Chapter 35
Aoi
I nuzzle against the comforting and firm body next to me, holding me in his arms.
A sudden hitched breath makes me realize that I’m huddled against someone’s chest like a baby koala, and that someone is none other than Andrew. The strangest thing is the buzzing in my limbs while I cling to him like I’ve never done with anyone before.
I blink away the haze and peer up at him. His fingers stroke my hair gently. As he smiles down at me, I subconsciously mirror his gesture.
I’ve never slept so well in my entire life, and right now, all I want is to stay in his arms forever and let him shield me from the world. It feels like I can abandon everything else when he’s near me because a part of me wholeheartedly believes he would take care of me for the rest of my life.
But no matter how much he is willing to bend for me, I refuse to soften my edge. The sharper I remain, the less likely his softness will breach me.
“Slept well?” he asks as I detach myself from him and face the window.
“Yeah, you?” I pull my bathrobe into place, and get up from the bed, feeling my stomach churn.
“Yeah, I actually slept. Haven’t been able to do that in ages. But…are you okay? You can stay in bed longer, you know?”
I can’t. You’re making me feel things I’d rather not know of if I’m not going to be able to hold on to them.
“I’m fine. Glad I could be of help.”
I don’t smile at him nor bother glancing at him as I step toward the bathroom and lock myself inside. My back hits the door’s cold surface and I slump against it, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around my bare legs.
Everything was fine yesterday. I felt at ease and hopeful but maybe that’s the issue.
I shouldn’t forget my place.
The scar on my forearm tingles and my eyes dart to the long, vertical, white line that reaches my wrist.
I haven’t cut in years. The wounds would be too obvious and the healing process inconvenient. The girls would notice and so would Jason. Their concern will only burden me and worsen the rotting guilt I feel every time I peek at my reflection.
And yet, right now, all I can think about is dragging a sharp blade over the fine line and watching the blood drip like it did that day.
Stop it. You’re disgusting.
I shake my head and push myself up, catching sight of my reflection in the mirror.
At least I’m still pretty. Especially my eyes—those sapphire eyes.
My mother’s eyes.
Once my beauty has faded, will he leave me for someone prettier? Will he choose someone who doesn’t carry the scent of pain and squandered hope?
I hate thinking this way about the body that has carried me through the best and worst moments of my life.
This vessel’s existence may have been a mistake, but it accomplished its mission in more ways than I give it credit for.
I should be more grateful for the only thing that never gave up on me and instead reminded me that I was alive.
Walking. Breathing. Laughing. Crying. Existing. Living.
But dead inside.
Pushing the door open, I come face to face with a ridiculous scene and almost burst out laughing. “What on earth are you wearing?” I point at the ‘I heart NYC’ briefs and snort. “Don’t tell me you’ve been wearing those since yesterday.”
“They didn’t have many options in the souvenir shop, you know?” He grins, stepping toward me. “I’ve got another one specially bought for you.”
He hands me to second pair, and I hold them up to get a better view before another round of laughter shakes me. “My God, it’s so ridiculous!”
“You’re so beautiful when you laugh. I can’t get enough of you.” He leans against the wall and smiles at me. “Do you want to tell me what happened earlier?”
“Nothing happened,” I say and fist the briefs.
He frowns, clearly not believing me. “Don’t lie to me. I won’t force you to tell me if you really don’t want to, but don’t insult my intelligence by pretending I misunderstood your behavior. I’m not blind. I can tell something was up when you went to the bathroom all distant and shit.”
“Look, I’m fine. I’m just not a morning person, that’s all.”
“You’re seriously going to deny it?” he retorts, a creep of frustration laced into his tone. “Goodness, Aoi.”
“What?” I snap. “Just mind your business. Whatever is presumably up with me is none of your concern, so why don’t you just keep acting like usually and stop probing?”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why the hell not?” I stomp my foot but take a step back when he crowds my space. “Everyone else does it. Why can’t you?”
“I’m not ‘everyone else’ and I certainly will not ignore your distress when I see it.” He grabs my chin and slides his thumb over my bottom lip. “You don’t know how much it hurts me to watch you fighting your demons and having to remain out of it.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“You make me…feel things I don’t understand,” I admit, swatting his hand away and burying my face in his bare chest. “I want to be honest with you but it’s all so damn complicated.”
He wraps his arms around me and nuzzles the crook of my neck, inhaling my scent. “Fuck, I’m going to melt.”
A soft blush creeps up my cheeks, and I wave the butterflies away. “Do you want to have breakfast, or should we head back to the city right away?”
“Are you so eager to leave?” he smirks, leaning back to give me a better view of his physique. My eyes betray me and gloss over his half naked, muscular body as my mind pictures him railing me into a mattress. “See anything you like?”
“Mhm,” I nod before my brain can register his words. “No, fuck. I don’t. Let’s go eat.”
He chuckles while I stomp past him, grabbing my clothes that have dried since last night. Andrew eyes me seductively as he steps toward me and reaches for his own clothes behind me.
The proximity and his intoxicating masculine scent are sending me into overdrive. I plant a hand on his pec, holding back from groping him as I push him away. “Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Whatever that is,” I motion to his casual flirtatious behavior that’s making my heart jump in my throat.
“You mean being so hot you end up flustered? Aoi, my Paradise, this is your fault. You’re just having too many dirty thoughts about me. Admit it.”
I scoff in outrage and mild amusement. “Unbelievable. Get over yourself.”
“Or you could get under me?”
“Andrew!”
“Yes, beautiful?”
I shake my head and try to remove my hand from his chest, but he covers it with his palm, and I feel the speed of his hammering heartbeat under my pads. “Seriously, stop flirting with me.”
“Why?”
“Back off before I beat you with a stick.”
“I don’t want to, though.” He looms over me, his lips brushing against my neck with the delicacy of a feather, but the sensation is strong enough to make me shudder. “Your reactions are addictive.”
“Andrew…” Fuck, if he keeps this up, I’ll have to nurse a massive boner. “Not now.”
He smirks against my skin, his free hand drifting to my waist, pressing me against him and I feel my dick react to his touch. “Not now, hmm?” He purrs against my Adam’s apple like a cat, taking a whiff of my scent and giving it a soft peck that makes me shamefully whimper.
Fuck, I want him to touch me more.
“Okay.” He steps away and lets go of me, grinning like the cheshire cat.
I stagger and blink at him, lips parted in confusion and lust sizzling under the surface. “Huh?”
“As I said previously, I’m patient,” he says, fully aware of the state he’s left me in. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
Yeah, but maybe I’m not patient? Fuck, now I’m all hot and bothered and I want him to do something about it, but my dumbass told him not to. How stupid am I?
It’s hard to believe that the vulnerable and clingy man from last night is the same fox who just turned me on like never before.
And he barely even touched me!
***
Chomping on a vegan chocolate glazed waffle I ask, “Do you often have nightmares?”
He gapes at me and takes a sip of orange juice “The trauma my foster family caused has left rather permanent scars. It’s impossible to spend a single night without nightmares.”
“Do you usually manage to fall asleep afterwards?”
He smiles and gazes deeply into my eyes. “Usually, I stay awake the rest of the night and get some work done instead. But you may be the cure.”
I roll my eyes and take another bite of my waffle. “Right.”
“I’m serious. Usually, even if I try to fall asleep afterwards, I can’t, or I’m jolted awake by another nightmare. But when you were in my arms, I felt…safe.”
Me too.
“Is it alright for you to miss work? Won’t your brother get mad?” I ask, instead of spilling my honest feelings. “I hope you won’t get in trouble.”
He laughs almost arrogantly as he stabs his pancakes. “I texted that jerk last night that I would probably be late. Even if he were mad, he’ll have to get over it. Besides, I usually don’t have to be there in person. I can just work from home.”
“Convenient.”
“Same for you though. As a writer, you don’t need to physically be at the agency.”
I nod, sipping on my orange juice. “I mostly stay in my room and write. I’m rarely required to be there in person either, unless something urgent has to be discussed or physical copies need to be signed.”
“So, you’re free for the day?”
“Good try, but no. I have to work, since I’m on a deadline.”
Pouting, he grazes the back of my hand. “But I’m more fun than work, am I not?”
“That’s your opinion. I love my job.”
“Okay, okay, I give up for now. But at least agree to accompany me to the fundraiser organized by Lacroix Corporation tomorrow evening.”
I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Hanging out with him in public spaces is one thing but at a mediatized event? That’s risky. I don’t want to attract unnecessary attention.
But it could be fun, and who am I kidding? I enjoy spending time with him. More than I wish I did.
“Dress code?”
He grins. “Black tie of course.”
I nod and intertwine our fingers, granting me an angelic smile. “I’ll be waiting for you to pick me up then, Prince Charming.”