Chapter 17 His Chance
Benji examined Sin out of the corner of his eye. His boss looked so sad. Well, his expression was more empty than sad, but Benji knew it was a front. Sin missed Cecil.
Something had happened between the two men. Cecil had been holed up in his room for the past two weeks. Hell, he even ate his meals in there. He wouldn’t let Benji in, and he refused to talk.
So Benji was going to fix this—somehow. Because it was a holiday, and everyone was going to be jolly, even if he had to force them to be. And it wasn’t just because of what day it was. After everything Sin had done for him, he wanted the vampire to be happy. Sin deserved it.
Benji hadn’t exactly figured out the details yet, but he would fix this. Even if I have to get help from my number one enemy, Benji thought with frustration as he eyed Roth across the room. Gods, he hated his stupid, hot face!
Sighing, his gaze went back to the TV. Some First Realm movie about the holiday called Christmas was playing.
He would give this to them…the lights were pretty.
For the most part, it had been good, though he had only been vaguely paying attention.
But then the actors did something that gave him an idea.
Smiling widely, Benji glanced back at Roth, who was sitting in the corner of the room talking to Sin.
“Idon’t know what to do, Roth,” Sin groused.
At that moment, the monstrosity in his mind tried to use his distress—his anger—to break free.
His nails began to lengthen into claws. Clenching his hands into fists, he dug them into his palms, drawing blood.
The pain was enough to push the creature back.
Sin felt it roar at him, but as he most often did, he ignored it. He had enough to deal with right now.
However, it felt more present than it should have, telling him he really should shift soon.
If it were up to him, he’d never let it free.
But Sin could only deny it for so long. The need to change would eventually override his determination to keep it locked away.
Sin honestly thought his hatred for it should be enough to stop it.
“Mm, the laddie is as stubborn as ye are,” Roth drawled, staring pointedly at Sin’s fists.
“I am not stubborn,” Sin snapped, while forcing himself to relax his hands. His palms were now slightly slick with blood…blood that his people would smell.
Spells that stopped words from carrying did nothing for smell.
“Ye are when it comes tae certain aspects of yer life. If ye were nae, ye would have bedded Cecil already.”
“Roth!”
“Well, it’s true.”
“It would not have been appropriate. He is under my care…”
“And now?”
“Now…I…” Sin’s shoulders sagged. “I am afraid my emotions for him have moved past the point of caring about such things.”
“Ye miss him.”
He did miss him. Sin missed their conversations, his smiles, his very presence.
“Yes, I miss him,” he admitted softly. “But it doesn’t seem to matter now. Cecil refuses to even look at me. I tried, Roth, really I did. Each time I brought him his meals, he avoided my eyes. He ignored my words.”
“It seems it’s time for some tough love.”
“I would never—”
“Nae like that,” Roth snorted. “I meant…” Roth trailed off. Something behind Sin had drawn his attention.
Roth’s eyebrows rose in surprise. Peering behind the back of his chair, Sin noticed that Benji was smiling at them. It was…odd. Benji usually showed nothing but anger toward the large man.
And continuing down the path of bizarre, Benji crooked his finger at Roth.
Sighing into his pillow, Cecil rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.
Over the last two weeks of his self-imposed seclusion, he had wondered how long it had taken someone to carve such realistic vines.
Cecil had also wondered who would put that much effort into designing a single bedroom.
Not that it really mattered, but he’d had a lot of time to himself, so it was either think about why he had locked himself away, or think about random shit that didn’t really matter.
Cecil had, of course, chosen random shit. At least, he had attempted to, but his mind kept wandering to the kiss. Mostly focusing on how he had fucked everything up.
Oh, and because it was probably the last thing he should be thinking about, Cecil also kept remembering how soft Sin’s lips had been. Something he had no right to know.
Of course, not thinking about all that wouldn’t have changed anything. The jig was up. Now he would have to deal with awkwardness and more obvious lies.
But, if Cecil was being truthful, he was starting to believe that he was wrong about many things. That he was wrong about the people here, and that maybe he could trust them. Which would just make the fact that he had fucked everything up even worse.
Cecil snorted—leave it to him to screw up a good thing before he actually figured out it was a good thing. How stupid was it that it took being away from all of them to realize that they weren’t lying? Well, they probably weren’t lying.
Cecil was about 80 percent sure that they were telling the truth. If he was wrong, he’d find out eventually.
Oh fuck, what was he going to do about Sin? It was not like he could stay in here forever… Wait, wasn’t Sin going back to the other branch? Cecil didn’t want him to go…
No, I do want him to go, Cecil scolded himself. Sin leaving would fix everything, he was sure. Maybe…
Tugging on his hair, he growled. Ugh, what was wrong with him?
There were too many thoughts in his head. He couldn’t focus. Or more like Cecil couldn’t decide what he wanted.
There was one thing he did know… Cecil knew he wanted to go to the party tonight. He had never been to one, and for once, he wanted to do something that ordinary people did.
But he couldn’t do that because Sin would be there, and would want to talk. Sin would then tell Cecil, probably in the nicest way possible, that he didn’t want him. Cecil wouldn’t even be able to blame him. Who would want someone like him?
He wanted Sin. He liked the man. And that sucked. It was also a bit distressing because he had never wanted anyone. Not sexually, that is.
Finding out that men, at all levels of society, were pigs ruined that for him. And those at school were too unscathed for Cecil to find them attractive. Oh, and he wasn’t attracted to women…though, for some reason, Cecil did find boobs fascinating. They just looked so soft—like pillows.
Cecil rolled his eyes—yep, too many thoughts in his head. He needed…needed to…
Pulse quickening, his mouth went dry and his gaze slid to the knife on his dresser. It laid on its leather home, positioned exactly as it had been two weeks ago.
Cecil hadn’t used it that day—he hadn’t allowed himself to even touch it. Because at that moment, he had felt like he had needed it. And he refused to need anything that much.
So the knife remained there, out in the open. Cecil had left it there to prove a point to himself. That he was stronger than whatever urge he’d developed. His fear of being so dependent on something like that was stronger than that urge.
And he was afraid, then and now. Because the longer he stared, the more he wanted it. Worse, he was beginning to wonder if it was Drop he wanted or the pain that came with slicing through his skin.
Cecil was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. “Fuck,” Cecil growled. Heart pounding, he tried to stop his hands from shaking. Freaking out about a knock, how dumb was that?!
He hopped off the bed and answered the door. Standing behind it was Roth. It was a bit amusing that if Roth had wanted to come in, he’d have to duck or his head would hit the doorframe.
Eyes narrowed, Cecil peered up at him. Roth had a big-ass grin on his face, which didn’t bode well.
Sitting in one of the chairs in the corner, Sin quietly sipped some bloodwine and surveyed the room.
This year, their winter solstice celebration was being held in the mansion’s ballroom, instead of a rented hall. Snow, an Ice Demon—believe it or not—had done a fantastic job with the decorations.
Soft music flowed around the room. Frost cracked and swirled on the walls—cold to touch, defiantly standing up against the heat of the ballroom.
High above, in the vaulted ceilings, it appeared as if flakes of snow were floating down. But they always dissipated before they landed on anything. Seemingly untouched by the falling snow were silver lanterns floating throughout the air—their flames burning bright.
Two long, silver tables placed against opposite walls were weighted down with drinks and food. To Sin’s displeasure, it was mostly sweets. Which is what he got for allowing Benji to be in charge of food. Not that Sin hated sweets, it just would have been nice to have more than that.
Despite the cheerful music playing, and all the people around him drinking, laughing, and having fun, Sin could not find it in himself to enjoy any of it.
His heart felt heavy. The one person he wished to spend the night with was missing.
Sin rolled his eyes—not missing, absent by choice. Cecil refused to come near him. Guilt plagued him for chasing Cecil away from what may have been his first time celebrating the winter solstice.
Sin sighed and took another sip. Maybe he should leave. That would at least give Cecil time to enjoy himself. Leaving…
He would be leaving soon, anyway. Roth and Dante would be overseeing the takedown of Cecil’s father, and the men involved in this area. Sin would be working with his group in Dusburn for the others.
Truth be told, he was not needed here anymore.
Maybe it would be for the best if he headed back earlier than planned.
However, Sin still had to tell Cecil about his father.
It was not right to keep him in the dark.
He deserved to know that his mother was missing, most likely dead.
That it was more than likely that she had not abandoned him as he had come to believe.
But Sin could tell him none of that, as again, Cecil would not speak to him. He supposed he could always ask Roth to do it.
That thought had him grimacing. Sin wanted to be the one to tell Cecil such important news. It was a selfish want. One that had more to do with him wanting to be the one to comfort the man.
The thought of Roth comforting Cecil brought on feelings that Sin did not often experience—jealousy. Growing up, while he had yearned for many things, he had never begrudged others for having them. Sin’s rage had been focused on those who had betrayed and used him.
When Cecil walked into the room with Roth’s hand on his shoulder guiding him forward, Sin admittedly felt a tad bit jealous. But the rest of him was elated to see the young man.
From where he was sitting, he had a clear view. Cecil was wringing his hands and appeared uncomfortable. Probably partly due to the fact the arcadian had hid himself away for weeks, the other part was most likely the clothes.
Cecil usually stuck to jeans and loose, long sleeve shirts. But at the moment, he was wearing a white button-down and black slacks. His short white hair was curling around his long, pointed ears that were slightly flushed. Cecil’s glowing teal eyes seemed uncertain and worried.
For a heartbeat, Sin just stared at the beautiful man, but in the next, he was weaving his way through the crowd toward the one person who caused his heart to flutter.
When he broke through, again he stared, but this time, it was intently down into Cecil’s eyes.
Nibbling on his bottom lip, Cecil shyly stared back.
The music, the people surrounding them, everything faded away.
Eyes softening, Sin smiled as he became entranced by the man he cared for, the man he may even love.
Cecil’s lips parted and his eyes glowed brighter. But it was not due to joy, but vulnerability. Very much like an abused animal who hoped that its new owner was better than the last.
Sin did not know what he intended to say when his mouth opened…and he would never find out because Benji took that moment to clear his throat loudly, shattering the wall Sin had created between himself and the rest of the room.
All the noise rushed back, and once again, he was surrounded by people laughing and having a good time.
Turning a frosty gaze Benji’s way, he growled, “Yes?”
Apparently, Benji didn’t notice his mood—or had just ignored it. “I have a present for you both,” the man chimed happily.
Sin looked back at Cecil. Sadly, the man’s eyes were now downcast and he was rubbing his arm.
“And what would that be?” Sin murmured, his gaze never leaving Cecil.
His head jerked back when something green with berries on it was shoved in his face. “What?”
Cecil was looking up now, and appeared to be just as confused as Sin was.
“It’s mistletoe,” Benji announced, like it explained everything.
“And?” Sin pressed.
“Ye have tae kiss now,” Roth said with a smirk, speaking for the first time.
“What?” Cecil squeaked.
Benji nodded. “It’s tradition.”
“What the hell kind of tradition is that?” Cecil snapped, his face flushing.
It suddenly came to him what they were talking about. “Would you happen to be referring to a human tradition?”
“Yes!” Benji laughed.
Cecil snorted and crossed his arms.
Sin knew what the two were up to. But because it gave him his chance, he could not find it in himself to care. Moving before his mind talked him out of it, Sin cupped Cecil’s face, ran his thumb over the man’s bottom lip once, before bending down to kiss him.
Much as Sin had the first time, Cecil froze. But those wide eyes meeting his soon closed, and Sin let himself get lost in the moment.