21. Chloe
Chloe
W e leave behind our final inferno.
Other than the notebook and the tape Zack made, all evidence of what Christopher and the others did is gone.
Zack is on the video so there’s no chance I’ll ever be giving him up.
We’ll have to find another way to go about it.
I hope all the victims will at least find some healing if they hear of the men’s brutal deaths on the news.
I’m not sure what to do next, apart from follow Zack wherever he’s going next, of course. My life— our life—starts now. We have the whole world to explore, together.
As we finally clear the woods, we pass a sign for the next town. Zack follows its direction until we come to a bridge. The world seems to open up as we drive across. Dawn is just about to come, and it feels like my life is starting anew.
Zack slows the car down and comes to a stop at the side of the bridge about halfway across.
“Why are we stopping? If we keep driving, we’ll be far enough away from everything to not get caught. ”
Turning off the engine, he points to the skyline above the trees in the distance, and says, “Watch.”
The sky is a pretty shade of light purple, and after a few minutes it gradually turns orange as the sun rises. Taking hold of Zack’s hand, I say, “It’s stunning.” I don’t want to interrupt his moment, so I enjoy it with him, watching as his eyes turn glassy.
“Chloe.” My name struggles to get through the tightness of his throat. He clears it, and without looking at me he carries on. “This sunrise is what I’ve been running toward.”
I never took him for the sort of guy who’d care for something like a beautiful sunrise, but that’s sweet. We’ll get to watch every one together from now on.
“Will you come watch it with me?”
“Of course.”
Hand-in-hand, we head to the side of the bridge, and stop at the railing. Zack wraps his arm around my waist, and I lean against his shoulder. The wind is chilly from up here, and our lack of clothes doesn’t help, but tucked in next to Zack makes me feel warm enough.
“I should have told you sooner.” Zack’s voice is hoarse. He brings my hand to his lips, kissing it before inhaling. He’s shaking when he says, “This was always my final destination.”
He’s starting to scare me now.
“Final destination? What are you talking about? We got away with it, Zack. They’re all dead, and now we can get out of here together.
The police aren’t going to find us. We’ll lay low for however long it takes.
” I make sure he can hear the hope in my voice.
Whatever darkness has taken hold of him won’t be around for long with me here.
I’ll pull him back out of his grief every single time .
“Chloe.” The way he pulls away from me makes dread fill my heart.
“I’m so sorry, darlin’. This was never meant to go this far.
You were meant to stay as a bit of fun. That’s why I’ve been taking the pills.
Without them, all I felt was numb. But they’ve worn off now, and that numbness hasn’t returned.
Because of you. I fell for you, and I was too selfish to let you go when I should have.
I told you that Kat took her own life, but I didn’t tell you how. ”
My mouth goes dry as worry stirs in my stomach. I have a feeling I know how.
“When those men broke her body, they also completely shattered her mind. She was in so much pain, and I didn’t notice. I was too self-absorbed in my own life to see it. Kat jumped from here. Today is the third anniversary of her death, right from this spot.”
Zack stares down at the water below. The muscles in his jaw flex as he tries to hold in all of his pain.
“I’m so sorry, Zack, for everything you and Kat went through.
But you can’t keep blaming yourself. You’ve done more than was ever expected of you.
I know what it’s like to be her. It’s not easy for a person to admit to themselves what happened after going through something like that, let alone those close to them.
The shame eats you up inside, and the last thing you want is for someone to view you the way you view yourself. ”
I’ve had many quiet moments when I’ve wondered if I should see another day, but I always held out hope I’d have a future away from the convent.
Zack’s eyes are full of guilt. My words are going in, but they’re not having the right effect.
“I want you to take my car, and drive as far away as you can. There are some clothes and money stashed in the trunk. Use it to get yourself a new life. ”
Without him. That’s what he really means. Is he going to turn himself in? Is that why he’s been so reckless? Because ultimately it didn’t matter if he got caught. No. There’s something else I’m missing.
“Baby, we’re getting out of this together. You didn’t murder those men for nothing. You didn’t avenge Kat to toss the rest of your life away. She wouldn’t want this for you.”
He pulls my forehead to his, and whispers, “I’m sorry. I let myself live this long so I could kill them. You shouldn’t have been dragged into it, but I’m so fucked up that I loved every second of forcing you to be mine. You didn’t deserve that.”
Live this long. He can’t mean…
“It’s alright. I understand now,” I say with so much desperation for him to please hear me this time. “You’ve been in so much pain, but now that those men are all gone you can find some happiness for yourself. That can be with me.”
“Chloe, if we stay together, I’ll only corrupt you more. Force you to do even more heinous shit. You don’t really want that.”
He’s right. If he wants me to do anything then I would.
I’d blindly follow him to the ends of the Earth.
But not because he’s forcing me. I was corrupted long before I met him.
The convent, the cult , whatever it was, tried to rid me of it.
Now I know why they never could, and it was Zack who made me see it.
It’s who I am.
I hung onto hope that there was a God who would guide me, and that the only way to repent for my sick mind was to get on my knees for those speaking in his name. But they were just fucked-up perverts using the hopes of an innocent young girl for their own sick desires.
What’s real is right in front of me.
Zack is so different from them. He’s far from a saint, and has done unspeakable things, but it was out of love. If anyone deserves forgiveness, it’s him.
And I’m going to be the one who gives him that.
“Don’t pretend that what we did together means nothing! You know I’m not afraid to kill. If that’s what it takes to stay with you, Zack, then I’ll kill every goddamn person we meet.”
He lets go of me completely, and an icy chill washes over my skin.
Tears fill his eyes, and my heart shatters.
“Zack, baby. You’re scaring me. Stop this, and get in the car.”
The wind whips my hair across my face, and he moves it gently out of the way. “In the end, all I wanted was to know that when I leave, you’ll be able to handle yourself alone. Can I be selfish and ask one last thing of you?”
“I’ll do anything for you, you know that.” I sob, tears running down my cheeks to match his. “But please let’s get back in the car and talk about it as we’re driving toward our future.”
He reaches into the back of his jeans and pulls out a gun.
I shake my head. “No. You can’t do this. Not just to yourself, but to me as well. You forced me into this mess. You don’t get an easy out.”
Grabbing my wrist, Zack gently turns my hand over, pushing the gun to my palm.
“I love you, little sinner, that’s why I want you to be the one who kills me.
Let it be your last sin, the mother of all sins to wash away everything I’ve made you do tonight.
You can start fresh after this. Kill the final monster and become a blank slate ready to be whoever you want to be. ”
I point the gun down, and my hand trembles. “I won’t do it. You made me think that we could be something. You can’t say you fell in love with me, and then go and leave me all alone. That’s not love.”
“But that’s exactly what it is!” He looks almost as crazy as he did that first time he scared me in the woods, but now there’s torment rather than violence in his eyes.
“I have to let you go, and this is the best way. I won’t bring anything good into your life by staying. I’m an asshole with a drug problem, no home, no friends, no job. If I don’t do this, I’ll be living a life on the run. I have absolutely nothing to offer you.”
“I don’t care about any of that stuff! You are all I need!” I scream through my tears, and I think I’ve gotten through to him until he gives me that melancholic smile I’ve seen too many times during our short time together.
He knew all along. It’s only sinking in now. Every time he smiled at me like that, he was picturing this moment.
October sixth. Death .
It makes sense now. The tattoo on his hand is not only in memoriam to his sister, it’s a reminder of when he will die.
“Chloe, my little sinner, you’re strong enough to get your own revenge if you want it or you can just keep driving and live peacefully. Your fate is in your own hands now. You didn’t need me before you met me, and you still don’t need me now.”
He guides my hand up to his temple, and as much as I try to stop him, I can’t. His grip is deadly.
“No, don’t you dare do this! When that biker held me down you told me to fight. Where has yours gone? Zack, baby, please fight for me. Please!” My voice cracks.
“I’m sorry. If only I met you sooner. Never forget I love you, little sinner.” His lips collide with mine for one final kiss as his finger starts to squeeze the trigger.
I scream into his mouth, “ No .”
I’m not letting him do this.
I bite down on his lip until blood floods both our mouths, and I push all my weight into him. My hand slips as he tips backward, and the gun goes off. He grunts in pain, and I scream as we both go over the railing.
The world spins around me, and I squeeze my eyes shut so I don’t pass out. Strong arms and legs wrap around me. Cinnamon and blood fill my nostrils. Zack cradles my body to his. I hug him back, content that if this is how we end then at least it’s together.
We tumble through the air. The rush of water from the river below gets louder and louder until a searing pain shoots across my left side as we hit the surface and everything becomes muffled.
I try to hold on to Zack, but the current pulls him away from me. I don’t even know if he’s alive. Whether the bullet got him or not.
There’s no up or down in this cold limbo. I kick my feet and try to breach the surface, but panic as I get nowhere.
I search for Zack, hoping that my flailing limbs will find him.
I’m all alone.
The current takes me, and rocks hit my feet. My feet .
Squinting my eyes through the harsh sting of the water, I see the warm glow of the sunrise above me.
My lungs ache as I try to hold out. I’m close now. Just a few more kicks and I’ll break the surface .
But I don’t make it.
My body forces me to breathe, and I open my mouth, swallowing water in.
A dark shadow casts over me, and I know I’m gone.
I always wondered if the whole life flashing before your eyes when you’re about to die thing was true. Seems like it’s wrong.
All I see is Zack.