Chapter 4
Evan
T he worst sound in the world to me is the muffled sobs of my wife crying.
And the worst sight I could ever imagine is her bundled in a ball on the kitchen floor, whimpering against the cabinets. Her shoulders heave as she lets out another wretched sob and it makes me feel that much worse.
I didn’t know it could get any lower than this.
“Kat.” Her name is a gentle murmur from my lips, nearly a plea for her to stop. She’s crying so hard, lost in the sadness, that she didn’t hear me come in. My voice startles her and she jumps back slightly, causing the cabinet door to rattle.
Her lips part slightly, but she doesn’t say anything. Instead it appears she’s holding her breath.
“What’s wrong?” I ask and the second the question is uttered, I hate myself. It’s obviously me. I did this. “What can I?—”
“Nothing,” she answers curtly, cutting me off, more embarrassment and shame present in her tone than the anger I’d anticipated. “I’m fine.” She uses the sleeve of her shirt to wipe at her face, leaving her tearstained cheeks bright pink.
“You aren’t fine.”
“I’ll be fine,” she says, and her tone is harsher this time. “I don’t want to cry in front of you,” she adds with sincerity. I know the comment isn’t intended to hurt me as I walk deeper into the kitchen. Kat’s just being honest.
“That’s what I’m here for,” I tell her and then feel like an asshole. I haven’t been here in days. I can see Kat’s lips part with some sarcastic response, so I’m quick with my next words. “I know we’re going through some shit and I’m not making things any better. But I’m here now.”
She doesn’t respond as she pushes her hair out of her face and visibly focuses on calming herself down. Glancing up at me only causes her expression to crumple as if she’ll start crying again. She rips away her gaze and silence separates us.
I can’t help but notice the curve of her shoulders and the way her breasts move as she steadies her breathing. My body is ringing with the need to touch her. The need to make her pain go away. “Whatever it is,” I say, “it’s going to be okay.” I don’t know how many nights I’ve told her that.
And it’s always been true. “We’ll get through this.”
“I’m crying because of you!” she screams at me and angrily brushes away her tears.
“I’m sorry, but I promise, it’s not what you think.”
She only huffs in disbelief and shakes her head, refusing to look at me. My blood turns cold and I struggle to breathe, but still I walk toward her. Every step is careful and cautious. I just want to hold her. I want to fix this more than anything.
I can’t lose her.
“Kat.” I say her name as if it’s my only prayer, but she doesn’t look at me.
As I crouch down next to her, Kat stands just to get away from me and it kills me. She wipes under her eyes then turns from me, giving me nothing but her back. The cup that was on the counter clinks as she places it in the sink.
Her shoulders shudder.
All I can hear is her heavy breathing as she ignores me.
Moments pass, my hands clammy and my body hot.
I don’t know what to say or do, but I stay.
I won’t leave. I can do that at the very least. So I stand there, waiting and wanting her to tell me anything.
I will wait forever for her if that’s what she needs.
“They broke in through the window,” she states with a shaky voice, followed by a deep inhale, and my blood freezes.
“Who?”
She shrugs her shoulders, turning to look at me with an expression of disbelief and answering sarcastically, “How the fuck should I know?”
“Where?” I follow behind her as she walks into the guest bathroom in the hallway. The second the door opens, I’m hit by the arctic air coming in through the broken window. It’s only a half bath and inside the sink are shards of glass.
“They didn’t take anything that I can tell.”
“What the fuck,” I mutter beneath my breath, my hands clenching into fists at my sides. “Were you home?” I should have been here. I should have been protecting her.
She shakes her head no, her hair sweeping along her shoulders as she crosses her arms to protect her from the chill. “I called the cops as soon as I got in. I knew something was off. They went through your drawers, by the way. You may want to check and see if you had anything in there.”
Fuck. My heart hammers as I stand there numb.
I don’t know who it was or what they were looking for. But if she’d been here … Fear is crippling. It’s the resolute tone of her next statement that forces me to move. “Are you going to fix that or should I call someone?” Her voice is flat and completely lacking in any emotion.
“I’ll take care of it, but Kat, please,” I beg her, forcing my legs to follow her back to the kitchen.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she says without even looking at me.
“Kat, I need to know?—”
“If you want to talk, then tell me how jail was. How about that?” she spits back.
“Kat, baby, please?—”
“Don’t ‘please’ me, don’t touch me, don’t anything me,” she practically hisses, glaring over her shoulders as she opens a cabinet to get a clean glass then slams the door shut. Her eyes are rimmed in red, and she looks paler than usual.
She fills the glass with water and drinks down half of it with her back to me.
I want to reach out and hold her, but I’ve never seen her like this. Closed off and nothing but worn out and angry.
“Kat, I can explain.”
“Oh, thank goodness. I was worried for a minute.” Her voice drips with sarcasm, her back still to me as she turns the tap on and refills the glass.
“Please, if you don’t mind, you could start with … I don’t know,” she says then shrugs and turns to face me, the bitterness in her voice never more apparent than now. “How about why I should give a damn about whatever excuse you have?”
My brow furrows as I take in her stance. She slams the glass down so hard I think it may shatter but it doesn’t. With her arms crossed again, she waits. Her hair falls in front of her face, hiding part of her tired eyes and she doesn’t bother to sweep it away.
“I don’t want you to be mad …”
She reaches behind her to grip the counter, her knuckles turning white, agitation showing in every movement she has. I know right then I can’t tell her what I think about James. I can’t tell her that I think someone was trying to kill me or that I’m bringing more trouble to her.
I have to be the man she wants me to be.
I can do that. Just one last lie, once more. To protect her.
I swear it’ll be the last. And only so I can hold on to her and keep her safe.
“Kat, I don’t know a thing about the coke overdose or James or whatever the hell anyone’s told you.”
“You said you needed an alibi,” Kat states evenly. She blows a few strands of hair away from her face and then folds her arms over her chest once again.
My stomach sinks as I give her just a little bit of the truth. Just enough that she’ll stop questioning me. “This is why. I knew Tony was dead, but I wasn’t involved.” Lie. I can barely stand on my own two feet knowing I just lied to her.
“Why an alibi?”
“To save the company’s image. We couldn’t be associated with it any more than we already were.” It’s only a thinly veiled lie. What I’ve said is mostly true.
Kat nods her head, putting a finger to her lips and letting the words sink in as she stares at the floor.
“So, you gave him the coke?” she asks before lifting her head and her eyes flash to mine.
“No,” I tell her and my voice is hard. Lie. Another lie. I’m digging my own grave deeper. I add in a truth, hoping it sounds believable enough to cover the lies. “I told you I don’t do that shit.”
“They’re going to test you,” Kat says like she doesn’t believe me.
“I’ll have them show you the results if and when they do,” I say, and my words come out bitter.
She turns her back to me again as she fills the glass with more water. I stalk closer to her, careful not to piss her off.
“I mean it. I promise you. It was just a job and I barely drank, Kat. I quit for a reason. It didn’t use to be like this and it’s gotten to me.”
She doesn’t look at me as I come closer, close enough to touch her, but I don’t.
“I did drink with clients, but that’s it. I swear to you. I wouldn’t touch that shit or anything like it.”
She sets the clear glass down and then looks at me as she says, “Tony did.” She walks past me, brushing her shoulder against mine.
“I quit for a reason,” I tell her again and my tone begs her to listen. To forgive me. “I didn’t do anything, and if anyone in the world would believe me, it would be you.” My voice croaks on the last word and I have to swallow my plea.
“I believe you,” Kat replies instantly, hating that she’s causing me pain. This is why she’s too good for me, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to do everything I can to keep her.
“No secrets?” she asks and there’s a change in her expression.
I shake my head no, although I feel like a fucking coward. “No secrets.”
“I have one,” she whispers softly.
“What’s that?” I ask her, sensing the air changing between us, darkening and chilling.
“I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow,” she tells me and her eyes flicker to me, right before darting to the floor. She can’t look at me and that makes me more nervous than anything else.
“The doctor’s? Are you all right?” I ask her, my voice low, the memories of my mother filtering in. I take one step toward her and wait for her to move back, but she doesn’t.
She shrugs and stares at the countertop.
“What’s going on, Kat?” I ask her, listening to my heart beat hard then harder still as she makes me wait.
Her forehead scrunches the way it does just before she cries and I chance another step closer to her. I can feel the heat from her body as she sniffles and looks away from me.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. I reach out to her, praying she lets me hold her, and she does.
Her shoulders are stiff at first, but she gives in and I say a silent prayer, thanking God for it.
Her soft curves are warm in my embrace and I’m quick to kiss the crown of her head.
The smell of her shampoo and every little detail about her is comforting.
This is my drug. She’s my only addiction.
“Baby, it’s okay,” I tell her as I pull her small body snugger into my arms. I needed this. I hold her as close as I can, rocking her slightly and loving how she grips me right back.
I hold her like I have for years, and it feels so natural. So right.
“Just tell me what it is, sweetheart,” I whisper in her hair as she sobs into my chest. It hurts. Every bit of her sadness shreds me. “I’m sorry,” I tell her and pull back to look at her, but she just buries her face back into my chest.
It’s a long moment before Kat quietly pulls away.
“I have something you should see,” she says and walks off. She wraps her arms around her torso as I follow her toward the stairs.
Anxiousness suffocates me, not knowing what it is she wants to show me.
“Stay here,” she tells me, looking over her shoulder as she grips the railing.
I nod and watch her walk upstairs alone. She takes slow steps the entire way. Her bare feet pad softly on the floor as she leaves me.
I wait with bated breath. My body begs me to sit, the exhaustion making me want to give in and fall onto the couch. But I remain standing.
In the silence all I can think about is the shattered window, the fact that someone broke in.
If they didn’t take anything, maybe they left something behind instead.
Whatever it is, a picture of some shit I did, a text or a letter—I don’t care what it is that’s making her so damn upset. I’ll fix it.
I won’t let her go, and I’ll destroy anyone and everyone who gets between us.
My head lifts when I hear her coming down the stairs, and my feet move of their own accord.
They don’t move for long, though. The second my eyes land on the white plastic stick in her hands, my body freezes.
My mouth hangs open slightly as I glance from the pregnancy test to Kat’s face.
She stops in front of me, barely looking at me and holds it out. “I’m sorry,” she whispers in a cracked voice. As if this is bad. As if she’s done something wrong.
“Baby, why are you sorry?” I look between her and the stick. I can’t will myself to take it or to even believe it’s real. “You’re pregnant?” I ask her. She covers her mouth with her hand and nods.
A baby. A little life just like my Kat. Tears prick at the back of my eyes.
It’s the best damn thing I could have ever asked for.
And then it hits me. Jacob Scott. I looked into him after that … ‘meeting’ we had. My breathing picks up as my blood heats. I don’t have the nerve to ask her, but the words are on the tip of my tongue.
I’ll kill him.
“I’m pregnant,” Kat says and draws in a steadying breath, taking a few steps backward.
I almost ask her, but I can’t do it. Even if the baby isn’t mine, I don’t care. I’ll take care of both Kat and her child.
“A baby?” A swarm of emotions courses through me. “This is why you’re going to the doctor’s?”
“Yeah, a baby,” she says and chances a look up at me. Her long, dark lashes glisten with what’s left of the tears before she wipes them away.
“That’s wonderful,” I tell her and close the distance between us, reaching for her hands. She leans into me and I rub the pads of my thumbs against her knuckles. “Kat, why are you sorry about something so amazing? Don’t be sorry; I’m so happy.”
I can see her expression fall as she tries to stay strong.
“It doesn’t change what’s going on, but I just found out and I don’t know.”
“Don’t know what?” A numbness creeps up the back of my legs.
“How we’re going to handle all of this,” she says and starts to pull away from me.
“Kat, you’re mine,” I tell her.
“You were just in jail hours ago and we’re separated. How are you going to take care of your baby?”
“I’ll be the best damn father I can be.” Thump , thump . My heartbeat slows as what she’s saying settles in.
“You said that about being a husband too and?—”
“And we’re going to be fine,” I say, cutting her off. “Better than fine. We’re having a baby.”
I finally look at her stomach. I wrap one of my hands around her hip while the other splays against Kat’s belly.
“I love you, and that’s what matters.”
“It’s not the only thing that matters,” she tells me back.
Her emerald eyes swirl with so much emotion, I can’t stand it. “I’m telling you right now, Kat. Me loving you is the only thing that matters.”