Chapter 15
Konstantin
Chto by ya delal bez tebya?
I hummed under my breath as I leaned my head against my knuckles, and with my other hand, I trailed my index finger along the contour of Blair’s cheek. Watching her sleep so peacefully as a touch of a smile settled on her lips.
The marigold rays of sunshine peeked through the tinted windows as it trailed along her dewy porcelain skin, making it look like she was being marked by the sun. Just showing more places to be kissed and worshipped.
Waking up to her lying by my side, naked and making her all mine, was an unexpected haven. Between the whispers of sweet nothings and the soft heated space between the two, time came to a standstill, everything encasing this very moment.
There were no thoughts, no sounds, no past memories or buried secrets; it was just here, now, me and her.
I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her closer until we were inseparable, and my nose nuzzled against the crook of her neck, where the scent of her sweet strawberry and wanton skin mixed.
A groan escaped my throat as pleasure paraded my chest. Dya was in a flood of ecstasy, as he was too happy about last night and was anxiously waiting his turn with Blair’s approval first.
God, if this was my reward after so long, then I would gladly take it and want nothing more.
Long, lazy minutes came and went as Blair began to moan softly, her body shifting against mine as I didn’t want the moment to end.
However, in pure Blair style, she tossed and turned, her restlessness making her wake up abruptly.
With half-lidded eyes, she asked, “W-what?” she said in a sleepy voice.
“Shush,” I murmured, attempting to put her back to sleep. “Relax, kotyonok.”
“Why are you in my bed?”
A chuckle stumbled from me. “Well, after you passed out while I fucked you and carried you back to your bedroom, I think that was the least you could do to thank me.”
She blinked repeatedly, observing the position we were in and how close we were, and she jumped to sit up. Her head nearly hit mine as I regrettably knew all the mushy-mushy was over, and I started to get off the bed.
“So… did last night… really happen?” she uttered, swallowing between pauses.
The tilt of my lips began to change as a smile betrayed my emotions.
“Last night was…” There weren’t enough words to suffice the sensation of having been in heaven after being in hell for so long.
The memories of last night came rushing back to me, and part of it was a blur since Dya had been in control, but witnessing, tasting, and touching Blair provided the same ecstasy.
It had been years since I felt wanted— desired— but she made me feel like a man worthy of affection.
“A mistake.” Blair lamented with a disappointed sigh. Her chest collided with guilt.
My eyes flicked to hers. What?
She didn’t mean that.
“You’re joking.” A tight chuckle slipped past my lips. My chest was tight, like an anchor weighed it down to sea.
Her face fell in her hands, ashamed as she couldn’t even look me in the eyes. “Why would I? Dammit.”
I shook my head, failing to understand. “Did I do something wrong?” I came closer to her and dropped to my knees. “If so, I’m sorry, Blair.”
As I reached out my hand for hers, she moved away, gathering the sheets tightly to cover her body. “Don’t,” the word pushed out roughly.
Deep pressure dropped in my sternum.
The spinning illusion halted to a halt.
“Blair…”
“No,” she cut me off as she shook her head. “I’m a nun. A servant of God. I can’t be with you. You shouldn’t even be here.”
No. No. It’s not supposed to be like this.
My resting palm formed into a fist against my knee.
“Fucking hell, Blair. That’s not fair.”
She scoffed and backed away on the bed until she was pressed against the wall. “Fair? Nothing has been fair since you put me in this position. I’ve never wanted this.”
The circumstances of our meeting were less than ideal. In any other situation, if she were passing by a bar and I was sitting there, I would ask her to be my wife that night. But that wasn’t our reality; this was, however, fucked up, but she was my promised salvation from that damned condemnation.
My head dropped between my shoulders, filled with remorse. “It wasn’t my choice, you know that.”
“Yes, but it is to keep me hostage!” She emphasized with force.
“That was never my intention.”
“How can I believe you?”
“Blair…”
“How can I believe you?” she repeated roughly, her lips thinning, creasing around the edges.
Her insistence made me nervous, and I said, “I-I told you so many things I’d never told anyone else.”
Hope glazed up her eyes before being robbed with regret. “That’s not good enough.”
A rope coiled around the center of my chest, gripping tighter and tighter like I was on the verge of a heart attack.
“You… just have to.”
“Why? Why would I? Why do you even care?”
My mind spiraled in a descent of madness and desperation.
If I couldn’t gain her trust now, then I’d never have her.
I snapped my head in her direction, my gaze solely on her, penetrating her very soul.
“Because I do! Why do you think I did this? I want to get to know you! Every little piece. Even the ugliest parts that you think are unworthy of loving.” My voice strained as I contained my anger.
A light breath escaped her lips.
The confession was a devastating tale.
The reckless impulse she drove me to— I couldn’t think straight because of her.
“You don’t mean that.” She tried to grasp my confession.
“I meant every goddamn word I said.” I rose, putting one knee on the bed and inching closer by the second until my nose brushed against hers.
Our breaths mingled. My hand shook for the need to touch her once more, but I refrained, keeping my hand on the bed.
“You have no idea… what you make me feel, Blair. You make me lose my goddamn mind.”
Her skin became flushed and all rosy, clearly, my words taking some effect.
Thank god, it did because I needed her to need me. I needed her to feel a miniscule percentage of what I felt for her; that's all I’d needed.
“Please… please… Tell me you feel something, kotyonok. Anything.”
Blair’s lips parted, contemplating desire danced in her eyes, washing over her defenses as she lifted her right hand and gently placed it against my cheek, sweeping her thumb over.
Her touch was a holy blessing.
“And don’t deny me. You can’t.” My whisper was above a rasp.
A protesting whine escaped her throat as she repeated so enchanted. “I can’t. It’s true.”
“Then why do we do this to ourselves? Let’s leave this place and never come back.”
Whatever illusion we had snapped as she dropped her hand from my face, stuck to the wall, her fingers crippling the sheets. “But we can’t happen.”
Frustration streaked every nerve ending in me. “Why? Why are you making this so hard?”
“Because it is! Nothing about us was a fairytale. We were never supposed to meet. You were never supposed to fall for me.”
My shoulders fell inward.
Fuck, but I did.
“Please, tell me you were smarter than that?” Her brutal words tore at my chest and speared it right through the middle.
Smarter than that?
The irk of betrayal stained the back of my mind as I recalled my emotions were the downfall in the first place.
Confiding in that small trust and affection.
That’s how I ended up in that damn prison, and now here I was, willing to risk everything for a woman.
A woman wouldn’t do the same. Who would rather sell me out than accept me for who I was.
Fuck, I was so fucking stupid.
“You’re right, who would be that stupid, kotyonok?” I bit out roughly, my fist gripping at the sheets. “After all, a good cunt is just a good fuck.” As soon as I finished my sentence, a sharp palm struck my face.
A brutal sting followed.
“Fuck you,” she panted, her eyes reddened with anger and something more vulnerable… more heartbreaking.
She pushed me aside, moving out of the bed, and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door harshly.
The sound reverberated as I touched my cheek, feeling the empty hollow fester again.
You’re such a fucking eedot. You piece of shit! What the fuck would ever make you say that? You durak! Idi na hui!
I can’t believe how you fucked everything up, and you say I’m the monster when you’re a bitter fucker.
Dya has currently been running my ear off for the past few hours after the rough interaction between Blair and me.
I sat by the top of the hillside, watching as the orange sunset hung over the city; the red aftereffect lingered on the rooftops. The calm tides of the ocean pushed against the sandy shores as the wind rose up into my black shirt and ruffled against my jeans.
A massive hole of guilt and regret grew wider and wider in my chest.
Fuck, how could I be so stupid?
I never meant one word I said, but I was so angry and humiliated by being rejected by my own damned ego that I couldn't handle it. Essentially ruining everything I’d built with Blair.
My head hung low. Fuck, if I were her, I would never speak to me again.
Raising my head, I caught on to the sight of a small, curvy figure dressed in an all-black dress and a white veil on the crown of her head, appearing on the horizon of the hill. Just the thought of her coming near me made me come undone.
What should I do? What should I say?
Motherfucker, beg for forgiveness. Beg. Because if she doesn’t forgive us, I’ll kill you. Dya opted for the most realistic and rational option.
Blair arrived in front of me, winded from the walk and whatever else was on her mind. She placed a hand on her stomach, catching her breath.“I expected to find you here,” she went first, licking her dry lips.
My eyes lingered over her face, acknowledging her, and even when infuriated, I couldn’t help but find myself weakened by her.
It was killing some part of me to want her and be mad at her.
“Can I sit next to you?” she cautiously asked, pointing to the open space next to me.