43. Ava
FORTY-THREE
AVA
My stomach rumbles as Knox leads me up the stairs to the second floor. My appetite snuck up on me after spending the morning with Malia, and the afternoon with Knox, getting more familiar with our shotgun and pistol. Then, I learned proper defensive strikes with Annabel, one of the military personnel. That the sergeant took the time to help me when she could have been resting or eating or spending time with her daughter—pretty much anything other than working with me—earned her daughter access to the majestic horses in the back during brushing and feeding time. Harper was there, too, showing her how it was properly done, of course.
I glance longingly over the rail at the people in the cafeteria below, plating for dinner. “What are we doing, exactly?” I ask again. I notice a few open doors as we walk down the hall. Each room is teeming with belongings—sleeping bags on the floors, luggage and toiletries cluttering the bunks and desktops, and stacked on top of lockers. The dorms are like cement shoeboxes, especially those without a window. Obviously built for practicality, not comfort.
“Welcome home,” Knox says when we stop at room 44-B.
I stare at him, more confused than anything.
“It beats sleeping in the hospital bed again, no?” Without ceremony, Knox pushes the door open and steps aside. Glowing light pours into the hall, and I gasp, an unstoppable smile engulfing my face.
A blanket is spread out on the floor, and a cardboard box and a coffee flask are situated off to one side. A pillar candle flickers on the desk, as does another one on the table beside the double bed, and a bundle of sunflowers in a red solo cup are illuminated beside it. Country music plays so low I can barely hear it; I can’t even tell where it’s coming from.
“Knox...” My gaze sweeps the room again. “You did all this?” My hunger is entirely forgotten as I meet his gaze. His gold-flecked irises twinkle in the flickering light, and a small, bashful smile tugs at his lips. “I had some help,” he admits, ushering me inside. The candle flames tremble in the breeze as he closes the door behind us, and shadows dance across the room.
“All of this is for me?” It’s a dumb question, but my heart is pounding—so full of emotion I can barely think straight. Even my pack is in here, nestled between the wall and the desk.
“I thought an actual date was long overdue,” he whispers in my ear. “And you wanted to escape from everything for a while...This was the best I could come up with.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal. Meanwhile, my heart melts for this man. I’ve been in domination mode all day, thinking about how I can conquer my fears, my anxiety, and everything in-between. A moment to breathe and relax and simply be with Knox is the best date or gift he could’ve given me.
“It’s perfect,” I whisper, my voice tight and my chest swelling with adoration. I brush a soft kiss against his lips. That I can do that now is still borderline surreal, giving me the best type of butterflies. “Thank you.”
Knox looks at me with what I can only describe as satisfaction. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it.”
His gaze drifts to my mouth again like he might kiss me back, when my stomach rumbles, loud enough that our eyes widen and we both stare down at my stomach.
Knox chuckles. “Let’s get you fed, shall we?”
Before he can move, I grab his shirt. “I’m going to change first. Give me a minute?”
He nods, and flashing Knox a giddy smile, I kiss his lips again, find my night clothes and toiletries in my pack, and head down the hall to the locker room we passed.
I make swift work of undressing, and after piling my hair on top of my head, I jump in the shower and rinse the day off as quickly as I can. I’m barely dry before I tug my leggings on and an old t-shirt, then head back to our room.
When I get to 44-B, I pause in the doorway, unable to resist another smile. Knox is in his sweats and a worn Bennett Family Ranch t-shirt, sitting on the floor with his back against the bed frame, his legs stretched out and ankles crossed in front of him on the blanket like he owns the joint. Only sheets cover the mattress. Our pillows, blankets, and sleeping bags are on the floor in a nest of padding.
Tossing my dirty clothes and accessory bag by my pack, I plop down beside Knox on the blanket. The last time we sat this close—on the floor only a foot apart—it ended with us in bed together, Knox and I lost in the heat of the moment. Lost in each other. I can only hope tonight ends the same.
He takes a sip from his water bottle.
“You’re popping my cherry again,” I muse.
Knox sputters and his eyes shoot to me. “Wow.” He chuckles. “Go me.”
I grin. “No one has ever taken me on a date like this.”
“No—” He gestures around our cement quarters. “I imagine they haven’t.”
Grinning, I bump his shoulder. “I’m serious. Our date has only just begun, and it’s already the best date ever.” I lean in and kiss his cheek.
“Already making moves, Hernandez?” he says huskily. “I haven’t even gotten you liquored up yet.” His smirk makes my insides melt all over again. It’s boyish somehow, and it makes my stomach flutter. Not with lust or because of the sexual tension that always builds between us. But because I like Knox more than he could possibly know, and right now, he’s mine.
“I’m afraid it’s not very fancy,” he says, uncapping the coffee flask with a shrug. “But it’s the best we got.” He pours the contents into a cup and hands it to me.
Lifting it to my nose, I sniff the tannic scent of wine.
“You seem to be a lightweight when it comes to wine, and last time, that ended well for me, so I figured?—”
My head falls back and I burst into laughter. “You’re such a dork.”
He chuckles and holds out his cup. “Cheers to our first real date.” And with a wink, says, “I hope I don’t screw it up.”
Grinning, I tap my cup to his, and we take a sip. I watch him over the brim. He watches me. We swallow and lick our lips, and his eyes crinkle as he reaches for the box. The air is different—it’s charged with something new and unfamiliar. Maybe because this moment between us is intentional when the rest were stolen amid tragedy and chaos. Maybe it’s because of what has already happened, and the way Knox’s jaw twitches, I think he must feel it too.
“We’ve had a really long couple days,” he muses. “I wanted to spend tonight with you—just us.” Before something else happens. He doesn’t say the last part, but I know what he means. I feel the same way, like we’re trying to outrun the hound of misfortune that’s always at our backs.
“I’m only bummed I didn’t think of it first,” I confess.
Knox lifts a shoulder like it’s no big deal and rubs his hands together. “Okay—time for grub before something with fangs crawls out of that stomach of yours.” Knox opens the makeshift picnic basket. “We’ve got turkey clubs on a French roll,” he says, pulling out two plastic-wrapped halves. “Egg salad. Fruit snacks. Two individual bags of jalape?o kettle chips and a slice of carrot cake.”
My eyes bulge. “Carrot cake? That’s...my favorite.” I eye him skeptically.
Knox winks at me. “I actually can’t take credit for that part. Tony knew, somehow. Just like he knew where I could find sunflowers for you.”
“Tony?” I cover the giddy laugh that sneaks its way out. “You two are dangerous together.”
“Tell me about it. We got into far too much trouble our senior year. My dad told me we could no longer be friends, which I ignored, obviously. He was worried I wouldn’t graduate.”
I watch Knox from the corner of my eye, realizing his mother’s death likely had something to do with his rebellion.
“What?” Knox’s fingers freeze in the plastic wrap.
“Nothing.” I smile wider. “I was just thinking how glad I am that Tony’s here and he’s okay. And that you never stopped being his friend.”
Knox exhales a deep breath. “Me too. It doesn’t seem real, if I’m honest.” His eyes lose focus for a second, then he smiles at me and hands me my sandwich. “For you.” When Knox’s half is unwrapped, we tap sandwiches and take our first bite.
The lettuce crunches, and I don’t think Swiss cheese and mustard ever tasted so good. “I’m starving,” I admit through a mouthful of food. “Just ignore all the moaning. Okay?”
His eyebrow quirks and a salacious grin lifts his stubbled cheeks. “One can only hope.”
I elbow him, worried I might choke if I allow myself to laugh. “You know what I meant.” I wipe the corner of my mouth and take another bite.
We eat between our laughter and companionable silence, the low music emanating from a small speaker on the desk, cushioning any awkwardness. It’s one thing for Knox and me to have slept together or fought for our lives together. But it’s the quiet moments like this that feel the most intimate. The most important.
Knox makes a face when he eats a fruit snack, unimpressed as it sticks to his teeth. “Here.” He hands his packet over to me and I gladly accept. “So, how did it go today after I left you with Malia?” Knox opens his chip bag.
I steal one of his kettle chips before answering. “Fine. She said the blood panel results won’t be ready until tomorrow, but she gave me some breathing exercises to practice when I start to feel wound up. She did tell me something I think you’ll appreciate,” I confess. “She said I should practice talking about things more to expel the negative, pent-up energy. That way, I’m not stewing in all the things weighing me down twenty-four seven.”
Knox looks knowingly at me. “Maybe I should be a doctor.”
“Ha! You and Harper could open a practice together.” I wink at him.
“But seriously,” Knox says, licking his lips. “I agree.”
“Do you now,” I drawl, eyeing him skeptically as he shoves another chip into his mouth. Manly, stoic Knox who likes to pretend he’s unaffected by everything for my sake, even if I know how difficult all this has been for him. Especially with the added burden of worrying about me. “It’s a two-way street, you know? Just because you don’t have anxiety attacks or whatever doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share your burdens with me, too. You’ve said it a dozen times—we’re in this together.”
Knox studies the chip in his hand more carefully than is necessary before popping it into his mouth.
“See?” I can’t help my smirk. “It’s not easy to be vulnerable.”
“I’ll do it,” he says, his gaze finally shifting to me. He tilts his head. “If you do, I will.” This time, when his eyes linger on mine, they are filled with a silent promise and maybe even a plea. There’s no humor or machismo, and I believe him.
“It’s a deal, then.”
“Good.”
“Great,” I counter, then take a gulp of water from my bottle, completely forgetting about my wine. “Maybe we should have a code word.”
“A code word for stress?” Knox’s shoulders lift with a chuckle. “It better be something good because we’ll be saying it all day.”
“Wait—” I glance around. “Where’s Lucy?”
Knox scoffs. “Lucy who?” He shakes his head with a sigh. “Now that Tony’s back, she barely cares about me anymore.”
“I highly doubt that’s true.”
Knox shrugs and balls up our garbage to put back in our food box. “I think it’s time,” he says, lifting out the carrot cake. “Now, do you mind sharing, or do I need to go down and get my own piece?”
Playfully, I roll my eyes. “I guess I can share.”
“You guess?” Knox chuckles again, and the sound soothes my fluttering nerves. He has never been as sexy as he is now, his handsome smile growing, his laughter filling the room.
I shrug. “I’m sort of full, so?—”
“So otherwise, you would’ve told me to screw off and find my own piece?—”
I grab his t-shirt and tug his mouth to mine to shut him up. He tastes like fruit snacks and smells like Old Spice deodorant, and all my lady bits perk to attention as I breathe him in.
I don’t know when this man became all that matters to me, but I’m struck with the realization that, last night, I might’ve lost him, and that thought is so devastating I kiss Knox harder. Deeper. I grip his shirt tighter and inhale him until he floods my mind, my chest, and makes my heart swell so much it aches.
“Ava?” Knox pulls away. His gaze shifts anxiously over my face, his lips parted as he catches his breath. “Are you okay?”
I search his eyes for a center of gravity as my heartbeat trips and stumbles, but Malia’s advice is what fills my head. Instead of bottling up or suppressing my feelings, I exhale and give them a voice before I chicken out and shove them away to dwell on later. “I could have lost you,” I whisper.
The lines in his crumpled brow deepen, and Knox swallows, regret filling his eyes.
“Your fall,” I explain. “Being locked in that room. And when I saw the van, I thought my only choice was to give myself over or lead them to you.” I shake my head. “Of all the people I’ve lost, you—” My throat closes. My eyes burn. “I don’t want to do any of this without you.”
Knox’s nostrils flare, and he brushes my hair off my forehead. “And I’m going to do everything I can to ensure you don’t have to.” His words are earnest, his gaze imploring, and before I can respond, Knox’s mouth covers mine. His lips are soft, but his kiss is urgent, his tongue greedily seeking mine.
Hot chills travel over every inch of my body down to my toes, and I groan. This , I think, is perfection.
“Knox...” I breathe his name, wrapping my arms around his neck, careful of the back of his head.
Grabbing my hips, he pulls me onto his lap, his fingers pressing into my backside as I straddle him and settle against his erection. We both groan, and cupping his jaw in my hands, I lower my forehead to his and breathe his name again. I have loved you for as long as I can remember, I want to say. When you looked at me at church and when you stopped to help me. When I saw you around town with your friends—even when I thought you hated me.
We stare into each other’s eyes, our noses touching, and Knox’s breath caresses my cheeks with each exhale. Instead of telling him any of that, though, I show him how much he affects me instead.
I roll my hips into his, soft fabric all that’s between his center and mine. I move my hips again and again without breaking eye contact, more feverishly until Knox squeezes his eyes shut, and his head falls back. “Fuck. Me.”
I claim his lips, swallowing his groan as I move faster, intending to do just that. I tease him until his breaths are so ragged I think he might come, and stop. I admire the way his Adam’s apple bobs with another gasp of breath. “Why?—”
“Don’t move,” I whisper, and rising to my feet, I pull my shirt off and fling it to the side. Knox drags his teeth over his upper lip as I roll my leggings off. His hand goes to his erection, and he squeezes it through his sweatpants. His gaze rakes down my body, from my face to my naked breasts, then the curves of my hips as I pull one foot free and then the other.
Knox’s jaw ticks, only it’s not unease that’s got him wound so tight this time. “God, you’re so beautiful, Ava.” His gaze is fire and his words are as terrifying as they are emboldening. With a bashful smile, I lower myself to straddle his lap again. Knox grabs my hips. His eyes dilate. His chest rises and falls with each uneven breath, but I make him wait.
Holding Knox’s gaze, I lift the hem of his shirt over his head and study every toned inch of his chest and shoulders. I admire his virility and strength and the way his muscles twitch as my hands skim over his body.
“You’re beautiful, too,” I murmur, and leaning in, I brush a kiss over his mouth. It’s featherlight and my tongue teases the seam of his lips. My hands roam down his stomach, over his taut skin, trailing a line to his waistband.
Knox’s breath hitches, he gulps, and my fingers slide beneath the elastic. Lifting onto my knees, I free him from his sweats and lower myself over his length, basking in the rightness of Knox Bennett filling every inch of me.
“Holy fuck.” His voice is guttural, raw, and I can’t help but moan with pleasure.
Knox splays his hands on my hips, pressing into my skin as I move against him. Slow and steady, up and down. Rolling my hips as my entire body burns for him.
We’re breathless.
Our skin slickens, and my thigh muscles burn.
Knox curses again, and as he claims my breast with his mouth, I gasp and every nerve ending ignites. Wildfire ripples through my blood, so consuming my body trembles, and Knox takes over.
He lays me on my back and we move together—a ritual of worship and a joining of souls as we lose ourselves to the rhythmic sound of drumming heartbeats and abandon. The country music croons in the background. Knox rasps my name. And there is no moment stronger than this. No closer we could ever be. And I revel in the delirium that I have my person for as long as the universe will let me.