17. Dante
CHAPTER 17
DANTE
“S o the nanny…” Sergio waggles his eyebrows at me as we stand outside next to the balcony infinity pool. “She’s fucking hot. You nail her yet?”
“She’s not a nanny, she’s an au pair.” I toss a glance over my shoulder, watching Anya follow Heaven into the kitchen.
“Oh, she’s definitely got a pair.” Sergio snickers and gulps down the rest of his water. “But you didn’t answer my question.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t kiss and tell.”
“And I didn’t ask if you kissed her.” A wicked glint makes his blue eyes twinkle.
“Just drop it, okay?”
“Fine. Why are you so sensitive, anyway? You getting tired of playing bodyguard?”
“It’s been months, Serge.” I sink onto one of the chaise lounges and lean back with a deep sigh. “I wanna help. I really do. But this isn’t me. It’s not who I am, who I want to be.”
“You sure about that? Because you look pretty damn cozy here every time I see you. Getting in time with the baby, now you have a new plaything.” Sergio holds up his hands. “Hey, I’m just saying. She’s smokin’ hot and yours for the taking. What the hell is wrong with that life, D?”
I rub the back of my neck. “Nothing, for a while. Until I get itchy and need that adrenaline rush again.”
“I don’t know. It sounds like a good plan to me. You get to unwind for once in your life. Why not enjoy it?”
Jesus, it does sound good, in theory. For someone else.
But my head is just in a million places right now, especially with Anya around. Part of me is afraid that if I stay too long, I won’t be able to keep myself from falling back under her net. That’s why I’ve been avoiding her. It’s dangerous. She makes me lose focus and I can’t figure out why. I can’t help protect anyone if my head isn’t in the game.
Of course, avoiding her means I’m not around to protect anyone, so that plan doesn’t exactly work, either.
And my head has us back in Heaven’s bedroom, peeling her out of that hot-as-fuck dress.
Right now, I feel just like the trust fund baby she thought I was when we first met.
Useless. Entitled. Vacuous.
I need purpose.
“You talk to Matteo about this?”
“Yeah. He thinks I’m using my job as an excuse to find redemption.”
“Are you?” Sergio lifts an eyebrow.
I shrug. “Maybe.”
“You think you’re ever gonna get it?”
“Nope,” I say. “But does that mean I should stop trying?”
“I think if you stick around here for a little while, you’ll see that you can figure out how to build a future instead of trying to fix the past.”
“Did Matteo feed you that line?” I snort. “Jesus, you guys sound like you’re reading from the same script.”
“He’s worried about you. So am I. You’ve been dicking around for long enough. It’s time to set yourself up for the long term.” He shrugs. “You can’t be a hit man forever.”
“It’s what I’m good at.”
“Maybe it’s time to figure out what else you might be good at.”
“This place has nothing for me.” I fling an arm over my eyes to shade them from the sun. “I like my job. Love it, actually. I’m fucking awesome at it, too. I get paid a lot of money to handle shit other people can’t. That’s how I always contributed to the family. I took care of anyone who was a risk to our empire.” I sit up and squint. “But here? There aren’t any threats. There’s just a really fucking paranoid boss who wants constant surveillance on his wife and kid. I agreed to do it for a few months but now…I don’t know. I love them to pieces, Serge. But I don’t wanna be stuck out here forever. Matteo keeps telling me to open my own personal security firm out here for the whales who need protection for their cash and drugs and whatever the hell else.”
“Sounds like easy money to me,” Sergio says.
“Too easy, it’s boring,” I grumble.
“I don’t know about that. Anya seems like she can add plenty of spice to your days here, bro. Nights, too.” He chuckles.
And there it is. That pull is back, just at the mere mention of her name.
But I don’t do normal. I don’t do relationships. And I definitely don’t do long term.
How the hell would that even work?
I’ve got enough of my own baggage, and Anya clearly has a staggering amount of her own.
The sex would be incredible for as long as it lasted, but I’d eventually jump ship like always because it’s who I am.
Forget the fact that Matteo would murder me for laying a finger on her.
Besides, I have a calling and it’s to kill the bad guys.
Well, worse guys since I guess technically I am one of the bad ones.
At least I have somewhat of a moral compass, though. It doesn’t always point due north, but I use it.
Sometimes.
“Dante!”
Oh, shit. That doesn’t sound good.
A door slams and Matteo storms out of the apartment, his eyes blazing and damn, those flames are fucking scorching.
I force a smirk. “You rang?”
He stalks over to where I’m sitting and stabs me in the chest with one of his fingers. “You fucking jerkoff! I can’t believe you!”
“Don’t poke me like that, Matty. I’ll kick your ass! What the hell is wrong with you?” I ask, smacking away his finger.
“Heaven set up cameras all over the goddamn place when she hired Anya,” Matteo seethes “She can see every inch of this place. It’s a good fucking thing she missed your midnight fuckfest, right against that window!” he bellows. “I had my coffee against that window this morning, Jesus Christ!”
Uh-oh.
“Cameras? Really? I’ve been here pretty much the whole damn time!”
“Are you going to explain yourself?” Matteo hisses.
“I told you I needed some action,” I say, shrugging.
Matteo fists his hair. “I want to choke you right now,” he seethes. “Her job is to take care of Aisling, not you! She’s just a kid, for Christ’s sake! And you nailed her anyway!”
“I wasn’t thinking,” I say.
“Oh, you were thinking, just with the wrong head,” Sergio quips.
“Shut the hell up,” Matteo growls at him. “Don’t you have a hotel to run?”
“I just came up here to check things out and meet the new girl.” Sergio winks at me. “Score, dude.”
“Get out of here,” Matteo demands. “Or I’ll kick your ass next!”
Sergio puts up his hands. “Okay, okay. You know I’m only up a couple of floors if you need me.” He disappears inside the apartment and Matteo glares at me, his forehead pinched. “How can your head be so far up your ass, Dante? We have so much crap to deal with right now and you just forgot about all of it? Just to get off? You lost focus!”
“Hey,” I say, pointing a finger at him. “You knew I wasn’t happy, that I haven’t been happy. I’ve been your little bitch for months now, just skulking around and waiting for someone to attack. But nobody has and I don’t want to be here forever, Matteo. I get that you’re nervous but you’ve got a solid network out here. You don’t need me hovering like a damn helicopter.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “So you won’t even consider the security firm?”
“I don’t want to be a fucking chauffeur to these arrogant asshole millionaires! I want my life back.”
But even as I say it, a small part of me resists the words.
Same way it did when I told Sergio I wanted out.
Because that tiny part is intrigued at what my life could become if I stayed.
Damn.
Where the hell did that come from?
I convinced myself it was time to move on.
And the mere mention of what happened between me and Anya has me conflicted.
“Dante,” Matteo says. I can see he’s struggling to keep himself under control right now. “I can’t keep tabs on you when you’re buried in some obscure corner of the world doing a hit. You’re good. Very fucking good. But what happens when one day, someone is better?” He shakes his head. “I have a responsibility to the family, to Papa. It’s to protect you all however I can. You haven’t been in the same spot for longer than a couple of months for the past ten years!”
“I know. And it’s made me very fucking rich,” I say with a smirk.
“You can’t take it with you, Dante,” he says. “You also can’t do this forever. I want you to play a bigger role with the family businesses. We’re growing fast out here and I need you to be onboard with our direction.”
I let out a deep sigh and lean back against the lounge chair. “I like my life, Matteo. I miss it.”
“We have a lot of enemies, Dante. Someday, you’ll get a message with instructions for someone you need to ‘handle’ and that someone is going to be you.”
“Jesus, that’s morbid.”
Matteo shrugs. “It’s the way things go. Nobody gets away with murder forever. And you’ve fucked a lot of people over for your career. Unforgiving people. Vengeful people. And your sniper rifle will only get you so far.”
“It’s been a rough year,” I muse. “Can’t argue with that. But you can’t make me change who I am.”
“I think you’re full of shit. I see the way you are with Aisling. I think you want that yourself.”
“Pulling out the big guns now, huh? Why do I need my own kid when I have her?” I say with a snicker. “I get to give her back for the gross stuff.”
He sighs. “Look, all I’m saying is that it may be time to do something different. Find a different way to get your kicks.” His expression darkens. “And I’m not talking about Anya.”
“I’ll consider it.”
“Don’t even think about laying another finger on her. I need you on top of your game.” Matteo’s gaze darkens. “Because those cameras picked up a lot more than just your fucking,” he growls.