Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
Elle
I WOKE UP ON TUESDAY, alone in Austin’s bed, to a text alert that my flight had been rescheduled for the next morning. Only one more day in Illinois, which meant only one more day with Austin.
One more day to confront Jesse and move on with my new life.
Sure, things were moving quickly, but what was the alternative? Overthinking everything and letting things linger? Ruthie would be proud.
A note dropped gracefully onto the floor when I rose from his bed, greeting me like an old friend.
I went to see if the roads to the base were clear.
Ran you a bath. Enjoy it.
There’s a cup of coffee in the bathroom for you. Light cream, just how you like.
Get dressed when you’re ready. I’ll be back to pick you up in an hour.
Last night was incredible.
You’re incredible.
The man had a way with words, but the three I’d heard last night still haunted me. I could have sworn he’d said, “Sleep sweet, Elle.”
But how could he have known those words? The ones Jesse used to sign his letters with.
The ones only we’d shared.
Was I hearing things that Jesse used to say because the time to confront him was approaching?
Maybe I’d close my argument with those exact words, using his against him. Sleep sweet, Jesse. You’re a fucking prick. Buh-bye!
I laughed and clutched Austin’s note to my chest before bringing it into the bathroom.
There was no way his verbal sugar syrup was not coming home with me to replace Jesse’s letters.
Those things were going straight into the burn pile for Ruthie and me to enjoy s’mores over when I got home.
I’d never felt more ready to move forward.
Out with the old, in with the big, handsome, thoughtful, deserving new.
As promised, Austin pulled into his driveway an hour later and greeted me while I waited on his porch.
His tan work uniform, peeking out from under an unzipped parka, was one I hadn’t seen him in before, one the thirsty girls back home referred to as the “peanut butters.” Which made total sense since my eyes were stuck to it like glue.
I salivated when he stepped out from behind the Jeep and into view.
“Good morning, Chief Carterson. You look incredibly hot,” I chirped from the top porch step, swinging back on my heels.
He approached and brought his lips to mine. They lined up perfectly while he remained on the lowest step. His gloves brushed my arms, stopping just before they reached my hands.
He gently gripped my wrists when he said, “And you look incredibly refreshed.”
“You might have had a little something to do with that.” I winked.
He’d had everything to do with it.
“Roads are clear to the base. It’s a nice drive. My Florida girl is going to enjoy the view.”
“I agree. It’s quite the view.” I scanned the view before me again, committing it to memory for later use. The snow lining his driveway and topping the hydrangea shrubs was nice too.
Austin loosened his grip, grinned, and locked his front door before we loaded into his Jeep.
He didn’t offer to let me drive this time.
Something heavy kept him quieter than usual.
No music played to keep the mood light; the low hum of the heater was the only sound surrounding us.
He never reached for my hand as we drove.
“Is everything all right?” I asked. My chipper mood was melting like the salted ice on the highway.
“Yes, everything’s fine.” His short response didn’t feel directed at me, but I had a hard time believing it.
He didn’t look my way when he said it. Instead, his statement reflected the gravity of the situation we were driving into. Surprisingly, I wasn’t overly nervous about unleashing my rage on Jesse. He deserved what was coming to him. The absence of Austin’s usual softness worried me more.
“I’m sure you’re feeling uncomfortable about this whole thing.
I doubt you’re excited about me seeing Jesse again, and I get that.
I’m not overly thrilled either. But I want you to know how much it means that you’re helping me get what I need to move forward.
” My confession loosened his shoulders and the death grip he had on the steering wheel. “With you,” I added.
Austin slammed on his brakes a yard premature of the incoming red light, jolting us forward.
“What do you mean by that?” he asked.
“What I mean is that I know we live states apart, and things are moving fast, and that brake slam isn’t the only thing giving me whiplash …
” I reached for my neck, ensuring it was still attached.
“But I’ve never felt the way I feel with you.
I want to try, but I need to erase Jesse from my head and let him know that his actions carry consequences. Losing me is the first one.”
“Don’t fuck with me.” Austin sucked his teeth. He pulled off the road and put the car in park, giving me his undivided attention.
“Why would I be fucking with you? You’ve turned what would have been the worst weekend of my life into the best I’ve ever had. You’ve taught me that life keeps moving. I won’t let Jesse sink me. Today, I take back my power. You’re helping me do that.”
Seriousness stiffened his jaw, an unreadable expression meeting his widening eyes.
Without notice, his hands grabbed the sides of my face. He leaned over the center console and brought his mouth within inches of mine. Warm breath heated my lips as he stared wordlessly at me and digested my truth.
“Things never felt right with him. They feel nothing but right with you,” I admitted. “I don’t want to rush things. I just—”
He kissed my statement short.
“We don’t have to rush.” He spoke into my mouth. “I can’t lose you though. When you go back to Pensacola, we can’t be over. We’re just getting started.”
I hugged him like a friend but inhaled him like a lover. He helped me feel again.
“Look at me,” he commanded with a softness as caring as it was fearless.
I obeyed.
“No matter what happens today, I’m here for you. I’ll be here for you as long as you let me.”
I nodded, believing him fully. “Let’s get this over with, okay? My flight leaves tomorrow morning. Besides, there’s only one more night left for you to teach me how to use that axe in the woodshed.”
“Yeaaaah, I don’t think so. Leave the splitting to me.” He laughed, emotionally collected enough to shift into drive and merge back onto the road.
Minutes later, Chief Carterson flashed his military ID card, along with my driver’s license, at one of the uniformed men arming the gate.
The young man scanned them both and nodded before returning them to Austin.
It wasn’t the main gate my shuttle had entered through on graduation day though.
This one brought us around the back of the base, presumably for service members only.
Massive trees lined the concrete roadway, guiding us through shadows and a mix of steel and brick buildings that all shared the same exterior features and a covering of snow.
A few minutes later, I recognized one with a row of large overhead doors where Jesse’s graduation and Austin’s office were housed.
Austin parked in the same parking lot we’d left from last time and stopped in front of a metal sign that read Instructor Parking Only.
He tapped the hood of his car as he walked around it to open my door.
“Instructors don’t typically bring civilians into these buildings,” he warned. “We’ll go right to my office. We can’t kiss or hold hands. No PDA. I’m sorry, but we’ll need to act like this is official business.”
“Yes, Chief Carterson. My God, we’ve only just met,” I chirped sarcastically. I brought my hand to my chest in a fake show of appall before adding, “That means no looking at my ass on the way in.”
“We can’t touch. Doesn’t mean I won’t be staring at you the entire time.” Austin gave my butt one swift smack before straightening his collar, putting on his knit beanie, and shutting my door. “Follow me, ma’am,” he added sternly, pairing it with an authoritative glare.
Without realizing exactly what I was following him into, I looked at the gray-clouded sky and whispered my mantra for reasons entirely different than before, altering one word for the occasion. “Keep me calm, keep him calm, keep us together.”