Chapter 32
Knox
Thanksgiving with my new, extended double family was unlike any Thanksgiving I’d ever experienced. It was how I imagined a Hallmark holiday would be but louder.
The Henrys and Norths—all twenty-two of them, or twenty-four when you counted Juniper and me, plus Drake and Mackenzie’s two dogs, Tank and Gunner, and Gabe and Lexie’s dog, Saint—had gathered at Seth and Everly’s home.
It was situated on the lakeshore a few houses up from mine and had been in the family for nearly fifty years.
This was where my half-siblings had started their childhood.
When they’d moved to Nashville, their grandmother—my grandmother, Guinevere Henry—had stayed.
This house had served as her full-time home, a summer retreat for the family, and a second home for Holden, who’d preferred high school here in Dragonfly Lake to the large, overcrowded one in Nashville.
Admittedly, with the Henrys and Norths, even this generous four-bedroom home felt cozy and small.
The main dining table in the kitchen and the one in the formal dining room had all their leaves in, and chairs and high chairs crowded around them.
Both rooms, and the living room in between, had been rowdy, chaotic, and filled with laughter all afternoon.
June and I were still sitting in the dining room with our half of the group after the meal was cleared away and dessert had been devoured.
My daughter was out of the high chair, sitting on my lap, spellbound by a clean spoon.
Hayden, Chloe, and Eliza were sharing some of the worst parts of being pregnant, eliciting cringes from those of us who hadn’t lived through it with them and shudders from those who had.
Unlike last month at Simon’s birthday celebration, I was becoming comfortable with everyone, relaxing more with them as well as with my daughter, and starting to feel like I fit in.
As the only single guy present, I’d taken some teasing for that.
I preferred being teased over the stiffness of my debut any day.
If these folks were kidding around with me, their guard was down, which relaxed mine as well.
Even though I was the new guy, I no longer felt so conspicuously like the new guy.
I had a bunch to be thankful for, the warmth and welcome from this family second on the list, right below June Bug.
I’d probably clung to Juniper harder than usual for the past three days as I tried to adjust to Quincy being gone. Truth be told, my daughter had been fussy and out of sorts, likely because of Quincy’s departure. Maybe also because I was fussy and out of sorts.
We’d get over it eventually, Juniper probably faster than me.
Despite being able to relax with these people who were beginning to feel like family, there was a heaviness in my chest I couldn’t shake.
The cause of it was no mystery. I ached for Quincy like I’d never thought possible.
Like I’d never ached for anyone before. I wanted her flipping me shit as we shared a meal.
I wanted her loving on my daughter as much as I did.
I wanted her lounging on the sectional near me as we watched a movie or talked.
I wanted her in my bed, and it wasn’t just because sex with her turned my world upside down.
I couldn’t sleep well without her, couldn’t seem to fall into a deep rest.
“When I was pregnant with Calvin,” Eliza said, pointing over her shoulder toward the kitchen where her older son was sitting on Faye’s lap and playing with a tow truck, “all I wanted to eat was bologna.”
“I’ll eat almost anything, but bologna is nasty,” Drake said, laughing. “Why bologna?”
Eliza shook her head and made a face. “No idea. I can’t eat it at all anymore, but I begged my roommate, Grace, to go on a bologna run in the middle of the night once.”
“Knowing Grace, she did it too,” Hayden said.
“She sure did. She deserves a medal.”
As talk continued, Juniper’s body stiffened, and I could tell she was about to dirty her diaper. I picked her up and headed upstairs to Seth’s office, where Everly had suggested we store our baby gear and change diapers.
“Definitely time for a change, huh, June Bug?” I said to her as we walked into the quiet room and I got the first hint of baby stench.
I spread her changing pad out on the floor, laid her on top, and bent over her, talking to her, giving her some time to finish going before I stripped her down.
As I dug out her plush monkey and gave it to her to keep her hands out of the “work area,” someone entered the room behind me. I turned to see who it was and tensed.
“Hey,” Cash said, looking down at us, a beer in his hand.
“Did you take a wrong turn?” I asked, trying to figure out why he was here.
He’d said hello earlier, but that was the extent of our interaction.
He’d been in charge of cooking since Everly was a self-professed newbie in the kitchen, and I’d given him a wide berth.
I wasn’t up for a repeat of the scene at Simon and Faye’s house.
I’d made a point of finding a spot at the table he wasn’t sitting at.
He shook his head, grinned down at Juniper, then reared back as the odor must have hit him.
“Delicate operation. You might want to exit quickly,” I said, giving him an out.
“I’ve smelled worse,” he said lightly, which made me look at him a second time. Cash hadn’t been light toward me since before he found out we were half-brothers. “Sorry to follow you up here like a stalker. It’s not easy to have a private discussion.”
“I’m not up for another round,” I told him as I undid and folded Juniper’s nasty diaper, then cleaned her up.
Cash sat on the edge of the leather love seat. “I wanted to thank you for helping Ava the other day when I texted you.”
“It was no problem,” I said, caught off guard. “She talked me down a week or two before that. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, a writer’s brain can be a scary place.”
With a chuckle, he said, “I love that woman’s brain. It’s fascinating, but she was so full of despair, and then I got called away…” The antagonism from the past was missing from his tone.
I relaxed slightly, not yet convinced we were at peace but willing to take any concessions. “I’m betting she let you have it later for contacting me.”
“She did.” He grinned, and I could see his love for her in his eyes even now. It felt like a knife in my chest, and that made exactly no sense. “We worked it out.”
“I don’t need details,” I said.
“Wouldn’t give you any if you asked,” he shot back, but there was no bite to our words.
He stood, paced toward the desk, and gazed out the window.
Just looking at his back, I could tell he’d gone more serious.
Tense. He pivoted toward me. “So…I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole.
Ava and I talked a lot about you and your mom, our dad…
It’s a fucked-up situation that she never told you before, but I can see now that’s not your fault.
It just took me a bit to get there. So.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway. I’m sorry.”
With Juniper’s fresh diaper in place, I was able to give him my full attention. “Apology accepted.” I nodded, a little overcome, a lot relieved. “My mom meant well. I don’t want to say anything bad about her, but I would’ve liked to know you all from the beginning.”
“And there were days I begged to be raised as an only child.” Cash chuckled. “I imagine it was pretty damn quiet.”
“Compared to your life? Like a morgue.”
We both smiled, like maybe there was a new chance for us to get along.
“You got that cute little turkey cleaned up yet?” He nodded toward Juniper.
“About as clean as she gets, but now I have to wrestle with this outfit Faye got her.”
It was two pieces—a white onesie that said Little Turkey and a tutu-type skirt in oranges, golds, and browns—plus the socks June Bug pulled off multiple times a day.
I much preferred a one-piece outfit with feet, but when Mimi bought her granddaughter a special outfit for the holiday, I knew enough to dress her in it.
“I don’t know if I’d let them put me in something that said Little Turkey, Juniper,” Cash said. “That might be one of those photos that ends up surfacing at your wedding rehearsal.”
Juniper vocalized back to him. Once I had her socks on again, I stood and picked her up. She held out her stuffed monkey to Cash. My brows shot up.
“She doesn’t offer the monkey to many people,” I told him. “It’s her most prized possession.”
“Enjoy it while it lasts. One of these days she’ll prefer sparkly, expensive things.” Cash took the monkey and pressed a kiss to its furry head, eliciting a laugh from my daughter.
“You’re probably right.” I said to my daughter, “Let’s stick with stuffed monkeys for a good long while, okay, June Bug?”
She lifted her toy with a flourish and babbled as if she was proclaiming the stuffed toy her prince, making Cash and me laugh.
“She’s gonna be a heartbreaker in no time flat.” Going serious again, Cash shrugged and said, “I thought it was a good day to make peace.” He held out his hand. “Glad to have you in the family, brother.”
A surge of emotions washed over me, good ones—relief being the primary one. Gratitude. For the first time since I’d arrived in town last summer to search out my family, my misgivings and worries about revealing the truth faded away.
“Thanks, Cash,” I said, my voice strange as I shifted June to my left side and shook his hand. “June and I look forward to getting to know your peaceful side.”
“Hey, you two.” Ava appeared in the doorway. “Just making sure my fiancé’s behaving. Everything okay? Hi, Junie.” She stepped in and squeezed my daughter’s hand. Ava held out her arms to see if Juniper wanted to go to her, and June leaned toward her, smiling. I handed her off.
“Everything’s good,” I said, bending down to pick up the changing pad, the toxic diaper, and the wipes.