Chapter 6
Evan
I t feels colder than usual as I make my way down the sidewalk. It’s empty and silent, with not a soul in sight. Not even down the alleyways or in the dark shadows. Someone’s always there. Always watching and waiting.
But not tonight.
The light snow crunches beneath my booted feet and fog fills my vision with each step I take to get home.
The streetlight outside the townhouse flickers and catches my attention.
Darkness sets in just as I walk up the stairs and open the door.
It’s so quiet and my first thought is that I’m grateful she isn’t crying anymore. Ever since I told her the truth, Kat hasn’t been the same.
She looks at me the way I’ve always looked at myself. She’s always sad now, with red-rimmed eyes and an expression of shame blanketing her beautiful face, and it’s all because of me. I ruined her like I knew I would.
I call out to her in the townhouse. It’s the same as it’s always been, but there’s an emptiness to it. A hollow feeling that emanates from the white walls and seeps into my bones.
“Kat!” I call out again, and my voice echoes.
My boots crunch although there’s no snow.
My breathing picks up and again fog clouds my vision as I walk toward the kitchen. “Kat.” I say her name, but I already know she can’t hear me.
The white mist fades and suddenly I see her. Just as she was yesterday, she’s balled up on the floor, but she’s not crying anymore.
Crimson red has stained her clothes.
“Kat?” Her name slips from me in disbelief as tears flow freely and I run to her.
“No!” I scream as her limp body lies on the floor and her eyes stare back at me, lifeless, but still rimmed in red.
Praying for God to take it back, I cradle her, rocking her and screaming for it not to be true.
A note falls and flutters to the floor with an elegance I hate in this moment.
I can’t let go of Kat; I grip her tighter, reading the words as the ink on the paper appears slowly. The script is feminine and delicate.
You should have let me go. You should have protected me.
It’s all your fault.
And then I hear a baby scream.
My eyes shoot open with terror, a cold sweat clinging to every inch of me. My body’s stiff and hot as my heart races, pounding in my chest like a war drum. My pulse is heavy, hard, and unforgiving. It’s just a nightmare.
“Kat,” I say just beneath my breath, attempting to hide the fear before moving suddenly, shaking the bed as I put my arm around her.
It’s the soft moan from her sleep that keeps me from waking her.
My heart still races in my chest as she breathes easily beside me.
As if nothing’s wrong. Like nothing’s happened.
My body trembles, refusing to let go of the visions. I blink away the sleep and fright as the early morning light streams into the room. The white noise of city traffic drowns out the gentle and steady sounds of Kat’s breathing.
My body’s heavy as I lie back in the bed, wiping the sweat from my brow and trying to forget the look on her face as I held her in my arms in the nightmare.
It’s hard to swallow, the fear nearly crippling.
It’s not real, I whisper. But I know with everything in me it’s so much more.
Time ticks by slowly and sleep doesn’t come again for me.
I didn’t lie just once last night. I lied twice.
The need to be with her made me do it. The need to hold on to her love and let her feel how much I love her. I had to take away her pain. It only makes today that much harder.
There are two truths I know for certain.
Someone’s trying to kill me and if they can’t get me, they’ll come for her.
But only if they know we’re still together. Right now, no one does.
I love Kat too much.
I almost leave a note after going through my dresser drawer. There was nothing in there to take, but I made sure nothing was left behind or planted. The first thing I need to do is have a security system installed. This shit won’t happen again and that’s how I was going to start the note.
I wanted to write one for Kat saying goodbye and that I’ll be back, then leave before she wakes.
She deserves to know why I’m leaving. Only for a little while. Only until I know she’s safe.
“The doctor’s appointment is at one I think,” Kat says sleepily and I turn to face her slowly, my body stiff. My eyes burn from lack of sleep, but I don’t care.
I welcome the pain.
“You’re finally awake,” I answer her and prepare myself for what I have to do.
The world thinks we’ve broken up. And it has to stay that way.
“You’ve been up long?” she asks and then yawns. There’s a slight radiance to her. Her hair forms a messy halo on the pillow and a delicate simper is on her lips.
“Kat.” I say her name and swallow my words.
I’ve been thinking about them all morning, the images of the nightmare feeling more and more real. Every possibility of what could happen has been running on a loop in my mind.
“I have to tell you something.” I stare at the dresser across the room. I look in the mirror but I can’t see our reflection, only the closed door to the bedroom.
“It’s only for a short time, but I have to go do something.”
“What do you mean?” she asks, the sweetness she had for me vanishing far too quickly as she sits upright. She reaches out to me, her soft, small hand gripping my shoulder.
“I mean I don’t think I can go to the appointment today.”
Her expression falls and she visibly retreats, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping the comforter tightly around her.
“Why not?” she asks with a little heat in her words. With every second that passes, I can see her getting angrier. “What’s more important?”
“I don’t think we should be seen in public together,” I tell her and swallow the painful lump in my throat. No one knows we’re together or that she’s pregnant. “This has to stay a secret.”
“Are you serious?”
“Kat, I have to take care of some things.”
“Bullshit! What about us?” she says and her voice cracks. “What about taking care of us?” She motions between us.
“I am,” I tell her and my words come out strangled, shattering the delicate balance that was here only a moment ago.
“If you walk through that door, you’re not coming back.” Kat’s voice shakes as she speaks. Her eyes are wide and the grief I feel is reflected in them. “You can’t keep doing this to me. I can’t keep …” she trails off and hiccups, on the verge of tears.
“It’s only for a short while,” I tell her to reassure her.
“I don’t understand.” Kat shakes her head as if she thinks I’m crazy. As if what I’m saying is incomprehensible and maybe it is, but it’s okay. The less she knows, the safer she is. That’s the only thing that matters.
“I have something I need to finish.”
“You need to stop this, Evan. Please. I’m ready to move forward. We have a baby coming. Our baby. We can do this, but you can’t keep going backward.”
God, I wish she knew.
I could try to outrun it, but not with her by my side. I’ll fight it and come back to her. I just need her to have faith. I know she will. The last thought is what moves me to put space between us.
“Just believe me when I say I love you, but I can’t be with you right now.”
A silent sob wracks through her body. “Stop it! Stop it, Evan. Please! I don’t care what it is, just leave it behind and stay with me. Please, I’m begging you.”
“I’m so sorry,” I tell her and hate that I’m causing her pain.
“Why are you doing this?” she whispers. “I can’t believe … I can’t …”
“I love you, Kat, but I can’t do this right now.” The words come out as if I’m ending it with her, and that’s when I realize it’s what I have to do.
To protect her and our baby.
“I swear to God, if you walk out of that door, Evan, it’s over. I’m done playing games. You’re here or you’re not.” Her words are restrained as she says them, each one sounding more and more painful.
My chest tightens with an unbearable sorrow as I whisper, “I’m sorry, Kat.”