13. Blair
THIRTEEN
blair
19 YEARS OLD
SEAN (20 YEARS OLD) - SUMMER brEAK
The only good thing about coming home for summer break was him. I hadn’t accounted for how much I might miss Sean when deciding on FSU, but so far I didn’t regret my decision to branch out.
Did you make it?
I replied quickly to Esi.
Unfortunately, yes.
You can always come back. My abuelo won’t notice your presence at the estate.
Her abuelo was not your typical grandfather, but I’d never met mine on either side and had nothing to compare him to.
Thanks, Esi. But you know why I’m home. I’ll see you two weeks before classes start.
I entered the church and frowned.
There were three ways to go from the main entrance, down to the basement, up the steps toward the sanctuary or up another flight of stairs leading to balcony seating and my father’s study.
Wednesday meant bible study and I decided to head to the classroom my mother always taught in, only to find the door locked.
My frown deepened.
No one had been at the entrance to greet me either, but it wasn’t as unusual as my mother not teaching on Wednesdays.
Did something happen?
This weird feeling in my gut said so.
I went upstairs, walked through the empty sanctuary and then headed for my father’s study.
Standing at the door, I could hear the murmur of voices on the other side. And instead of knocking, I checked the camera feed to see who was inside.
“I’m pregnant,” the woman I hadn’t seen before said. “Your wife knows.”
Another one?
I closed out of the feed and knocked.
There was some shuffling before my father’s voice called for me to enter. When our eyes met, he frowned.
Not happy to see me, I guess.
“Why are you here?” he asked, pretending the woman sitting in front of his desk wasn’t here confessing to carrying his child.
“Didn’t mom tell you I was coming home today?” I asked, walking forward and taking a seat without his permission. “Got in early and decided to attend bible study but no one is here. Why’s that?”
I’d gotten bolder since being on my own. And the man who used to be formidable to me, wasn’t anymore.
“We canceled it,” the woman I hadn’t spoken to said.
I cut my eyes at her and she looked away.
“I’m sorry, did I ask you to answer for him?”
My dad stood and I sat back with a smirk.
“Lauren, leave and we’ll talk another day.”
She hesitated, eyes meeting mine again before standing to do as she was told.
“He’ll make you get rid of it,” I said as the door opened. “Might as well run now if you have plans to keep it. Run and never look back.”
I sounded as if I were taunting her but I meant every word. Lauren wouldn’t be the first pregnant woman to show face and probably not the last.
When the door shut, I flicked my gaze up to my father’s. His eyes searched mine for, I don’t know, maybe the version of myself that didn’t exist anymore.
“How do you think God feels about this? About the way you’re making a mockery of his word?”
He walked around the desk slowly and I stayed seated, hoping he might reach out and try to hit me.
Praying he’d do it so I could slice his fucking fingers off and feed them to him, but to my surprise he took his seat and tipped his head.
“Your mother is at your grandmothers.”
I lifted an eyebrow.
“You touched her?”
He chuckled and shuffled papers around his desk to keep me guessing before responding.
“Go find out.”
The threat was real and I itched to make him see I could kill him without blinking now but got up and went for the door.
“You still can’t keep your dick in your pants…” I shook my head. “How sad.”
It wasn’t until I pulled the door open he spoke.
“Remember the rules while you’re home this summer. Stay away from Sean O’Sullivan.”
I scoffed and said, “Make me,” before leaving.
No father should have control over his daughter the way mine tried to have over me. I would love who I wanted, spend time with and marry who the fuck I wanted.
“Look who it is.”
Caden’s voice startled me. I wasn’t sure why but I hadn’t been expecting to see him.
He was at the bottom of the stairwell, blocking my way to the exit.
“I’m not in the mood…” I jogged down and pushed past him, knocking him back with my shoulder.
He grabbed my arm and I snatched away.
“Why are you acting like this, Blair?”
Our eyes were the same but looking into his made my skin crawl. He made me physically sick and now that he was even bigger than when we were kids, I had to steer clear.
“You can’t be that dense,” I said, keeping my voice as steady as I could. “Have you forgotten all you’ve done to me?”
I turned toward the door and pushed it open before turning back to send a warning.
“Stay out of my way. The more you try to force yourself in my life, the more I want to kill you. Do you want to die?”
“You’d never be able to do it,” he said tauntingly as I left. “No matter what we’re family!”
Once outside, I took a deep breath.
He still made my hands shake whenever we encountered one another.
But I couldn’t think about that, instead I did exactly what my father expected of me and went to my grandmother’s in Harlem to “find out”.
“Why didn’t you tell me bible study was canceled?” I asked my mom after entering the apartment to find her sitting alone.
The chair my grandmother loved to lounge in was empty and a weird feeling tapped danced on my chest.
“Had no clue,” she finally said, waving to the mess of papers on the coffee table. “I’ve been dealing with this.”
“With what? And where’s nana, in bed?”
Finally, my mother’s bloodshot eyes met mine and somehow I knew.
“She died in her sleep two days ago and as you can see, none of the people she took in regularly are here to help me lay her to rest.”
I sighed, pulled my phone out and hit the last name I called recently.
“What’s wrong, Amoy?” Sean asked the second the line connected us.
Our plans to see one another later tonight were set before I touched down in the city. He was out handling family business and I would tend to mine, but this… I couldn’t do this alone.
“Sorry,” I whispered, stepping into the kitchen. “I know you’re busy but—”
“Never for you. What’s wrong?”
“Um…” suddenly tears clouded my eyes and I hated it. “My nana died and…”
I wasn’t sure why I’d even called him.
What could he do other than show his support?
“Never mind, are we still on for tonight?”
“I’m nearby. Give me five and I’ll be where you are.”
I shook my head.
“No, wait! I wasn’t—”
“Doesn’t matter,” he cut in. “You called because you need me, so I’ll be there.”
He ended the call and I set my phone on the kitchen table.
Was this setting the tone for the summer? God, I hoped not.
“Did you see your father?”
I turned to meet my mother’s gaze from where I stood.
“Briefly. Apparently, you are already aware of a pregnancy. Is that true?”
Her shoulders dropped.
“I feel your judgment from here.”
I wanted so badly to turn it off but how much would she take before it was enough?
“What if I helped you leave him? I could switch schools and get an apartment.”
She waved her hand over the mess of papers again.
“This is all I have time to focus on right now, Blair.”
“He’s going to kill you, ma,” I went on, ignoring her excuse. “There are no chances after that. Don’t you want to live a free and happy life?”
She stood and I sensed the attitude coming.
“What I need is for you to let this go.”
I stared at her for a long while before nodding.
Fuck it.
Why should I care if she didn’t?
“Did nana have insurance?” I asked, dropping the only subject that should matter for a close second. “Are you having a funeral or—”
“I don’t fucking know, Blair! My God! Stop asking so many questions and just leave, alright? I can’t deal with you and this at once.”
There was a knock at the door before I responded and then Sean walked in, dangling the key I’d given for him to check on my nana whenever he could.
His eyes found mine first and I was sure he’d felt the tension in the room the second he stepped inside.
“I’ll leave,” I said, meeting Sean where he stood. “Whatever you decide to do, I’d like the opportunity to say goodbye. If you need money, let me know.”
I took Sean’s hand and he slipped his fingers through mine as we walked to the elevator together.
My heart hurt a little, maybe I’d been too harsh. Too judgmental like she said.
It’s just… I was experiencing life differently since meeting Sean. And I wanted her to have the same.
At the thought, I let his hand go.
“One second,” I said when he fixed his lips to ask what was up.
I went back to the apartment, found my mom standing in front of the kitchen sink and wrapped my arms around her from behind.
“I’m sorry, mommy,” I whispered, forehead pressed to her back. “I don’t agree with you on this but I love you no matter what, okay? And I’m sorry about nana.”
One day she wouldn’t be here and who knew what our relationship might look like when the time came. I had to love her hard now, because this life was cruel.
She didn’t respond but I took it as an I love you anyway. Every time she dragged us to this very apartment was enough to believe my mom loved me more than she resented me.
I was her tether to my dad, a mistake .
But I was here and I would live for myself, even if it meant putting distance between us.
“I’ll go now. Call if you need me, I’m staying with Sean this summer.”
Where I was safe from harm and ridicule.
I met my protector in the hall and took his hand again. We got into the elevator and he pulled my forehead to his before I got to hit the lobby button.
“Day one, huh?”
Our lips brushed as a slow smile began to spread across my face.
“I expected drama but not for my nana to die. She couldn’t wait until after summer and that’s crazy.”
He chuckled and slipped his arms around my waist. But as he leaned back and I got to really focus on his eyes, I noticed they weren’t really here. His mind was somewhere else.
“What’s wrong, little deer? I see it, don’t lie to protect me.”
Sean shook his head and reached out to send us down.
“Grandparents crossed my mind,” he said, running his fingers through my new shoulder length cut.
That expression from before flashed and disappeared in an instant. I wasn’t even sure if I’d actually seen it.
“This made me think of them, that’s all. I should probably go see my grandda soon.”
He took my hand and led me to my car.
“I’m sorry about your nana, Amoy,” he murmured, turning and pressing me against the driver’s door before I could open it. “I love you.”
My heart raced for this man in ways I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of. He soothed me, made everything better without trying too hard.
“I love you, too,” I whispered back, pressing my lips to his. “I’m sorry I called you away from work for nothing. Are you sure it’s okay I stay with you this summer? Maybe—”
He bit down on my lip and I hissed.
“Why’d you do that?”
“Where did I say I wanted you this summer?”
I rolled my eyes.
“In your bed and arms.”
He lifted an eyebrow.
“Sitting on your dick,” I finished with a smile as he stepped back. “I get it. I’m just making sure. Your dad hates me and I’ll be under his roof.”
Darragh being annoyed with my presence was better than sleeping with my door locked and weapons under my pillow.
“No one hates you and you’ll never cross paths, even if you did I’m a grown ass man. You’re my grown ass woman, who I fucking love and plan to marry. Anybody got a problem, can see me about it.”
Wherever he was is where I wanted to be.
Fuck the rules.
And fuck the man who implemented them.