Chapter 18
Ellis’s note to Roman had been devastatingly short and flat.
Dear Roman,
I am grateful for the opportunity to be your secretary. It has been an invaluable experience. I deeply appreciate your keeping my secrets and hiding me. Now it’s time for me to face things and decide my future.
I think it’s best if you don’t know where I’ve gone, and I would ask that you not try to find me. We both know that we must travel separate paths.
Fondly,
Ellis.
Fondly? There had been no mention of their affair, nor of the wondrous joy they’d shared. And not a word about love.
Perhaps he’d misheard her last night as he’d left the room. He should have gone right back inside and questioned her. He regretted not doing so.
However, her letter didn’t sound like something a woman in love would write. Not that it mattered whether she loved him or not. She believed they had no future, and he couldn’t disagree with her.
When he wasn’t thinking of Ellis, which was nearly every moment, he stewed about Rowland Harker. He’d stolen a happy future from a na?ve young woman.
Though if Clarissa were still here, Roman would not have come to know Ellis in the way that he did. And now, he simply couldn’t imagine his life without what they’d shared.
Because his study now reminded him of Ellis, Roman had spent the day working at Lacey and Company in Paternoster Row. Josiah had remarked upon his quiet and almost surly demeanor. Roman had briefly explained he hadn’t slept well, then spent the rest of the day avoiding everyone.
Returning home at dinnertime, he noted a coach parked in front of his house. Roman thought it might belong to Sheff.
Graham welcomed him into the house.
“Is Lord Shefford here?” Roman asked.
“He is,” Graham confirmed. “Upstairs in the library. I told him I didn’t know when you would return, but he insisted on waiting. He sent a note this afternoon, then arrived here a short while ago.”
“I see.” Roman grew concerned. It was entirely possible that Sheff knew where Ellis had gone. Was something wrong?
Roman handed his hat and gloves to Graham and dashed up the stairs, ascending two at a time. He walked into the library.
Sheff stood at the window and turned as Roman entered. “I saw your coach drive up.”
“Why are you here?” Roman strode toward him as his concern bloomed to full anxiety. “Graham said you sent a note earlier. Is something wrong? Is it Ellis?”
“In a way.” Sheff gestured to the main seating area. “May we sit?”
“I’d rather not,” Roman said.
Sheff shrugged. “Have it your way. I came to speak with you about my father-in-law, Rowland Harker.”
“I know who your father-in-law is,” Roman grumbled. Though he wasn’t as angry as he’d been last night, mention of the man still raised his hackles. “I can guess why you want to speak to me about him, but I would prefer not to discuss it.”
“I imagine not, so let us ignore the details. You can’t call him out,” Sheff said plainly.
“I realize he’s a blackguard and deserves some sort of comeuppance, but is there another way you can gain satisfaction?
Does it help you to know that Jo and I are prepared to cut ties with him entirely?
In fact, Jo is going to give him an ultimatum that he must stop philandering. ”
“You really think he’ll do that?” Roman scoffed.
“I don’t know,” Sheff said, and he sounded genuine. “If he won’t agree to it, we shall wash our hands of him. Still, we’d rather you didn’t cause him physical harm.”
Roman dearly wanted to at least hit the man in the face. “How else am I to have satisfaction?”
“I understand you’re angry.” Sheff raised a placating hand. “Perhaps it would help to confront him.”
Roman blew out a breath and stalked across the room. For years he’d thought about what he wanted to do to the man who’d caused so much devastation with his careless behavior. He turned halfway and glanced over at Sheff, who was fixed on Roman expectantly.
“I was very angry last night when Ellis told me that Harker had been my wife’s lover, but I don’t want to hurt him.
” Roman felt some of the tension leave his shoulders.
“I blame the man for corrupting an innocent young woman and causing her family untold grief.” Roman explained how Clarissa had died.
“Bloody hell,” Sheff breathed. “I didn’t realize.”
Roman faced him. “Would you tell someone if that had happened to your wife?”
“No.” Sheff’s brows drew together. “I’m sorry, Roman.
I’ll go with you to confront Harker. We’ll inform him it’s time he retired from his debauchery.
If he doesn’t, he will never meet our child, and I’ll ensure he’s completely cut from Society.
No more social engagements, no painting anyone or providing lessons. ”
Roman felt as if he’d been hit in the gut. “I hadn’t put that together. I believe Harker was Clarissa’s tutor. He can’t be allowed to teach any young women ever again.”
Sheff’s eyes darkened with fury. “Agreed. We’ll extract that promise from him too—and I’ll make sure he keeps it. Let’s go see him now.”
Roman was torn. Part of him never wanted to see Rowland Harker, but perhaps a larger part of him wanted the man to know what his behavior had wrought. Perhaps that would even convince him to stop. “Yes, let’s go and put an end to his depravity.”
A short while later, they arrived at the Bedford, a chop-house near where Harker lived and where Sheff said he would likely be at this hour.
They found Harker upstairs in a small, private dining room just as he’d sat down to eat.
It was perfect for confronting the man, particularly if Roman decided after all that he simply couldn’t avoid punching him in the face.
Roman didn’t think he’d met Harker before.
The man was attractive, which wasn’t surprising since he was Ellis’s father, with blond hair and golden-brown eyes.
He grinned broadly as they entered, and his features revealed him to be a man who smiled often.
“Good evening, Sheff. You’ve brought a friend!
How charming. Would you care to join me? The lamb is excellent.”
“This is Lord Keele,” Sheff said ominously.
Harker’s expression dimmed. Roman couldn’t tell if he knew who he was—at least relative to one of his past lovers. It was entirely possible he’d heard the name Keele in another context.
“I don’t believe we’re acquainted, my lord,” Harker said, his tone still affable if a bit uncertain. “I’m pleased to meet you.”
“Whereas, I would sooner meet vermin,” Roman replied with a faint sneer.
Harker blinked. All the good nature that had lit his features evaporated. “There’s no call to be rude.”
“You’ll find he has every reason to be rude or even downright insulting.” Sheff glanced at Roman. “Will you tell him, or shall I?”
“I’ll tell him.” Roman’s pulse sped as he fixed a glower on Harker. “While we haven’t met, you knew my wife, Clarissa, very well.”
“That’s right.” Harker grimaced, and Roman almost gave the man credit for not trying to hide the fact that he’d known Clarissa.
“I was just speaking of her the other day, in fact. Life is funny, isn’t it?
How you can think of someone and then they appear, although, in this case, she can’t appear.
But someone else is here…talking about her… ” his voice trailed off awkwardly.
“And why isn’t she here?” Roman asked with soft menace.
“I believe she died, my lord.” Harker’s voice had climbed then caught. He coughed. “I’m very sorry to hear that happened.”
“Do you know how?” Roman asked. “Of course you don’t.
I made sure no one knew because it was horrible and would have ruined her.
I can’t say for sure that she intended to die on purpose.
” Roman took satisfaction from Harker’s soft gasp.
“She became ill after you pushed her away. At the time, I didn’t know you were her lover, but it has recently come to my attention that you are the reason my wife withered and died. ”
Harker blanched. “You’re saying she killed herself?”
“As I said, I don’t know and I never will.
What I can tell you is that she died a melancholic and broken woman.
You deprived her parents of their beloved daughter and me of my wife.
She loved you more than anything. She even regretted marrying me, though it wasn’t as if she could wed you for you already have a wife, don’t you? ”
Harker put his hand to his brow and fidgeted with his hair, appearing most anxious.
“She asked me quite insistently to run away with her, and I declined. I told her that she needed to return to you and that our affair was simply a passing fancy. I assured her she would move past it and likely forget me entirely.”
Roman blinked. Harker had encouraged her to go back to Roman after she’d begged him to flee London together?
Some of the rage he’d carried dissipated.
He would never forgive Harker, but perhaps he didn’t hate him quite as much.
It was better to try to do the right thing, even if it was late in coming.
“You’re despicable,” Sheff said with disdain. “You must stop this behavior. You believe your actions have no consequences, but they do. This is just one instance that you now know of, but there are almost certainly more. Not to mention the countless children you’ve fathered illegitimately.”
“They aren’t countless,” Harker argued, still pale and agitated.
Sheff stared at him coldly. “You weren’t aware of one of your offspring until a short while ago, so I’d say that’s a reasonable description. You’ll either stop behaving in this manner, or you will finally suffer for your behavior.”
“How?” Harker croaked as he sent a fearful glance toward Roman.
“To start, Jo and I will be finished with you. Then, I will make sure no one in Society engages with you—ever. And you will never teach anyone again. That is non-negotiable.”
Harker’s gaze turned pleading. “But teaching is how I earn money. How will I survive?”
“Perhaps you should try living within your means,” Sheff sneered.
“You receive plenty from Jo’s mother to live a comfortable life.
Although I’m sure I could persuade her to rescind that allowance.
When she hears the true depth of your debauchery, she may do far worse to you than I’ve threatened.
I’m also confident Jo can talk her half-siblings into turning against you too. You will be alone and destitute.”
Harker stared at them with wide, panicked eyes.
“Fine—no more teaching. But I don’t know if I can stop the other.
I’ve tried to be monogamous or even refrain from physical pleasures, but it’s as though I’m incapable.
I loved Jo’s mother. I hated that I had betrayed her, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. ”
“You must try harder,” Roman growled.
“I will.” Harker nodded eagerly. “I promise.”
Sheff inclined his head. “If you fail, the consequences I’ve laid out will be yours.”
Harker blanched. “I understand.” He looked at Roman. “I did love Clarissa, if that means anything. I loved them all, just not as much as they loved me or for as long.” He appeared regretful, but it didn’t matter to Roman.
He stalked toward the man and leaned down, setting his hand on the table next to Harker’s plate.
Roman met his gaze and snarled. “I’ve wanted to call you out and demand satisfaction for years, but I’m not going to because I’m in love with your daughter.
Killing her father, even one she doesn’t know and likely doesn’t care to, would not change anything that’s happened in the past.” It could, however, make her hate me.
Thinking of that possibility filled Roman with a deep and horrible torment.
“You’re in love with Ellis?” Harker asked in surprise.
Roman straightened and turned away. He was not going to satisfy the man with an answer. He did note, however, that Sheff was stifling a gleeful smile.
As Roman strode toward the door, he heard Sheff deliver a parting warning to Harker.
“We’ll know if you don’t keep your word. Do not disappoint any of us, especially your children. They deserve better.”
Roman opened the door and stalked out of the dining room toward the stairs.
He didn’t stop until he was outside the chop-house.
He took several deep breaths and felt a weight lift from his body.
Was that because he’d finally confronted the man who’d cuckolded him, or did he feel lighter because he’d finally declared his love for Ellis?
Sheff joined him on the pavement. “You’re in love with her, eh?”
How long had Roman loved Ellis? For some time. Perhaps even from the moment he’d discovered she was a woman. His immediate reaction hadn’t been anger or disgust. Even then, when he’d barely known her, he’d felt an overwhelming urge to protect and support her.
He’d known he was falling in love with her after he’d received that vile letter from the duchess. Again, he’d been overcome with the absolute need to keep Ellis safe. He would pay any price, risk everything he had for her.
“Yes.” Roman walked toward the coach.
“You don’t appear to be filled with joy,” Sheff noted wryly as he kept up beside him.
No, but he ached to be. “I completely botched things.”
“So I gathered.” Sheff shrugged. “I don’t know what happened, but Jo told me enough. Ellis is ready to leave London and strike out on her own, something about becoming a librarian. I offered her a dowry, but she won’t take it.”
Again, she didn’t sound like a woman interested in marriage, but then she’d never claimed to be.
“She thinks you need an heiress. Is that true?” Sheff cut his hand through the air.
“It doesn’t matter. If you love her, you must tell her.
” He grabbed Roman’s arm, pulling him to stop just before they reached the coach.
“Don’t wait. You’ll regret it.” Releasing Roman, he gave him a dark stare.
“I regret not running to Jo the moment I suspected I loved her.”
“I don’t know where Ellis is.” Did that mean Roman would run to her? He wanted to but wasn’t sure he should.
“Shall we go to my house next?” Sheff asked blandly.
Roman understood he was implicitly saying Ellis was at Henlow House. The urge to go to her was overwhelming, but he needed to approach her in the right way. In the best way. “Not tonight. I’ve some things to arrange.”
“Tomorrow?”
Roman nodded. And all would be revealed—for better or worse.