Chapter 25
Knox
Reality checks were a good thing even when they were painful.
I’d been hesitant when Quincy had suggested we ride to Nashville together and combine her campus orientation with my trip to the baby superstore. Quincy could be persuasive though, especially when we were in bed together sans clothes. I’d given in to her request embarrassingly easy.
The first Thursday in November was a beautiful late-fall day, and the trees along the highway and across the urban campus had slipped on their seasonal coats of amber, scarlet, and lava, with hunter-green and silver-green conifers sprinkled in.
The sun shone brightly outside the window of a common area in the student union, where Juniper and I were waiting for Quincy to finish her morning sessions.
Next up was the last thing on her list—the dorm tour—which I’d agreed to accompany her on.
Then we were meeting her older brother, Ryan, for lunch.
I hadn’t let myself think too hard about that.
I’d met her stepmother when I’d taken Juniper to Dr. Julian’s office, but that was because she was the receptionist, not because of my ties to Quincy.
I hadn’t been introduced to anyone else in her family.
That she’d spent every night in my room lately made the thought of meeting them uncomfortable.
I sat in a low-slung easy chair in a quiet corner. I’d spread a blanket on the carpeted floor for Juniper, who’d been content to sit and play with her toys after her snack. My attention was divided between people watching and watching my daughter at my feet.
One of June’s favorite toys was a plastic cube with shapes cut out from the top and matching blocks that fit through the openings.
She’d started to figure out how to fit the pieces in, but half of her time was spent exploring them with her mouth.
She had the yellow star, her favorite, in hand now, or rather in mouth.
When she lost hold of the star, it rolled a few feet away.
I’d started to reach out and get it for her when she leaned forward and ended up on hands and knees, rocking like she sometimes did, her eyes on the star. I sat back, waiting to see what she would do.
Juniper, eyes still locked on that beloved star, put one hand forward, rocked for a second, then moved her leg, then her other hand, her other leg…
Within seconds, my daughter was crawling, closing the three feet to the star.
Her squeal of joy when she reached it, sat back on her behind, and picked it up matched the elation and pride in my heart at her milestone.
“Look at you, June Bug,” I said, leaning forward, making eye contact with my gleeful baby. I held my hands out to see if she’d crawl back my way.
She let out a happy shriek, the star tumbling from her hands and mouth again, but this time she didn’t care.
Her avid eyes were locked on me as she crept toward me on shaky hands and knees.
When she reached my feet, I scooped her up, cuddled her to my chest, and congratulated her with words and kisses, my heart overflowing.
I picked up the star and handed it to her, perched in the crook of my arm. She took it and happily obsessed over it some more.
Two minutes later, the auditorium door opened and several people filtered out, all of them in their twenties or younger.
Quincy emerged, seeking us out, and I stood, still psyched about Juniper’s milestone.
I held it in, though, looking forward to hearing how her advising and introduction sessions had gone.
“There’s Quincy,” I told Juniper, who broke out into a big smile as soon as she spotted her nanny. “Hey,” I said as Quincy reached us. “How was it?”
Quincy was all grins. “Good. The people seemed to legitimately like their jobs, which says a lot, and I got tons of information. Plus classes. I’m all enrolled.
” She dragged in a deep breath. “It’s starting to get real.
” Grabbing on to Juniper’s arm, Quincy said, “Hey, sweet pea.” She kissed June’s nose, eliciting a giggle.
“You’re on countdown.” I forced cheer into my voice even though I was dreading when Quincy left—for multiple reasons.
She wrinkled her nose. “Not quite yet. Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“You know better,” I said in a private voice.
Her eyes met mine, then flitted down to my lips as if she wanted to kiss me. She didn’t though, which only made me ache more for a taste of her. I stifled that as Quincy’s attention went back to my daughter.
“How’s my favorite June Bug?” she asked. “Were you a good girl for your daddy?”
“More than,” I said, grateful for the distraction. “Should we tell her the news?” I asked Juniper, who answered with a babble.
“What?” Quincy said, looking from Juniper to me.
“Juniper crawled.”
“What?” Quincy’s mouth fell open as she reached out for the baby. “You crawled? And I missed it?” She took Juniper into her arms and peppered her with kisses, making my daughter laugh some more. “That’s a big deal, sweet pea. We’re in trouble now. You’ll be into everything.”
“She will, won’t she?” I’d thought we might have a couple more months to prepare, but obviously my precocious daughter thought differently. “What time is your tour?”
Quincy pulled out her phone to look at the time. “Eleven. We need to go now, or we’ll be late.”
“It’s close by, right?” We’d located it on a map earlier, and it was no more than two blocks away.
“It is, but I want to get there early.”
“Of course.”
Quincy’s penchant for being fifteen to twenty minutes early for everything was a surprising quirk, seeing as how she wasn’t particularly organized in any other way, but she was militant about it, and I respected that.
We had more than twenty minutes to make a three-minute walk now, but I quickly packed up June’s toys and blanket and readied her carrier.
“I can’t believe I missed her first time,” Quincy said, hugging my daughter to her.
“I’m sorry you missed it, Quince.” I hooked the diaper bag over my shoulder, took Juniper back, settled her in the carrier, and picked it up. “I didn’t think to try to get it on video. It happened so fast.” I recounted the play-by-play.
“Cutie patootie, next time wait for me,” Quincy told June. “I guess I’ll miss a lot once I come here full-time.”
“You can visit her when you’re home for breaks,” I said, not letting myself think too hard about what it would be like once she was gone.
I was keeping my ears open for leads on a possible nanny, but the truth was I wasn’t sure I wanted a full-time, live-in nanny again.
Not unless it was Quincy. I was working on balancing my time better, and Juniper was sleeping longer at night.
It was a luxury to have Quincy’s help when she did wake up, but I was considering looking for more of a daytime sitter just for when I was working.
I had time to figure it out. Time for the right person for the job to show up in our lives.
We hurried down the main boulevard to the dorm Quincy had been assigned to.
“Wow,” I said as we walked up to it. “Back in my day, living in the dorms meant roughing it. This doesn’t look too shabby.”
“It just opened last year,” Quincy said. “I think I only got into it because I requested a single room in a suite. It’s harder if you have people you request to live with. I’m a leftover they could stick anywhere, which is awesome for me.”
The door opened as we neared, and a tall, college-age guy wearing his ball cap backward came out. When he saw Quincy, he held the door open, his eyes locked on her in obvious interest.
“Heyyy,” he said to her, stopping to give her his full attention. “You live here?”
Quincy smiled and shook her head. “Not until January.”
The kid glanced at me and Juniper, then turned his attention back to Quincy as if we weren’t standing there. “I’ll definitely see you in January.”
He didn’t look at me again as I took the door, my heart pounding with annoyance, adrenaline spiking in a protective rush, as if Quincy needed me to fend off this dude.
Two steps into the building and I realized she didn’t, of course. Come January, if she wanted to talk to backward-cap guy, she could. If she wanted to flirt with him, she could. If she wanted to date him, fall in love with him…
Fuck.
She could, and I’d have to be okay with it.
I was going to need time to come to terms with that.
As Quincy walked to the desk, I waited out of the way, closer to the door than the desk, not wanting to interfere. Trying to get my head in check—or was it my heart?
I shook my head, as that was the dumbest thought yet today, then made faces at a wide-eyed Juniper until she laughed.
A few minutes later, Quincy and a smiley, petite girl who couldn’t be more than eighteen came over to us.
“Hello. My name is Sumi, and I’ll be showing you around today. Let’s go this way.” She led us to one of the wings, held her ID card in front of a scanner, and let us in.
I allowed the two of them to walk side by side in front of me, listening but not participating as they chatted.
As we turned a corner, Sumi glanced back at me with a smile and said to Quincy, “Is this your dad with you today?”
Somehow I managed to keep my smile pasted on my face, but her assumption hit me like a physical blow.
“Oh, no,” Quincy said with a surprised laugh. “Knox is my…boss. I nanny for this cutie patootie.” She touched Juniper’s nose affectionately as we all stopped at one of the doors.
“She’s adorable,” our guide said. Then she used a key to unlock the room and let us in.
In the meantime, I tried to act like everything was A-okay when what I really wanted to do was duck out and get the hell back to my real life, the one where I wasn’t sleeping with a girl young enough for people to mistake her for my daughter. One who I employed.
At the same time, I knew damn well I’d sleep with her again tonight and savor every damn second of it.
As the guide showed us the common area in the four-bedroom apartment—a living room and full kitchen plus laundry closet—I tried to pay attention. While we were en route to one of the bedrooms—with its own private bathroom—a thought struck me so hard I stopped for a second.
That smart-ass, backward-cap punk at the entrance hadn’t been threatened by me because he too assumed I was Quincy’s father.
I shoved the thought down deep. This was Quincy’s day, a big deal for her, and I needed to not let my hurt feelings show.
The bedroom was empty of staging but contained a twin bed, nightstand, dresser, and desk. Everything she’d need—plus the attached bathroom. They didn’t make dorm rooms like they used to…and that thought made me sound like the old fucker I was.
At some point during the apartment tour, Quincy had become subdued.
I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through her head.
On the drive into Nashville this morning, she’d chattered nonstop about the college, her possible first-semester classes, the campus, and everything else under the sun.
As she glanced around at the bedroom and checked out the bathroom, I realized she’d gone quiet.
She still answered Sumi’s questions, asked a few of her own, but her enthusiasm had dimmed for some reason.
Looking around at what her new home away from home would be like, I couldn’t fathom why. Maybe she was just tired.
Once the room tour was done, we made our way back out to the hall to see the common areas of the building—study areas, recreation areas with Ping-Pong and pool tables, a kitchen, for God’s sake, in case the one in your apartment wasn’t good enough?
Sumi, it turned out, was also in the elementary education program, a sophomore, so Quincy peppered her with questions about classes and requirements.
I already knew the program had a top-notch reputation because I’d researched it.
This was a stellar opportunity for Quincy.
I remembered what the guys at Chance’s had said about how cut out for being a teacher she was, and I couldn’t argue.
It hit me how it was more than possible Juniper could have Quincy as a teacher someday. If so, my daughter would be lucky.
I myself would have some shit to work out in my mind.
At the end of the dorm tour, we thanked Sumi and said our goodbyes. As we walked toward the parking lot, I reminded myself again to get out of my thoughts.
Today wasn’t about me. It was about Quincy and her future.
She’d be in a good place with all kinds of opportunities, and I needed to be happy for her.
I’d be back in Dragonfly Lake with my daughter, and we’d be lonely but just fine. Better than just fine.
Coming with Quincy today, it turned out, had been the right decision. God knew I needed all the help I could get to prepare for her moving on.