. Her brain fought her tired body, playing the awful events over and over, but in the end, exhaustion won.
Gale had been haunting her dreams the past few nights. Blood covered her hands as she wept over Nadia’s dead body. She begged Ryu to cover her with shadows so she didn’t have to relive the pain and fear again, but he never listened.
With a gasp, her arms flailed around and startled her awake. The sun shone through the window, and she groaned. Great, another day. Roselin turned on her side. A note on her nightstand caught her eye.
I’ll pick you up at one.
Under the note lay the card for Nadia’s funeral. Her heart ached, and tears brimmed at the edge of her eyes. She didn’t know how to face Nadia’s parents or her friends. Abasi practically told her not to come. Roselin sat up in bed, the blanket gliding off her. Her fingers found her teeth again, the edges of her broken nails.
A knock interrupted her spiralling-down thoughts. Automatically, she padded the mattress, but the Driver confiscated her knife.
“Roselin, are you awake?” the soft voice of Ah Lam came through the door.
“Ah Lam?” Roselin jumped out of bed as the door opened. “What are you doing here?” She took a step back, afraid of the shit storm Ah Lam might release. After all, Roselin was the reason her friend died. The back of her knees hit the bed, and Roselin sat down.
“I heard you weren’t doing well, which is understandable after everything that has happened.” Ah Lam sat next to Roselin, taking her hand, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry about Nadia. It must be extra hard for you, as you were like sisters.”
Roselin blinked at her friend, her mouth hanging open. “I’m sorry too,” she said softly. Ah Lam gave her a wan smile. “How did you even find me here?” How did her friend know she wasn’t feeling okay? Roselin hadn’t told anyone besides Nick and the Driver.
“I tried to contact you, but you didn’t respond. Mister Botan is well known in our community—he’s done a lot for us. So I reached out.”
Roselin’s brows pulled together in thought. Wait… “Are you—”
“Empath Mageía,” Ah Lam grinned, and Roselin’s mouth dropped. Her eyes traced to Roselin’s pyjamas. “You should get dressed, or we’ll be late.”
Roselin placed her hands in her lap, looking at them as if they were the most fascinating thing ever. A sigh left her lips. “I’m not sure if I’m going.”
Ah Lam squeezed her hand. “I thought so. That’s why I’m here.”
“To warn me to stay away?” Ah Lam wouldn’t be the first friend to tell her, although she was unsure if she should still call Abasi a friend.
“No, silly.” Ah Lam nudged her shoulder with hers. “To get you dressed and ready.”
Tears stung Roselin’s eyes, and she fought the urge to lie back in bed with the blankets over her head. “People don’t want me there.” She let Gale live and has hurt so many.
“Bullshit, Rose.” Ah Lam said, and Roselin’s jaw dropped. Ah Lam never cursed. Not when she broke her leg, not when she failed her class, or when Ah Lam found out her sister talked shit about her behind her back to their parents. “Nadia would be super pissed if you weren’t there. Her spirit would return and drag you to the funeral herself and wait until you at least cry one more time before you head to the bar with us and get drunk.”
A laugh escaped Roselin as tears rolled down her face.
“Now put on some other clothes because you’d never forgive yourself if you didn’t go.”
Roselin hung her head. “What if they order me to leave?” What if Abasi throws a fit?
“I’ll fight them like Nadia would’ve done.”
Roselin laughed at the thought of Ah Lam fighting. She wiped her tears away. “I’ll get ready.”
Roselin washed her face in the bathroom sink, her eyes red and dark circles painting the skin around her eyes. Fuck, she looked terrible. She quickly shaved and put on her black dress, tights, and black heels. Once she was done, eggs, bacon, and waffles stood on the side table with a cup of steaming tea.
Ah Lam blinked from the food to Roselin. “A… a chef showed up.” She held out a note. “It came with this.”
Don’t forget to eat today. You need it. I wish I could be there for you, but you’ll be in my thoughts. I miss you - Ryu.