Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Rowan
A no would’ve been less awkward.
True to form, though, Chance was only too willing to come to the ultrasound with me later that week, so now we were trapped in a small room together with me naked from the waist down, with only a thin sheet over my parts. Parts that he’d seen exactly once, and by seen, I meant had contact with. Because the lights had been off on New Year’s Eve, and I sadly—I mean fortunately —had no memory of how his body looked naked.
“Your doctor seems to know you well,” Chance said from the chair next to the exam table I was on.
“Inside and out,” I told him dryly. “Dr. Shah’s been my doctor since I was thirteen.”
“Did you have problems when you were that young?”
“I always had painful periods, but everyone complains about cramps, so I didn’t realize there was anything wrong at first. It kept getting worse though.”
“You were Sam’s age,” he said, frowning. “She doesn’t talk to me about girl things even though I’ve tried to be open with her, as uncomfortable as that is.” He grimaced.
“You’d probably know if there was reason for concern.”
I was sitting on the edge of the table, my legs dangling, ankles crossed for some false sense of modesty. I didn’t realize I was drumming my fingers on the surface until Chance reached over and covered my hand with his.
“Are you nervous?” he asked.
I was about to deny it until our gazes met and I recognized the concern in his eyes.
“Yes.”
“This is routine, right?”
“Yes.”
Seconds ticked by in silence. He kept his hand on mine, leaning over from the chair against the wall. Eventually I said, “Being high risk, I’m worried about what they’ll find.”
“Like?”
“Like no baby forming in the sac. Or no sac. Or anything else abnormal. Which I know sounds odd since none of this was planned, but…”
He scooted his chair closer, then wove our fingers together. I appreciated that touch of concrete support so much.
“Let’s think positively,” he finally said.
I studied him from my higher perch. “Do you mean that?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I mean, you’ve said you’re in this, but I just wondered if… Things would be simpler for you if…”
He squeezed my hand. “Stop. I don’t want anything bad to happen. I understand how much you want to be a mom.”
I nodded but couldn’t think what to say.
“I want you to get what you want, Rowan. And I’m willing to be at your side for it. So…positive thoughts. Everything is going to be okay.”
We’d soon find out, because the door opened, and the ultrasound tech entered.
“Good afternoon. My name is Janie, and I’ll be doing your ultrasound today.”
We made small talk while she readied the equipment. By now I was so nervous I commented on autopilot. I couldn’t have told you what we discussed.
Janie glanced at me and paused her preparations. “Breathe, Rowan. This won’t hurt.”
I nodded. That wasn’t what I was afraid of.
Chance seemed to understand, and he enclosed my hand in his again, standing against the side of the exam table. I was relieved to have him with me, physically close, emotionally supportive. As determined as I was to not depend on him, I recognized how reassuring it was to not be alone in this.
“Okay,” Janie finally said. “Let’s have a look.”
I made eye contact with Chance. A connection came alive between us, nearly tangible. In his eyes were empathy and support. For an instant, it was just the two of us in this monumental, private moment. He squeezed my hand and smiled before the moment ended.
I held my breath as the tech got the wand in place, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried not to think about Chance being right there for that .
My heart was racing. My bladder was so full I was afraid I was going to embarrass myself, but that thought disappeared the second the screen filled with unidentifiable black and white blobs. I knew enough to understand I wouldn’t be able to recognize a tiny human-shaped fetus yet, but that didn’t prevent me from tensing up as I waited for the tech to give some indication of what we were looking at.
“What can you tell us?” Chance asked, speaking my thoughts aloud.
The tech was quiet for a few seconds as the images shifted. I held my breath and squeezed the hell out of Chance’s hand.
“There’s the fetus,” the tech said, and I exhaled audibly even though I couldn’t tell exactly what we were seeing. She pointed to a tiny blob on the screen. “Everything looks intact so far. I’m going to measure it to see how we’re doing for growth.”
I kept my eyes locked on the screen even though I couldn’t tell much about what she was doing. I couldn’t help noticing Chance’s gentle fingers brushing my hair away from my face. I wasn’t sure he realized he did it, but it calmed me.
A short knock sounded on the door. Then it opened a crack, and Dr. Shah poked her head in. She seemed to study the screen across the room for a couple seconds, then smiled. Somehow that smile reassured me even more.
“Do you mind if I come see?” she asked.
“The more the merrier,” Janie said. “Measurements are exactly where they should be.”
“Look at your little bean growing in there,” Dr. Shah said as she came up to Chance’s side.
For the next couple of minutes, Janie pointed out parts of the fetus—little buds that would become limbs, the head, the black areas in it that would become the brain.
I kept my emotions under lock and key, waiting, breathing shallowly, just in case. I was afraid to jump to any happy conclusions prematurely. Maybe they could still spot a problem?
“There’s that tiny heart,” Dr. Shah said with awe in her voice.
I studied the screen, unsure where to look until Janie pointed out an area where the white seemed to pulse.
My mouth fell open as I tried to comprehend how that minuscule little pulsing would become a full-fledged human heart. The entire fetus was the size of a blueberry, but that little speck was beating away right before our eyes.
My eyes were brimming with tears, I realized. I could barely comprehend this moment and how significant it was.
Before I was ready, the screen went dark, and the viewing session ended.
“Everything looks good, Rowan,” Dr. Shah said, her eyes sparkling, giving me confidence. “The body is a wondrous thing.”
“Thanks for coming in,” I said, knowing that wasn’t the norm. She and I had been through a lot together. She’d known me for more than half my life.
“I wouldn’t miss it.” She glanced at Chance, who we’d told her was the father without explaining our relationship, or lack of one. “I’m really happy for you two. Breathe easy, rest a lot, and give yourself a break whenever you need it.”
I nodded and thanked her again.
When I was alone, I quickly got dressed, then opened the door. Chance had waited outside, and he stepped into the room and enfolded me in his arms before I knew what was happening.
I wound my arms around him, closed my eyes, breathed him in. Soaked in the moment, the comfort, the sense that we were in this together. Partners in the most incredible, unimaginable journey.
My friends were supportive, but there was nobody else on this road with us in exactly the same way. We’d created a child together, and the two of us alone were responsible for…everything.
“Thank you,” I said into his strong, comforting chest.
He let out a quiet chuckle. “For what? I didn’t do anything.”
“For being here.”
He kissed the top of my head, his arms still around me. “Of course, Rowan.”
For how haphazardly we’d found each other on New Year’s Eve, he was turning out to be a caring, kind man. I felt incredibly lucky because I knew, from personal experience and from listening to the single teachers I used to work with, the planet was crawling with assholes and jerks.
Chloe’s words to describe Chance echoed through my head. Solid. Not hard to look at . Beyond that, I knew he was a loving father, even if he and Sam were somewhat disconnected currently. He was generous, unselfish, and smart as hell at his job as well.
Was I attracted to him? Hell to the yes. Even now, as we held on to each other, my blood hummed with desire.
But there was so much more to him than just his body and his pheromones.
I’d sworn off any type of involvement with him because, yes, I was grieving and an emotional mess, but maybe that was premature. I’d be dumb to not give things a chance to develop just because I was vulnerable. As long as I continued to be cautious, as long as I didn’t try to force anything, I needed—and our child deserved for me—to keep an open mind about Chance Cordova.
Who knew what the future held for us? Maybe he was the right guy.
It wasn’t until we were walking out of the medical building that I noticed Chance had become quiet and tense.