Chapter 17
Ellis barely slept after Roman left her room.
She had dozed fitfully, then given up before the sun rose.
It didn’t take long to pack her things, for she didn’t bother with the men’s wardrobe.
She felt a little guilty leaving it behind, however, she wasn’t able to manage carrying everything on her own, and she wasn’t going to ask for help.
Then she’d taken on the painful task of writing her letter of resignation.
That had taken far longer than packing her things and was perhaps the most difficult thing she’d ever done.
Anguish tightened every muscle in her body as she left the letter on Roman’s desk in the study where they had come to know each other so well and where they had shared their first kiss.
Fighting back tears, she quietly departed just after the sun rose. She walked to Grosvenor Square as quickly as she could whilst carrying two valises. Where else could she go but Henlow House? She supposed she could have gone to Wellesbourne House. Pandora certainly would have welcomed her there.
But Ellis needed to go home. It was time.
Nervously, she knocked on the door at Henlow House. Percy, the butler, greeted her warmly.
“Good morning, Miss Dangerfield. It’s wonderful to see you.” He glanced at the lightening sky but said nothing about the shocking earliness of the hour. His gaze dipped to her valises. “Dare I hope you’ve come to stay, at least for a while?”
She nodded. “If I may, Percy. I doubt Lady Shefford is yet awake, but I don’t think she will object, nor will his lordship.”
“No one here would object, Miss Dangerfield. In fact, I imagine there will be unanimous delight.”
Emotion swelled in Ellis’s chest. These people wanted her, whereas her own blood, her mother, did not. Ellis would never be able to reconcile those things. She just had to accept that was the way it was.
“I’ll just go up to my old room, then,” she said.
Percy took her valises from her as she stepped inside and moved them to the corner of the entrance hall.
“Jack will take these up for you, but not to your old room,” the butler said, referring to one of the footmen.
“Lady Shefford made it clear to me that if you returned, you were to have Lady Minerva’s former suite. ”
Ellis wasn’t sure how she felt about that. It was Min’s, not hers. It was also far larger than her room on the third floor.
Jo had expected her to come? How, when Ellis hadn’t even decided until late last night?
“Are you certain that’s what I should do?” Ellis asked. “It doesn’t seem right.”
“Everyone is in agreement, Miss Dangerfield, including Lady Minerva. It’s not as if she needs that chamber any longer.”
Ellis quashed a smile. “No, she does not.” Apparently, her sisters had been plotting behind her back. She didn’t mind one bit. It was, she decided, quite nice to have sisters.
“Would you like breakfast sent up?” Percy asked as Ellis removed her gloves.
“Not yet. I think I’ll rest for a while. Thank you, Percy. It’s absolutely lovely to see you.”
He inclined his head, and his eyes gleamed with warmth.
Ellis moved into the staircase hall and slowly made her way upstairs.
This was home, or one of them, anyway. But this was the place where she’d spent the most time over the past seventeen years of her life.
There was also Beacon Park and the Grove, the beloved home near Weston, where she and Min spent every August and where their little club of friends had been formed.
It was also where Pandora had been ruined and the Rogue Rules had been born.
Ellis yawned as she finally made her way into Min’s chamber.
It was pink and rose and almost unbearably floral.
It had been designed by their mother and wasn’t particularly to Min’s taste.
Strangely, Ellis liked it, though she’d never said so.
The busy flower patterns appealed to her for some reason, and she liked the pink with the small accents of ivory and green.
Did that mean she had at least something in common with her mother? Ellis didn’t like to think so, but again, she had to accept what was and not what she hoped for.
Jack delivered her valises, and like the butler, he welcomed her effusively before departing. Ellis couldn’t help but smile through her exhaustion. It felt good to be home.
Ellis woke late that morning and took the breakfast that Percy had offered earlier.
The cook had included her favorite apricot jam, and again, Ellis couldn’t help smiling.
It was remarkable, given how heavy her heart felt after how things had ended with Roman last night.
Perhaps it was time to let the past—even the most recent—go.
Her breakfast had come with a note from Jo asking Ellis to join her in the drawing room whenever she finished, if she wanted to.
After pinning up her hair and donning a simple day dress, Ellis regarded herself in the glass and was pleased with what she saw.
No more facial hair or wigs. She wasn’t Lady Minerva’s companion, nor was she the Marquess of Keele’s secretary.
She was also no longer his lover. She was just simple Miss Dangerfield, and she liked that.
She went downstairs to the drawing room on the first floor. Jo and Sheff were there together, and as soon as she stepped over the threshold, Sheff shot to his feet. He grinned. “Ellis, you’re back. I’m so happy to see you.”
He came toward her and embraced her tightly. She closed her eyes for a moment and welcomed his comfort.
“Thank you. I’m glad to be back.”
He guided her to the seating area, and she sat down on the settee next to Jo, who took her hand and smiled. “Is it all right that you’re in Min’s room?”
“It’s strange,” Ellis admitted. “But it’s comfortable.”
“You can redecorate it however you like,” Sheff said. “You’re also welcome to an entirely new wardrobe.”
Ellis pressed her lips together. “That is most generous of you, but I cannot accept.”
Sheff’s brow furrowed briefly. “Why not? You’re a member of this family.”
“I suppose I am, but I don’t see a life for myself here in London. What would I do? Be a governess to your child?” She glanced at Jo’s belly.
“We would never ask you to do that.” Jo hesitated. “Unless… Is that what you want to do?”
“No,” Ellis said. “I would prefer to be a loving aunt.”
Sheff grinned. “So, you shall be. You are welcome here for as long as you like. Forever.”
Ellis hoped she wasn’t going to hurt their feelings. “I deeply appreciate that, Sheff—more than you can know. However, I would like to make my own way. I thought I might try to become a librarian, though not here in London.”
“You would make an excellent librarian,” Jo said.
“Won’t you miss it here?” Sheff asked with genuine concern.
Ellis realized she would. This was her home, and they were offering her the opportunity to keep it. But she didn’t want to be the spinster aunt, at least not in the same household.
Sheff gestured toward her. “If you’d rather live somewhere else, we can arrange for that too. Or you could go live with Father in Marylebone. He said he’d be delighted to have you. He’s always loved you, you know.”
Again, Ellis felt too much emotion welling within her. “Thank you. I will consider your kind suggestions.”
Jo rested her hand on her belly. “Well, if you chose to stay with us until I have the baby, I wouldn’t mind the support. I am thrilled to have a sister.”
Ellis couldn’t deny she felt the same. She now had two sisters and a brother.
She also had a living mother and a living father, neither of whom she wanted anything to do with.
She was incredibly troubled about Rowland Harker and the conversation she’d had with Roman last night.
She couldn’t fault him for his anger but hoped he wouldn’t act on it.
Hurting his wife’s lover wouldn’t make him feel better, but Roman had to determine that for himself. Ellis could not make his problems hers. Not after he’d so clearly turned away from her after she’d done precisely what he’d asked of her—to share her burden with him.
“We’re so happy you’re here,” Jo said. “Can I ask why?” she added tentatively.
Ellis exhaled. “Did you tell Sheff about Rowland Harker and Roman’s wife?”
Jo grimaced faintly. “I did. We don’t keep secrets from one another. I had to tell him. It affects you, and you’re our family.”
“I’m not angry,” Ellis assured her. “I would expect you to share it with him. You’re married, and you shouldn’t have secrets. Secrets are what brought us here.”
“So true,” Sheff agreed. “I confess I don’t know that I can be civil to Harker next time I see him.”
Jo scowled. “I’m even angrier now than I was when you told us last night.
Which is silly because I’ve known he had affairs with married people.
I’m embarrassed to say his behavior didn’t trouble me as much as it does now, because I didn’t have a personal relationship with anyone who was affected.
I thought I could express my distaste for his activities and still maintain a relationship with him, but I can no longer do that.
He needs to stop philandering, or I will not associate with him. ”
Ellis squeezed her hand before letting her go. “I never meant to cause heartache for you or to divide you and your father.”
“You did nothing,” Jo said quickly. “It’s his fault. How did Roman take the news?”
“Quite poorly.” Ellis wasn’t going to detail just how poorly nor would she share the particulars of Clarissa’s death.
She wasn’t keeping secrets; she was preserving a poor woman’s dignity, she hoped.
“He has long been angry with whoever it was that seduced his wife, and I think he was resigned to never knowing the man’s identity.
Now that he does, I worry he’ll demand satisfaction. ”
“He’s not going to call Harker out, is he?” Sheff asked sharply.
Ellis tried not to reveal the depth of her agitation. “He might. I asked him not to, but I don’t think I persuaded him. I should have told him that it would be more damaging to him than to Rowland.”
Sheff’s features had darkened. “I’ll speak to him.”
“I don’t know if you should,” Ellis warned, thinking of how furious Roman had been. “But I won’t tell you what to do.”
“I’ve known Keele a long time,” Sheff said. “I’ll dispatch a note asking him to meet later.” He nodded at them both before quickly departing.
Jo sent a hopeful look toward Ellis. “Did you tell Roman how you felt?”
“No.” Ellis tipped her head down briefly.
“I wanted to, but I just…didn’t. He was angry about Rowland, and rightfully so.
Furthermore, he didn’t argue with me about what he needs, which is an heiress.
” She returned her gaze to Jo. “Please don’t suggest the dowry options again.
Even if I were an heiress, it wouldn’t work.
How can he marry the illegitimate daughter of a man he despises?
And what if he does call Rowland out? I have to imagine he’d wound him, if not kill him.
While I don’t particularly hold our father with affection, I certainly don’t want him to die.
I don’t think I could be with Roman if he dueled with him. ”
Jo’s face was creased with concern. “Perhaps Keele just needs time to let his anger cool. What did he say when you left?”
“I don’t know,” Ellis replied. “I left a note this morning. I didn’t tell him where I went, and I asked him not to try to reach me.”
Jo scooted forward, which took slightly more effort than normal.
“Ellis, why do you keep doing this? You cut yourself off from the people who care about you. Do you think that you deserve to be unhappy? You don’t,” she said forcefully.
“Nothing that has happened is your fault, regardless of what the duchess might have told you.”
Did Ellis believe that she didn’t deserve happiness? She didn’t think so, but after years and years of hearing how unworthy she was and how she was lucky to be a companion in their household, she truly didn’t think she deserved more.
Ellis stared but saw nothing as her thoughts tumbled over themselves.
“You may be right,” she said softly. “Will you excuse me? I think I need to be alone for a little while.”
“Certainly,” Jo said, “but I’m here for you as your friend and your sister. I love you.”
This time, the emotion welling within Ellis reached her eyes, and she feared she would cry. She didn’t want to do that in front of Jo. “Thank you,” she croaked before she turned and fled.