6. Maddie #2
“Actually...” I steel myself to tell her the truth; my heart beats faster. “I met him in an elevator”—she eyes me, waiting for more details—“and I first saw him when I was still with Kevin.”
Her mouth drops open. “ Madelyn .” She whispers my name, and it takes everything in me not to respond yes, Mother.
“I didn’t find out until after Kevin left that he owns the building.”
“And you’re dating ?” she drags out the word as if it’s unbelievable. Which it is because we are not dating.
“Shh!” I look around again, but the only people in sight don’t seem to have noticed. “And no. We’re not dating.”
“What is going on, then? I know you, and I know something is going on. I have to know!”
My heart beats hard as I question whether or not to tell her.
With my nerves racing and her wide eyes boring into me with desperation, I know I have to tell her.
Besides, Suzette would never judge me. She’s been married, divorced, and involved in an office scandal with her boss.
All the while, I’ve been there for her. I swallow down my fears knowing out of all the people in the world, she might get what I’m feeling. The good and the bad.
“I needed some help with the rent.” Now that the moment is here, I don’t know how to describe it in a way that’s not going to make it seem...immoral. “So I asked, and he offered me an...arrangement.”
Her eyes brighten. Her cheeks turn a bright pink and her voice raises in octave. “Like...a sexy arrangement?”
“You wouldn’t believe how sexy it is.”
Suzette tips her head back and stares at the sky in disbelief. Then she picks it back up and looks at me. “Maddie, that’s?—”
“Wrong. I know. I shouldn’t sleep with anyone to pay the rent, much less?—”
“That’s hot .” She corrects, stopping in her tracks and waiting for me to look her in the eyes.
“—a man who happens to…what?” It takes me a moment to realize what she’s said.
“That’s hot. And adventurous. I don’t think I’d have been brave enough to take him up on it. Was it in his office?”
“My place.”
“So now your rent’s covered for the year?”
“The month,” I say quickly. “It’s not supposed to be anything long-term. A one-time deal…that turned into a two-time thing.” I start to explain but then slam my lips shut.
Suzette immediately looks skeptical. “Yeah, right. I bet he fell for you already. There will be a third time,” she states matter of factly, taking a sip of her coffee. We continue walking down the sidewalks of Manhattan.
I think of Graham standing at the door of my apartment, his eyes dark, desire clear on his face. At the time, I wouldn’t have said it was love, and I probably still wouldn’t, because...
Because that would be getting my hopes up for nothing. What I have with Graham was never meant to be about a relationship. If he’d wanted that, I’m sure he would’ve said as much.
And I’m not falling for him, either. Fantasizing about different excuses to get him to my apartment again doesn’t mean love, it means that he’s so sexy I can’t breathe, I like the feel of his hands on my body, and I want to know more about him.
Not that I’m in love.
“I’d put money down that there’s going to be a third arrangement.” She mocks the way I said it and I can’t help but blush.
“ I don’t think so.” I hold my head high. “It was just a…business deal.”
“Then why do you have that look on your face?” she asks me softly and I wish I wasn’t so easy to read.
Suzette’s known me long enough to know that I love falling in love.
Sex and love are hard for me to separate.
I think. I don’t know. It’s just the way I am.
I love the rush at the beginning and the giddy feelings whenever you get to see the other person and how it seems impossible to spend even five minutes apart.
She also knows how devastating it can be when it all falls apart. She was there through the last major breakup I had before I met Kevin, and she stuck by me through the ups and downs without ever saying I told you so.
“ It’s just about having fun?” she questions softly.
“It’s about paying the rent.” I glance over at her, and the corners of her mouth are turned up. “And...yes. It’s fun.”
“As long as you’re happy.”
“I am happy enough to leave that behind. And now that I have this lead, I’m sure I’ll be very happy.”
We reach the building where Michael Davies’ company is housed. It’s a sky-high, gleaming tower that says this is a business doing important things in the world.
It reminds me of my apartment building. Graham’s building isn’t quite as tall as this one, but it has a vibe to it that says important people live here, and they love it. You would love to live here, too.
I try to blink away the thoughts of him as Suzette rambles on about the company.
“ The company’s housed on the tenth floor, so you’ll have a view when you’re at work.” Suzette counts the floors with a fingertip in the air, then points. “That’ll be nice, right?”
“Really nice.” Even if all I can think about is the view from my very own apartment.
Every time I look at the windows, I think of Graham, and the way he feels when he’s inside me.
I wonder if I’ll think of him the same way if I get this job and head to the office every morning.
I wonder if I could even stay in that apartment… or if I should.
Suzette and I stare up at the building together, taking it all in. She’s right. This is going to be it. This is going to be the job that puts me on the path to a life I want.
She would know. I watched Suzette accidentally fall into love, too.
It was a sizzling scandal and I freaking loved that for her.
Miss prim and proper and all business, doing the deed in her boss’ office…
apparently against the skyscraper window too.
She knows a thing or two about unorthodox relations.
Years later, it’s easy to see how happy she is.
Everything turned out just the way it was supposed to for her.
And it’s going to turn out that way for me, too.
Hope warms itself in my chest. I’ve been called na?ve plenty of times in my life.
People want me to be more cynical about the world.
For some reason, it bothers them that I want to be optimistic.
And yes, sometimes I’m not. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I forget that worrying doesn’t help anything.
Action helps. Doing things helps. Meeting handsome men and asking them for help with the rent helps.
There I go again.
A soft laugh from Suzette pulls my attention away from the building and back to her.
“What’s so funny?”
“You,” she says gently. “I can tell you’re thinking about him.”
I blush violently and then blatantly lie. “I’m not. I was thinking about how this job could help me get my life back on track. And after that, I’m never letting it get off track again.”
“That’s my girl,” Suzette says, and loops her arm through mine. “Call this afternoon to set up an interview. He’s waiting for the call.”
“Call? Shouldn’t I submit a separate application? Send some emails or something?”
She shakes her head. “I told you, I asked around. They’re going to be ready for you. Just call, and I’d bet anything you’ll be headed in to work on Monday.”
Suzette lets out a satisfied sigh. “In the meantime, I want to hear all about this man you’re having a torrid affair with.”
“A torrid affair ?” I squeak. “It’s not an affair at all, Suzette. We’re both very, very single, and I?—”
“You needed help with the rent,” she says simply.
I needed help with the rent. I nod, and then that unsettling feeling sets in again. “Which is in the past and the whole thing is over,” I assure her.
She gives me a skeptical look and I shake my head. “It’s done. No more. One-time deal.”
She corrects me. “I thought you said it was twice.” She peers at me from the corner of her eyes with a smirk.
“Twice and done.”
She laughs. “Said no one ever.”