Chapter 3
THREE
Elle
Two Years Later
MIDNIGHT WAVES FLOWED AROUND MY heels as they hid in the sand. My dirty-blonde hair was extra dirty, sprawled out over endless seashells and sand. No part of my naked body was spared by the moonlight or the uncomfortable temperatures Pensacola Beach offered in winter.
What a terrible place for a date night.
Freezing seawater repeatedly drenched me, salting my pores.
The needle-like sensation hammering my skin was unavoidable.
Jesse had me pinned on my back, attempting to take me one last time before he left for boot camp.
Unfortunately, the elements enveloping us made it feel more like Navy Seal water torture and less like the passionate sex on the beach I had hoped for.
“Fuck yes, that feels so gooood,” I lied, making sure my moans hit the sweet spot between my boyfriend’s ear and collarbone.
I never wanted him to feel like he wasn’t good enough. He was a great guy. I focused on ensuring he got what he needed when we were together. However, partner satisfaction was something we viewed differently.
Very differently.
I saw it as a means of connection. A way to say, I love you, and I feel good when you feel good.
He came every time we had sex. I made sure of it. But he didn’t often check to make sure I had gotten mine—making my orgasms extremely easy to fake.
And so I did.
“Come for me, Elle,” Jesse whispered in my ear.
On cue, my rehearsed moans ended quicker than they had begun.
His irises still reminded me of the cerulean sea when he looked down at me, sweeping my worries into the ocean and returning hope in their place. Even in the dark, I lost myself in their endlessness.
Jesse’s body was my sole source of warmth, preventing me from becoming hypothermic in the thick, salty breeze. I continued pretending to love every second of his beach-date idea, even as shivers screamed at me to wrap things up and put some clothes on.
Our night had to be perfect.
It would be our last for a while.
His breathy voice usually soothed my soul, but I was too distracted by my thoughts, telling me it would be months before I heard it again.
Don’t get me wrong; the head of his swollen cock felt great, ducking in and out of me. Still, I knew his quick, short-lived strokes would get him off before I ever had the chance.
The pressure building on my clit elevated as Jesse’s hips shifted to one side, allowing his impressive dick to reach a different spot inside of me.
I wanted to close my eyes and relax into an actual orgasm.
But this was a movie I’d seen before, and unfortunately, I knew the ending was me not being able to get off.
It didn’t matter that our sex life wasn’t like the movies though.
It was still enjoyable. And it was ours.
Sure, we had things to work on, but what couple didn’t? He was still my world, and I was proud of him.
I kept my eyes open and focused on memorizing our last night together.
The details of his face.
The relationship we’d built in our two years together.
Unfortunately, the sandpaper-like sensation scraping my back and shoulders with every jolt forward was a major distraction.
Jesse’s arms snaked around my body and pulled me into him, crushing my chest under his weight.
He was a pure heartthrob from head to toe.
And my heart throbbed in return, as I knew he was mine.
“Kiss me,” I begged.
My wispy words drifted into his mouth. It lowered to meet mine.
The pressure between our lips intensified while Jesse hungrily pumped one last stroke inside me. A stream of heat ignited my core.
“Mmmm,” he growled with a satisfaction that high-fived the good girl in me.
I loved praise. Feeling like I’d rocked Jesse’s world brought me as much pleasure as the few times he’d almost been able to get me off.
I raised my hands to meet his cheeks. My shivering fingertips ran through the thick, outgrown blond hair I knew the Navy would take clippers to the second he reported for boot camp. I wasn’t ready for it to be our last night together. But it wasn’t goodbye forever.
It was only goodbye for now.
When I sat up, Jesse’s cum spilled out of me, some of it sinking into the sand.
He slipped his jeans back up and over his muscular thighs while I looked around, frantically searching for the oversize gray sweatshirt I’d thrown on before we left my apartment. The waves found it before I did.
Hesitant, I had no choice but to force the dampened material over my head and thread my shivering, sand-coated hands through the armholes. Jesse quickly followed suit with his hoodie. His tremors told me he agreed that the weather was not ideal for our seaside rendezvous.
“I know this wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had, but I’m still glad I suggested it. You’re like my own personal mermaid. Good God, look at you,” he confessed.
Reaching around me, he pulled me toward him for what I assumed was a silent apology for turning his girlfriend into a gritty, sopping, nipples-so-hard-that-they-could-cut-diamonds mess. His sweetness was one of my favorite things about him.
His delectable body was another.
“I’m glad you suggested it too.”
My too-quick response and barely formed smile snagged my boyfriend’s attention. He knew the reason for my somberness over the last few days. The wall of anxiety I’d built between us left me to face the music of what we both knew—that the morning was inevitable.
We’d known it since the day we’d met. I just never realized how fast it would rear its ugly head. A few more hours would instantly put nine hundred forty-seven miles of separation between us.
“Boot camp is only twelve weeks, babe. It’s nothing,” Jesse said coolly.
He grabbed my right fist, pulling it to his lips before speaking into my knuckles like they were a microphone.
“You can move in with me once I finish training and settle in, in a few months. Even if we get an apartment off base. Wherever I end up, we’ll make this work for both of us. ”
His confident expression was full of hope.
Hope that I’d blindly agree to his request.
“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works. If you like the idea of me being a wifey-wife so much, maybe you should put a ring on it,” I half joked, flashing my numb left hand like a last-place trophy.
We weren’t ready to get married. We both knew that.
I was still a year away from finishing my graduate program, not including the time it could take me to land a job.
Besides, I needed a real commitment from Jesse before uprooting my life and moving to who knew where.
Our two-year relationship was important to me, but I needed reassurance that my dreams meant as much to him as his dreams meant to me.
Because that was the only way I would consider leaving Pensacola and following him around the world for the next four years.
“Look, you know you mean everything to me, babe. Not only do I love you, but I’m in love with you.” The moonlight added radiance to his already-perfect skin, which gave every word he sent my way an extra glow. “You’re my best friend. Do you really need a ring to believe that?”
My tense shoulders eased at the rationale coating his point. His words told me he loved me. However, his hesitation to include my career whenever we discussed a future together left me second-guessing. It wasn’t about a ring. It was about the words I craved.
“Can’t you just … I don’t know … finish your last year near me? I’m sure they have counseling programs everywhere,” he rattled.
My hands retreated into my lap.
“You know I can’t do that. You know how hard I’ve worked to get accepted into this program.
It’s the only one in the country that focuses so heavily on post-traumatic stress disorder and addiction studies.
Being so close to the air station, it’s where I need to be if I want the edge military hospitals look for when hiring new grads,” I professed.
Jesse had heard my plea before; his eye roll proved it.
He’d experienced my excitement firsthand when I told him why I chose to stay at CPC for their specific concentrations.
If there was anything I prided myself on as a first-generation college student, it was my follow-through.
And nothing could stop me from completing the counseling program I was so close to finishing.
My countless connections made with professors and peers throughout my undergrad years were extremely valuable. Severing that network prematurely could severely limit my career opportunities. How could he think that was the right decision for my future?
Airmail would be the only form of communication allowed during boot camp, so I planned to write to Jesse as much as possible, attend his graduation ceremony, keep in touch with his parents and brother, and do anything else needed to fertilize our relationship while he was away.
As if he was unsatisfied, Jesse’s eyebrows furrowed in the middle of his forehead as I continued to justify those things. He wasn’t sold on my idea of our future.
“I understand.” Jesse exhaled. “I just … I want to be with you, and I hate the idea of being away from you for so long and missing out on such a big part of each other’s lives for any length of time.
” Caressing my shoulder, he continued, “Let’s get through the next twelve weeks and figure out the rest when you come up for graduation. ”
Unsure where our conversation could go from that point, I stayed silent. Anxiety rattled around my head. I wasn’t a fan of not knowing how our lives would come together after boot camp, but I tried my best to remember that things had a way of working themselves out.
“Promise me you’ll come for graduation?” Jesse asked. He needed to hear it again.
“Of course I will. I wouldn’t miss it. Plus, I can’t wait to see you in uniform. Ughhh, it’s going to be so hot …”
“Jesus, I’m going to be so pent up by the time you see me; you’ll need crutches when I’m through with you. They say the first post–boot camp fuck is the best of your life. Possibly the quickest, but also the best.”
I chuckled, nodding in agreement.
I doubted it would be the best sex of my life. But I hoped for his sake, it would be the best of his.
“I can’t imagine not touching your body or hearing your voice for months.
It’s going to fucking kill me. Hopefully, the infamous saltpeter doesn’t completely kill my vibe because I thoroughly plan on writing you the filthiest letters you’ve ever read.
Far spicier than any of your little smut books,” he confessed.
“Wait, what the hell is saltpeter?” My curiosity would not let me continue our conversation without knowing.
“The old sailor’s myth says they put it in the food they serve recruits to ensure testosterone levels don’t get too high.
It prevents the guys from getting into brawls and supposedly helps them jerk off less.
It’s like a dash of high-velocity blue ball, sprinkled right into our scrambled eggs each morning. ”
What the …
Jesse’s calmness shocked me. I could never.
“Sounds horrifically appetizing,” I joked, deflecting from my disturbed grimace.
Even if he didn’t show it, Jesse was probably nervous as it was. I didn’t need to add to it.
“Speaking of appetizing, I took a mental picture of that pussy so I can dream about it for the next twelve weeks …”
The velvety voice I had fallen in love with caressed my ears. Jesse couldn’t get enough of me, which padded my confidence in us. We could make this work.
We were worth it.
“Wait … you didn’t take a mental picture of my charming personality to keep you company?” My words dripped with sarcasm as I pretended to scoff, bringing a hand to my chest in fake disbelief.
“I’ll get that in your letters, I’m sure. What I won’t get is that dripping pussy staring at me or that perfect ass bouncing around.” Jesse lightly bit down on his closed knuckles like a hungry serpent.
“Oh, shut up.” I laughed before shoving playfully at his chest.
Having the perfect male specimen as my boyfriend had taken some getting used to.
The attention he got from other girls and the reactions he effortlessly pulled from the people around him used to bother me.
I had a feeling that experiencing the absence of his charm and how he looked at me like I was the only one in his world would bother me far more.
“Come on. Let’s go back to my place. Only five more hours until I leave for the airport. I want to spend it spooning the sand out of you.” He kissed my cheek after saying the words that promised a warm bed and the last time we would sleep in the same one for a while.
The shoreline disappeared behind us as we gathered the half-empty bottle of strawberry wine and our flip-flops. We walked hand in hand back to his pickup truck, which matched the darkened sky.
Like releasing a message in a bottle out to sea, I looked to the moon and willed my thoughts to reach anyone who might be listening to my silent plea. Keep me calm, keep him safe, keep us together.