20. The Island in the Sea #2
I see it. Something raised in the water. A stretch of sandy yellow dotted with leafy palm trees. A long wooden building has been erected on one side of it.
“An island?”
“It’s known as the Drens Island. We use it as a stopover for longer flights. That building is a makeshift military base, but there shouldn’t be anyone there now.” He adds, “I’m going to take over the controls now, so we can get landed safely.”
I nod and slide into the seat beside him so he can take the wheel. If anything, I feel relieved. The concentration needed to pilot a ship is exhausting.
Slowly, Cosmer brings us in line with a platform by the wooden building.
Checking his gauges the whole time, he cuts the thrust, flips a dial and twists the osimidite valve, which lands us on the decking.
He reaches over me to slide the door up, then takes my hand, and we jump out of the ship together.
Holding hands, we step off the decking and onto beach.
He kicks off his boots, and I do the same.
The sand is warm and soft under my feet – and it strikes me how smooth the ground is, how still.
The rising and falling of The Emperor as it hovers, though faint, had become a part of me.
The lack of it makes me, ironically, feel dizzy. My legs are shaking.
Looking around, Cosmer says, “Told you it would be empty.” He beams, flashing his mouth of white, neat teeth. “Want to go swimming? It will be like old times.”
“I don’t have a bathing suit,” I say.
He smirks. “That never stopped you before.”
And then he’s running.
“Wait!” I call behind him.
He hollers, hands around his mouth, “Last one in the sea has to give the other a massage!”
The sea is cool, and so clear I can see little clouds of tiny silver-blue fish darting around. I soak my feet in the shallows, and let a sigh leave my lips. The water is heaven to me after being on the ship, unable to get away from the heat and the sweat – and the noise.
The ground is so quiet. Apart from the rhythmic rolling of low waves, and the squawking of some gulls overhead, I can’t hear anything at all.
The island itself is beautiful, the mounds of sandy beach like swaddled babies against the long line of sea, a horizon that doesn’t have an end. The palm trees are gently swaying.
I feel like I could fall asleep here and never wake up.
Cosmer is already stripping off his uniform. He gets it together in a pile on the sand.
Naked, he dives in.
“You definitely think no one will come?” I ask.
“Absolutely. There haven’t been long-distance missions in a while. We might just have to move if any ships fly over us, though. Just in case.”
The sun is in his eyes. He squints up at me. “Don’t be shy. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
He has a point.
Hastily, I peel my own uniform off and leave it by his. A breeze picks up and catches my bare skin, caressing like a kiss.
I submerge myself as quickly as possible.
Cosmer comes back towards me, and I know what he’s about to do before he does it.
I shield my eyes, laughing, while he splashes me, the way he used to when we swam together as kids.
I splash him back. He comes for me, collides into me, and we go headfirst into the sea. I snort up water.
I didn’t want to get my hair wet. But now, it doesn’t seem to matter.
I’m so…
Happy.
We come up for air, kneeling opposite each other. His face is glistening from the seawater. He traces a finger over my arm and stops at the track marks.
“I’ve never noticed these,” he says, turning my arm to get a better look. “They’re just like—”
“The ones Riss has. I know.”
“Were you sick?”
“That’s what she asked me, too, when she saw them. But no. I don’t think I was.”
“Why do you have them, then?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “I hate them. I always have.”
“Well, I love them. Because they’re part of you.” He looks at me like he’s in awe of me. “Even scars are beautiful on you.”
And then he’s grabbed me by the arms, the water rocking around us, and we’re kissing deeply.
He breaks away.
“I wanted to do that so badly. Grab you and kiss you. Especially the last few times we swam together.”
“Why didn’t you?”
His face is straight.
“I didn’t think you’d want me to.”
“But why?” I urge, wrapping my arms around his neck.
Now, he looks stunned.
“Ara. Do you really not know the effect you have on people? Have on me? Cosmos, it was like a princess from a Rhavnan fairy tale had just moved in next door to me. I couldn’t believe my luck.”
He sighs – a pained sound that seems to cause me pain just to hear it.
“I tried to convince myself you were probably, you know, stuck-up, or something. But you came over and introduced yourself to us. And you were so kind to Mother. And the more I got to know you, the more I realised you were… incredible. Smart, funny, confident, independent…”
He laughs, strained.
“And I was – what was I? A scrawny, malnourished kid in rags who knew nothing of the world but how to starch shirts, polish shoes and wash pots.”
I’m gaping at him. I could cry.
“You were so much more than that,” I say, my voice breaking.
I stretch my neck, and he responds, bending down to me, our foreheads almost touching.
“You were kind. You went out of your way to help people, even the stray dogs! You looked out for me and my family.” I bite my lip.
“You could have been angry at the world. Been a completely different person. An awful person. But you chose to still be good. That gives you power.”
He’s shaking his head, the strands of his hair catching the sun and flickering a fiery red. “Honestly, Ara. Even today feels like a dream. How you could like me, when I have next to nothing to offer you—”
I try to cut in to protest, but he puts up a finger to stop me.
“Sometimes,” he carries on, hurriedly, “I don’t even want the war to end. Because what will I be after it? At least here, I’m someone. An officer. I have a purpose.”
I let my shock show on my face. “Of course you’ll have a purpose after the war. Me.” I add, quietly, “And mine will be you. Every day. Keeping each other alive. Making each other happy. If that’s not a purpose, I don’t know what is.”
His chin juts, and he closes the remaining distance between us with a kiss.
That movement – just before he kissed me – makes me think of the day he left.
“You were going to kiss me the day you went up with the crew rustler, weren’t you?”
He nods.
“What stopped you?”
He speaks evenly. “You either didn’t like me back, and that would have broken me, right when I was already doing something reckless. Or you did – and then me leaving you wouldn’t have been fair. And if I didn’t come back…”
“I would still have mourned you. I did mourn you.”
He holds my gaze. “I’m so sorry, Ara. Do you still hate me for leaving?”
“No. I understand why you did. If I thought Eric and Old Mother would be all right without me, I might have done the same,” I say with a smile, “And besides. It meant I got to start liking you all over again. And it feels even more special than it did the first time.”
We lie down together in the shade of a palm tree and let the sun dry our bare bodies. I rest my head on Cosmer’s chest and wonder if I could nap for a while. It’s just so peaceful here.
“How much time do we have?”
He reaches for his jacket on the sand and checks his standard-issued pocket watch. “Almost eleven. So, we have about an hour before we need to get you to corrective instruction.”
“What do you think they’ll do to me? Put me in the barrel and drown me and beat me, like they did to Drake?”
“I don’t know. But I’ll be there too, remember? We’ll get through it together.”