Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
Magnolia
I stared at her, waiting for the punch line, but my mother had never been a joker. “How… How sure are you?”
“One hundred percent positive. Felix is sterile due to an untreated childhood infection. I didn’t know that prior to my pregnancy.”
“Who…?” I leaned forward, elbows on my desk, head propped in my hands, as if holding myself up could counteract the immense blowing up of my reality, my entire identity.
I wasn’t Felix James’s daughter?
“Who is my father?” I asked.
“His name was Jimmy. He was in town for a long weekend. Felix was out of town on business, and I confess my objective was revenge for all the times he’d been unfaithful.
Jimmy and I spent an unexpectedly magical, unforgettable thirty-six hours together.
” Her voice had gone slightly dreamy, and a ghost of a smile tugged at her lips.
“He knew my situation. We both knew it was a one-time thing. We never exchanged last names.”
I sat there frozen, my mouth hanging open as I tried to process everything. My brain moved in slow motion. “So that makes me…a bastard?”
“I’m sorry, Magnolia.”
I laughed. For real laughed. “That’s… That’s actually the best news ever.”
I shared no blood with the manipulative, controlling snake, Felix James.
None of his toxic DNA. For the past two years plus, I hadn’t even had any of his money, with the exception of my eleven-year-old car.
I was finally free of the man, save for the psychological damage I was still working through.
My laughter quieted, but my grin didn’t fade. I considered taking out the champagne from the drink fridge and popping the cork. My mother, however, still had a grave, heavy expression on her face. This wasn’t the right time or person to celebrate with.
I took a swallow of my water instead, my mind reeling. “That explains why he’s always seemed to hate me. Because he does,” I said almost gleefully.
“Felix James doesn’t hold affection for anyone but himself,” my mother said. “With you, I believe he resented you from the day you were born, and I’m sorry for that too, Magnolia. You never deserved that.”
No, I didn’t deserve that. No child did. Only through weekly therapy appointments had I figured out how deep the damage from my father went. From both of my parents actually.
I’d believed I wasn’t lovable. I was still undoing that damage, still working on my self-worth.
It took a lot of time and effort to undo thirty-plus years of programming.
I’d been working with my therapist, Jolene, on loving myself for more than a year, with affirmations, meditations, journaling, and more.
She was helping me learn to be kind to myself, to take care of myself in ways I never had, like eating better, treating my body better, and catching negative self-talk and flipping it around. I was a work-in-progress.
And now, in the course of a twenty-minute conversation, my life, my messed-up psyche, made sense like it never had before.
“It helps to know that,” I said, less jubilant and more reflective. Another thought occurred to me. “If he knew you were carrying someone else’s child, why did you stay in your miserable marriage?”
What could possibly convince Felix James, with his double standards, to keep his unfaithful wife around? Then it hit me before she could say more. He didn’t want to lose his big business deal with her father.
My mother stood, stepped to the window, and peered outside. “He and I made an agreement. We both needed to remain married, him for business reasons and me for money. Add to that, he’s the type of man who feels deeply ashamed of his inability to produce an heir.”
That phrase produce an heir was so cold but entirely fitting. For a man with the emotional capacity of a dead possum, fatherhood could only be about carrying on the family name.
“He swore me to secrecy regarding your paternity,” she continued, “and with foolish optimism, back then I thought a child ought to have a father figure. I hoped Felix could be one. Maybe not a great one, but I never realized how awful he would be.” She turned to face me.
“I now understand that having no father can be better than having a bad father. But I was in a tricky position. If I left the marriage, not only would I lose the financial benefits of a wealthy husband, but my father would write me off as well. I had no job history or skills, and I’m not proud to admit I really didn’t want to work a nine-to-five job anyway.
I liked having money. Felix knew that and agreed, if I kept his dirty little sterility secret, to let me spend generously. ”
Knowing this woman the way I did, that rang true. I didn’t know her from Eve now, but back then, that had to be a dream deal for her—except for having to stay married to a controlling jerk.
“So eighteen years ago, what changed to make you leave?” I asked.
“Two things. One, I hated him so much. It grew with every day I stayed. He flaunted his control over me like a damn peacock. He’s driven by power, and while he still reported to my father at work, in our home, he saw himself as a king.”
I wrinkled my nose, knowing that was true.
“Two, I was in love with another man.”
Ah. That was probably the only thing that would compel her to leave. She’d gone from one man to the next, incapable of being on her own. “Did my fath—Felix know about the other man?”
She shook her head vehemently. “He never found out about Franklin. He wouldn’t have agreed to anything if he had. Franklin and I had thirteen wonderful years before he passed away.” Pausing, she seemed to reel her emotions in.
“Why didn’t you take me with you?” I asked. It was a toss-up whether I would’ve been better off with her, but I’d always wondered how a mother could desert her only child.
“Felix wouldn’t allow it. I believe he thought I wouldn’t go without you.”
Without the Franklin element, I didn’t think she’d have the courage to leave either. I didn’t see her as the type who could forge her own path, even with a healthy bank account.
“Let me guess,” I said, my brain spinning, figuring so many things out, questioning just as many others. “He made you swear not to tell me the truth about my paternity.”
“You guessed it. That would’ve taken away his power over you. Our agreement stipulated that I wasn’t allowed to be in contact with you at all.”
I nodded, pressing my lips together. What a pathetic man he was. Pathetic human. Insecure, selfish, weak. “So why now?”
My mother returned to her chair, looking even paler if that was possible. “Could I bother you for some water?”
I got up and grabbed a bottle from the fridge, absorbed in my thoughts. Handing it to her, I sat back down and waited for her to unscrew the lid, which she struggled with, and take a drink.
Finally she said, “Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.”
Sympathy tugged at me even though our history was an ugly mess. I might not like her, but I didn’t want her to suffer.
“Magnolia, you may or may not believe me, but all these years, I’ve felt terrible for leaving you with that man, for bending to his demands in every way, allowing you to think he was your father. That’s not fair to you, and it’s eaten away at me.”
I eyed her skeptically, biting down on questions.
“Getting a cancer diagnosis…” She closed her eyes and shook her head, looking downright ashen. “It changes your perspective in a heartbeat.”
“I imagine it does. What is your prognosis?”
“I have procedures and appointments next week where I’ll find out more,” she said, “but regardless of what happens with my health, I decided I couldn’t continue to hide the truth from you.
What you do with it is up to you. If you choose to go public with it or confront Felix, you have my blessing.
It’s your truth to do what you need to with it. ”
“What happens if you break your agreement?”
“I’m prepared to take the stand I should’ve taken years ago.”
“He’ll cut off your money.”
“Yes. I’m expecting that. Franklin left me everything he had, which wasn’t insignificant, so I’ll be okay.
” She took a long drink, then continued, “I’m ready to go on the offensive.
I’m going to file for divorce and tell my father everything.
The paternity in particular. He could choose to pressure the board of directors to change the bylaws, or Felix could lose his position as next in line for the CEO position. ”
“Is Grandfather still active in the business?”
“He is to an extent, though at seventy-nine years old, he only works two or three days a week.”
“Does he know you’ve been separated?”
My mother nodded. “As long as we didn’t divorce, he could still have Felix as his next in command.”
“Do you think the paternity issue and a divorce will make him change his mind about Felix?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, and I don’t care. My motivation is freeing myself. I’m nearly forty years late, but as they say, better late than never. I regret so much, Magnolia…”
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.
Did I feel sorry for her? Yes. She was a weak person who’d needed a health scare to find her spine.
Did I forgive her? I wasn’t sure. I needed time to sort through everything she’d dropped on me.
Did I hope Felix’s world fell out from under him?
Yes. Yes, I did.
Call me petty and vengeful, but I hoped he suffered the way he’d made others suffer all these years.
My mother picked up her purse from the floor—a Hermes that probably cost more than a new car. She rustled through it, took out a business envelope, and handed it over to me. A small, bulky object made it bulge.
I frowned at it. There was no writing on it, but it was sealed. “What is this?”
“Open it.”
Puzzled, I used my letter opener to slice it open, reached in, and pulled out a ring. I gasped.
Between my thumb and index finger, I held the heart-shaped emerald ring that had gone missing eighteen years ago. Right around the time my mother left, I realized for the first time.