Chapter 16 Just as Tempting
Cecil was once again watching him from his usual spot at the island. Standing at the stove, Sin could feel the arcadian’s gaze on his back. The lecture he had given Cecil after leaving the castle had created a silence between them that was unusual. It was tense.
Honestly, Sin did not enjoy giving lectures, less so when it pertained to Cecil. But, really, to swear in front of a baby. Though he may have been harsher than he had intended, with his mind stuck on Jayden’s words. Was he being a fool?
“Are you still mad?” Cecil asked.
Sighing, Sin laid the spoon down and turned around. “I was never mad, Cecil. Just frustrated. Mischief is one thing, swearing is another. However, interfering in such a private matter…you could have caused unnecessary problems.”
His hands glided across the smooth granite counter, as Cecil looked up at him and innocently said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Sin snorted and crossed his arms. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Cecil,” he scolded.
Huffing, Cecil looked away. “Fine!” he snapped. “I knew what I was doing. I shouldn’t have antagonized Benji for my own entertainment. I’m sorry. Happy now? But seriously, what is wrong with you? Are you even normal?”
He blinked. “What?”
“Why didn’t you yell? I mean, come on, anyone else would have.” Cecil eyed him. “Are you on chill pills or something?”
Eyes widening, Sin sputtered, “I assure you, I am not on drugs. I just see no point in screaming. Not that I don’t have a temper.
I do, and at times I can be quite vicious, but more often than not, releasing it solves nothing.
It is more likely to aggravate the situation.
You know what you did was wrong, so there is no point in dwelling on it.
Though, you do need to apologize to Benji. ”
To that, Cecil said nothing, and Sin went back to cooking dinner.
He had just mixed in a bit more cayenne pepper when Cecil asked, “What are you making? It smells good.”
“Chili,” Sin said with a smile. “Would you mind taste testing it for me?”
With a shrug, Cecil mumbled, “I guess I could.” Hopping off the stool, he walked over to stand beside him.
Sin carefully scooped up a bit of the substance onto a spoon. With his hand hovering underneath it, he blew on it softly to cool it down before holding it inches from Cecil’s lips.
Cecil’s cheeks flushed, but he leaned forward and took a bite. When he pulled back, he licked his lips. “Tastes good, but it could be a bit hotter.”
“Hmm, then it is perfect,” Sin hummed.
“What?! Why did you even bother asking me if you weren’t going to listen?”
“Oh, but I am. You prefer a kick to your food, but most of the group does not. If I make it hotter, they will not eat it. I’ll make sure to put out a small dish of cayenne pepper, so you can make it to your liking.”
“And you would know I like spicy food, how?” Cecil asked with narrowed eyes.
Sin let out a bark of laughter. “No need to get suspicious, Cecil. I am just observant. I also know you prefer melted cheese over cold, that you prefer loose clothes to tight, that you love history, and that as much as they all irritate you, you do not hate everyone here.”
“Why? Why would you even bother to learn that stuff?”
And wasn’t that a question. Why indeed? There were various reasons, of course.
But the main one was that he wanted to know who Cecil was.
Sin wanted to know what his interests were, his favorite foods, he wanted to know everything.
Sin wanted to know how to make Cecil smile, and how to keep that smile there.
“I…want you to be happy,” Sin admitted hesitantly.
A rather odd expression overtook Cecil’s face. Lips parting, his brow wrinkled. Sin would say it was a cross between confusion and disbelief.
And then Cecil was on his toes, pressing his lips against Sin’s. Sin froze, his muscles tensing up in shock. And for a brief moment, he remained in that state.
But those soft lips quickly drew out the urges he had been suppressing, and the wooden spoon slipped from his hand, clattering to the floor. He moved to wrap his arms around Cecil, to deepen the kiss, but he never got the chance.
At the sound of the spoon falling, Cecil jerked away from him. The man stared at him with wide eyes, the soft glow of them seeming brighter than ever before. His cheeks were flushed, and a slight tremble was running through him.
Cecil’s mouth opened, as if to speak. He even appeared to be mouthing words, but nothing came out. And then he fled.
As Sin watched the swinging doors close behind Cecil, he hesitated. He knew he should follow, Sin really wanted to follow, but he wasn’t sure what he would say. But did it matter?! Sin swiftly decided it didn’t, and took off.
His hesitation cost him. Sin reached Cecil’s room in time to have the door slammed in his face. The lock clicked into place before he even had a chance to turn the knob. Sin heard something slide against the door.
Heart racing, he knocked. “Cecil,” Sin called out softly. “Cecil, please, open the door.”
All he heard beyond was heavy breathing, a soft groaning, and a speeding heartbeat. The smell of fear seeped out from under the door.
“Cecil, please. We…we should talk about this.”
Nothing.
He knocked again. “Cecil, please, come out.”
Still nothing, but there was a light pounding on the other side of the door.
“Cecil…”
Oh, fuck, what had he done?! How could he have been so stupid?!
Covering his face with his hands, he groaned. In the moment, Cecil had mistaken Sin’s kindness for interest. Like that was even possible, he thought with disgust.
If the way Sin had frozen up was anything to go by, Cecil had shocked the hell out of the vampire. He banged his head against the wooden door in frustration—Gods, he was so fucked.
Cecil was apparently an idiot, and instead of keeping his distance, he had ignored all of his own rules. Dammit, he felt something for Sin, and he didn’t want to. Cecil’s heart ached as Sin continued to call out for him. He didn’t answer, because he didn’t know what to say.
Fuck, the man hadn’t even turned him down, he hadn’t said a word, but it hurt. Cecil felt like he had lost something, which was ridiculous. Sin had never been his to begin with. To Sin, Cecil was no doubt just a charity case that he felt sorry for.
To be honest, that pity was probably the most consideration anyone had ever had toward him. And wasn’t that just pathetic? If he was one for crying, he would probably be bawling right now. But Cecil wasn’t, and he hadn’t in years.
If there was one thing life had taught him—besides that the weak always lost—it was that crying was pointless and would change nothing.
Cecil didn’t know why, but his gaze was drawn to the leather roll on his dresser.
Licking his lips, he found himself walking over. And as he stared down at the battered rolled up leather, an urge filled him, one that had never been there before. Or maybe…Cecil had just never noticed it.
If he had wanted to see Drop, to tell someone—even if it wasn’t real—about all the pain he felt, he had just done it. Cecil had never questioned his reasons.
His hand shook when he reached out, his heart thudded in his ears, and he hesitated.
Did Cecil need this? He was an arcadian, so him creating arcanids was normal.
Though, what he was doing with it wasn’t.
It wasn’t for healing, or any of the other various things arcanids were used for.
Drop had no purpose, other than to exist and pretend to be alive.
But what was wrong with that?! Cecil wasn’t hurting anyone. He wasn’t even hurting himself, the cuts were always shallow.
God, he felt like a drug addict trying to tell himself that there was nothing wrong with getting high.
Shaking his head at his own foolish thoughts, he took a calming breath. It wasn’t an addiction, he could stop and had stopped. Cecil had gone weeks without doing it. In fact, he hadn’t made Drop since the first week he had been here. There was nothing wrong with what he was doing—nothing at all.
Cecil forced himself to ignore his inner turmoil and unrolled it. The blade revealed glistened like a diamond, and to Cecil, it was just as tempting.