Chapter 16
Something To Live For
? I Found - Amber Run
Liam
I’ve been damn near bedridden for four days, and I’m on the verge of losing my mind. Ruby hasn’t left my side, and her care and attentiveness are the only reasons I haven’t gone completely insane.
I’m not used to being taken care of. The last person to truly care for me was my mother, and I don’t have many good memories left. She was a great mom while we had her, but when I think of her, my mind goes to the worst moment of my life, so I try not to.
I glance to my right, where Ruby is sitting crisscross on the floor with her guitar in hand. Her face is perfectly highlighted by the sun streaming in through the windows. Fuck, she’s beautiful, and the biggest goddamn temptation, torturing me with those silky pajamas she loves to wear.
I pull out my phone and capture the moment, wanting to remember her just like this. She strums a few more chords and writes something down, traps the pen between her teeth, and the process repeats.
“Does that one have lyrics?”
“Getting there.” She bites down on her bottom lip. “Do you like it?”
“I like everything you play, Ruby.”
She quirks a brow and cocks her head to one side. “Sweet talking isn't going to get you out of that bed any faster. Stand without wobbling or wincing, and I’ll consider it.”
“Your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. Why don’t you come on over here and sit on my face? Give me a taste of that pretty pussy.”
“Liam! You can’t just say shit like that.”
“And yet I did. Come on, baby. Give me something to live for.”
“Not funny.”
“It’s a little funny.”
She pads over to the bed and slips under the covers next to me. I lift my arm in invitation, and she rests her head against my chest like the spot was always made for her. Or maybe we were made for each other.
“Are we going to talk about it?” Her voice is barely more than a whisper as she absently traces circles over my heart. She’s been more timid than usual since we left the hospital, and I’m afraid Ruby witnessing the fire did more damage than I realized.
I dip my head and breathe against her hair. “What do you want to talk about?”
“You nearly died.”
I nod.
“I almost lost you.”
“But you didn’t. I’m ok.”
She looks up at me with glassy eyes, and her bottom lip quivers. “I’m… not.”
Just when I think I know Ruby inside and out, she peels back another layer and shows me something new—something real and breathtakingly vulnerable, stripped of all pretense and poise. An unpolished gem, flawed but no less perfect in my eyes.
In the absence of comforting words, I cradle her cheek and kiss the top of her head.
“I was so scared. I’ve never felt that kind of fear in my life.” Her hand trembles.
I place my palm over hers, lending her what little strength I have left.
“I don’t know how to do this. How to live with the thought that every time you run into a burning building, I could lose you.”
It feels like someone has their hand wrapped tightly around my throat. “I’m sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry.” I choke out the words as a pang of guilt hits me square in the chest.
That’s when her first tear falls, then the next one, until she buries her face in my neck and weeps—brutal, heart-wrenching sobs.
It hurts me to see her like this, more painful than the concussion or the broken ribs. I smooth my hand up and down her back. “Shhh. It’s ok, baby. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
I can’t promise her forever, so I don’t.
“I was scared, too,” I murmur. “When the adrenaline faded, just before the ceiling came down, I thought I’d never see Aiden grow up. I thought I’d never hold you in my arms again—never make things right with Connor.”
Never kiss her.
“Every regret seemed to come crashing down around me until the darkness came and took it all away.” I swallow around the lump in my throat before I continue. “I woke up thinking I was in heaven because… there you were.”
I let the silence linger for several long moments as her breathing returns to normal. She glides her hand along my beard, looking up at me through bloodshot eyes.
“They weren’t going to let me in the ambulance, but Chief Grant told them to let me go. Why would he do that? He doesn’t know me.”
“He knows who you are. Everyone at the station knows who you are.”
“Right. Ruby Lynn Hayes,” she deadpans.
I shake my head and sweep some of the hair away from her face.
“They know who you are to me, not the version of you everyone else gets to see. I text you every spare moment of the day and send you photos of me with that fucking orange menace. They know you’re important to me.
Just like I knew if I made it out of there, you’d be waiting for me. ”
The words pale in comparison to the depth of my feelings for her, but I can’t give her more than that without baring my soul.
“Liam?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“If anything ever did happen, I want you to know I’d make sure Aiden is taken care of. I know you said Ivy and Luca would take him, but he’ll always have me, too.”
If she didn’t already hold my heart in the palm of her hand, that would do it. I kiss her forehead and whisper a quiet thank you against her skin.
She lets out a yawn and nuzzles her cheek against my chest like a contented kitten.
“Rest. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” I breathe in her scent, letting its comforting warmth wrap around me.
She turns her face just enough to place a kiss over my heart. The intimacy of that one, simple gesture strikes me like a flash of lightning. I flex my hands, trying to breathe through the intensity.
A soft rasp of breath escapes her parted lips as sleep takes her, and the only sound left in the quiet room is the rapid thudding of my heart.
Loving Ruby… that’s always been the easiest thing in the world. It happened without my permission, a slow glide into oblivion years ago. Letting her go again when all of this is over will be my downfall, and I’m already bracing for impact.
It takes another full day before Ruby finally lets me out of my enclosure. I’m still in pain, but I’m doing my best not to show it. At the first sign of discomfort, Ruby will send me back to bed, and I think I might lose my shit if that happens.
I find Ruby in the kitchen, placing dinosaur nuggets on a baking sheet for Aiden. I wrap my arms around her from behind and press a kiss below her ear. “Connor should be here any minute.”
“I’m surprised he’s still in town.”
The oven beeps, and I step away, giving her room to work. “Me too. But he seems eager to make amends.”
She closes the oven door and turns to face me, leaning back against the countertop. “Good. It’s about time.”
“And you’re ok with this? I know how much he hurt you.”
“He’s your brother, Liam. Whatever happened between us is in the past. You were all he had for years. I won’t be the one to come between you two. I didn’t want that then, and I definitely don’t want that now.”
I take both of her hands in mine and squeeze. “I’m still not ok with what he did.”
“You don’t have to be ok with it, but you do have to move on. I have. Just hear him out.”
She’s right. I have a complicated relationship with my brother, but he’s still my brother. “You’re too good for us, Goldie.”
She turns up her chin and smiles; that dimple I love makes an appearance. “True, but you’re stuck with me.”
Connor arrives fashionably late, as per usual. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a pale green short-sleeve striped button-down open at the chest, enough to tell me he has some new ink in the form of a black butterfly.
“Wow, Lee. I had no idea you had this in you. The place looks amazing,”
I glance around at my home, trying to remember what it looked like the last time Connor was here.
It was little more than a rundown starter home back then, a blank canvas waiting to be molded into something beautiful.
He lived in the downstairs guest room—the room I occupy now—though I’ve recently taken to spending most of my nights with Ruby.
“Thanks. It’s not much, but it’s home.”
“Not much? It belongs in a magazine!”
Ruby appears from the kitchen and laughs. “That’s what I said.”
“Hey, Ruby.” Connor gives her a tight-lipped smile and slips his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“This doesn’t have to be awkward.” She glides a hand down my arm and laces her fingers with mine. “It’s been a long time. People change when they grow up. At least I hope they do.”
I expect Connor to get defensive, but he simply nods. “Something smells good. I hope you’re cooking, brother. If it’s Ruby, we might be in danger.”
“Shut up!” she says in mock outrage, tossing the oven mitt at his head.
He reacts quickly, catching it mid-air.
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“No? I went to the hospital for food poisoning after my seventeenth birthday dinner.”
“Ok, fine. Not one of my finest moments. Sue me.”
“I probably could have.”
Connor’s amused smile takes over his whole face, and Ruby shakes her head in exasperation. It’s good to see them getting along like this, but it’s going to be short-lived. There’s too much history between us, and if we don’t hash it out now, what’s left of our relationship might not survive.
“Uncle Connor!” Aiden's voice carries down the hall as he rushes toward us, wrapping his uncle in a hug.
“Hey, bud. How’ve you been?”
“Good! Come on! You have to meet Jerry!”
“Ah, the infamous Jerry. Of course.” He hands the oven mitt back to Ruby and smiles. “Lead the way.”
Aiden tugs on his arm and all but drags him away from us. Connor looks back over his shoulder and shrugs.
No matter what was going on between Connor and me, I always made sure he had a relationship with Aiden. I want my son to have more than just me to lean on. I couldn’t do that for Connor, so I’ve tried my best to give Aiden the family we never had.
Over the years, they’ve had plenty of video calls, and Connor sends the occasional gift for birthdays and holidays. Up until about six months ago, they were best buds, but something changed. Connor distanced himself from us. I just wish we could get back to how it was before.
Connor was here through the fallout with Bree, and when Aiden showed up at my doorstep, he was the only person in the world I could count on. We buried our past beneath the surface, and that’s where it stayed—dormant.
He lived with us right up until he moved to Lexington. After that, we drifted further apart. Connor had whatever new life he was building in the city, and I had Aiden. The distance between us turned from a small rift to an entire canyon, and I never could bring myself to fully bridge the gap.
“He looks good,” Ruby says. “Something seems different about him.”
I slowly slip my hands around her waist and pull her flush against me. “You’re mine, Goldie. Do you need a reminder?”
“Mmm. Maybe.”
I groan as one delicate hand slides over my beard and the other slips into my back pocket.
It would only take a slight tilt of my head for our lips to touch, and fuck am I tempted.
As if the universe is sensing my indecision, it makes the choice for me.
The smoke detector goes off, startling us apart.
“Shit shit shit!” Ruby rushes into the kitchen, and I follow close behind.
Smoke billows from the oven when she pulls the door open, waving it away with the oven mitt. Once it’s mostly clear, she pulls out a baking sheet with the charred remains of what used to be dinosaurs, then another with something unidentifiable.
“Fuck. I guess they’re fossils now.” She dumps them into the sink and slumps against the counter. “Pizza night?”
“Pizza night. I’ll call in the order.” I kiss her forehead and take out my phone. “Be right back. Try not to set the house on fire.”
“Aww. I was hoping to summon an entire army of hot firefighters.”
I whirl around and cage her against the counter as the phone rings in my ear. “Careful, baby. You keep that up and I’ll have to teach you a lesson.”
She smirks and grabs a handful of my shirt, tugging me so our faces are barely an inch apart. “I fucking dare you.”
“Gino’s Pizza, how can I help you?”