17. Chloe
Chloe
W hen Zack finally gets in the car, he doesn’t say a word. He’s still bleeding from his forehead, and it drips down to his eye. Either he hasn’t noticed, or he doesn’t care.
“Do you have a first aid kit?”
Remaining silent, he opens up the glove compartment and takes out a small zipped case. I use the bits I find inside to clean up his cut and put a bandage on it.
Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I say, “There, all better.” He looks stunned, and I chuckle to myself. Guess pussy isn’t the only thing that can tame him. A little bit of kindness works wonders as well.
“We’re getting off the road for a bit,” I tell him firmly as I put the first aid kit away.
“No,” he snaps back.
Why is he so stubborn?
I can hardly threaten to leave him since I’ve made my choice clear. But we can’t keep doing this same dance. “We get off the road or you tell me right now exactly what this is all about. ”
He grinds his jaw, and I expect him to drive straight ahead, but he veers off down a dirt road, and grits out, “Fine. There’s a cornfield down this way. It’ll give us enough coverage to stop for a minute. And only for a minute.”
Following the trail, we reach the field and find another path that leads to the center. It’s creepy here amidst the tall stalks of corn, but I know I have nothing to worry about with Zack by my side.
He turns the headlights off so we’re more inconspicuous, but leaves the radio on low. More metal music plays. It’s a softer song this time, with a gravelly male voice singing.
“I like this. Who is it?”
“ Sleep Token, ” Zack mumbles.
“I’ve never heard of them. At the convent there was no WiFi access for anyone other than the Fathers and a few of the more trusted sisters so I didn’t get to listen to music. Unless you count hymns.” I try to make light of it all, but it only pisses him off.
“What they did to you…”
Holding my hand up, I say, “I’ve already made peace with it. I used to think that I could find that peace with a higher power, that if I endured enough, I wouldn’t have to suffer. But in the end, I was only waiting for an out.”
“Chloe, tell me how you got away.” He refuses to answer my questions, but expects all the answers from me.
I swallow the lump in my throat. As strong as I know I am, it’s still a lot to have to talk about. But I want to let him in.
“Once a week the priests choose who they want. It’s always one girl shared between them all.
They said it was the most efficient way to get the Holy Spirit into us.
Some of the girls were broken enough to believe that.
A few others like me didn’t fall for it.
But there’s not much one girl can do in a room with a dozen men other than accept what’s happening. ”
Zack’s knuckles crack as he clenches them fiercely. I place my hand over his and run my thumb over the numbers tattooed on his knuckles. 1 0 0 6 . October sixth? That’s today’s date. I have a feeling that’s not a coincidence.
Seeing those numbers along with the Latin for death tattooed on his other hand makes an uneasy chill creep over my skin.
“And tonight you were chosen?”
Dropping his hand, I look around the car for anything to distract myself so I don’t break down. I pick up the small tin and flick it open. There are all sorts of different colored and sized pills inside. I tip a few onto my hand to get a closer look.
“What actually are these?”
“Chloe,” Zack warns. “Tell me what happened.” His commanding, protective tone makes me shiver in all the right ways.
“I avoided being chosen this time. One of the priests, Father Daniels, took a shine to me. He wanted me alone whenever he could. So I tried to make myself scarce a lot of the time. There were plenty of places to hide, like cupboards, and broom closets, but he and the other Fathers had plenty of time on their side to hunt me down. Tonight, I snuck outside to smoke and waited by the trees until the selection was over. But he found me.”
“Why not run?”
“You really believe I hadn’t already tried that?”
I tip the pills back into the container, leaving a pink one in the center of my palm. Zack doesn’t try to stop me as I bring it to my mouth and place it on my tongue. I swallow it down, and it leaves an acidic aftertaste.
“You ever taken ecstasy before?” Is that concern or curiosity I hear in his tone?
“No, you’re my first.” I wink at him, but he doesn’t find it funny.
“What did Daniels do when he found you?” Zack doesn’t hide the anger in his voice.
I sigh in exasperation. “Nothing. This time. I told him no, and when he tried to force me, I hit him over the head with a rock until he died. No one will realize he’s gone until he doesn’t show up for morning sermon.
” It’s surprisingly easy to admit I killed a man.
There’s no lingering remorse. Just acceptance that I did what I had to do to survive.
I suppose confessing to someone who’s already a killer helps.
There’s so much tension between us that the air is practically vibrating. I want to be able to crawl into Zack’s head and look at myself through his eyes. Does he still see some girl he wants to break or is there more to it now?
He starts to laugh in disbelief. “I knew I saw something in you. Do you want them all dead? I can make it happen.” He looks so sincere. It’s sweet that he wants to kill for me.
I rest my head back and let the music settle into my brain as the ecstasy travels to my bloodstream. “Truthfully, I don’t know. Half of me wants them all to suffer and the other half just wants to move on and forget. I’m free of it all now, so why make myself go back there?”
“You could do it. You’re strong enough, I’ve seen that tonight.”
I catch the way he says you rather than we .
There’s something so melancholic about him. Like he thinks he doesn’t deserve to be breathing.
As long as we’re together, I can be his air. I’ll breathe life back into his lungs and show him that no matter what he’s been through, each new day is still worth it.