16. Anya
CHAPTER 16
ANYA
“I have the perfect dress for you!” Heaven squeals, clapping her hands together as she stands in front of her monstrous closet a couple of days later. It’s early in the morning, but she’s definitely on a mission. I’ve been so busy with the baby and running errands with Heaven for the christening that I’ve barely seen Dante.
Or maybe he’s just been avoiding me since the fogged-up window episode.
He hasn’t been around, and I figured with us living in the same apartment, we’d still see each other, even in passing. I guess Heaven and Matteo decided I’m not some psychopath and its okay to leave me alone with the Aisling after all.
Maybe they decided I don’t need a babysitter anymore.
Or maybe he’s just out doing “family business.”
Either way, I miss seeing him.
I miss his teasing voice and his mischievous gaze.
And…much as I hate to admit it…I miss how I feel when I’m around him.
I bounce Aisling on my hip, watching Heaven dive into the racks of dresses, shoes, and handbags.
“Ohh,” I breathe as she holds it out to me. “It’s gorgeous.” I narrow my eyes at the tag.
Versace.
Really?
For the au pair who’s burping and changing Aisling pretty much every hour on the hour?
“Heaven, the dress will be destroyed if I wear it,” I say, handing it back to her. “I can just wear one of my sundresses.”
Heaven lets out a snort. “The hell you will. I want you to show off that beautiful figure. And I’ve got shoes to match!”
I shake my head. “You’re really being too generous?—”
She waves a hand in the air. “Stop. It isn’t like I can fit into it anymore,” she says with a hint of glumness lacing her words.
“You just had a baby!” I exclaim. “Of course you’ll get back into that dress. You’ll be back in fighting shape so soon!”
She rolls her eyes. “Not unless I can find a calorie-free substitute for chocolate soft serve ice cream with butterscotch sauce.”
I smirk. “We all have vices. I get it.”
She takes the baby and sits down on a white leather recliner, nodding toward the closet. “Anya, I am your boss and I demand you put that dress on. And I want to see the shoes with it, too! Go!”
I bite down on my lower lip. This is so incredibly bizarre.
Heaven is like the big sister I always wanted. Someone to gossip with, to try on clothes with, to cook with, to laugh with.
I had that relationship with my mother and then she was gone.
I never got it back.
It’s part of the reason why I was so envious of Dottie and The Golden Girls from the airport. To nurture that kind of relationship over so many years, growing up together, experiencing life together — I missed out on all of that. Nothing about my life has been normal for as long as I can remember.
And here I am, trying on dresses deep in the enemy’s closet.
Forget irony.
This has to be some alternate universe.
I pull off my tank top and start to unbutton my shorts when my phone buzzes in my back pocket. I grab it, my heart thudding so loud, it almost drowns out the sound of the familiar, guttural voice.
“Uncle Boris,” I whisper. “Where have you been? It’s been days! I’ve been calling and texting?—”
“I know, Anya. And I am sorry I didn’t get back to you. But I have been busy working on something very important for our cause.”
“I’m sorry,” I say in a hushed tone so that Heaven can’t hear me. “But what could be more important than the well-being of your niece? You know, the one you order around but never bother to check in on?” It’s been days and I am pissed off at him for leaving me hanging like this.
I don’t give a damn what kind of plans he’s putting together.
I could be dead for all he knows or cares!
Anger bubbles in my veins.
He’s never been the father figure I need, but he’s the only one I have.
I press my lips together, my eyes darting at my half-naked reflection in the floor-length mirror.
Like it or not.
He’s been using me as his personal weapon for years, why should I be shocked that he’s pulling this shit again?
You have nothing else, Anya. Nothing, nobody…
I bite back a scream.
Don’t I fucking know it?!
“You could have called back to check on me. You’re the one person on the planet who’s actually supposed to give a damn,” I mutter.
“You’re right,” he says in a flippant tone. “But there were things that had to happen back here, to prepare for our work in Vegas.”
“What work?” I ask, holding my hand around my mouth the muffle my voice. I manage to unzip my shorts and slide them to the carpet as I balance the phone against my ear. “And what do you mean ‘our’?”
“We will discuss all of the details tonight when I arrive.”
“Wait, you’re coming here ? I thought the plan was for me to get the information your contact needs. Since when do you need to be here?”
“Since the plans have changed,” he snips. “My contact would like to acquire the information himself.”
“That’s a good thing since I’ve basically heard nothing that could possibly be useful to you. I haven’t met any of these other elusive brothers you mentioned, and Matteo’s office is locked up like Fort Knox!” I say in a frustrated whisper.
“You don’t have to worry about it anymore,” he says gruffly.
“Well, then, what the hell do you need me for?” I demand. “This is ridiculous! I’ve been living with strangers for days and changing shit diapers for what?”
“Having you there gives us access, Anya. Your work is not in vain. And soon enough, we will have plenty of money and even more power. Ivan Volkov will be eating out of our hands, I can promise you that.”
I roll my eyes. I’ve heard it all before. Uncle Boris has delusions of grandeur. It’s why we’re in this shitty position to begin with, the one where we’re scrounging around for any job that can make us a windfall.
And I question that this is it.
Who the hell knows who his contact is, and who’s to say the contact won’t kill him once he gets what he wants?
Unless my uncle has a different idea about how to deal with the contact…one that involves me killing him first.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to get away tonight. The baby’s christening is tomorrow and I’m not sure?—”
“You’re the au pair, not the full-time nanny. Set hours means you get time off to meet your dear old uncle who flew in for a special dinner and to take a tour of UNLV, where you are so excited to go in the fall.”
I bite down on my lower lip. “Okay, I might be able to get away for a little while.”
“I will text you the details tomorrow once I land.”
“Okay, Uncle,” I say, slipping off my flip flops and stepping into the high-heels Heaven left for me. “Have a safe?—”
Click.
“Flight,” I grumble, stabbing the End button. He really is a huge prick more often than not. I totally understand why so many people want to either kick his ass or just flat-out kill him. And yeah, I feel a tiny bit guilty thinking that since he took us in, brought us to Brooklyn, gave us a roof over our heads, and food to eat.
But he’s not my dad. Not even close.
They were estranged, and the only reason we found him was because Maks had gotten a birthday card from him not too long before the attack. It was the only address we had for him, and thankfully, it led us straight to him with only the clothes on our backs.
He put up with raising two teenagers because he realized very fast what we could do for him and how we could make him money. He didn’t care what kind of danger we’d walk into as long as we walked out with cash, drugs, or stolen goods he could turn around and sell. And then Maks died and I graduated to hired killer.
And now he really is all I have.
Sometimes I wonder if I’d be better off with nobody.
My heart aches as I gaze at myself in the mirror, the tight, white dress clinging to my every curve.
Fresh, bright, white — on the outside, anyway.
I just hope all of the red staining my ledger doesn’t seep into the fabric. I’d hate for the devil inside to tear through and ruin the angelic effect.
Even though it’s a total facade.
I smooth down the front of the dress and can’t help the smile that lifts my lips.
God, this feels so incredibly surreal…
I try to enjoy the moment until my gut knots, my mind trying to process what in the hell plans my uncle has concocted. A strange sensation floods my insides when I think about Aisling. Whatever happens, she can’t be involved.
Hurt.
Or worse.
I feel so oddly protective of her, maybe because of the fact that we’re kind of kindred spirits. What will become of her? She’s young, so however this plays out, it won’t torment her emotionally the way it did me when my parents were killed.
Blood rushes between my ears.
How it plays out…I still have no clue.
He still hasn’t told me a single detail…about anything.
And the biting question continues to feed on my brain…how much can I really trust him?
If push comes to shove, deep down, I know he’ll pick money and power over me.
I’ve tried to deny that to myself over the years, but after Maks, it was a hard realization to not bury. Everything unraveled faster than a cheap rug after that and Uncle Boris just spiraled.
He never really stopped.
Just changed his manic direction.
The only thing that keeps me on course here is the fact that these people need to pay for taking away something so precious from me. I don’t care if they weren’t the ones who pulled that trigger. Anyone who wanted to hurt my family like that, anyone who made the decision to carry out the murder — they’re all guilty as far as I’m concerned.
I take a few deep breaths.
I just have to stay on course for a little while longer.
But being immersed in this life makes it so damn hard.
Part of me just wants to scream and cry and beg them to just tell me why!
The other part knows it’s too dangerous.
Just like my feelings for Dante.
Exposing either would be disastrous.
Tiny hairs on the back of my neck prickle as Heaven’s voice carries into the depths of the closet. “Are you ever coming out of there?”
I walk out to the bedroom, balancing carefully on the carpet. The skinny heels make me teeter slightly with each step I take into the thick carpet. I stick my hands on my hips and do a little half-twirl. “What do you think?”
Heaven’s green eyes sparkle. “It’s perfect. Just like I knew it would be. You look beautiful, Anya.”
“Hey, Heaven, what time are?—?”
I look toward the door to find Dante’s blue eyes glued to me as his question dissipates in the air around us.
My breath hitches, and when our gazes tussle, my mind trips back to the last time I saw him. I still can’t look at that window without feeling those delicious tingles assault my body.
He’s definitely been avoiding me. That much is clear.
And it has to be because he doesn’t trust me.
Smart guy.
But my God, as the days pass, I find myself fantasizing more and more about reliving those stolen moments. If I had to guess, it’s because I crave human contact. It has to be why I’m so attached to Heaven and Aisling, and why radio silence from my uncle really didn’t bother me much.
Deep down, I want to live this fantasy life for just a little while longer.
I feel wanted, needed, and cared for.
I haven’t felt that in a damn long time…not for the right reasons, anyway.
Whenever I’ve had time to myself over the past couple of days, I either sit out by the hotel pool or hole up in my room to read one of my romance novels or I go for a run.
And all I think about is him .
Part of me is glad he’s been MIA.
Dante saw too much of what I’ve been trying to bury, and that made me retreat into myself.
I already told him more than I should have.
Even though it was liberating to let some of that poison seep out of me, I can’t give him anything else.
It would make me too vulnerable, too exposed, too emotional.
And it might dilute my hate and kill my resolve.
Bad, bad, bad!
I catch Heaven look from Dante to me and then back again, a tiny smile lifting her lips. “What time what?” she asks, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes.
She obviously sees something.
And I feel it again, way down to the tips of my toes and all the way up to the ends of my hair.
Wanted.
Desired.
Craved.
A shiver shimmies down my spine and my shoulders shudder in response.
“What time…” Dante repeats, as if he can’t even remember his question. Wow, am I really that much of a sight?
Or is he just sidetracked by the fantasy of fucking me against a window overlooking the entire Las Vegas Strip?
Heaven makes a point of looking at her diamond-encrusted Rolex and lifts a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “Any day now, Dante. Can’t you see we’re a little bit busy here?”
He blinks fast, dragging his gaze off of me. “What time are Patty and Maura flying in?” he finally asks.
“They’ll be in at eleven,” she says.
He nods. “Okay. I’ll take care of it.”
“Thanks. Don’t tell anyone else, but you’re the best brother-in-law ever!” she squeals.
“Whoa! What in the ever-loving fuck is that supposed to mean?” a booming voice demands from out in the hallway. “You cheatin’ on me, sis?”
A tall, dark, and delicious version of Matteo and Dante pops his head into the room. “We made an agreement, remember? Nobody but me gets that title!”
Heaven’s cheeks turn bright pink and she claps a hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle.
“Busted!” Dante says with a snicker.
The new guy gives me a long, appraising look. “Here I am, coming up to welcome the new nanny, and I find you feathering Dante’s ass. What kind of shit is that?”
He walks into the room and sticks out a hand to me. “Sergio. I run this place.”
“Anya,” I reply. “And well done. It’s beautiful.”
Sergio nods, a smirk lifting his lips. “Dante said you were staying at the Bellagio before my sis hired you.” He shakes his head. “You don’t wanna be caught dead in that shithole, sweetie.”
“So I’ve heard,” I say with a snicker. “Jeez, it’s like you guys all rehearse from the same script,” I murmur.
Dante shrugs. “Maybe we all just share the same brain.”
“Scary!” Heaven squeals. “I refuse to admit I think like a Villani man!” She waves her hand around. “Okay, boys, hit the road! We’re still beautifying in here!”
I sneak a quick glance at Dante. My breath hitches when I see his eyes darken with lust, the same lust flooding my insides right now.
Oh my God, why do you have to be so goddamn irresistible?
I need to hate you, not constantly want to mount you!
Dante pushes Sergio out of the room. “Come on, let’s go.” He gives me a long look that makes goosebumps pebble my arms and legs before he pulls the door closed.
Heaven crosses her arms over her chest. “Care to tell me what those googly-eyes were all about?”
I recoil. Shit, she’s observant. “I don’t think he was?—”
“Not his,” she says with a grin. “Yours.”
A hot flush creeps up the sides of my neck, and my cheeks flame as I sputter an intelligible response. It’s not exactly professional to be caught pining for your employer’s brother-in-law. “No, I don’t…he’s not…I mean, I’m not interested in Dante.” I wave my hand around. “Like, at all .”
She nods. “Okay. And you’re sticking with that story?”
“It’s not a story!” I say. “Honestly.”
Heaven shrugs. “I really want him to find a nice girl, someone other than the usual hoes, you know what I mean? The ones who are all about what he can do for them, socially, financially. I want him to find someone he can really care about and settle down with. He’s a good guy. Takes care of his family. Great with babies,” she says with a pointed look at Aisling.
“He’s, um, really nice,” I stammer. “He doesn’t have a girlfriend?”
“Not in the entire time I’ve known him,” Heaven says, getting up from the bed to unzip me. I hold an arm over the top of the dress in case someone else, like maybe Matteo, decides to barge in here next. “I just want him to be happy. Sergio and their other brother Roman are both engaged. Dante needs someone. His job is…” Her voice trails off and my ears perk up.
“What about his job?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. It keeps him moving around too much. He can’t put down roots, you know?”
“I guess that’s what it takes to be a successful real estate investor, right?”
Her brow furrows slightly before she plasters on a big, bright smile. “That’s right! Always putting his career first, that guy.”
Yep. So not a real estate investor.
“How’d you and Matteo meet?” I ask, popping back into the closet to do a quick change.
She lets out a dry laugh. “It wasn’t exactly love at first sight, that’s for sure. We’d never get ‘proposal of the year’ votes for our story, either.”
“What do you mean?” I pull back my hair and adjust the straps of my tank top as I come back out of the closet.
“I didn’t have much choice in marrying Matteo,” Heaven says. “I did it for my family, not for love.”
“Wait, so you were arranged?” My mouth drops open, my words soaked in disbelief. “Like, no dating? Had you even seen him before you married him?”
“Oh yeah,” she says. “I went to live with him the night he proposed. But we weren’t on the best terms at that point. Actually,” she muses. “I hated him. Hard.”
“Wow,” I murmur. “I can’t believe it. An arranged marriage? What century is it?” I giggle.
“I know. It sounds so incredibly old-world. But both families had something to gain, so we did it.” She shrugs. “And even though I swore it would never happen, we fell in love. Crazy, powerful, forever kind of love.”
“That’s unbelievable.” I shake my head. “I’d have never guessed you hated him based on the way you guys are always falling all over each other.”
“He’s a tough one. Doesn’t show much emotion. Having Aisling kind of changed the guy he shows to the world.”
“Yeah, I still see the emotionless guy,” I quip.
“He’s very protective,” Heaven says. “And he doesn’t trust easily.”
“I get that. He’s got a lot to lose.”
Heaven nods. “We both do.”
I swallow hard, feeling like a complete shit heel for even entertaining this dialogue with her. I need to change the subject. I can’t listen to any more of her gushing when I know I’m about to choke her with it.
“So, Patty and Maura — who are they?” I ask, trying to steer the subject away from the blissfully married bubble they live in.
Her face brightens. “My brother and my aunt. I’m so excited to see them! It’s been so long since we left Manhattan.”
“Dante said you’ve been out here for a while.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t a hard call to make after everything happened,” Heaven says darkly, lifting Aisling and sniffing her butt. She scrunches up her nose and holds her up. “Eww!” she sing-songs. “Somebody needs a diaper change!” Heaven starts to take her over to the changing table but I stop her.
“Here, let me,” I say, taking the baby from her.
She sinks back on the bed. “Thanks.”
“So what about the rest of your family?” I ask. “Are they coming to the christening, too?”
Her jaw tightens. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t speak to them,” she says abruptly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, biting the inside of my mouth.
“Yeah, it’s been awhile.” She shrugs. “Difference of opinion, I guess. My father screwed me over and promoted my oldest brother Conor over me. Family business.” She presses a hand to her forehead. “My brother is an idiot and an asshole. A huge liability for my father and his business. But he promoted him anyway.” She rolls her eyes. “A lot more happened, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. And we haven’t spoken since.”
“I can’t imagine,” I say, a lump forming in my throat. What I wouldn’t give to have my brother back for even a few minutes, to feel him gather me in a huge bear hug, to tell him once more how much I love him and appreciated everything he did for me. “And there’s no way to fix things?”
“No,” she says with finality. “He’s dangerous, and I don’t trust him. I don’t want to be anywhere near his sinking ship. And I definitely don’t want him near my daughter.”
Hmm, I’m kind of feeling her right now, since I’m having those very same thoughts about my uncle.
Talk about the utter betrayal.
Siding with the enemy and saying ‘fuck it’ to family loyalty.
“It’s really terrible,” I say, treading lightly with my words since nobody likes big mouth opinions about their own family crap.
I know I don’t.
“Thanks,” she says, taking Aisling from me and hugging her tight. “My father hasn’t even met his granddaughter,” she says. “I mean, I fully expected Conor to be dead by the time she was born, but color me shocked. He’s still causing plenty of trouble back home.”
I manage to force out a nervous chuckle but really, I don’t want to be involved in this. I’ve heard too much, seen way more than that.
And done?
Well, damn.
I’ve done every single thing I know I’m not supposed to in this situation, including Dante.
Although…I don’t regret it at all.
I will live vicariously through those memories for the rest of my days.
Which may be few in number if I screw this up and my uncle has anything to say about it.
“Well, he’s definitely missing out. They all are,” I say with a smile.
She nods, dropping a kiss on Aisling’s forehead. “Yes. Yes, they are,” she whispers to her daughter.
And there’s that damn pang again.
The one that tells me I want more than I’m willing to admit.
Jesus, I need some distance!
“Hey, um, Heaven,” I say, twisting my hair around my finger. “I know it’s not great timing, but I was wondering if I could take off tonight to meet my uncle. He’s coming into town to check out the UNLV campus with me, and then we’d planned on having dinner.”
She nods but I can see she’s very far away from me and this conversation. “Tonight,” she repeats with a blank stare on her face.
“Yes. I’ll only be gone a few hours so I can help with the baby when I get back.”
And with a start, she snaps out of her reverie. “No, don’t worry about it. We’ll be fine. You have a great time with your uncle.”
“You’re sure? Anything you need for the christening, I can do with you?—”
“Anya, seriously. It’s fine. I have plenty of help. And you’ve barely taken any time to yourself since you started.” Heaven smiles but it doesn’t reach her big bright eyes as it normally does. “You have fun. We’ll have a great day tomorrow.” She winks at me. “And you’ll shine like a star in that dress.” With a quick, affectionate squeeze, she walks out of the room and I follow, marveling over that conversation. I didn’t expect any of what I just heard. Looks like there is no shortage of more parents making shitty life decisions that will forever impact their children.
I don’t know anything about Heaven’s family other than what she just told me but if I could, I would tell them just what total and complete assholes they are for disowning her and Aisling the way they did over some bullshit business decision.
They have time to fix their mistake, unlike others who never got the chance.
How strange.
Here I was, thinking Aisling and I were the kindred spirits.
Who would have thought that it would be Heaven and me instead?