Chapter 5
Kat
I don’t know what to think or do.
I don’t know what’s right and wrong.
But I’m so aware of how I feel.
Every inch of my skin burns with need against Evan’s touch. He’s got a hold over me that’s like a spell. It must be some kind of dark magic because he makes me forget reason. He makes me forget how angry I am at him.
I melt into him as if I was meant to be held by him from the very start.
The worst part is that I don’t want him to ever let me go. Because the second he does, I’ll remember. Reality will intrude, and the moment will be ruined.
One of these times, I’ll let him go and never be held again. I can feel it down in my very soul.
His hot breath tickles my neck as he whispers, “I love you, Kat.”
My soul quiets, the pain soothed. For the moment, I grip him just as tightly as he holds me.
My heart clenches in my chest as I swallow the lump in my throat.
“I’m so happy,” he murmurs as he brushes his hand against my belly. “We’re going to have a baby,” he says reverently.
How can I not fall back into his arms when I know he loves me? How can I not cling to him when he talks to me like this?
I’m exhausted and wretchedly weak. Nothing feels better than this.
Every reason this is a bad idea comes to me one by one, the truth too real to ignore. I don’t know if the extreme swings of my emotions are from the pregnancy, or from the craziness of Evan’s life.
My nails scrape against his shirt as I push away from him. “We need to talk.” I push out the words as he reluctantly watches me move away.
“If we do this, we’re moving forward together?”
He nods and says, “I promise.”
“I just want to be with you, Evan,” I speak from the bottom of my heart and I know it’s the bottom because it’s all I have left.
“I promise,” he says again but his eyes are glossy.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t the man I should have been for you.” He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles one by one before turning it over to kiss my wrist. “I’m sorry I fucked things up so badly.” He doesn’t meet my gaze and I can’t stand the look in his eyes.
“It’s okay,” I tell him, desperate to take the hurt away from his expression.
“I love you, and that’s what matters,” he tells me again. “Don’t stop loving me. Please. No matter what happens,” he begs me.
“You didn’t do anything,” I tell him, grateful he’s finally told me the truth. I get it now; it all makes sense. “Nothing will happen.”
He looks me in the eye and says, “Nothing bad will ever happen to you or this baby. I swear, Kat.”
“Our baby,” I whisper and put his hand on my belly. He lowers his head and I swear I think he’s crying, but when he looks up at me he says, “Nothing bad will ever happen to you or our baby. I’ll never put you in harm’s way, Kat.” He takes a deep breath.
“Just don’t stop loving me,” he says, almost like a plea.
“Don’t stop loving me,” I tell him back and he says beneath his breath, “It’s all for you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
“Evan,” I start to say as I reach for him, feeling the intensity of his words and the chill that comes with it. But as my lips part, a startled yelp comes out. Evan’s strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me to his chest as he carries me up the steps to our bedroom.
He sets me down gently on the bed, which is so at odds with how he kisses me. It’s ravenous, reckless even. Desire scorches my skin and makes my core unbearably hot.
He groans into my mouth as his hands slip between my thighs and under my panties. He runs his fingers up and down my hard clit.
“So fucking wet,” he says, his eyes darkening with lust. “I love how you’re always wet for me.”
“Always,” I say, echoing him, but my head feels dizzy and the need for him to be inside me overrides any sort of logic or reason.
I claw at his shirt, desperate to get it off and it makes him chuckle, a deep, low sound.
I want to scold him for taking so long and leaving me wanting. but the words stick in my throat as I watch him pull his shirt over his shoulders, revealing his tanned, tattooed skin and lean physique.
I lick my lips with the need to kiss him and he grants me exactly that.
Bracing one forearm by my head, he leans down to kiss me, pressing his lush lips against mine and tasting me with swift strokes of his tongue as my eyes shut.
He traps my bottom lip between his teeth and pulls back as he pushes his jeans down.
It’s a short, sharp pain that spikes through my body, directly connected to my clit.
When I open my eyes, letting the sweet gasp of longing escape, I’m lost in his gaze.
Trapped by his gaze and waiting for him.
I’d do anything for him. I swear there’s no way I could love him more than in this moment.
“Evan, please,” I say, ready to plead with him not to leave me again. Not to make me choose between a life without him or a life without shame, but he cuts me off, mistaking my plea for what my body feels and not my heart.
“Spread your legs for me.” He gives me the command and my body obeys before I can even fully register his words.
Every thrust is slow and deep. The air between our lips heats until I arch my neck with a moan, feeling his thick cock push fully inside me, wanting more of me than I can give.
“Evan,” I moan, saying his name reverently as my hardened nipples brush against his chest and he groans into my neck, holding himself still inside me.
“I love you,” he whispers and then pulls out slowly.
My body relaxes thinking he’s keeping a slow pace, pulling himself nearly all the way out before pushing back in.
But instead he slams himself into me all the way to the hilt and I scream out, my blunt nails digging into his muscular shoulders as pleasure races through me.
“I’ll never stop loving you,” he says as he pounds into me again, his hips crashing against mine.
“Evan.” His name slips from between my lips as my head presses against the pillow and thrashes from side to side. It feels too intense. Way too much for so soon. My breathing picks up as my toes curl and my legs wrap around his hips.
He rocks himself against me, his rough pubic hair brushing against my throbbing clit and I writhe under him, feeling my skin prick slowly with the need for just a little more. I can hardly breathe. “Evan,” I moan and again it comes out as a strangled plea.
“Kat,” Evan says then nips my earlobe, sending a shudder through my body, “never forget that I would do anything for you. Everything is for you.”