Chapter 4
FOUR
Elle
“ELLE! IT’S HEEEERE!” RUTHIE SCREAMED, jolting my attention away from the assignment I’d been distracting myself with.
I heard our front door slam shut. Studying and doing homework had become my coping mechanism, even more so since Jesse had left two weeks ago. I’d been forced into playing a waiting game by our new circumstances.
And I was losing.
When I stood up from my desk, the limbs that had felt like lead, anchoring me to the ground, suddenly had a new buoyancy. I erupted into the kitchen and desperately tried to rip the envelope from my roommate’s hands.
“Don’t you dare open that. Give it here!” I squealed, jumping toward the envelope.
She waved it above her head like a cheerleading pom-pom.
I’d already waited far too many days for Jesse’s letter. My desperation begged me not to add another second.
When Ruthie—my personal sous chef, best friend since freshman year, and current roommate—was home, the delicious smells of freshly baked sweets, which brought our kitchen to life, usually excited my senses.
Today, they only added to the nervousness pummeling my stomach, overwhelming me instead.
I was one wrong move away from decorating our kitchen with vomit.
Fuck Ruthie’s gooey chocolate chip cookies.
Fuck the wait. I needed that letter immediately.
Ruthie must have sensed my growing need. The mail in her hand became a white flag of surrender before she handed it to me.
The envelope, addressed to Ms. Elle Madelyn, displayed an official-looking anchor insignia in the top-left corner. The paper capsule, covered in dried watermarks of various silhouettes, was creased and unexpectedly filthy.
I could understand if the mail route traveled through the Everglades, sat in the front row of a roller coaster, and crossed paths with a hurricane. But the shape of the letter made me second-guess its journey from Waulumbee, just north of Chicago, to me. Who gave a fuck though?
It was finally here.
“Read it out loud! Read it out loud!” Ruthie chanted.
She placed her chin on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my waist, begging to read Jesse’s letter along with me.
There was no way in hell I would let her.
I shared almost everything with Ruthie—she was practically my sister.
But my first moment of connection with Jesse since he’d left had to stay between him and me. It was all we had for now.
“Bitch, we talked about this. I need to read this thing in peace. No distractions!” I pleaded. My heart rate rose like the Florida sunrise in my chest, releasing hot rays of nerves down my arms.
Unable to wait any longer, I left Ruthie’s embrace, grasped the mail close to my heart, and took off toward my bedroom.
“Ughhh. I know. I know. I’ll hound you about all the juicy details later. Don’t think you’re getting off that easy!” she called. Her voice faded when I shut my bedroom door and locked the handle.
Settling onto my bed, I shredded the envelope open like a bitch in heat. My heart pounded.
Jesse’s handwriting looked up at me.
Jenkins, Jesse
Division 28
Fuck, babe. I made it! The second I landed, things got intense—quick.
The first day of boot camp was hellish. A lot of what they call “hurry up and wait.” We went twenty straight hours without sleeping during processing, only to be herded into an assembly line for vaccines.
Your worst nightmare, I know. The final jab was injected directly into my bare ass cheek.
I wish I were bending you over to shove something in …
Instead, I was bending over for the middle-aged woman I can only describe as your traditional lunch lady. It was a real full-moon fantasy, if you know what I mean.
The first official week of boot is over.
Today was tedious. They’ve been reviewing uniform inspections with us and other essential things we need to know.
Our uniforms get inspected from top to bottom often, and some guys here can’t figure it out.
We had to get dressed and undressed five times in a row. It was a total pain in the dick.
I swear, some of the dudes in my division are like children. They won’t shut up or listen to the instructors. Just today, six of them got demerit chits. Demerit chits are bad. If our division gets too many of them, then we won’t be able to graduate on time. I can’t let that happen.
I can’t believe how much I already miss you. It feels like we’re on different planets. I need to be back with my mermaid, the one I can still feel wrapped around me on the beach … I knew this would suck, but I didn’t think it would feel this dreary so soon.
On another note, the countdown to graduation has begun!
Maybe a little premature, but it’s less than twelve weeks until I hold you in my arms again—and in my bed.
Our DC, or division commander, told us that our graduation date is set for Saturday, March 31, which means you can start making travel arrangements!
I wanted to give you plenty of time to plan.
I know your course load and work schedule can be challenging to coordinate.
Our reunion will be perfect—I know that much.
If it’s too expensive, I gave my parents strict instructions to help you get here.
Please don’t hesitate to call them and ask for help if you need it.
Only three attendee tickets are available per recruit for the ceremony, but because my parents don’t agree with my decision to join the Navy, I’m sure you’ll be the only one attending.
It’s okay though. Because you’re the only one I need here anyway.
I’ll have liberty that weekend, so we can spend a couple of days together before I ship out to A School for more training. I can’t wait.
I also can’t wait to get a letter from you! The mail system here is laughable. They only collect letters twice a week. But that won’t stop me from writing to you more than that, so don’t worry. Expect saved-up loads … wink, wink.
There are rumors that instructors screen the incoming mail, so don’t send any nudes until I give you the all clear.
Yikes, I can’t believe I’m even writing that.
“Don’t send nudes.” What the fuck has gotten into me?
! If you’d like, please send some regular pictures though. Seeing your face would make my day.
Someone got a singing card with a glitter bomb in it, and we all had to do fifty push-ups. I don’t know how the hell Jimmy’s grandmother got the address so fast, but I hope they thought the division-wide punishment was worth it. I thought you would laugh at that … I sure did.
Sleep sweet, Elle.
I miss you already.
Jesse
Tears clouded my vision, dribbling down my cheeks with each lazy blink. It wasn’t a full-on sob, but the relief surging through me, knowing my Jesse was still with me—that his sense of humor and determination were still intact—found its way out.
I reread the letter twice, feeling closer to my boyfriend with every pass. Words were my love language, and I was thankful that Jesse had no choice but to speak mine back to me. Maybe this kind of communication would help us in the long run.
I had a return address and could finally write back. I had a boot camp graduation date and could start planning my visit to see him. But mostly, I had renewed optimism that told me I could relax into my new reality because Jesse would be fine during our time apart.
And so would I.
My room in the two-bedroom, two-bath apartment Ruthie and I shared off campus comforted me exactly how I’d hoped it would when I first decorated it the day we moved in.
Zen was the theme, and I appreciated the cool tones of periwinkle plastering the walls, the wooden furniture, and the matching coastal wall art that accented it. The color scheme brought me peace.
The same feeling I got from Jesse’s first letter.
I grabbed the cold chai latte I’d brought home from work several hours earlier and took a hefty gulp, washing away the lingering tension crowding my throat.
What better way to celebrate hearing from Jesse than calling the people who would be just as excited about the news as I was—my parents?
My mother picked up on the first ring.
“Did you hear from him?!” she squealed at a pitch many would consider unnatural.
Suddenly, I was one of those new moms who noticed that everyone now greeted the baby instead of the person who had just given birth. Straight to the main attraction.
“Well, hello to you too, Mama Goose.” I reserved her favorite nickname for the times she needed to be brought back to earth. It was one of those times.
“Sorry, Elle. You already know I love you. But I’ve been getting anxious here!”
I heard the Jets football game unfolding on television behind my mom’s voice, followed by a lively cheer. My father never missed a game. Win or lose, he was their biggest fan.
“Hold on. Let me get Dad and put you on speaker; I know he’ll want to hear too!”
My parents never did anything without each other. Not even boy talk with their only daughter.
“Okay, we’re both here, sweetie. Tell us everything!” my mom said excitedly.
“Hey, Screwy Lewey,” my dad chirped, using the nickname that always made me laugh. He’d bestowed it on me as a nod to my early interest in psychology, and it stuck.
My family was a mixed bag of nuts. Perhaps that was why I loved the field of mental health so much.
When I clicked the speaker button on my cell phone’s broken screen, I was transported into the same room as them.
“Hey, guys. You were the first people I called. I just finished reading his letter. Jesse sounds good. Tired but good!” I confessed.
“That’s our boy. I knew he could handle it,” my dad added.
I’d always appreciated his support, but it never surprised me. We were tight like that.
“Does it seem like they’re treating him nicely?” My mother worried about things she shouldn’t, including my boyfriend. I knew it was only because she cared so much.
“He said he was a little sleep-deprived, but no real complaints. Oh, and he got a shot in the ass cheek, but otherwise, he sounds like his sweet old self.”
“Let me tell you something, darling … whoever gets to see the cheeks on that boy will experience a shade of blush that Estee Laroux herself couldn’t replicate!” Before I could react, my mother laughed.
“Mom!” My head shook from side to side at her directness, but I was used to it.
She always found creative ways to tell me how attractive she thought Jesse was. In a non-creepy, supportive way, of course. I smirked because it was true. He had the ass of a Greek god after all.
You’d better believe I’d memorized those ham hocks. Apparently, Mom had too.
“Kimberrr! That’s enough … I’m sitting right here!” my father growled playfully.
He, too, was used to my mother’s shenanigans. The ones that kept our family laughing. The ones that only landed well because of how comfortable my parents were together after thirty years of wedded bliss.
“Seriously though, it felt amazing to hold proof in my hands that he’s okay, and now I can write back to him and send my thoughts his way instead of letting them run wild.” My lingering excitement beamed through the phone.
“Just don’t get too distracted, honey. Jesse’s a good guy, and we’re so proud of you both for taking this step.
But don’t let the worries get in the way of your studies.
You’re almost done, and when you are, you’ll have more time to focus on the rest of your priorities.
” My dad’s wise words solidified my conversation with Jesse that night on the beach.
Education came first. The rest would fall into place the way it was meant to.
My dad was my go-to consultant on the subject, and I trusted his expertise because it was a testament to his lifetime of experience.
While my mother was the sweetness every girl needed growing up, he was the dose of reality that was equally necessary.
“Our daughter is smart, Tony. She can easily balance books and boys—or should I say, men?” My mom believed in my ability to navigate my education and love life simultaneously. Because of that, I believed it myself.
“Anyway … I’ve got to run. I was just out the door for class,” I lied, needing to end our conversation before it pulled me down into the rabbit hole of overthinking.
I wanted to enjoy the high Jesse’s letter had gifted me before the wait for the next one began.
“I just wanted to fill you guys in and let you know I’d heard from him.
I’ll keep both of you posted on my travel plans.
I’ll be headed to Chicago for a long weekend at the end of March. ”
“Okay, honey, you have a good class. Give that crazy Ruthie a kiss from us. Would you ask her if she’s coming for dinner next weekend when you visit?” my mom asked.
I loved that my parents treated her like a second daughter. Me being an only child, I was sure they loved it as well.
“Of course. I’ll ask her and let you know. Love you both!”
“We love you!” they gushed in unison.
The rapid click of our call ending set me free.
My dad would finish watching his football game while my mom cheered beside him. That kind of predictability sounded soothing.
I sat down on my bed and leaned back, sinking into the mattress while I clutched the letter I had never set down.
Suddenly, I was back to a reality of my own.
The one where the wait for words started all over again.