Chapter 17
It was MJ who told her. “I waited until you were here in person,” she said. “I didn’t want to tell you on the phone or in a text.” Linney had been out of touch with the changes in London and didn’t know that when Gemma retired, the TCN executives had promoted Mac. “There was a lot of chatter and raised eyebrows in the newsroom and around the city, but he’s settled back in. I’m almost ready to forgive him for what he put you through,” she admitted. “But not quite!”
“You don’t have to hold a grudge for me. I’m past that,” she assured MJ.
It was true. Linney was pleased for Mac, and she texted him a quick congratulations. She was surprised when he returned it the next morning.
Can I interest you in a cup of coffee? I have an interesting proposal for you.
I’m only in town for the week.
Better make it quick then. Day after tomorrow? At that little café near you. You know the one, right?
I do. See you then.
She was intrigued, but also realistic. The chances of returning to TCN were slim. It was probably time to double down on making her current job work.
Linney caught the tube to the studio the next morning to meet with Rob for a quasi-performance review.
“Splendid work you’re sending back,” he began. “I’d like to see you commit to two years. What do you say?”
Linney hesitated. “I’m flattered. It’s a great team out there, and I’ve loved the travel. But I have a few concerns.”
Rob listened and scribbled some notes. “Let me take this up with the suits. Can I come back to you this afternoon?”
Linney nodded. She was more than pleased. She spent the rest of the morning catching up on training and meeting with younger reporters who wanted to know about her journey. True to his word, Rob came back just before the end of the day with a proposal.
“Give us three months with these changes,” he countered. “And if we can’t make it work for you by then, we’ll bring you back and look for another bureau. BTN wants you out there, Linney. But we also want you happy.”
“That’s very generous. Let me think about it and I’ll give you an answer soon.” They shook hands, and in Rob’s mind, the deal was done.
* * *
Mac was waitingfor her the next morning with two cups of coffee in front of him, at a table in the familiar café. “Still like a flat white?” he asked.
“Especially in the morning,” she said, sitting across from him as he slid a cup over to her. He hadn’t tried to welcome her with a hug or a kiss, and for that she was grateful. Mac looked older, and his greying hair had started to recede. “Well, this is awkward, isn’t it?” Linney took a sip of coffee to cover her nervousness.
“That would be my fault.”
Linney almost spat out the coffee, she was so surprised by Mac’s forthrightness. During their relationship, he hadn’t taken the blame for anything.
“I have a lot to apologize for,” he continued, looking her directly in the eyes. “And I will, but that’s not what this meeting is about. I want you back.”
Linney stood up abruptly, upset that she’d been taken in. She did not need to entertain this line of thought.
Mac cracked a sad grin. “For the network, Linney. TCN wants you back. Please sit down.”
After Linney composed herself, Mac spent the next half hour outlining his proposal. It was incredibly tempting. She kept thinking of the great people she’d worked with, not the least of whom was MJ. Mac was offering her a return to the network, with two months in London to get reacclimatized, followed by her choice of several bureaus. Even setting up a new bureau in Syria was on the table. “I know BTN and I know you,” he said. “You can’t be entirely happy there.”
“It’s an amazing offer,” she admitted, and the salary beat what Rob had offered by quite a bit. “I have some options to consider. Can I let you know soon?”
“That’s all I can ask. But there’s just one thing. I can’t make this happen right now. I need three months.” Linney’s eyebrows shot up and he continued quickly. “Don’t worry. We can paper it over while you’re here so it’s firm. Think about it and call me if you have any questions. And no matter your answer, I do owe you an apology. I’d like to take you out to dinner tomorrow.” Linney reluctantly agreed to dinner, and after Mac left, she mulled over what he’d told her while finishing her coffee. She needed to bounce this off Derek. When it was late enough, she picked up her phone.
I’m shaking. So many great options presented to me today.
Do tell. The case I’m working on is depressing and I don’t want to open the file.
Am I just entertainment to you?!
Pfffffttttt!!!
OK, here goes. Rob agreed to 3 months and then we re-evaluate. If it’s still not right, they’ll find me a new bureau.
That’s great!
And here’s the interesting bit. Remember I told you the other day that Mac had Gemma’s old job? I met with him this morning.
Wait—WHAT???????
No, it’s fine. I met with him as a TCN rep, not as my old boyfriend.
Aaaaaaannnnnddddd?
They’re offering me a choice of posts, after two months in London.
OK, that sounds good too. What do you want to do?
Here’s where the stars align. TCN needs 3 months to make it happen.
Perfect - that’s amazing!
Mac wants to apologize.
I should certainly hope so.
Linney waited while the dots blinked indicating Derek had more to say.
Do NOT get sucked back in.
Don’t worry. He’s the past. I’ve grown a lot since then.
You have.
Crap. Client’s here. Thanks for sharing. Gotta run. Love you!
Love you too!
Linney arrived early and waited for Mac in a restaurant they’d never been to together. That was a smart move, she thought to herself. No chance of bad memories. Still, she bit her lip and twisted her napkin in her lap as she counted the minutes until he arrived.
“Linney, thank you for coming.” Mac slipped into the seat across from her. “You look nervous. Don’t be. Please.”
“Okay,” she said cautiously.
“Would you like something to drink?” Linney’s eyes flew up to his. “It’s alright. Just because I don’t drink anymore doesn’t mean you can’t have a glass of wine if you like.”
Linney’s cheeks coloured, and she dropped her eyes to her lap. “I’m sorry. I just don’t…”
Mac waved away the waiter. This wasn’t his first apology, but it would be his hardest. They weren’t ready to order yet. “Linney, we’re going to have to get past this if you’re going to come back to TCN.” His words were kind, but she was flustered. “Look at me. Please.” Her eyes flickered up tentatively. “Part of my recovery journey is to make amends. Or at least try. I’ve apologized to a lot of people. You’re the only one left. I was horrible to you. I let alcohol kill a wonderful relationship. There is no excuse for my behaviour.”
His words sounded sincere, and from what MJ had said, Mac was stable. Linney did her best to be open as he continued.
“I let you down time and time again and I said horrendous things to you just to build myself up. And I can only imagine the effect that had on you.” Mac continued shakily. “I have nightmares about the things I can’t remember that I need to ask forgiveness for.” Linney blanched and put her hand to her mouth, remembering him pushing her against the wall. “And then there’s that scar.” Linney pulled her hand from her face and rubbed the thin white line that remained from where she had cut herself on a shard of the mason jar he’d broken. “I hurt you in too many ways. I am so deeply sorry.”
Mac took a deep breath. “You may not realize it, but you and Gemma—the shock of you leaving me and then her ultimatum—that’s what made me finally realize I needed help. Before then I actually thought I was handling things. Rehab was the best thing that ever happened to me. Six months of intense therapy while I was there and then another three months afterward. I learned a lot about myself, and why I react the way I do. And I learned some coping mechanisms.”
“And you’re confident that will keep you from drinking again?” She had to ask it.
He nodded. “Yes. I’m still seeing a therapist—I probably will for years—and I go to AA meetings at least twice a week. I have a sponsor—he’s a journalist too, so he gets it—and we get together for coffee every Friday.” He laughed. “No more Friday pub nights for me.”
“And the other nights?” Linney’s eyes were steady on his now. “Because it wasn’t just Fridays.”
“And the other nights I go to the gym or go home. And if I have the urge to drink, I go to another meeting. It’s working, Linney. And I’m doing everything to make sure it does.”
Linney let out a breath. “I’m glad for you, Mac. But can we redefine our relationship? Put it back in a professional box?” Her hands mimed the shape.
He nodded. “We can. I already have. I might pine for you forever, Linney McDonnell, but I am under no illusion that you would ever take me back.” Her smile was tentative. “My sponsor would probably kill me if you did. That’s not why I’m doing this. I asked you to come back to TCN because you are a fine journalist, and the network would be foolish not to pursue you.” Mac beckoned the waiter. “Now let’s get you a glass of wine, and sparkling water for me and you can ask me all the questions you need to.”
Ever the journalist, she grilled him, and he was forthright, not sugar coating anything. Linney deserved the truth. He told her about the horrors of detox—how badly his hands had shaken, how every inch of his body itched one moment and was drenched in sweat the next. Linney winced when he told her about the vomiting and hallucinations of that first week. He’d needed diazepam to keep him calm and get him through it. Detox was not for the faint of heart.
“Just as it started to get easier, it got even harder,” he explained, spearing asparagus with his fork. “I still craved a drink with every fibre of my being. I just had no access. So they taught me how to build new habits. Gemma came to see me a few weeks in.”
“I remember. You asked for me too.”
Mac nodded. “That was unfair. I was still a little bit crazy, and I thought I had a chance with you. I still had work to do. I meditate now, did I tell you? Imagine, me, meditating!” He chuckled, and Linney did too. They were finding their way.
“Was it hard when you got out?” she asked.
Mac put down his fork. This was where it got real and he wanted to be honest with her. “Linney, not a day goes by when I don’t want a drink.” He saw the cloud cross her face, but he continued. “Suddenly temptation was everywhere. I went to AA meetings every day for a while. Sometimes twice a day. Paddy—that’s my sponsor—got calls and texts from me constantly.”
Linney nodded. “But you’ve never faltered?” It was a tough question, but she needed to know.
“Not once. It was a miracle that Gemma was willing to offer me a second chance professionally, and I will not blow that. And if it means I never socialize with the news team, then that’s the price. I’m happier and healthier than I’ve been my entire adult life. My fifties are going to be the best decade ever!”
They ordered dessert, and the conversation turned to how they would work together at TCN. The more they talked, the more comfortable Linney became with the proposed arrangement. Crazy as it sounded, this could work. Maybe she really could come home to TCN.
In the end, Linney promised Rob his three more months but told him he’d need to look for someone else at the end of it. After several meetings with Mac and with HR, they hammered out a deal that everyone was comfortable with. She’d return to London in December. The TCN team would always be family to her.
* * *
Olivia wentinto labour at home a few weeks before her due date. Derek had been with her when her water broke and they left Leo with Zuzanna. He was frightened both his wife and child, but the doctor assured him the baby would be fine. Olivia just wanted it over. She was never doing this again.
It was a quick delivery, and just a few hours later, tiny but perfect, Ivy joined their family. Fortunately, her lungs were well-developed and Ivy was big enough that she didn’t need to be in the NICU. For that, Olivia was relieved, but she was exhausted and all she wanted to do was sleep. So that left an ecstatic Derek to make late-night phone calls to family and friends. Checking his watch, he realized it was the middle of the workday for Linney.
Hey, Auntie Linney! Guess what? My daughter was too impatient to wait. Next time you come home, you’ll meet Ivy. We’re soooooo happy. Talk to you soon.
Congratulations!!! Give my love to Olivia and little Ivy. And of course Leo. Pictures please!!
Derek sent a few and Linney sent him back several heart emojis. She was in a rush. Moving day—back to London was just a few days away.
Zuzanna brought Leo to the hospital the next morning and Derek introduced him to his sister.
“Baby!” said the toddler, seeing Ivy in Derek’s arms. He kissed his little sister, as his nanny taught him to do. He reached out to put his arms around Olivia’s neck, but she pushed him away. Nurses had been in and out of the room all night and she hadn’t slept. Leo and a newborn were just too much for her to cope with.
“Take him home, please,” she asked Zuzanna, and Derek’s heart broke.
Even the new baby seemed too much for her. Ivy and Olivia stayed in the hospital for three nights and Derek split his days between home and the hospital. Olivia didn’t seem to want to hold Ivy at all, choosing to let her husband or the nurse soothe their daughter. She just turned her back and claimed she was too tired. Derek talked to the doctor, who explained it was just a touch of the baby blues and not to worry. She would be tired, after a very difficult pregnancy and with a toddler at home.
Derek accepted this, but once they got home, it didn’t get better. Christmas was coming, but Olivia showed little interest, preferring to read law books than read to her children. Zuzanna was there, after all, to take care of them.
* * *
Linney spentthe dull grey workweek days of December getting reacquainted with TCN staff in London and hanging out on weekends with MJ. It took the better part of the month, but she finally decided where she wanted to be posted after several conversations with Mac—always with his office door open, lest anyone think something was happening.
On Christmas Eve, she shook the rain from her umbrella outside MJ’s door and rang the bell. Good smells were wafting from under her door. MJ’s traditional Québécois tourtière was divine, and Linney couldn’t wait to taste it. “Merry Christmas! Joyeux No?l!” she shouted and held up a bowl of trifle she’d made. They’d have a multi-cultural celebration this year, just the two of them.
“So tell me,” MJ asked as they got settled on her couch. “Have you decided yet?”
Linney smiled. “I have. And Mac’s on board.”
“Well, where?” MJ bounced with excitement for her friend.
“Damascus.”
“Syria. Wow.” It was a big bold move for both TCN and Linney. This would be a start-up location at a time when the situation in the area wasn’t stable.
“The bad news, or good news depending on how you look at it, is that I’ll probably be in London for longer than we’d originally thought. It looks like it will take a few extra months to get the paperwork in place to get the new bureau set up there.”
MJ looked delighted. “I don’t mind that at all!
They had a lovely dinner and as she poured cups of tea, MJ announced some news of her own. “They’re going to announce it after the holidays, but I’m going to manage the whole digital team in London.” This was a big promotion, but MJ deserved it.
“That’s amazing—congratulations! Maybe your team will be able to use some of what I send back.”
“I’m counting on it!”
* * *
The Christmas seasonin Silver Lake was always beautiful with the tree in Centennial Park lit up for the holidays. It was a peaceful time of year when the town could focus on its own. The schools held concerts, the church rehearsed for the Christmas Eve pageant, and Anna’s dance studio held recitals. Emma and Gabby were older now, and at thirteen and twelve, didn’t have the same enormous “Santa high” as Anna called it. Instead, their Christmas mornings were quieter affairs—the real excitement started when friends and extended family stopped by on Boxing Day for apple cider and cookies.
This year, Derek arrived first, with brand new baby Ivy and big brother Leo in tow. “I left Olivia at Mum’s to rest,” he explained. Zuzanna was with her boyfriend for the holidays and with Ivy keeping them both up most of the night, her parents were perpetually exhausted. Emma and Gabby descended upon Ivy and declared her beautiful, but the baby began to cry.
Kirsten stomped the snow off her boots in the entry. “What’s all this noise?” she asked, as Danny took his turn trying to settle Ivy. He was happy to turn the baby over to Kirsten, but she had no better luck. Leo toddled up to her holding a book, and with an apologetic look, she handed Ivy to Anna and took Leo to a quiet corner. She was more than happy to read to Leo and he seemed comfortable sitting in her lap.
Anna seemed to have the magic touch and as she bounced Ivy gently, in the swaying dance most mothers seemed to know how to do intuitively, the baby’s eyes fluttered closed. With relief, Derek ran a hand through his hair and yawned.
“Is it the company?” Danny jested.
Derek shook his head, failing magnificently at stifling another yawn before holding his hands up in defeat, making everyone laugh.
“Is everything alright at home?” Anna asked, still swaying back and forth. She’d never taken to Olivia, but she did know how hard babies were.
“Ivy’s fussy so we’re not sleeping, and Olivia’s just having a bit of trouble adjusting. Two babies close together, and she’s not—” He hesitated, wondering if he should say it. “She’s not the most natural of mothers.”
“Give her some time,” Anna counselled. “The baby blues are a real thing.”
Derek nodded his head. “I’ve talked to her doctor. She had another tough pregnancy, and I think she’s just finding it hard to get her energy back. We’re a lot older than you and Danny were when you had Gabby and Emma.”
“You’re right there. I don’t think I could do it now.” Anna looked lovingly at her husband, and then back at Derek. “At least you have Zuzanna.”
The bells at the door jingled as Anna’s sisters and their families arrived. The teenagers took Leo with them to play in the snow, and Derek kept an eye out for him while everyone cooed over his slumbering daughter. A few neighbours came by and when Leo and the teens came in for hot chocolate, the house was full to bursting. It was a bit much for Leo, who was ready for a nap. When he started rubbing his eyes, Derek decided to cut the visit short. “It’s been so good to see you guys again,” he said as he gave hugs all around. “I’m sorry we can’t stay longer. I’m hoping by summer that things are a little more stable and we can spend some time at the lake as a family.”
“Merry Christmas, Derek,” Danny said, clapping him on the back. “We’ll look forward to it.”