34. Heaven
CHAPTER 34
HEAVEN
TWO WEEKS LATER
I pull open the door to Molly’s, walking through the entrance without allowing the memories of what happened such a short time earlier to consume me.
It feels like a lifetime ago.
I’m a different person today and for always.
It smells dank and fresh. A weird combination. I’ve kept away, working from home, keeping up with everything for the family business, smoothing over things with the police. I’m working with the lawyers, forging new paths ahead, and moving in on spots suddenly opened as what’s left of the cartel scrambles.
And I’m on a quest to close the trafficking avenues.
Through it all, I’m both numb and bleeding inside because I haven’t heard a word from Matteo.
His father’s gone back home. Dante, too. Only Roman and Sergio have tried to keep up with me, tried to talk. I shut them down.
Fuck Matteo. Fuck him to hell and back again. He didn’t fight. He didn’t want me. He wanted out.
So…fuck him.
I don’t cry each night. There aren’t tears on my pillow. And the ache that threatens to swallow me?
That’s got nothing to do with him.
If I keep telling myself that, then I’ll believe it.
Aunt Maura rushes up to me, enveloping me in a tight hug. “Heaven, a leanbh , how is Matteo?”
I look at her, unsure of what to say. I love her so much but she’s embedded in this world and she wants me happy, and those two don’t go together. So…I haven’t known what to say. I’ve seen Patty, but he’s been ordered to keep his mouth shut about the marriage.
I’m bleeding and broken, yes. But I’m going to come out stronger than ever. I have to. Like Sergio said, I’m a badass bitch.
“Matteo? You’d have to ask him.” Before she can say a word, I keep going. “Dad ordered me here. Is he in the back?”
“Heaven, a leanbh , what’s wrong? I know something is up. You’ve kept away.” Her blue eyes shimmer with tears as she touches my cheek. “Sometimes forgiveness eases the soul.”
“Dad? Or do you mean Conor?”
She smiles and it’s sad. “Matteo.”
I square my shoulders, straighten my spine. “Some ships aren’t meant for me. I’m sorry, we can talk another time. I don’t want to be late.”
With that, I head to the office. If he’s called a meeting, then he’s going to recognize my hard work and appoint me to take his place. That will hopefully fill the void inside me.
I’ve lost so much. And after everything…I deserve it.
I knock briefly and push open the door. Conor and Dad both look up.
Unease spreads through me. Dad’s arm is in a sling from his injury, and Conor holds his side where a bullet grazed him. But it’s the glimmer of ugly gloating in his gaze I don’t like.
I haven’t told them the mess of my personal life, but since Matteo hasn’t been around, they must know.
Dad sits back and waves my brother to the other side of the desk. He stands beside me.
“Heaven, Conor,” my father says, looking between us. “I think you both know why you’re here.”
“Yes,” I say.
“Conor.” Dad’s attention turns to my brother. “There’s no denying you screwed up, got us into a mess. But you redeemed yourself. You helped find Dominguez and set the situation right.”
“What? That’s not what happened.” I look at Dad. “I set the situation right.”
“Circumstance, Heaven. But Conor, he tried to correct his wrongs, which is important for a leader. He’s still the oldest male in the family, and so, Conor, you will succeed me. Heaven, you will support him the way he sees fit.”
I press my fingertips to my temples. “How could you promote him? After everything? After acknowledging the damage he did? After seeing how his choices ravaged us?”
Dad presses his lips together. “It’s the right move for us. People will take us seriously with a man holding the reins.”
“He tried to kill me!”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Conor says with a yawn. “We had a fight. It got a little heated, but whatever.”
My blood starts to turn to ice. “Dad?—”
“The decision has been made,” Dad says in a cold voice. “Heaven, you did your part for this family. You saved our future by marrying Villani, and for that we are grateful. But I can’t have that man involved in the running of this organization.”
“I’m…we’re not together?—”
“Marriage is marriage.” Dad smooths his uninjured hand over the top of his desk. “I’m also your father, your superior, and what I say goes. Now, I have a lot of ideas about how we’ll expand your position within the organization. No real power, but you’ll be well compensated and remain in control of the finances for all of our businesses?—”
“Stop.” I grip the chair. “I don’t want to hear another word.”
“Do not disrespect me, iníon ,” Dad says, a warning tone in his voice.
“Don’t call me that,” I say. “ Iníon indicates a relationship between us that no longer exists. I’m not your daughter anymore.” My pulse spikes, and my heart thumps like a jackhammer against my ribs. “For years, I’ve followed without ever once challenging you, and in return, you want to promote this fucking moron over me? Then expect I’m going to support him and watch him lead this family so far down a rabbit hole that it will never see the light of day again? I’m finished with this. With both of you. With the family. I’m out.”
I stalk toward the office door. “Heaven, don’t you dare leave. You won’t walk away from this conversation!”
But I don’t stop. I open the door and walk out without a backward glance. Aunt Maura is there and she reaches for me. “Heaven, wait.”
I shake my head. I can’t wait. I keep going, pushing past her, and out into the cool, bright New York day.
I’m finally free.
Of all the shackles and pain and useless hard work. I’m free of duty, and the air is fresh in my lungs.
There’s only one thing keeping me from happiness. Only…
I stop outside the bar. Every nerve ending in my body explodes into life and I turn slowly.
A man is watching me. Tall, dark-haired, gorgeous, and commanding. He’s leaning against the wall next to the pub entrance.
“So, Heaven,” Matteo says. “I heard you were summoned.”
“Go away, Matteo.”
He shakes his head, those striking blue eyes on me. He’s a little gaunt. Dark circles mark the skin beneath his eyes. Maybe the lines on his face are etched a little deeper. But he looks strong and dangerous, and he’s still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life.
“Fuck no. I’m not going away. Your aunt is as scary as you.”
I frown. “Aunt Maura?”
“She called me. Reamed me out.”
Fury bubbles up. “And you want what, exactly? Were you just lurking, or did you develop magic powers to get here in minutes?” I drop my voice. “You pay attention to her and not me?”
“She’s frightening. You wouldn’t think it, she seems pretty affable.”
“I’m worse.”
“I know.” Matteo rolls on one shoulder to face me properly. “But I also have spies and people watching you. I knew about the summons. So I thought, where else to talk but the infamous spot where I got shot.”
I stalk closer to him but stop just out of reach. “You think that will soften me to you?”
“No, amore mio .” He glances at the pub door. “What happened in there?”
“I’m done with them.” My hands clench. This is all too much. I want him here. I want him gone. This isn’t playing fair. Matteo is unfair.
He nods. “And us?”
Something in me tightens. “What about us?” I ask warily.
“You. Me. It’s a simple concept, amore mio . I was so fucking high last time I saw you.”
“That’s no excuse.” My voice comes out choked as a big knot of emotion swells in my throat and I clench my hands so tight they’re hard, hot fists.
His eyes narrow. “I know it wasn’t. And it isn’t. But I didn’t explain it all properly in the hospital. How I was letting you go for your safety. For you to have a better life without a bastard like me screwing it up.”
“No, you didn’t want to fight for me.” I fling the words at him. “Big moves are easy, the little ones are hard. You went with the empty gesture.”
“You’re right. But I’m stubborn and these have been the hardest two weeks of my life. Not recovering. I’m actually meant to still be in the hospital, but I checked out.”
“Why?”
Matteo straightens up. “Because of you.”
Sweet heat streaks through me, but I fold my arms. I’m not going to make it easy for him. And these are just more damn words. “What about me?”
“Thing is, I’m not a noble guy. At all. I’m a tricky bastard who plays all sorts of underhanded games. And… I don’t want to be without you.”
“If I don’t trust you?”
“I love you, Heaven. More than anything. I thought letting you go was the best choice. You hated me and loved me, but you didn’t trust me and…letting you go was another gesture. I see that. Grand, noble?—”
“And bullshit. “
He smiles. “That, too. Amore mio, it wasn’t grand or noble throwing myself in front of the bullet. I couldn’t think. It was just you being alive. I only cared about that.”
Hot tears press at my eyes but I’m done crying. “And me? What about what I care about? What if I couldn’t be here with you gone?”
Matteo takes a step toward me. “That’s the thing with instinct. Protect who you love. But, Heaven, I don’t think grand is big. You said some things to me I needed to hear. And I agree. Real grand gestures are in the small things. The day to day. Grand is being with you. Building our empire together. Our names?—”
“He gave that to Conor.”
He laughs. “It’s going to be yours soon. Conor isn’t smart enough. And when it starts to crumble, we can step in.”
“Are you plotting?” I should walk, but I can’t. I’m rooted to the spot. I need to hear the right words. Because the thing is, I know he loves me like I love him. But it needs to be more. He’s still making gestures.
“It’s yours, Heaven. Yes, I am plotting. But if you don’t want that, we walk. We start new. If you’ll have me.”
“You’re getting a little warmer, Matteo, but these are words. Why should I believe them?”
He takes another step, and now he’s so close I can smell that familiar, intoxicating scent of him, feel the heat of his body. This man doesn’t play fair. “Then I’ll spend my life earning your trust back. I’ll do everything to show you I love you and that you can have faith in me. More than that, I’ll be there through the hate and dislike. I’ll be there when it gets tough. When it’s quiet and nothing is happening to rock the world. I’ll be there, through big and small, thick and thin. I’m in this, Heaven, for the long haul. I want…I want to grow old with you. Discover you. I’ll win your trust and love every day, and when you piss me off, I’ll still love you.”
“If I disappoint you?”
That blue gaze is steady on me and my heart flips in my chest. “Never.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m willing to do everything for you. With you. I’m not the man you first met in my club.”
“How so?” The tears are back, burning hot, but they’re filled with hope, like a second chance is in my grasp.
If I choose to take it.
“You made me better, Heaven. We haven’t had long together, but we have passion.”
“Passion isn’t enough. And what if this isn’t love? What if you get bored?”
“Of you? Never. Heaven. It’s love. You’re tougher than anyone. You’re vulnerable in the right way. You feel so deeply and you care for those who don’t deserve it. Like your brother and your father. And me. But unlike them, I want to deserve it. You want to swim with glowing centipedes?—”
“That’s not?—”
“I know what they are. Here.” He reaches in his jacket. “A ticket. For a honeymoon. It’s up to you. I won’t push. But I’ll be on the flight. And if you don’t come…”
“You’ll give up?”
The dark fire of the old Matteo burns in his blue gaze. “Fuck no. This is just the start. I owe you a honeymoon, but I’m not letting you go. Consider the annulment annulled. I’m also Roman Catholic. I suddenly agree with that no divorce stance.”
And then he moves in, closes the gap, slides his hands on either side of my face and kisses me. It’s soft and sweet and brief. And I tremble because it’s everything I need.
A promise.
A bond.
“I love you, Heaven. If you take a chance on me, I’ll prove that to you for the rest of my life. Along with my trustworthiness. I really want there to be an ‘us.’”
He walks away, leaving me staring after him.
I look down.
At the ticket. Tonight.
To Bonaire.
* * *
Traffic is hell, but I finally get to the airfield. An hour late. And I know he’s going to be gone. The private jet will be gone.
But no. Matteo is there. At the entrance that’ll take us to the plane.
And he looks…nervous. He’s pacing and I’ve never seen that look on his face before. It’s unsure. It’s heartbreak. It’s nerves.
Like he can sense me, he stills. Looks up.
It’s love.
That’s what it is. Pure love.
I go to him, my walk turning into a run, and I fling myself into his arms. “Do something noble again, and I’ll kill you.”
“You’re my most noble thing, Heaven. You.”
And I know in that moment that everything is right in my world. This is my place.
With Matteo.
My love.