Chapter 16 #3
Roman ached for her, and more than ever he wanted to strike out at the duchess.
There was no way he would pay her extortion now.
Neither was he going to reveal the letter to Ellis.
She need never know just how cruel her mother was.
“That must have been devastating to discover.” He stood and moved around the bed to sit nearer to her.
“That isn’t everything.” Ellis scooted away from him, and he didn’t understand why she wouldn’t want comfort. “The rest is even worse. Her lover was Rowland Harker.”
“Lady Shefford’s father? He’s your father too?” Roman was again shocked, but he didn’t see how that worsened anything.
“He’s the most abysmal rogue.” Ellis shook her head, her disgust evident. “I went to his house the other day so we could be introduced as father and daughter. Jo took me.”
That was her errand, and the reason for her strange behavior the past few days. “What happened?” Roman prepared himself for something terrible. Though how could anything be worse than what she’d already revealed?
A truly abhorrent thought stole into his mind. God, Harker hadn’t tried to seduce her before he’d learned the truth, had he? Before he could voice the fear, Ellis spoke.
“I saw a collection of portraits Harker has painted over the years—of his mistresses.” Ellis hesitated, her features growing apprehensive. “I don’t know if I should tell you this.”
Roman had a very bad feeling. A chill swept over him, icing his veins. “Tell me.”
“One of them was Clarissa.”
The room went black for a moment as Roman’s vision tunneled. He stood and stalked to the fireplace, his heart crashing about his chest.
“I’m sorry, Roman.” Ellis’s voice somehow broke through his haze of rage.
“I didn’t want to tell you. But I can’t continue to be with you and not reveal the truth.
You said you wanted to share my burden. I was glad to hear you say that because I’m afraid I can’t carry it alone and look at you every day. I can only imagine how angry you feel.”
“Angry isn’t a big enough emotion,” he growled. For so long, he’d wanted to know the identity of the man who’d broken Clarissa’s heart and caused her death. Now he did. And he could finally seek vengeance for the tragic loss of a young woman with her entire life before her.
Except the blackguard was Ellis’s father.
“Did you know she’d been unfaithful?” Ellis asked softly.
“Yes, but I didn’t know with whom.”
“I had no idea,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”
He turned to face her. She now stood next to the bed, watching him with anguish—and trepidation. “I didn’t tell you because, just as you didn’t want to share parts of your past, I preferred not to disclose some of mine.”
She nodded in understanding, her expression sympathetic, and it nearly broke his heart. “I think it’s best if I leave your employment.”
“You are far more than my bloody employee,” he ground out.
“I’m not sure that matters. There’s no future for us, Roman.
Even if there wasn’t this horrible tangle with my father and your wife, there is me.
I’m penniless and illegitimate. You need an heiress of good standing who will help you reclaim your family’s place in Society.
You know what I say is true. We’ve had our time, and it was wonderful. But it’s time we moved on.”
Wonderful? No, it had been perfect.
But she’d laid it all out quite clearly—and accurately.
There was no future for them. He did need an heiress, and he was going to demand satisfaction from her father.
Just thinking of him having a portrait of Clarissa, like some kind of trophy, made him sick.
He would hate for Josiah or Harriet to ever learn the truth.
What made him feel worse, however, was the thought of losing Ellis and what they shared. “I don’t want it to be over,” he rasped, his throat tight with emotions that ranged from fury to despair.
And love.
He knew in that moment that he loved Ellis. Far more than he’d ever imagined he might care for Clarissa. Ellis had transformed him from a bitter widow to a man who looked forward to every day. His household was warmer and brighter with her in it.
“There has to be a way,” he croaked. But right now, his thoughts and emotions were completely jumbled.
Ellis shook her head.
Shaking, Roman went about picking up his strewn garments. “I need to think.”
“There’s no thinking required,” she said simply. Without emotion.
Roman’s heart blistered as he walked to the door. He stopped to look back at her. “Your father—” He blew out a breath and made a frustrated sound. “His behavior cannot go unanswered. You will hate me, Ellis, for what I want to do.”
“I suspect you want to call him out, and that if you do, you’ll likely kill him.
I can’t stop you. I won’t stop you.” She took a breath, her voice lowering.
“I hardly know him, and I’ve no affinity toward him.
In fact, I found him rather repellent overall.
Still, he is my father. And he’s Jo’s father.
I cannot wish for his death. I beg you to reconsider. ”
“I cannot. He’s despicable. He devastated the Laceys.
” Roman couldn’t breathe. “He drove Clarissa to her death. When I learned of the affair, I demanded she end it. But she said her lover had already pushed her away. She was despondent, saying that she would never love anyone as she loved him and that she’d made a huge mistake in marrying me.
She began taking laudanum. One night, she drank too much of it and didn’t wake the following morning.
I will never know if she’d intended to die or not, but I’m not sure it matters since the result was the same. ”
Ellis pressed her hand to her mouth and looked as if she might cry.
Roman wished he could hold her, but he needed time to determine what he would do.
He opened the door and turned away from her. “I’m sorry, Ellis.”
As he stepped over the threshold, he pulled the door closed. Just before it snapped shut, he swore he heard her say, “I love you.”
But he could not have. How could she love him now?