Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
TYLER
I paced around the hotel room. Had I done the right thing with Rowan? Stopping, I gazed out the window into the darkening sky. We had an hour before we had to leave for the game. We’d already had the team dinner, and I’d avoided Rowan. But then, it had seemed like he’d been avoiding me too.
With a sigh, I planted my hands on my hips. That kiss though…It had lit me up inside, and not just in a sexual way. I was already in too deep. I threw a glance at my phone, resting on my bed. Should I call Myles or Ace and talk to them about it? Maybe they could set me straight.
“Fuck no.” I should leave it alone. They were already teasing me about Rowan, and I was pretty sure they’d tell me to go for it with him. What if Rowan changed his mind though? Nope, not going there again.
I flung myself onto my back on my bed. I had to find a way to calm my brain so I could play tonight. Picking up my phone, I tapped the screen and opened my YouTube app. I could lose myself in game footage until it was time to leave.
We had three minutes left in the first period, and I had the puck, tossing it between the blades on my stick as I rounded the net behind Ace. Where the fuck was Mackenzie? We’d been playing like shit the whole game, like we were paired up for the first time ever.
I raced down the side of the boards and Cummings came up on my left. As I met his gaze, I passed to him and headed down the ice.
Mackenzie skated up the other side of the rink, next to Cummings.
With a quick pass to Mackenzie, Cummings positioned himself at the net.
Mackenzie flicked the puck back to him, and it took air.
“Hell yeah.” Cummings picked the puck out of the air and whipped it at the Hawks goal, slicing it toward the upper corner of the net.
“Fuck.” The Hawks goalie stretched for it and missed.
The horn blew and the red light lit up over the net.
“What a wicked way to light the lamp, Cummings.” Mackenzie skated to him, patted the top of his helmet, and they tapped their helmets together.
“Where were you?” I spun around to Mackenzie, holding my stick on my thighs. He should have been down there with me.
“I was around.” He lifted his chin at me. “We gotta go in.” He halted and headed toward the bench. “Not happy I got the assist?”
“What?” Following him, I chewed on my mouthpiece. That wasn’t a cool thing to say, but then I didn’t congratulate him either. This was fucked. I climbed over the board and took a position on the bench next to Mackenzie. Did he have a problem with me now?
He looked straight ahead as if I didn’t exist.
I bumped my shoulder pad against his. “Hey, we okay?” I studied him. Would he even look at me ?
With a shrug, he kept his gaze on the game. “Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?”
Coach Hammett bent over, putting his head between us. “What’s up with you two? I’m not seeing the same defensive line I saw last night.” He flicked his gaze from me to Mackenzie.
“Nothing, Coach. Just an off night, I guess.” He turned his head toward Coach. “We’re allowed to have an off night, aren’t we?”
“No, you’re not.” Coach pursed his lips. “Save your off times for practice, not games.”
“Sorry, Coach.” With a sigh, he snuck a peek at me and hung his head. “I’ll do better.”
My heart ached for him. It wasn’t all his fault. “No, we’ll do better.” I patted Mackenzie’s thigh. “Ace is counting on us out there. We can’t fail him.”
His blue-eyed gaze met mine and dipped to my lips.
My breath caught and my heart thumped. I couldn’t even look at him without feelings getting in the way, dammit.
“It’s not just Ace. It’s the whole team. Do your part. I’ve seen good things out of you two, don’t make me split you up.” Coach squeezed my shoulder and then Mackenzie’s.
As I watched Mackenzie flinch and turn his profile to me, I swallowed hard. If Coach split us up, would I ever find a partner as good as him again? And if I didn’t, where would my chances be with Chicago? He understood me better than anyone, knew the bullshit I was facing back home. We had to find a way to play through this.
After losing the game, two to one, everyone boarded the plane in silence. We shouldn’t have lost the game, and those goals weren’t on Ace. They were on Mackenzie and me. We didn’t do our part at the crease. We let the fuckers steal the puck .
I dropped into a seat toward the back of the aisle. I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.
Myles stepped up. “Hey, window?” He ticked his head toward it.
“Oh yeah.” Myles would be okay. He’d leave me the fuck alone. I stood and let Myles into the row.
Rowan stepped down the aisle, glanced at me, clenched his jaw, and kept going.
Scratching his forehead, Myles said, “What’s up with you and Rowan?”
I exhaled loudly and sank into my seat. “Nothing.” Myles would never let me get away with that. “We were just off tonight.”
“Bull. Shit.” He glanced behind him. “He’s barely looking at you. You two had such a great bromance going until now.”
“Yeah, well, we played shitty tonight, and Coach threatened to split us up.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the tray in the seat in front of me. Maybe that tidbit of info would satisfy Myles. I was not going to admit to the kiss. It wasn’t going to turn into anything anyway. It couldn’t.
“No way. Who would Coach have you play with then? You and Mackenzie were great on Friday night. What the hell happened?” His brows snapped up.
Should I blame it on my mom’s illness? No, that was fucked up. But I could trust Myles. I huffed. How could I tell Myles about Mom without mentioning Rowan’s mom and how he’d comforted me and what that led to… No. “Myles, I’m going through some shit, and I don’t want to talk about it right now.” I gritted my teeth and glanced at him.
“Okay, I’ll leave you alone. You’re in a pretty shitty mood anyway.” He rested his hand on my thigh. “When you’re ready, come talk to me. The squad sticks together. You know that.” He fixated on me.
“Yeah, I know. I just need to think on things, okay?” I met his softening gaze. “Thanks, man. I know you’re there for me.” Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, I side-hugged him.
The engines on the plane rumbled to life.
I buckled in as Myles did the same, then closed my eyes. A good nap on the flight home might help me see things in a different light.
Mid-week, I’d come home from classes and set my backpack next to the couch. Things had gotten better between Rowan and me on the ice, but he was keeping his distance otherwise. Maybe it was for the best. My phone buzzed in my bag, and I fished it out of a side pocket. It was Mom.
Dropping into the corner of our green sectional, I answered the call and set the phone on speaker. “Hey, Mom. Everything all right? Are you home?” If she was just getting there, it had taken longer than expected.
“I am. I’m feeling much better, almost back to normal.” Her voice was cheery. “How are you doing? You and that Mackenzie boy didn’t play so well on Saturday.”
Fuck, of course, she saw that. “Yeah, we had an off night. We’re working on it.” I toyed with a fold in my joggers and glanced out the sliding glass patio doors into the sunny afternoon, the spindly tree in the backyard shadowing the landscaping rocks and desert plants. We should get off this subject right away. “But tell me more about your diagnosis. Do you know what type of MS you have yet?”
“No, I think only time will tell. But the doctor’s pretty sure it’s the most common one, and with the drugs he has me on, it won’t progress very fast.” She exhales. “Honey, was it because of me that you played poorly on Saturday night?”
My gut clenched. “No, it wasn’t because you called me from the hospital. If that had been the case, don’t you think I would have played badly on Friday?” I couldn’t let her think she was the cause of it. But could I tell her about Rowan?
“Well, okay. I’m sorry I called you on game day?—”
“No, I’m glad you called. If I’d have found out you told Nathan and not me, I’d be mad at you.” I scoffed a laugh. “I’m not a delicate flower, you know.”
“I know. You play hockey. Nothing delicate about that.” She giggled. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know I’m back home, and everything is fine.”
“Okay, thanks, Mom. I’m glad to hear it.” I sighed. I should start studying now so I could relax a little bit tonight.
“I’ll let you go. I have to call your brother now,” she said.
“Sure thing. Love you, Mom.” Movement caught my eye in the hallway. Shit, was someone home and I hadn’t noticed?
“Love you too, honey. Bye.” She ended the call.
Myles stepped out of the hallway, rubbing the back of his neck. “Hey.”
“You heard that, didn’t you” I winced. I would’ve needed to tell Myles and Ace at some point anyway.
“I did, yeah. Sorry, but I didn’t want to walk out in the middle of the call and disturb you. It sounded pretty important.” He ambled toward me and sank next to me, his forehead wrinkling. “So, your mom has MS?”
“Yeah. I found out on Friday. It was upsetting, but it’s not as bad as it sounds.” I angled toward him. “How much do you know about it?”
“Not much. But damn, no wonder your game was off last weekend.” He draped an arm over my shoulders.
Leaning against his side, I said, “It wasn’t her fault. I just sucked on Saturday.” Was he going to buy it?
“She told you about it on Friday?” Myles peered at me. “Like when?”
“When I was in the hotel room before I met with the scout.” Which I hadn’t heard anything about. I pursed my lips. I should call Dean, but he would have called me if he’d heard anything .
“Does Rowan know then?” Myles asked, furrowing his brows.
My breath hitched. “Yeah, he knows. Turns out his mom has MS too.” No way to deny all this shit now.
“She does? Damn.” He tsked. “I guess it was a good thing he was there then, so you had someone who understood what you were going through.” He narrowed his eyes. “Then why did you two stop hanging out? Seems to me it would have brought you closer together.”
“Who says we stopped hanging out? It’s only Wednesday.” I straightened. And I hadn’t said a word to Rowan in class this week, which was a dick move. But it wasn’t like he was trying to talk to me either.
“Do you have another study date planned this week? Is he coming over tonight?” He watched me.
He was on to me. “No, not this week. He’s…he’s busy with, uh, with shit.” I dipped my head and clenched my jaw. I was about to dig myself into a hole. It would be pretty easy for Myles to talk to Rowan at practice and find out I was full of shit.
“Okay.” He cocked his head. “Just seems like something happened between you two.” He peered at me. “But I’ll let it go.”
I puffed out a breath. “Yes, please do.” Maybe I should invite Rowan over to study to prove a point and make it look like things were okay between us. Avoiding each other was childish. I’d make a point to talk to him next week.
“Anyway, keep me updated on your mom. Sounds like she’s better for now.” He stood.
“She is. For now, things are okay.” I shouldn’t have kept Myles in the dark. He was my best friend. I rose and wrapped my arms around him, patting him on the back. “Thanks, man.”
“Anytime.” He squeezed me around the waist and let me go. “What about Ace? Are you going to tell him?”
“Not yet. I’m still processing it, you know?” I focused on him. “I don’t want people judging my game based on my mom’s illness.”
“Ace isn’t going to do that.” He smirked at me. “Come on.” He poked me in the belly.
I thought for a minute. We needed a solid defense on game days, and that included Ace. “Yeah, but he’d worry about me, and I’d see it on his face. I have to play pretty close to him. Let’s leave it for now, okay?”
“Sure. It’s up to you, eh.” With a deep inhale, he looked around him. “I need to go back to my assignment.” He squeezed my forearm. “I’ll be here, though, if you need me.” He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a Gatorade out of the refrigerator. “You want one?”
“Yeah.” I bent over my backpack and slid my laptop out. Might as well start on my own assignments.
He grabbed me a Gatorade and set it down on the table in front of me. “What about Halloween this weekend? Are you going to invite Rowan?”
Shit, I’d forgotten all about it. Ace had wanted us all to go to The Club. No, it would be better to go alone. Maybe I’d find another guy and forget about all this shit with Rowan.
A week had passed, including some fun at The Club for Halloween. But Myles had been the one to get a hookup. He’d been so drunk that I’d ended up taking care of him all night. But my mind was clear enough now to have a chat with Rowan and get whatever was going on between us out in the open.
After practice, I caught Rowan in the hallway as everyone was leaving. We’d been able to execute our drills and play well all week, but it’d felt robotic like we’d both been going through the motions. “Hey, Mackenzie.” I jogged to him, following him out of the arena doors and into the parking lot and mid-morning sunshine .
“Yeah?” He stopped and held his hand over his eyes. “What’s up?”
“Can we talk?” My gaze met his and my heart skipped a beat. After more than a week of avoiding him, the feelings were still there, dammit.
“Sure.” His gaze raked over me and stopped on my lips. “When and where?”
“What are you doing now? Do you have a class?” My gut tightened. Was I ready? What the hell was I going to say?
“I’m free for a few hours. My next class is this afternoon.” He tilted his head. “My apartment’s not far from here.”
My eyes widened. Was it a good idea to be alone with him like that? Clearly, it didn’t bother him . Maybe he’d gotten over his bi-curiosity. My chest stung. Hell, I was afraid of him liking me, but I still wanted him to like me.
“Or…not. You want to grab a coffee or something?” He eyed me and dropped his hand.
“No, we can go to your apartment. Tell me the address, and I’ll meet you over there.” I slipped my phone out of my pocket, my pulse quickening. Nothing was going to happen. We were just going to talk.
He gave me his address, and I entered it into the map app on my phone. “Cool, see you over there.” I patted him on the shoulder and strode to my car.
A few minutes later, I strolled up the pathway to Rowan’s first-floor apartment, passing a pool area with blue fencing under big willow-looking trees. As I stopped at the apartment number he’d given me, my heart beat like a wild animal was running laps in my chest. We were only going to talk. When this was over, things would be back to normal between us. Whatever that was. As I lifted my hand to knock, the door popped open .
“Hey, Tyler, come on in.” Rowan stepped aside and waved me in.
“Thanks.” As I ambled inside, I looked around the place. The furnishings weren’t half-bad for a college student, with a squared-off fake leather couch centering the main room and dark wooden tables. A television rested on the opposite wall on a console that matched the tables. “Nice place.” It didn’t look like hand-me-downs like we had in the squad house.
“Thanks. My dad set me up pretty well when I moved out.” He closed the door and strode into a galley kitchen with white cabinets and dark counters. “You want something to drink? I’ve got iced tea, Gatorade, or bottled water?” He chuckled. “Too early for a beer.”
With a grin, I said, “Yeah, too early. How about a water?” My gaze landed on his round dinette, the same wood color as the tables. “Where’d you get all this stuff?” I placed my hand on the curved back of a dinette chair.
“Dad took me to a furniture store and gave me a budget. This is what I came out with.” He pulled two bottles of water out of a black refrigerator and walked to me. “Here.” He handed me a water.
And his father was a lawyer, so he’d probably come from wealth. Twisting off the cap, I said, “You did a good job. It’s nice and comfortable-looking.” I held up the water to him. “Thanks for this.” I sipped the water.
“Sit on the couch, or would you rather we sat at the table?” His brows wrinkled.
I glanced at each option. The couch would be more comfortable, but it would also tempt me to let my guard down. He wouldn’t make a move on me now, would he? He was over me, wasn’t he? “The couch.” I stepped to it and fell onto the end.
He dropped into the center and drank some water. “So, what are we talking about? Our dynamic on the ice, or…?”
“Our dynamic. Period.” My gaze fell to my lap, and I twisted the bottle between my thighs. I had no idea how I wanted to start this conversation.
“Okay. I have a few questions.” He bit the side of his lower lip. “This guy in high school. Tell me more about what happened.”
My gaze snapped to his and my lips parted. “Like what?” Why was he going there?
“Were you in love with him? Did he ever come out? What sort of relationship did you have with him?” His face tensed. “’Cause I’m not sure it’s fair for you to have compared me to him.”
My jaw dropped. He was right. I’d never given him a chance to really explain where his head was at. “Uh, okay. Yes, I fell in love with him. If he ever came out, I never heard. He didn’t while we were together. We had a secret relationship, one where everyone thought we were friends, but we fooled around when we were alone.” I sighed as an ache rolled through my chest. “It was my senior year of high school, and he was a football player while I was doing hockey.”
The muscles in his jaw bulged and relaxed. “Did he ever know how you felt? Did you tell him you loved him?”
The ache in my chest heightened. “I did, and he dumped me. He said he didn’t feel the same and what we had was only for fun.” I tightened my hold on my water bottle. Scoffing a laugh, I said, “He started dating a cheerleader after that. It was so fucking cliché, and he flaunted it in front of me every chance he got.” I swallowed.
His forehead wrinkled. “I’m sorry, Tyler. What a douche canoe.” He shifted beside me, wrapped his arm around my neck, and drew me to his chest. “You don’t deserve that.”
Warmth tingled in my heart. It felt good to be in Rowan’s arms. Why did it have to feel so good?
He freed me and pressed his palm to my cheek, his stunning blue eyes gazing into mine. “I take this sexuality thing very seriously, just so you know. I’ve seen what my friend Teddy has been through, and I know what I’d be getting into. Fact is, I’m still attracted to you even though you rejected me.”
I gaped. “I didn’t reject?—”
“Yes, you did.” He pursed his lips. “And it hurt.” He dropped his hand and raked his fingers through his fluffy hair, sinking into the couch. “It’s true I’ve never been with a guy before or really been attracted to one.” He flicked his gaze at me and then toward his lap as he picked at the label on his bottled water. “And it’s also true I fought it at first. I figured I could will it away and not be bisexual. Just keep dating girls and pretend this thing between us never happened.”
I watched him closely. He was pouring his heart out to me. How could I not take this seriously? “I’m sorry, Rowan.”
His gaze softened as it found mine. “I want you to know that I’d rather explore this side of my sexuality with you, but if you don’t want to, I understand.” He shrugged. “Maybe you don’t feel the same way I do.”
“No, I do. I like you, Rowan. Maybe too much, and that’s why I rejected you.” I’d been such an ass. I placed my hand on his thigh. “I’m afraid.” I hung my head. “What if you find out being with a guy isn’t what you thought?”
He set his warm hand over mine. “What if I decide it’s everything I’ve been looking for?” His gaze locked on mine. “I’ve dated a whole lot of girls, but not one of them ever stuck.” He chuckled. “Hell, maybe I’m really gay and just now realizing it?” The corner of his mouth lifted. “We were playing better before we tried to stop this thing between us. What if we see where it could go?”
I stared at him. I’d come here to talk to him, but he’d been doing all the talking. Apparently, he’d done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks. “What are you proposing?”
He twisted his hand and curled his fingers into mine. “Look, if I can’t explore this with you, I’ve decided to see what it’s like to be with another guy. I have to figure myself out. ”
Heat swarmed my chest, and I wrinkled my nose. Oh hell no. “You’re planning on hooking up with a guy?”
He nodded, pressing his lips together. “I’d rather it be you, but…”
It was now or never. What did I want to do? Could I take a chance? “Can I think about this? Or do you already have a guy lined up?” I swallowed through a knot in my throat. Was I too late?
“I don’t have anyone lined up yet.” He fixated on my mouth. “When we kissed, it was like something shifted inside me, and I haven’t been the same.”
As my gaze fell to his plump lips, I wet my own. I didn’t think I’d ever wanted to kiss a guy more than in this moment. Should I though?
He leaned in, hesitated, glanced into my eyes, and said, “What do you want to do? I’m dying here.”
Fuck it. Grabbing the back of his neck, I claimed his mouth in a searing kiss, our tongues wrestling for dominance, his mouth slanting over mine and urging me on. With a whimper, heat shivered over my skin and my dick lengthened in my jeans. Holy fucking hell, kissing him was amazing.
He shifted closer to me, his kisses growing needful and urgent, devouring my mouth again and again. A low moan rumbled from his throat, and he placed his hand high up on my thigh.
Sensation sparked from his hand to my dick, and it pulsed. I rolled my hips. Would he touch me there? I shouldn’t push him too fast.
Keeping his mouth on mine, his tongue flicked inside me, and he pushed me backward.
As I leaned into the armrest, he crept over me, between my legs, and pressed our hot, hard cocks together through our jeans. Pleasure shot through me and my dick pulsed, dribbling precum into my briefs .
“Oh fuck.” He panted against my cheek and nuzzled my ear, his hand still on my face. “This is intense.” He rocked his hips, and our cocks rubbed. His body shuddered over me and his face tensed.
“You okay?” My balls ached in a good way. Could I touch him and show him how good it could be? I nipped at his earlobe and flicked my tongue into his ear.
His neck pebbled with goosebumps, and he thrust against me. “Need more. Don’t stop.” As his breath hitched, he licked and sucked at my neck.
Planting my hand on his ass, I squeezed and rolled my hips, matching his pace. Sensitivity grew rapidly in my dick. If we kept this up, I was going to come in my jeans. “Keep going. Faster.” Fuck it. I was only going home after this. My mouth met his as he consumed me in hungry kisses, rutting over me harder, faster.
“Holy shit, I’m gonna come.” His pace faltered and his body trembled. “Oh God almighty.” His face tensed and he freed sharp gasps.
With a hard push, I thrust again and again, chasing friction and sensation. My balls drew up and a shock of pleasure rushed over my body in waves of release. My cum spurted into my briefs, slicking them and driving the pleasure even higher. I moaned as each spasm shuddered through me.
As it slowed, he relaxed over me, tucking his face between my neck and shoulder, struggling to calm his breath.
I wrapped both arms around him, held him to me, and kissed his hair. Holy fuck, what had I done? We were supposed to be talking, not rubbing off on each other. I had no self-control with Rowan.