Chapter 18 #2
Ty Bishop, the high-school basketball coach, joined us, as did Finn and Cade McNamara. I forced myself to get lost in the conversation about last night’s college basketball game, the Anchor’s holiday beer flavors, and Max’s kittens, who were closed in a room for the duration of the party.
I fought hard to stop scanning for Emerson. There were solid reasons we were keeping our new closeness private. Reasons number one through four were our kids.
I filled up on finger foods and bite-sized desserts as I mingled with the half of the town that was here tonight.
Many of them were clients, so I spent a chunk of time catching up on my furry patients.
Cash Henry cornered me to get my input on surprising his pregnant wife, Ava, with a puppy for Christmas.
“Are you sure she’s up for caring for one more being?” I asked him.
“I’ll take care of the pup,” Cash assured me. “I just want someone to keep her company when I’m working late. Need a dog that’ll be good with a baby.”
“Goldens or Labs are great with kids,” I told him.
“Kemp’s are Labs, right?”
“That’s right. Talk to him. He doesn’t have babies around, but he can give you an idea of how much work they are.”
“You trying to talk me out of it?”
“Never,” I said, laughing. “I fully support informed pet adoptions. It’s just a lot to take on a few months before a first child.”
He nodded. “I hear you. It’s terrifying, but I can’t wait for this baby. Ava and I’ll make it work. You know of anyone with puppies available?”
“I’ve got a couple of reputable people I can check in with. I’ll call you this week after I’ve asked around.”
“Thanks, Ben. Hopefully you’ll have a new patient soon.” He moved on, searching for Ava, I suspected.
We’d been at the party for close to two hours, and it had only gotten more crowded. The football coach and his artist/business owner fiancée knew how to throw a good party.
I went out to the deck, where there were two heaters running, to get some fresh air. When I saw I had it to myself, I breathed a little more deeply and took in the view.
Max’s home was lakefront. The water was frozen around the edges, the docks all removed, boats put away for the season, giving it a lonesome but beautiful look.
I stood at the railing of the deck, soaking in the relative quiet, although I could still hear the din of the party, and wondered briefly how Berty was doing with the kids.
Likely just fine, but the further into December we got, the more revved up they became.
Emerson’s kids could hardly wait for Kizzy and her wife’s visit a few days before Christmas.
Though the newlyweds were staying at the Marks Hotel, our household would definitely level up in chaos. I couldn’t wait.
Needing to lay my eyes on Emerson, I turned away from the lake, took a swallow of beer, and scanned the party through the windows.
It didn’t take me long to spot her, talking to Anna, Ava, and Cash just off the kitchen.
She laughed, and even though I couldn’t actually hear it, I could hear the sound of her in my head.
The door opened, and Chance and West ambled out to the deck.
“What are you doing out here by yourself?” Chance asked when he saw me.
West turned and followed where my gaze had been. “Creepin’ on his lady friend’s my guess.”
I laughed. “I’m not creeping on anyone, just getting some air. It’s louder than a full kennel of barking dogs in there.”
Chance turned to see Emerson as well and raised a brow as they came up to the railing next to me. “It is loud. A lot of people came out.”
“I’ll show up to any party Max throws if he does the food like tonight,” West said.
Max and Harper had it catered, probably by Henry’s Restaurant. I agreed with West’s assessment. “Did you try those sausage and cream cheese croissant things?”
“Try?” West scoffed. “I had a half dozen. And the maple caramel bacon things?” He made a noise of appreciation.
“I liked the little egg roll ones best,” Chance said.
We spent another few minutes discussing the top-notch food before Chance said, “So why are you out here staring in the window at Emerson instead of by her side?”
I’d been taking a drink and nearly spit it out at his bluntness. I covered my reaction with a laugh. “Why would I do that? We’re not a couple.”
“But you want to be,” Chance said.
I’d already told the guys as much, so I didn’t bother to deny it.
“You out of condoms yet?” West asked.
“You gave them to me a week ago. There were thirty-six. I’m no math teacher, but that’s something like five a day. I do work for ten hours a day.”
We all chuckled.
“You said were,” Chance said. “So how many are you down to?”
West cackled at that. “Good point, buddy.” He fist-bumped Chance. “Somebody’s having a good week.”
I drank another gulp of beer, neither confirming nor denying.
“Sounds like you two are a couple after all,” Chance said.
I shook my head, expelling a breath that came out as a white burst in the cool air. The heater in the middle of the deck didn’t reach this far. I turned toward the lake, and the other two followed suit, not getting the message that I didn’t want to discuss this.
“You going to let her get away?” West asked.
I scoffed. “You’re assuming it’s my choice. You know what they say about assuming.”
Chance hummed a sound of comprehension. “If it were up to you, you’d be all in,” he guessed.
My silence must have given them their answer.
“Have you told her how you feel?” West asked.
I shook my head. “She’s not interested in a long-term thing.”
“Maybe she would be if she knew where you stand,” Chance said.
“She wouldn’t.” I gulped down more beer. “She’s pretty cautious. She’s had a lot of losses in her life.” I didn’t figure I was giving away anything private since everyone knew her husband had been killed in combat, and her mom’s and grandma’s deaths years ago had been common knowledge.
“You have too,” Chance said.
“Which means I understand where she’s coming from,” I said. “You of all people should get it.” He’d lost his wife as well, though it’d been even longer ago than Leeann’s death.
“I saw you two together a couple of days ago when I was heading to pick up cookies for my girls at the bakery,” West said. “You have a connection, man. It was tangible.”
I hadn’t noticed West when Emerson and I made a bakery run. We’d had all four kids with us, but thinking back, I’d likely been more focused on Emerson. I’d have to be a lot more careful.
“Connection or not, she’s expressed her fears, and I respect them,” I said.
Both of them shut up for a while. I was happy to no longer be the topic of conversation and considering heading back inside when West spoke again.
“I still think you need to tell her how you feel. You love her?”
I grunted. Fuck this conversation.
“Tell her,” Chance drew out.
“That’s not what she needs,” I said.
“What about your needs?” Chance asked.
“Yeah. You’re the giving type,” West said. “You nurture the hell out of your kids and animals and, it sounds like, Emerson. But your needs count too.”
“He’s right.” Chance leaned forward to look at West on my other side and nodded emphatically. “You’ve got a soft heart under all that badass, don’t you?” he asked West.
It was West’s turn to grunt.
“But back to you,” Chance said. “Your needs are just as important as hers. Especially on this. Tell her.”
“Not going to do that,” I said, then finished off my beer.
“You sure?” West asked.
“I’m sure.”
“Okay,” Chance said. “Your call. If you’re sure, you’re sure.”
“I’m going back inside. It’s cold as balls out here, and I’m out of beer.” I turned and left those two asses outside.
I was sure I was doing the right thing by not pressuring Emerson. It wouldn’t work and would likely ruin the short-term thing we did have, to say nothing of our friendship.