4. Sean
FOUR
sean
16 YEARS OLD
BLAIR (15 YEARS OLD)
She was exactly where I expected her to be.
“What’s wrong?” I handed Blair a food container my mother forced into my hands this morning and took up a spot beside her in the school courtyard. “Don’t push it away or Caroline will think I did something to you.”
I gazed over in time to see the barely there smile pulling at her lips before she schooled it. Since meeting her she’d become a big part of my every day thoughts and life.
“I can’t disappoint Caroline, can I?”
Her eyes met mine but only for a second—a second I wouldn’t forget.
“You can’t. And make sure you keep my secret about using her first name, too.”
That earned me a little chuckle and part of my job was done.
“Finn said you were fighting again.”
Blair scoffed and stuffed her mouth with pasta salad.
“Your brother is a troublemaker,” she said after chewing and swallowing. “And I wasn’t fighting again. It was an exchange of words with your girlfriend.”
It was my turn to scoff a little.
“Enlighten me on when I announced to you or anyone I had a girlfriend?”
She huffed and maneuvered her body to face me, crossing her legs and setting the container of food atop them.
“It doesn’t matter if you say it or not, O’Sullivan. The girl is obsessed with you. And because you speak to me and act all nice, she thinks I’m trying to steal you or whatever.”
Her eyes were avoiding mine even though I knew she wanted to look into them, to see what she’d been seeing for the last year since attending the same private school.
I loved Blair, even this moody version of her.
But her father had made it very clear to mine that she was off limits and I was inclined to follow that rule as was she.
“You know the truth, right?” I asked.
It was getting hard to keep up the facade but we were making do.
“I know,” she whispered, looking at me through her lashes. “I just refuse to be bullied.”
Finally, she lifted her gaze and met mine dead on.
Blair knew what it felt like to be bullied by the people who’re supposed to love you. She fought harder for herself because of it and I respected that.
“Everything alright at home?”
She shook her head and then nodded.
“My mom and I are good. We’ve been staying at my grandmas.”
I leaned into her personal space, bracing myself on the concrete with one hand.
“When did y’all move out?”
It wasn’t the first time her mother had packed up and left Nathaniel.
“Last week but I’m sure we’ll be back. We always go back.”
“Are you good?”
Our gazes clashed and I knew she wasn’t, that my question had been pointless, but I waited for a response anyway.
“I’m fine, Sean.”
She looked down, up and then down again.
Liar.
The first bell rung, signaling the end of lunch and our conversation, but I’d finish it some way or another.
“Will you meet me later?” I asked as we gathered our stuff. “I got something for you.”
Blair brushed her pleated skirt a few times before answering.
“What is it?”
We walked side by side into the school, then I turned and took backward steps with a grin on my face.
“It’s what you asked for.”
For the first time today, she hit me with a smile that almost made me lose balance. And to avoid bringing more attention she didn’t need or want, I left without saying goodbye.
Halfway to class, I spotted Finn and knocked him in the back of the head.
“Don’t be late,” I said, still in motion, only to be stopped by Penelope.
“Sean, I’ve been looking for you,” she annoyingly whined, reaching out to touch my shoulder.
I leaned out of her grasp and frowned.
“You don’t have permission to touch me and…” I let my voice carry a little so she and everyone else could hear me too. “you never will. Remember that. There will never be a Sean and Penelope.”
She was the furthest thing from my type. Nothing but a pale redhead who thought my Irish ancestry meant I wanted one to bring home.
Taking her to meet my mother? It was laughable.
Penelope wouldn’t know what to do with herself in a room filled with my cousins, who she probably thought looked more like her than me, let alone Caroline O’Sullivan.
I shook that encounter off just as the last bell rung and slipped into Mr. Williams math class. He cut his eyes at me, up at the clock, and then tipped his head toward the seat in the front.
A second late and this guy still won’t let up.
I respected his position though and took up residence at my new desk.
Didn’t matter what happened for the next two hours of school as long as Blair met me afterward and accepted my gift.
I cruised through the rest of the day and went straight to our meetup spot after sending Finn home without me.
She kept me waiting, like always.
And I stayed put, like always.
“Sorry, Oisin,” Blair said as she approached, calling me by my middle name. “I had to sit with the Dean about my little spat this morning. Blah Blah.”
Our eyes met and she quickly looked away.
“Nobody will know you looked me in the eyes, Amoy.”
Her middle name meant beautiful goddess and every time she used mine, I took the opportunity to use hers in return. To call her beautiful without actually saying it.
It was a win win in my book.
Blair got to keep her distance and I got to express how I really felt without going against her father’s wishes.
“But I’ll know,” she whispered. “Every time I look at you, I…”
She lifted her hands and dropped them, still refusing to give me what I wanted.
fall in love with you even more.
“We shouldn’t feel this way,” Blair went on, ignoring what we both knew. “We’re so young and I’m off limits, remember?”
Why were we talking about this again?
“Right,” I agreed, reaching for the bag behind me. “Everything you wanted is there.”
Blair lifted an eyebrow and took a peek inside.
“This surveillance pack is better than the one I saw you researching. I switched out the bigger pieces for smaller devices. It’ll be easier to use and set up. Plus, they come with yearly upgrades.”
She looked up into my eyes, her brows furrowed in question.
“I didn’t ask for this.”
“You did,” I quipped, pushing it into her hands but not letting go after our fingers touched. “When we talked the other day, you said you wished you could see what was happening behind closed doors at the church. Now you can.”
Blair had this look in her eyes that confused me at first and then she started to cry and confused me even more.
“I can take it back if—”
She pulled the bag close to her chest and me with it or more like I moved with her.
“No, I’m keeping it,” she whispered through sniffles. “I just thought you were giving me something else, like those Nike spikes I mentioned. But you’re always listening so intently. I’m just grateful for you, little deer.”
Blair ran track, an all-American at fifteen, of course she thought I’d bought spikes.
I wrapped an arm around her as laughter spilled from my lips without permission.
Oisin meant little deer.
My grandfather had one tattooed on his back as did my father. And when I turned twenty-one, the same would be inked into my skin to keep the tradition going.
Deer symbolized longevity, the makings of a solid empire, criminal or otherwise. My brothers and I shared the name for a reason.
“I’m grateful for you,” I muttered into her ear as this undeniable feeling spread throughout my chest. “In any capacity I’m allowed to have you, beautiful goddess.”
Blair was right.
We were too fucking young to feel this way.